𝙖𝙖𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙮𝙖

bas sirdard ko cancer bata rahi hoon.

[aahillya]

…and somedays, you just need a hot plate of home-cooked meal served right in-front of you. and this time, you are not the one cooking.

[aahillya]

Life is something between our questions and our thoughts. That's it.

[aahillya]

It's sometimes the lows that you need,

It's sometimes the no’s that you need,

Sometimes the fall that you need,

It's sometimes the crawl that you need,

Sometimes the dark that you need,

To see what light really means.

[aahillya]

I know, you know, we know. We weren’t meant for each other, and it’s fine.

[aahillya]

मेरा जी करता है तुझपे एक किताब लिखू,

लिखू उसमें बातें, मैं बेहिसाब लिखू.

कहीं तुझे आब लिखू, कहीं आस लिखू,

कहीं हकीकत, कहीं एहसास लिखू.

जब जब तेरा नूर लिखू,

तब तब तुझे चांद लिखू.

जब लिखू ग़ज़ल आशिकी की,

मैं हर मतले मैं तेरा नाम लिखू.

है दिल जिससे नशे मैं मेरा,

उन आंखों को मैं शराब लिखू.

जब कोई तुम्हें ख्वाब कहे,

मैं उसे रुसवा करूं और तुम्हें मेरा

आज लिखूं.

और उस हक़ीक़त पर एक किताब लिखू

लिखू उसमें बातें, मैं बेहिसाब लिखू.

~ स्वाती

[aahillya]

Excitement. One thing other than compulsion that keeps us going in life. It's strange how excitement, the word, has always held a positive connotation with itself. As if people around us aren't excited to see our downfall, am I making sense?

Well, nevermind. I might not be making sense because I've not felt excitement in a very long time. Yes, excitement as in heart thumping for good. As in butterflies in my stomach. As in not eating because you're full of happiness. I've not had that in a very long time.

I do miss the excitement of result days, I always wanted to know how much I've achieved after pouring my heart into it. I do miss the excitement of visiting a new place, knowing it might be crowded by tourists who are just there to blast their feeds with aesthetically pleasing content. I miss the excitement of watching a new film because I've either seen it on people's story or known the plot by memes itself. I miss the excitement of sundays as my either family used to catch up and do little things that kept the happiness alive. I hate to admit it, but I miss the excitement of love. That weakness you feel in your back when you're first told that there's a certain someone who's interested in you, the constant heart thumping that you experience throughout the time you try and know the person and the butterflies you get when you finally come together. As a very young girl, I miss that fairy tale.

Psychology calls it Congenital PTSD, I call it I am Done.

[quotefeeling]

“I think we all wish we could erase some dark times in our lives. But all of life’s experiences, bad and good, make you who you are. Erasing any of life’s experiences would be a great mistake.”

— Luis Miguel

[aahillya]

the very need for human existence is LOVE, the very reason humans despise existing is love.

[aahillya]

I wish I could just escape

[aahillya]

far better is to dare mighty things than to rank with those timid spirits you neither suffer much nor enjoy much.

[aahillya]

It's my 2 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[aahillya]

अरे इनकी झूठी कहानी देखो,

देखो, देखो ज़रा इनकी बेमानी देखो

उसने लिखने का हुनर नवाज़ दिया,

तो ये झूठ लिखने लगे

अरे इनकी औकात देखो,

मनमानी देखो,

ये ना जाने,

कितने लब चूम, मदहोश हुए

कौन पास आया, किसके पास गए।

इनसे कोई इनकी न-रवानी तो पूछो,

इनसे इनकी झूठी कहानी तो पूछो।

दुनिया की “आह”

मुझे हाय

लगवाने न जाने कितना ये रोयेंगे,

कोई पूछो इनसे, इनकी मनमानी तो पूछो।

पूछो इनसे और कितना झूठ हैं बाकी,

कोई इन्हें नए लब दो, मदहोश करो,

वापस अपनी जवानी दो लेखक हैं... एक कहानी दो,

इन्हें एक “आह” दो, और फिर इनकी झूठी कहानी तो देखो.

देखो, देखो ज़रा इनकी बेमानी देखो

- स्वाति

[aahillya]

love is so painful.

[aahillya]

Hiii 👋

hello <3

[aahillya]

you know that void inside you. that never ever makes you feel full. that void feels like a parasite now. that void prevents me from cherishing things. that void stops me everytime i choose to go with the flow. that void holds me back. the void makes me feel worthless. this void often plays with me. it starts playing ‘i spy’ on my lowest moments but it’s always there when someone pats my back. this void reminds me of it’s existence once in a full moon. the night i choose to cry, the night my heart refuses to tell me what are these tears for, the night i loose command over my own mind. this void inside me, never makes me feel full : live life.  

[aahillya]

Someday. Someday you'll understand that love is not gifts, possession and being 'physically' attached all the time. It's belief, reliance, calm, peace, trust, expressing emotions, sharing, being truthful and being affectionate. Love is not limited to ‘I love you’, it’s way beyond that. It's "hey babe this happened today", its the small gestures. Its the smallest of thoughts you have for each other. Love is not vulgar. Love has nothing sexual in it. Love is when you look into the eyes and not below the neck. Love is when you push someone to do their best and not pull them backwards and run yourself. Love is when you grow together, Love is when you are emotionally available. Love is laughter more than smiles, because smiles can be faked. laughs usually aren't. Love is giving space, love is believing that the space is for good and not for them to cheat. Love is what calms you, it is never a storm of emotions.

[aahillya]

yeh masla mera mujhse ishq karne ka hai, tum nahi samjhoge.