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★
JVL
Discoholic 🪩
Claire Keane
@theartofmadeline
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if i look back, i am lost
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
tannertan36
izzy's playlists!
sheepfilms
titsay
shark vs the universe
Peter Solarz
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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roma★
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@aberrationaldelusion
I hate myself.
I could have done better.
Be better.
All I am is half started wishes.
Ill forgotten.
Never extraordinary.
Just a failure.
Stuck wanting to die.
I have to wait.
Kms when finally free and alone.
No one waiting for me.
Just gone.
Like dust in the wind.
Forgotten.
I cry and cry.
No difference.
Why am I here?
No one cares how I feel anyways.
Why do I matter?
I don't.
Why cant I just do it?
Die.
A joke, at my expense like it doesn't hurt for me to be dismissed like that. Laugh along to hide how much it hurts.
Act like it doesn't hurt me.
Always acting as nothing said hurts.
Try to be neutral.
Cause no problems.
End up seen as unreliable and wishy washy because.
I'm trying to be neutral, cause no problems at all
I'm always a problem. No matter what I say. Stay silent and it's still bad for me
My roomies cannot even tell I'm upset and crying. Hiding behind laughter. No one can tell.
How is that a surprise? It's never. No one can tell I'm upset ever. I'm so good at hiding everything.
Cannot wait for the roommate to move into her dads house when he dies. Then I can move out, live out of my car. Be transient.
I'm a druggie so doesn't surprise me. Lose my job.
Live out of my car.
Eat nothing.
Move my car so I don't get tickets.
No job, spend all funds on weed, coke and gas.
It'll be easier to disappear.
Haven't kms yet
Got my tattoo.
It didn't curb my want to kms or Self Harm feelings.
It didn't even hurt.
I've been dispairing, but just haven't had the motivation to type it out.
I still wish to die.
Fucking faked that I had covid for 2 weeks to not be at work.
I'm such a fuck up
I'm an aunt now. My bro and his wife had their baby.
I'm so excited but I know myself. As non-binary femme, I still gender myself as an Aunt/Tia/Tante for my bro's/his wife's kids.
Not that my roommates are even a hint excited which I knew and still was disappointed by the response over showing one picture of my nephew.
It's okay, my feelings don't matter as it is. With them, with family.
Why I wish I could just disappear.
Disappear.
I want it not to affect people, I know it will. I still wish to die, disappear. Let them mourn. Let them feel my absence. Maybe they will finally notice.
Nobody sees anything.
I miss my cat the most.
We had to put him to sleep Dec 23rd, 2015. He was 21.5 yrs when we did it. I still miss him so much. I haven't had the type of connection with an animal since then. I had him since I was 2.5 yrs old as a kitten. He was baby. I was semi baby. I miss my baby so much. My parents have his ashes.
Welp
Its my birthday
All I want to do is die.
Die.
Its great. 04/09 is my tattoo.
Ugh and all I want to do is cut myself so much.
I'm half in tears and roommates cant even tell. That's okay.
It's easy to forget me.
That's why I'm working over night at work for inventory. At least half forget I dont matter. And be paid.
I just wish I would just be done. Like...its just an ordinary day for everyone else. Why should today matter to anyone?
Fuck, accidentally deleted/discard a post.
Ugh
Ugh, silenced as I am now, in real life, with the two roomies and the one's bro who is only a sophomore in hs. He is only sober party tho. But...
Like dismissed all the time.
By the roommates.
It's so fun.
Glad I have social anxiety.
I even tried to be like "I hope my tattoo on 04/09/22 will help urges of carving myself up (even though that's a lie. I have a total of 9 lines since I got my set of sharp brushes.)
U have to be strategic for my cuts. And even just like my first 4 linear sections...like...i felt better mentally for a couple days after I did them. Did two on my inner left ankle, one large outside my left for arm, inner arm near my first tattoo.
The new 5 where in one section on left leg.
The skin differences on legs vs arm Is interesting... interesting. The thickness of the blade I'm using, currently when lining my flesh...isninter3stint.
Sounds like styrofoam when I run the edge across
I had almost no concern.
Taunted at.
Housing.
Lol I get the styrofoam reference. I cut my flesh and hear the blade against the skin. Sounds likee styrofoam as I cut.
Uhh
Also drunkie yay. Lol not in a negative fashion.
Want to be so fucked up. Ugh.
Need to do a couple bumps of cökë now but since I'm braless I gave to sneak from my room.
And there it is.
Being told how bad my taste is. As usual. Such a quick turn of feeling in events. As usual.
I have to hide and belittle myself to be acceptable. Can't showcase what I like...
Oh well. Should be used to this. But still hurts when I'm put aside.
Tw SH///
Ive been clean for 4 years
And from january i slowly started relapsing my cvtting
When i first ever did it i would leave only scratches with dull bladez
Now i cant even wear shorts anymore because i learned how soothing sharp new blades feel
Had a hard time with the time change, losing an hour. Was having reality issues. It was the new time, looking later....but technically the day before; that same time would have been an hour earlier and not look so late.
The construct of Time and Reality is hard for me.
