Our memories are filled with so much joy and so much pain. In my heart, I know the joy compensates the pain. I want to embrace the joy and hold it close to my heart where it can live forever. I want to remember the pain as a lesson, a lesson of how much we have almost lost. A lesson of life to be lived with a memory of how it’s not supposed to be.
I have never doubted my love for you. Sometimes, the thought of you takes my breath away with passion. Sometimes I think of you and it's like the cleanest, most precious breath I have ever experienced, it calms and soothes me. Sometimes, it's like not breathing at all, it's like a long exhale and that's when I'm so sure of my love for you. That's when I'm sure it's true and lasting. But it's really not a thought either it's a presence, it's sureness.
Now, I have been trying to reach you with no luck. I am posting this so hopefully one day you will find it, although I doubt you will. Maybe I will get lucky and someone we know will see it and tell you about it.
The past years have really changed the man I once knew, but it was for the good. You have done so much for yourself and for others, I couldn't be more proud of you. Yes, will be forever proud of you.
I know that things between us went terribly wrong. I want to fix them. I am not pointing fingers or placing blame on anyone. I just want to fix them. The last day we saw each other was something I have needed for so long. I wish it would have never ended. I thought seeing you again would make me nervous but it felt as it always has. It felt like coming home again. It felt natural and calming.
I miss you so much. I know that you are now going to live the life you wanted. I am scared I will never see your sweet face again. I will be always be praying for you. I will always be praying that we will come to see each other again.