The Bright Sessions
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@aayla-insecura
I love it when a classicist has clearly gotten so lost in the BCE sauce that their perception of time has become deeply warped. Case in point: the article Iām currently reading just described the Byzantine era as āa period relatively modern.ā
Stop thatās too funny
objectively, they're right
has anyone done this yet lol
(original by millechama)
jesse don't touch that that's the growth potion i've been synthesi-no jesse DON'T
yo mr white you're all tiny and shit now
Funniest justification for gay sex thank you Marlon Brando
fake people pleasers when marlon brando arrives
ask and you shall receive.
skywalker family
Melon collies
I can no longer feel the infinite sadness
driving my chevy to the levee today
what the fuck
Ok, so, bottom surgery recovery is going ~splendidly~ tbh, Iāve been off opioids basically all week, sheās healing well, she even looks pretty which at under the one-month mark is making me feel pretty optimistic. The only problems itās giving me are that sometimes if I see something really gross it makes my body feel like itās trying to suck itself inward from my vagina, like a black hole generated by the power of āew ew ew,ā and that healing is really tiring so Iām likeā¦always sleepy. But tbh most of bottom surgery recovery has been peaceful, Iāve had a lot of time to do some self-reflection (which I hate, doing my own therapy as a patient suuuuuucks), BUT, I do have one funny story:
Right as I wake up thereās a nurse there who hustles over and says heās glad he saw me wake up and tells me heās giving me some pain meds and then he gives me IV Fentanyl and so I go from like āOw ow ow ow awake awake awakeā to āooooooh fuck Iām floating on clouds made of rainbowsā in like 6 seconds and so I was pretty out of it. The hospital had all the recently-post op patients all in one big-ass room, and they see patients for ALL sorts of surgeries, so I was next to an old guy who got his knee replaced on one side and some young 30-something dude with some kind of mechanism on his leg. So I asked him what happened since I was high as fuck and feeling kind as a result, and he said he broke his leg hiking off-trail when his leg went down a literal rabbit hole and snapped his shinbone. I say something like ādamn dude that blowssssssā while giggling because Iām high as FUCK on actual fentanyl and heās like āYeah, for real, Iām feeling great right now though! What about you? What are you in here for?ā
And I fully was not thinking like a person, I was thinking like a fentanyl-addled tgirl so I just go āOh, haha, they cut my dick off!ā
And he just kinda stops and is like āHah-WAIT what? Why?ā and I was trying to think of an acceptable answer to tell this cis guy because itās dawning on me through my drug-induced haze that not everybody wants their penis gone and before I can think of a response two nurses just came up andā¦wheeled him away. Idk where to, and I donāt think he did either, because he kept looking back at me and frantically asking the nurses where they were taking him and I never gave him an adequate response so he probably thought he was gonna get that āTransgender for Everyoneā shit before he was probably actually delivered to whoever his ride home was.
The sheer energy. The beauty of this woman. The women hugging in the background. The man in rainbow parachute pants. This whole video is art.
XXI. The World
This is what world peace looks like
okay, for those interested, here is a full timeline of how we got to Count Binface:
1977: Star Wars is released, featuring, of course, Darth Vader
(Pictured: Darth Vader)
1984: Director Todd Durham releases his Star Wars parody movie, Hyperspace, featuring Darth Vader inspired villain Lord Buckethead.
(Pictured: Hyperspace poster featuring two Jawa-esque aliens flying through space in a shopping trolley.)
1987: Hyperspace is released on video in the UK, under the new title Gremloids.
(Pictured: Gremloids cover in the style of the original Star Wars poster, featuring Lord Buckethead.)
To promote the film, Mike Lee, the owner of the distributing company, ran for parliament as Lord Buckethead. He ran in Margaret Thatcher's constituency, Finchley, in order to get on TV. Lord Buckethead was representing the Gremloids party.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with Margaret Thatcher.)
1992: Gremloids is re-released. Lord Buckethead rides again, this time against prime minister John Major in Huntingdon. (Here's a fun fact about Huntingdon: I was born there! :D) 87/92 Buckethead seems to have leaned pretty hard into the space supervillain thing, with campaign promises including 'demolish Birmingham to build a spaceport'.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead on TV with John Major. Other notable candidates include Screaming Lord Sutch of the Monster Raving Loony Party.)
2017: comedian Jon Harvey, having recently watched Gremloids and learned of Lord Buckethead's candidacy for parliament, decides it's a great bit. He runs against Theresa May in Maidenhead. 2017 Buckethead seems to have a wackier and also more political approach, with campaign promises ranging from nonsense like 'nationalise Adele' to gesturing at actually sensible policies with stuff like 'lower the voting age to 16 and restrict voting after age 80'.
He also made an appearance on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. As with his previous incarnation, he was a member of the Gremloids party.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead dabbing on stage with Theresa May.)
2018: Director Todd Durham asserts his legal ownership of Lord Buckethead. Jon Harvey opted not to go to court over Buckethead and handed over the reins. Todd Durham extended an invitation to anyone who wanted to be the 'authorised' Lord Buckethead.
(Pictured: the new Lord Buckethead.)
2019: Lord Buckethead, now played by journalist David Hughes, stood against Boris Johnson in Uxbridge and South Ruislip. He ran for the Monster Raving Loony Party, the UK's pre-existing gag candidate party. He ran with a similarly silly manifesto as the 2017 incarnation, but with a bit less of a political edge. His promises included 'All doorways to be increased by 1 foot (30Ā cm) in height' and 'Nigel Farage to be sold for parts'.
(Pictured: Lord Buckethead and Count Binface square up.)
Meanwhile, Jon Harvey in his new persona Count Binface, also ran against Boris Johnson. Buckethead and Binface face off! Binface ran as an independent with a manifesto once again blending silly and semi-serious promises such as 'nationalising model railways' and 'giving Ā£1 trillion a week to the NHS'. This was also I believe the debut of his promise to 'move the hand dryer in the men's toilet at Uxbridge's Crown and Treaty pub to a more sensible position'.
(Pictured: Count Binface presenting the offending hand dryer, inconveniently close to both the sink and the urinals.)
He has a point.
2021: Count Binface runs for the position of Mayor of London for the first time, with promises such as 'London to join the European Union'. He notably finished ahead of far right party UKIP.
2023: Count Binface runs in the Uxbridge and South Ruislip by-election following Boris Johnson's resignation. He once again gets more votes than UKIP.
May 2024: Count Binface once again runs to be Mayor of London, debuting his now iconic 'build at least one affordable house' promise. Notably, he finished ahead of far right party Britain First.
(Pictured: Count Binface with Rishi Sunak. Also pictured: Monster Raving Loony Party candidate Sir Archibald Stanton with a ventriloquist's dummy.)
July 2024: Count Binface stands in the general election, running in Richmond and Northallerton against prime minister Rishi Sunak. He debuts his promise to cap the price of 99p flakes at 99p. This is his most successful election to date with 308 votes.
(Pictured: Count Binface with Andy Burnham. Also pictured: independent candidate Robert Pownell, dressed as a fox for his own reasons.)
June 2026: Count Binface stands in the Makerfield by-election against Andy Burnham, (recently) former Mayor of Manchester running for parliament with the intention of standing in the Labour Party leadership contest.
(Pictured: Count Binface on BBC's Newsnight.)
July 2026 (this week): Count Binface announces his intention to run against Nigel Farage in the upcoming Clacton by-election. He is briefly the only other candidate in the race and by the time other candidates announce themselves the narrative of 'Nigel Farage vs Count Binface' has already bedded in. And then it was now, and then I don't know what happened.
For clarity's sake, Robert Pownall is dressed as a fox because he's an anti-fox hunting campaigner, and also he will be standing in the Farage Vs Binface election. So that's fun
Hi pervert! I've Ć“ābtained an item...
When I (M29) was a young boy (M7) my father (M35) took me into the city (X167) to see a marching band (M23, M21, M22, F22, M24, M25, F21, M
He said āSon (M7) when you grow up (F33) would you be ā wait whatā
Posting spotify and youtube links on here
āmy father is a boy and my mother is a girl so iām mixedā is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6ā5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat
comedians can only dream of writing something this funny
