so far up your ass

i'm karlee and i like political dramas ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the west wing, grey's anatomy, parks and rec, harry potter, hamilton, dogs shop Currently on a sporadic mental/physical health break

[abbeybartletmd]

lol okay hi, i guess i have some explaining to do

I haven’t been on tumblr in over a year, and in the meantime I got an incredible student job that has resulted in me ghost writing some memos for the US government, crashed my car, moved out of my toxic uncle’s house and into a dummy expensive one-bedroom apartment in Washington DC, came out as bi to my friends, graduated with my Master of Public Policy, have spent 6 months on the verge of unemployment, and reverted into my middle school harry potter hyperfixation thanks to tik tok

it’s in both my and your best interest that I give you advance warning that i may be engaging more in hp on this account

what can I say, covid has been rough on us all

[not-all-the-prayers]

The West Wing + troubled birds

[wingkink]

Therapists are just…. Common sense filters

[wingkink]

Me: yeah so I just don’t have the energy to get up and make myself a sandwich or wait for something to cook so I just. Don’t

Her: why don’t you just eat the sandwich components without putting them together

Me:

Her: you can just eat a handful of cheese and some sandwich meat. You don’t have to make a sandwich.

Me:

Me: what

[cyanoticfallacy-deactivated2018]

Therapists finding loopholes for mental illness things is one of my favorite things about dealing with mental illness because it really helps me understand that just because a reaction is Common doesn’t mean it’s Right. Does doing dishes stress you out a lot? Buy paper plates. Do your obsessive thoughts make you worry about leaving your curling iron on so you drive home from work to check? Just put the curling iron in your purse and bring it to work with you while we work on tackling where this worry comes from. Symptom management doesn’t have to look like drudgery.

[ziggyplayedd]

i used to go days without showering because seeing my body was so upsetting that i would end up spiraling and then i realized i could simply turn the lights out. it took some getting used to but i’ve been showering with the lights off for years and it’s now one of my favorite parts of my day.

do whatever you want nothing is real and there’s no need to inflict unnecessary suffering on yourself just to try to seem “normal”

[biyaself]

I love this post

[jettestblack]

Hmmm

[petrichorepoch]

These kinds of loopholes make life so. Much. Better.

[fuckyeahasexual]

One of my favorite stories is this lady had extremely bad OCD. Every day she’d be late to work because she was convinced that her hair dryer was going to burn down the house so would always have to turn around and check it. Multiple times a day even. A bunch of doctors tied to “fix” her of that fear, until one day she got a doctor that suggested she bring the hair dryer with her. Other doctors were annoyed, saying that wasn’t a the correct way to help, but she gave it a go. When she had that fear, she’d look over and see the hair dryer unplugged in the seat next to her and was able to carry on. I think it’s such a perfect example of actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard.

[eclecticpersonswondersland]

That story helped me stop repeatedly checking if my front door was locked. Instead of checking that the door was locked over and over I would check my security system app. If it’s on it will alert me if the front door opens.

[daughter-of-rowan]

“…actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard” should be added to the Hippocratic Oath.

[minus-the-negative]

Started reading about the door and I thought they were gonna say they took the door with them

[abbeybartletmd]

I’ve waddled onto tumblr a handful of times since finishing my undergrad in May, but I haven’t posted any updates and wowza where do I even begin

Yeah so in May I graduated college summa cum laude with my B.S. in Psychology, a minor in Stats, and a specialization in Mental Health Interventions. I got 3 awards for involvement, 2 dept-based and one from the university’s office of student affairs. It took me a while to process graduation and fully realize that I wasn’t going back. The first half of my senior year was filled to the brim with uncertainty and self-doubt, but the second half was characterized by hope and involvement and new opportunities.

Over the summer I continued to work at the place I had worked for the prior 6 years and felt myself quickly becoming bored of it and yearning for more.

In August I moved from Pennsylvania to DC and started grad school at American University studying Public Policy (concentrating in social policy) and HO-LEE-SMOKES what a whirlwind. It is so different from - yet exactly - what I wanted for myself. I’m feeling fulfilled and constantly amazed by the professors and peers I get to work with. 

It took me 3 months and roughly 30 applications to secure a job, but as of October I’ve been working at a huge nonprofit research organization. I’m supporting a number of projects related to employment, school achievement, and social barriers for people with disabilities. It was not initially what I had envisioned for myself, but now it’s all I can think about and I’m starting to do some independent research into issues faced by women with disabilities in particular. 

August through November I was putting rent on credit cards and was in a very precarious financial situation, but things are looking up. My job pays well and I have an incredible staff manager who has continually offered support and professional guidance. I have so much respect for this woman, and the majority of people I work alongside within the project area are women researchers. It’s incredible and I swear that God must have been looking the other direction the day I was hired. It was initially a fall semester position, but I got extended to work there through late April and it’s been a great experience so far

My spring semester starts in a week and a half and I’m thrilled that I’ll be taking more concentration-focused classes. It’s wonderful to live in a city (this is the first time I’ve lived outside the small, rural county I grew up in), and I feel like I”m sitting front-row to history with everything happening in the US’s political system right now.

Shameless self-plug, but I don’t have plans to post updates about my personal life on this Tumblr. If you want to follow along on what I’m doing feel free to follow on Twitter (but to be completely transparent I don’t post many life updates on there either)

[auntymurda]

You ever sat back and realized how much you allowed yourself to suffocate at one point in time because you were too kind?

[abbeybartletmd]

here’s your weekend update with colin jost and michael che 

if I had to give a yelp review of life right now it’d be something like “3.5/5, pleasing to the eye from the outside, food was decent but the presentation was terrible”

how do I even summarize what life’s been like since November

applied to fordham and american university for grad school programs, got accepted to both, picked AU yesterday and reserved my place in the incoming class this morning

pros: DC, professional development, network, opportunities, academically challenging | cons: money, cost of living

but i’m going to grad school to do something i love and doors are opening

5 months ago I was still on a clinical psych track, having panic attacks every day, scared of my own desire to do something different, and today i feel more secure than i ever have 

i went on a retreat in february called Search and it taught me that i need other people. for years and years i’ve been operating under the assumption that I can get by on my own and that opening my heart to others was risky and unnecessary and boy oh boy i didn’t even realize how much pain i was feeling

i haven’t considered killing myself for months. that hasn’t been the case since 5th grade

i graduate from undergrad on may 12th and i’m terrified but so unbelievably ready

my residents are certifiably insane and my floor is more of a challenge than its ever been. it distracts me from my schoolwork from time to time but i’m in a much better headspace than i was in November

my life still feels like it’s going on without me and i’m just a bystander but I feel okay about it. things are happening and i’m treading water with just my chin above the surface most days but at least i know where i can get a life jacket when i need it 

(that was such a corny metaphor but i have so many social supports at my fingertips now that i feel comfortable being vulnerable and asking for help)

it’s been good

[peace-love-colbert]

The West Wing | 7x11 | Internal Displacement 

[c-bassmeow]

Idk which one is funnier

[not-all-the-prayers]

The West Wing + tumblr text posts (40/?)

[gentle-reminder]

gentle reminder

hello, friend - i know it’s hard sometimes, but please remember that you are allowed to live, to eat, to create, to get better, to try again, to love yourself, to be yourself, to go after your dreams; you’re allowed to do those things, and you deserve every happiness, so please take care, and try your best to not doubt yourself

[not-all-the-prayers]

[abbeybartletmd]

i feel like this blog is now just an archive for the happenings of my life mixed with the occasional reblog here and there but nonetheless here’s another update 

2 days after i posted my last life update i had an incident with one of the suites on my floor that lasted 3 days. started off as a roommate conflict, merged into mental health, ended up with two suicidal residents and had to force someone off campus (we later found out he is a convicted criminal with a location tracker on his ankle). one of the residents had to be moved out of the suite and into a different residence hall on campus because of the psychological impact she was having on the entire room. wasn’t even on duty that weekend but spent a combined 15 hours responding to the situation and another 10 writing the reports. 

3 days after that one of my boards was vandalized with a crudely drawn penis, which admittedly is par for the course in a residence hall but the penis had a speech bubble that said “fuck u bitch” so the assistant dean emailed me asking to meet. met with her and the conversation focused on how i was doing and offering support 

with encouragement from my building director, took a few days to myself to recuperate and make up for lost sleep 

last week i was talking to another ra and she started dumping info about another ra having unprofessional and inappropriate relationships with her residents. had to meet with the head of the department and tell him that the ra didn’t report that one of her residents was sexually assaulted, and the girl who told me about it got mad because it “wasn’t my business”. may or may not be responsible for someone in the department getting fired but it remains unclear. head of the department told me that i’m doing a good job and that i should consider reslife positions to help pay for grad school

went to a reslife conference this weekend that was 2 hours away. went to lots of workshops that were very informative and uplifting and had a discussion with my hall director from last year about everything going on. 

i’ve lost 15 lbs since august and 10 of those are since the first week of october. i can’t remember the last time i was able to eat without feeling nauseous. i’ve been getting stress hives and eczema rashes, i didn’t even know i had eczema. my grades are suffering and i don’t feel anything for the things i used to be so passionate about 

met with my practicum supervisor this morning at 8am to talk about how i’m feeling burnt out and don’t think i’ll be able to fulfill the expectations for the course. was crying within minutes and she was very understanding. we’re working something out and the knot in my stomach is finally gone

note to self: remember the goal and remind yourself of your values. get up and dust yourself off. one day at a time. you’ll get there. one more month and you’ll be home

and if you need more forceful encouragement: lean in, bitch, you’re doing fine.

[donnajosh]

The West Wing premiered on this day in 1999

[maiammitchell]

one gifset per episode: boy meets world s01e09

[abbeybartletmd]

life update because things are happening and i saw a post today that was like “i feel like i’m not in control of my own life anymore, it’ll just take off and i’m like ‘ok that’s what we’re doing now lmao’” and it really resonated w me 

-just made my course schedule for my last semester in college

-applying to some psych and some public policy grad programs 

-applying to a 10-day service trip to Peru in May

-going to a reslife conference on november 11th to see if i want to apply to director positions in grad school

-applying to an internship at a state representative’s office for next semester

-got a research assistant position w a psych faculty member i haven’t worked with yet

-RA is going great and my residents are grand and i feel less alone than i ever have 

-might be presenting my research at the state capitol in the spring 

it’s a lot of stress and i’m constantly moving but the busyness keeps the anxiety and sadness at bay and i’m 100% okay with that. most of the time i’m on autopilot and when i become lucid i’m like “how the heck did i get here” but that’s how i’m supposed to operate i think

overall v good, 9.5/10 would recommend

:)

[donnajosh]

I’m very personable. It goes a long way.

[nonbinarysasquatch]

If there’s one thing I’ll give 2017 over 2016, it’s that it’s kind of stunning that the year is mostly over? 

2016 felt like the year that would never die. 

2017 is a hectic nightmare that never slows down enough for you to be aware of the passage of time.