(Dont) Look At Me! Chapter 1
Pairing: Makoto Yuki (P3MC) x M!Reader
Summary: Makoto gets revived and you arent quite sure how to feel about it.
Warnings/Tags: Reader is an baisically an anxious dog. Lack of comunication. S.E.E.S. might be OOC. Mild angst. Established relationship. Grief.
A/N: This is the first fic ive written so be aware
It was shocking to see Makoto when you opened your room door this morning. He'd been dead for about half a year at this point, keeping Nyx sealed away to keep the world from ending. But now he's standing outside your dorm room after you slammed the door on not just him but Junpei and Yukari too, locking them out by leaning against the door.
What the hell were you even supposed to do in this situation? Sure, it was all you wished for, but now that it actually happened, so many thoughts flooded your mind.
‘Is the seal broken? How did Makoto come back? What in the world is going on?’
You slid down the door, your hands coming up to cover your face, finally feeling the tears that had started falling without your knowledge. It was all so overwhelming. You just wanted to stay holed up in your room forever, but you knew that Fuuka and Yukari wouldn't allow it if you tried staying in there for more than a few hours. Regardless, you still had your student council responsibilities to take care of, and if Mitsuru were here, she’d definitely tell you off.
Maybe you could tell them you weren't feeling well? No, there'd still be no way to avoid them if you tried to leave. Maybe if you made a run for it and then took the long way to the station? It'd be a long shot, and you'd probably be late to class, but it was worth it in your mind.
While you worked up the courage to actually follow through with your plan, you could hear Junpei talking to Makoto.
“You can't really blame him, man. I mean, I almost pissed myself when I saw you, and Yuka-tan probably almost had a heart attack!”
“I did not! I was just shocked!” Yukari cut in. “But Junpei is right. He probably just needs time to process. He hasn't had time for anything recently. He's been flooded with work for student council lately.”
“Why?” Makoto questioned.
“Apparently, one of the first years hasn't been doing their job or even showing up for meetings, so he's been stuck doing all of their work.”
Makoto let out a quiet sigh in response.
You waited to hear their footsteps walking away before taking a deep breath, opening your door, and making a dash down the stairs and out the front entrance, your school bag aggressively hitting your side. You passed by the three of them, not sparing any of your attention to acknowledge their yells telling you to wait.
Dashing through the streets you memorized during your time at Gekkoukan High, you passed by a few of your peers, but you refused to slow your pace until you made it to the strip mall at the station. You took a moment to catch your breath until your stomach growled. Realizing you didn't have to eat breakfast before leaving, you stopped by Wild Duck Burger for something quick, despite already knowing for a fact you'd be late for class. Most people's bodies wouldn't react well to a full meal right after running, and you certainly weren't the exception, so you resorted to getting something small just to fend off the hunger until lunch.
You spent the first half of the day avoiding Junpei and Yukari as much as you could. Which wasn't too difficult to do, considering you were in a class 2-E with Fuuka, and lucky for you, she still didn't know about Makoto. The hard part came during lunch. You wanted to avoid the questioning that would likely come from Junpei and Yukari (mostly Junpei), not to mention how exhausted you were.
Considering your options, you went to the nurse's office to nap, telling Fuuka some excuse about needing to do things for Student Council.
Luckily, Mr. Edogawa likely wouldn't be in, since he was usually busy teaching, and he tended to eat lunch in the faculty room. Collapsing onto the cot, you found yourself struggling to settle, your mind flooded with thoughts on what you'd do moving forward.
Makoto would probably need a place to stay, and you didn't doubt that Junpei already offered a dorm to him, even if he didn't really have the authority to do so, but neither did you. They'd have to talk to the new Chairman or Mitsuru about it since she was finally in charge of the Kirijo Group. But if they did get hold of her somehow, then she'd likely come running to visit the dorms, and you'd have another person trying to question why you don't seem happy that Makoto is back. The truth is, you were happy, but there was so much more you were feeling. Anger because you didn't get to say goodbye properly. Jealousy because Aigis is the one who held him last. And this odd, empty feeling you couldn't name.
Your thoughts started to slow before you could realize that you hadn't set an alarm to wake you since the speaker for the bell had stopped working in the nurses' office long ago. And before you knew it, Mr. Edogawa was waking you up and telling you it was time for you to go home.
Later, you again took as long as possible to go back to the dorms, stopping by Paulownia Mall. It's not like you were only there because you wanted to avoid confrontation; even if the day hadn't gone the way it did, you'd still be here. You were quite fond of the place, more specifically Chagall Café, for various reasons. The biggest being that it was the main place Makoto worked, but because of that, you couldn't bring yourself to go in today. You hadn’t worked in a while, so it's not like you had the money for it anyway, after this morning.
On the monorail, your thoughts began to drift once more as you stared out at the ocean, the sun casting an orange hue over the water, and the music from Makoto’s old MP3 player soft in your ears.
‘Unless they went out somewhere, I probably won't be able to avoid him.’
Your hand drifted to your bag, fiddling with Makoto’s old necktie from his uniform tied on the strap. It was frayed and dirty now after being on your bag for the last few months. Your fingers ran over its frayed edges. You always carried some part of him with you, whether it was his MP3 player and his headphones or even just something as simple as his old jacket.
Others called you silly for keeping things from a high school romance, but the people who knew the hardships you went through together understood why you kept his things or why you broke down every time you misplaced something of his. It was all just a part of grief. There have been days you've felt fine, almost as if you've forgotten all about S.E.E.S., the dark hour, and Makoto. But there's also been days when you struggle to even function properly.
With time, you learnt grief has never and will never be a quick or linear process.
As the monorail slowed to a stop at the station, you felt your heart begin to drop, knowing the confrontation that likely awaited you.
It didn't take you too long to get back to the dorms, but now, as you stood outside the building, headphones strung around your neck, you were legitimately debating running away, but you soon heard footsteps nearby and Yukari yelling your name to grab your attention. In turn, you rushed inside before she could catch up to you.
There he was.
Makoto had seemingly been waiting for everybody to come back, but based on the way his eyes widened slightly, he didn't expect to see you first.
You felt like a deer caught in headlights as you stared at each other. He soon moved to stand up, but you quickly walked away as you heard the door start to open. Makoto didn't chase after you.
Now, you've shut yourself in your room again. Technically, anyone could come in. It's not like you ever locked your door outside of when you really needed or wanted privacy (if you know what I mean). You liked being the person people could come to for help, even outside of your job in student council.
So now here you are, with small piles of papers scattered on your desk, a mix of student council work and homework. It seemed never-ending, your eyes sore from the sheer amount of words you had to read, but you were determined to knock this out before dinner, even if you kept getting distracted by Makoto’s very carefully curated playlist while you worked.
The hours passed by, and soon enough, it was time to make and eat dinner, but you still had two assignments left. Neither were particularly big projects, so you decided to postpone your meal. Was it also maybe an excuse to avoid everyone? Probably, but you didn't have time to think about that right now.
Around the halfway point of the second assignment, your eyes started to droop, your handwriting got sloppy, and before you knew it, you were fast asleep, slumped over your desk. It wasn't the first time it happened. Honestly, you probably fell asleep at your desk more than you slept in your bed.
At some point, you stirred as you felt a shift in the air when someone opened your door, but with the music in your ears and your half-asleep daze, you couldn't bring yourself to care who it was for the first time all day, even as you felt them pause behind you, followed by the soft rustling of fabric and the weight of something warm being draped on you and soon, their presence was gone.
You awoke sometime in the middle of the night, your bleary eyes being no help in reading the time on the clock, but your best guess was sometime around 1 AM. Your back cracked when you sat up, and the jacket that had been draped over you slid off. The cold air hit you immediately as you quickly tried to yank the jacket on, almost falling out of your chair as you did.
Taking a moment to gather your bearings, you stumbled your way to the kitchen in search of sustenance, bumping into only a few walls along the way. You hoped you didn't wake anyone up, especially Fuuka. That girl never did get much sleep, did she? Granted, most, if not all of you, could rarely sleep after getting so used to the Dark Hour.
Getting to the kitchen, you remembered that you had nothing you could just heat up. You had the last of your instant ramen during your last homework grind. And you didn't really feel like making an entire meal right now. The good thing was that there was enough in the fridge for something simple and filling.
You wasted no time in preparing your food, but once you began eating, you were left staring into the dark space.
It was nights like these when all the memories hit you like a truck. So many nights spent in Tartarus, so many evenings dedicated to rest, and all the times you thought you saw Makoto standing on a street corner.
In the midst of your thoughts, you were interrupted by a hand on your shoulder. Your first instinct was to fight whatever or whoever grabbed you, but soon you realized it was just Junpei.
“Are you okay? You were kinda spacing out on me. You usually notice when someone walks in”.
You stared at him for a moment before letting go of him. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just came down to eat before going back to bed.” You tiredly responded.
“It sure doesn't seem like you’re fine,” Junpei muttered. “You've been avoiding everyone. especially Makoto. You do know you can talk to me, right?”
You stared down at your plate of food. Of course, you knew you could talk to him. Junpei was literally one of your best friends. He was always there for you when you needed him. He knew what it was like to lose someone you loved with all your heart.
“I know.” You spoke quietly. “I just don't know how to feel.”
“A–are you not happy that Makoto is back?”
“Of course I'm happy. Why wouldn't I be? I missed him…” Your voice began to waver. “But I feel so angry at the same time…”
“What? Why are you angry?” Junpei was dumbfounded. How could you be mad at your boyfriend who just came back from the dead?
“I'm mad at a bunch of things, but I'm not mad at him. I would never be mad at him over something like coming back from the dead.”
“Then what is it?” Junpei asked with genuine curiosity.
“I guess I'm mad at him for leaving without saying a single thing about it. I noticed that he had been more exhausted than usual the days prior, but I thought it was just because the end of the school year was coming up. I just wish he had told me he hadn't been feeling well. I just wish I got to spend more time with him.”
Guilt washed over you. It wasn't your fault that things turned out the way they did, but knowing what you knew now, sometimes you felt like maybe, just maybe, you could've done something to keep him with you just a bit longer.
“Do you think that we would've been able to stop the Fall differently?” You softly questioned.
Junpei froze. No one could really answer that question.
“I mean, maybe?” he finally answered.
“Sorry, that was a horrible question.”
“yeah... It's fine, though. I think it'd be normal to ask those kinds of things. I asked pretty much the same things myself after Chidori saved me.”
The way Junpei spoke about Chidori was somber. Granted, you couldn't blame him when you had spoken the same way about Makoto.
The two of you sat in silence for the remainder of the time it took you to eat. It seemed like you were both reflecting on what had been or what could have been.
