Blog 8/3/18 - Life Update
Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve written something here. I guess maybe it’s because it’s been a while since I did anything I felt like writing about? Regardless, I think it’s time I stop neglecting you guys and give a short update on where I’m at in life currently.
This past year has been a tough one. I moved up to Portland last August with no job, no money, and very little motivation to actually get things moving for myself as an artist - I was fairly depressed at the time and spent most of my days applying for jobs I didn’t want, playing video games in my sweatpants on the couch, and then complaining about how nobody wanted to hire me. My girlfriend Jordyn was supporting me both financially and emotionally, and I’m honestly surprised she didn’t kick me out after the first couple of months. But she stuck with me, encouraged me to keep trying, and eventually I found a job as a social media/marketing manager at a local property management company.
And I hated it. I’m still working there, but it’s not a good situation and feels very similar to the job selling Apple products I had back in my hometown before I quit to go full-time freelance. Turns out freelance work is pretty difficult when you have no idea what you’re doing, no clients, and zero motivation to network and put yourself out there. My attempt to transition into that kind of lifestyle was woefully premature and poorly thought-out, and I suffered from it. I built it up in my head that I’d be super successful from the get-go, and when I wasn’t, instead of doubling down and working twice as hard to build myself back up, I just shut down and the little voice in my head kept screaming at me that I’m garbage and nobody will ever like my work. Clearly the healthy route, right?
This year has been a year of mostly failures. Plans that didn’t work out, trips that never happened, my car getting stolen, bombing job interviews, you name it. But you know what? It’s also been a great year and I feel like I’ve really grown as a human from all of these setbacks. I even went to the dentist AND the doctor this year, something I haven’t done since I was 19. And guess what? I’m not dying - in fact, I’m in relatively good health overall - so take THAT slightly paranoid corner of my mind that’s been telling me I have all of the cancers for the past two years. It turns out being a functioning adult in today’s society isn’t actually that hard. 90% of it is just showing up. Up until this year I didn’t really care to do anything that I didn’t feel like doing - something you can’t get away with for very long outside of an insulated environment, like University.
So this year I’ve just been doing my best to just show up. And you know what? It’s working. I can feel my mood slowly getting better, and the little things don’t get to me as much anymore. I’m not as down on myself anymore, and I’m starting to fall back in love with photography. I’ve even been teaching myself photoshop again and I’m loving it. There’s so much about this hobby that I’m still discovering for the first time and it feels so good to find new avenues to dive into and get lost in.
This turned out a lot longer than I anticipated but I guess the TL:DR of the story is that if you just show up, things will be okay. Or at least start to feel that way.
Idk here’s a bunch of pictures from the last time I visited Olympic National Park, where I’m headed for this weekend as soon as I’m off work. Excited to escape this Portland heat wave and get reacquainted with my sweatshirts. If any of you guys are in the area, I’d love to meet up with you!
Thanks for reading, much love all.
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