I don't understand, I don't say that I'm a fucked up person for the attention, or the empathy or sympathy. I say it because I am. I'm not saying it for someone to feel bad and take pity on me, I say it because that's who I am. I'm someone who lays awake at night dreaming about death, im someone who writes stories that make you want to throw up, im someone who will NEVER see myself like anyone else. I'll never believe anyone who says I'm beautiful, gorgeous, smart, etc. because I've been told my whole life that I'm worthless, stupid, fat, ugly, etc. so it makes it hard to believe someone when they say that because of how I am raised. I'll never learn to trust, because of the times when I was abused and lied to, that it almost seems too good to be true when someone is kind. No one will see the good side of me, the kind side, the sweet side, because of the 100 ft tall wall I have built around me. Everyone's going to know me as the bitch, the one who always is quiet. Because I'm scared to come out and be hurt. I'll always talk down about myself, because that's how I feel! I don't say " I hate myself" for the shits and giggles, it's because I do. I'll never open up to someone and let them see me, because of fear. I'll never let someone uncover me because no one should see the scars that litter my body, no one should see how much I hated myself at any point in time. But if someone truly looked me in the eyes, they'll see a little girl in a corner crying to herself because her demons are scaring her and doesn't know what to do. So don't think for a second what I say, is for attention. It's who I am, and I'm just sharing with you, who I am.
jbbartram-illu
theartofmadeline
turnnoffyourmind
gummygunk
