The Helium Balloon - One.
“Man it’s like after I started blowing up, I ain’t have half the fans that was running with me, half the support I had with me. Like I ain’t just shit no more” I said furrowing my eyebrows. “I don’t get that, they wanted this from me, and when I got this shit... core fans.. My core fans and shit they don’t hold me down no more” I paused to take a sip from my drink looking over at Jerry.
“It’s like a helium balloon” he responded simply before chewing his food.
“How so..?”
“So you're like the balloon, you've got that helium, and we travel with you through the string. So we're going up there with you even though we're on the ground. We can't fly, I can't sing, I can't make music, but I can get a-- I can buy it. So I can get a balloon. I can't fly, but I can get a helium balloon. Now when a kid gets a helium balloon, he's holding that string and he's keeping this balloon from going anywhere. But he also wants to let it go..”
Shaking my head I sat back sipping my drink. The words I exchanged with Mr.Seinfeld a few weeks ago replayed in my head, the more I experienced this shit the more it made sense to me. Clenching my jaw I shook my head.
“You see this shit right?” My homeboy Jet asked trying to show me more tweets. We’d just arrived in this damn club, nothing shady just walked in and went through security. Niggas headed straight up to VIP as always, it’s part of the lifestyle for us now man; however its always a issue when the man Wale do some shit. One of my ‘super fans’ some roadie ass nigga must had said something and I didn’t notice him, now he on twitter hyping. Can’t never enjoy my damn time out man.
“I ain’t even trippin’ bruh, I just wana have a good time tonight” I mutter moving the phone out of my face. “nigga could had easily just hit my line, hit my twitter some simple shit seen wassup but he wana twitter hustle, ion like that shit bruh” I mumbled angrily to myself finishing off my drink. Sighing I looked up hearing security call my name. “Wassup?” I asked before seeing a few women asking to get through. Two of em were unfamiliar, some strangers, but then I saw Dee and smirked nodding. “Let em’ thru man” I said waving them over.
“Mhm exactly, Debo, got me waiting like some groupie” She said putting a hand in the guard’s face. I shook my head, ignorant ass girl. “He asked me 21 damn questions before he even said something to you” She said before I could even make a comment, plopping down beside me.
“So I’m guessing you already had something to drink, huh?” I asked with a wide grin flinching when she popped the back of my head. “Whaaa. I was just asking man”
“You know I did. Anyways where the birthday boy at?” She asked taking my glass out of my hand and taking a swig.Shaking my head I snatched it back.
“He over there..”
Loc and Jet been my homies since before I even came up, niggas I grew up with. Jet was the son of my mom’s best friend, so we’d always called each other cousins, that’s how we felt. I fucked with him heavy like family, and of course our peoples were tight as fuck so it was always that with us. Now Loc, I met Loc in middle school after people tried to set us up to fight each other over some female. It was some dead stupid shit, but in DC they fight a nigga over some random shit so we was both heated just over word of mouth. Almost killed each other, but look at us now. My homeboy, and now we was in the hottest club in the DMV bout to celebrate his 30th birthday.
Now Dee, she was a whole different story. Dee and I messed around a few times in the past, as well as her and Loc at some point. It was one of those weird situations, but we remained cool. She’s a dope ass chick, and to be honest her and I had a crazy bond, shorty been like my backbone through this music shit. She was a songwriter and an aspiring singer, her voice was like heroine. Shit was trippy, and even addictive. Sometimes I’d just chill and put her demos and mixtapes on repeat. If I could, I’d have Ross sign her but I ain’t have no say so.. if he ain’t feeling it he just don’t feel it. I rocked with her heavy though, anything I could do for her I did and vice versa. She was my nigga.
“He seem kinda busy I’ll go sing happy birthday later on” She said rolling her eyes. Looking over, one of the girls she’d came into VIP with was on his lap all in his face. Hadn’t even been in here 10 minutes and they’d already been choosing. “Fast asses”
Laughing I raised a brow finishing off my drink. “Jealous? I mean that could’ve easily been you over there but you over here politicking” As I spoke I could see her face straightening, making me laugh. “What I’m just sa-”
“I will fuck you up Olubowale” She said uttering my government name. That’s how you knew she was serious, when she say yo name like your mom-dukes would. Not to mention that bushy ass eyebrow raising.
“Chill chill I’m playing” I say laughing. “Chill out”
“So what’s the plans for tonight, this section seem too chill. Boring actually” She said pulling off her jacket. “Ya’ll not fina have no more people come through?”
“Actually, Cole and K Dot coming through soon. I think it’s some people from our college that flew out earlier coming through too so this is about as laid back as our section gone be tonight”. Looking up I saw a waitress coming in to check on us, I ordered a few more drinks for us and some bottles to come through in an hour or so. By then we’d be a bit more filled out.
For a while it was chill. Loc was sitting back cupcaking with shorty, Jet was talking to the other girl, but it ain’t really seem like it was going anywhere, in fact they seemed to be bickering or some shit, but me and Dee was just kicking it, talking music and sipping. Taking a breath I finally spoke out on what’s been on my mind “Yo... I don’t think Ross gone renew my contract.. I uh.. I think he gone let me go after this album”.
“Why you say that?” She asked in return.
“Ion’ know man it just.. shit slowing down for me. Mufuckas ain’t really feeling me like they used to. I’m putting in work man, hard work, real true ass raw lyricism, same Wale I been... but they ain’t feeling it” I said shaking my head. “The people just don’t feel me no more.”
She sighed softly resting a hand on my leg giving it a gentle squeeze. “That’s how it is man.. when they can relate they gone cheer you on, but once you doing better for yourself people can get hateful. They don’t understand. Maybe your truth ain’t the same as their truths” She said pursing her big lips.
This is why I fucked with Dee. She’d always been very understanding, she was always here with me. After taking a sip from my drink I bit my lip running my eyes over hers. We were lost in a moment for a sec, staring at each other like idiots, so I made a move. Leaning in I went to kiss her but abruptly stopped hearing a loud shout.
“Yo! The party is here” Cole said chuckling. I looked up grinning and got up to dap him, leaving Dee sitting there getting her composure. “Wale wassup maan”
“Not shit man, not much.. Glad you can make it” I laughed shaking his hand then pulling him in giving his shoulder a pat. “These my homies, Loc and Jet” I introduced as he pounded each of their fists exchanging meaningless greetings. Cole did the same with us and the few niggas and females he’d brought through with him. “and you already know Dee, these her homegirls”
“Yeah these my babies” She said smiling widely introducing them, as she did she gave me a slight side eye. I’m not sure what it meant exactly but I’m sure it pertained to that awkward ass moment we’d just had. I grinned sipping my drink.
“Man where Kendrick?” Loc asked raising a brow.
“What you think I carry that nigga on my hip?” Cole asked furrowing his eyebrows laughing, instantly me and Jet joined in chuckling. “The fuck man”
“I mean ain’t yall like besties or sum, you two dickride like yall butt buddies” Loc joked making me almost spit my liquor out. The whole section lilt up in laughter. The two of them did a bit of back and forth for quite a while, alot of fighting words, all of us were enjoying it though.
“Maaan, whatever bro.. While we on fighting and shit, Wale wassup with ole dude on facebook talking bout he knocked you out?” Cole asked everybody starting to laugh, my face straightening some. “What? What I say, did he knock him out forreal?”
“No man.. fuck no... just.. I ain’t fucking with it..” I said leaning back. “Just some lame looking for attention.” Shaking my head I quickly changed the subject. “Nah, but forreal where K Dot. at?”
“Man, he said he had to take care of some last minute business before he got here. It’d be different if it was your shindig or some shit, but nah.. he don’t rush for randoms” Cole joked nudging Loc.
“Fuck you bruh” he responded with a laugh.
Suddenly I heard a soft voice from the security rope, “Wale...”.
It was Bria.
Bria
It’d been years since I’d seen him. Almost a 6 years matter of fact. I couldn’t believe how successful he’d become, how much of a legend he was to the city and watching from a distance I was pleased to know he hadn’t changed one bit. Still blunt, stubborn, nonconforming. He wouldn’t let anybody stunt his personality.
The day he left, I told him he changed.. Never been so wrong in my life.
I can remember long days and nights in college of me being ignored, pushed aside to play second to his music and I never understood why. All my friends told me I was crazy, that he was living in a dream and that I shouldn’t wait around for him to wake up. Now I understood, because he had a dream he could make reality, he had a vision. Maybe if I’d seen that instead of looking through my peers eyes I wouldn’t have cheated, I wouldn’t have lied, I wouldn’t have left him... I would have supported and loved him as we made our way to the top. We could have been so perfect.
I spent so many long years putting him down, it killed me to have to watch him climb to the top without me. I should have believed in him. Taking a deep long breath I called out to him.
“Wale..”, he instantly turned around staring at me for a moment. I couldn’t help but grin in return, but the glance didn’t last too long he waved us in signalling security to let us through then looked back to a girl he was sitting by. I’d seen her around in the industry a few times before, but I couldn’t put a name to the face. However considering how closely he’d been sitting beside her I could tell he was very much fond of her.
Walking in I headed towards the two to get a good look at him and also speak the piece I’ve had on my mind since I stepped on that plane this morning. It was long past due and needed to be said, just as I dragged my feet to him I felt someone wrap their arms around me.
“Bria! My sister, you made it” Loc said embracing me, I instantly smiled widely obliging.
“Luis! Happy birthday baby” I said squeezing him looking out the corner of my eye. I could see him eye me carefully, clearly thinking I wasn’t looking, before the girl beside him leaned in mumbling in his ear and taking his attention. “how are you..” I said giving my attention back to Loc.
“I’m good ma, I’m incredible. Just getting older, and wiser, and blacker” he said instantly making me chuckle. “You know I missed you, alot. We always been friends but you been brushing me off lately” he started. I knew we’d have to have this talk, sighing a bit I looked down. “Look just cuz shit ain’t all peaches and fuzzy shit with Wala doesn’t mean I can’t be cool with you too.”
“I know, I know and I’m sorry. But I’m here now” I said just as Jett came over. “Hey Jett” I said giving him a hug. “Trust me you don’t have to give me the third degree about not talking, Loc already covered it” I said with a chuckle beating him to the punch. He sucked his teeth then waved me off before wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
“Alright, Bria this is Harley, Maria and Denise” he said introducing the three ladies in the section. “You already know Wale, this is his homeboy, of course the infamous J Cole”
“Wassup wassup wassup” J said. I took a breath smiling and taking his hand shaking it.
“It’s so nice to meet you all” I said looking at the ladies, then at J “Especially you, I’m such a big fan”
“Always nice to have someone as beautiful as yourself feeling my music.” He said chuckling. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t even catch your name sweetheart”
“It’s uh.. It’s Bria” I said with a grin, that is until his face dropped. If I didn’t already feel awkward and out of place, I certainly did now. Looking down at my outfit then at Loc and Jett a bit confused I quickly tried to figure out why he was making that face.
“So this is Bria?” He said turning to Wale. I froze. He’s spoken about me? Apparently so, because just as J asked, the big hair girl beside Wale looked at him slightly making a face then looked up at me with the same face.
Bitch I’ll slap the taste out your mouth. I thought to myself, quickly shaking it from my mind. I could only image the horrible things he’d been telling people about me--
“She’s just as gorgeous as you said she was” he followed up making W chuckle looking up at me sipping his drink. That’s when he finally acknowledged me the first time of the 20 minutes I’d been here.
“Nice to see you again Bria...” He muttered just loud enough for me to hear.
“It’s nice to see you too”
Seconds later it was a ruckus piling into the section, It was a handful of people from college and some I recognized from Loc and Wally’s hometown. I said hello to a few people grabbed myself a drink, then stood away from the crowd to myself swaying with the music. I’d never really been a people’s person, which makes it strange I’d agreed to come out here for this weekend of festivities.
It was clear I didn’t come for Loc, but I tried to tell myself I had. That task became especially tricky upon realizing every once and a while I’d sneak glances at Wally and that fluffy head heffa. It was rubbing me the wrong way. The more I saw them two talking, laughing with eachother, dancing with each other, the more my brain urged me to go and speak with him.
The worst part is that in reality he hadn’t spent the most of the night with the girl, only some chance moments; however, even when they weren’t directly in contact they were standing by each other giving each other funny looks.
Suddenly I felt eyes on me in the middle of my enlightening moment. Through the darkness I could make out Wally because of his dreads, but I couldn’t quite get the face beside him, all I know is they both were looking at me and moments later heading towards me.
“Hey.. Bria” he called out, the face started to become more and more defined the closer they got. Finally it clicked. “This is my homie Kendrick, Kendrick this.. this is Bria Murphey” he introduced.
“Amazing to meet you, my mans Wale told me much about you sista’” he said smiling cupping my hand in his grip and shaking it.
“Oh is that right? all good things I hope..” I responded moving a bit closer to the both of them to let Jett pass by behind me.
“Yes, yes all good things. He actually told me how you majored in Fashion in school, and I’ve recently been looking for a stylist, somebody real new and undercover you know.. the big name people ain’t really my thing” he explained, making me smile. So he has been thinking about me. “You think you’d been interested in meeting with me or something sometime, maybe talking business, letting me check out some of your work”
“Of course, I’d love that” I responded giving his hand another shake. “You can get my number through Wally anytime”
“--Wally?” he interjected with a snicker looking over at Wale. I instantly bit my lip looking at him giving him a sorry expression. “That’s a new fresh take on your name” he said starting to laugh.
“Ha..Ha Ha.. man, for your information it’s not new or fresh.” He said with a smirk looking at me. My heart nearly melted. “This woman has been calling me Wally since I was 17 years old” he chuckled before his expression turned serious. “That is until recently of course...”
I frowned in response tilting my head some. “Um.. actually.. Wally can I speak to you for a second...” I said looking at him then over to Kendrick. Kendrick looked up at W for a moment waiting on a response from him. Finally he nodded a different direction signalling him to get lost. “I uh... I missed you” I said watching Kendrick leave.
“Oh is that right?” He asked instantly capturing my eye with his sarcastic laugh. “I wouldn’t had been able to tell”
“Wally.. I’ve been.. busy” I said looking down at my cup taking a sip.
“Been busy? For five years...” He asked with a grimace. “You.. you promise we’d stay friends. That we’d keep in touch, if anybody was watching the way you act towards me they’d think I was the one that cheated and left your ass.. but thats” he stopped to chuckle. “That’s not the case.”
“Wally I’m.. I’m sorry okay. I just hated the way I made you feel, made you act. You were miserable with me in the picture.. How could I be your friend knowing it hur--”
“You said you wanted to talk.. Is this what you wanted to talk about?” He asked cutting me off coldly, clenching his jaw. As a few of the colored lights passed over his face I could see how he’d aged, his boyish features now strong and defined. He looked tired.
“No.. No I wanted to.. I wanted to talk about the way things ended” I said introducing the discussion. He looked at me silently and nodded signalling me to proceed. Swallowing hard I looked into his eyes, searching for emotion that I knew was long gone. Just then everything I planned in my head was gone, poof, forgotten. Word for word I had this planned perfectly. Now I’d have to wing it. “I uh.. I want you to know it wasn’t because of you.. It was me, I was the issue.. I didn’t-- I didn’t want to play second to your music.. not because I didn’t believe in yo--”
“You didn’t believe in me” he said with a chuckle. “If we gone be real, keep it as real as possible for me aight”. My heart sunk.
Swallowing hard I nodded looking down. “Look I’m not looking for sympathy or anything, I just don’t want you to blame your self for what happened anymore..”
“I don’t” he responded putting a hand up before I could continue. Chuckling and stroking his beard he shook his head. “Bria, I don’t hate you, I’m not mad at you and I don’t blame you for falling out of love with me alright. But I damn sure don’t blame myself anymore. I was loyal to you, I gave you my heart and I gave you a promise, wasted four years of my life on you and to be honest if you would have let me I would have wasted more. I realized a few years back that I gave my all, gave the best I could... The fact that I wasn’t enough babygirl.. you can’t blame anybody for that.”
“But.. Wally”
“Look.. it was good seeing you Bria.. You’re still beautiful, amazing. Maybe before you leave town we could chill or something, I missed you, but this conversation. It’s too late for it, I’m over it. I forgive you alright.. Lets not open that wound, it’s already healed” he said turning and walking away.
“But Wally please listen, I shouldn’t have given up on you, I shouldn’t have let go--”
“Bria.. a good friend of mine gave me some good advice. I think you helped me finally understand” he interrupted again leaning in kissing my head. “It’s okay, It’s like a helium balloon Bri.. baby we were toxic anyways, You held on as long as you could, but you had to let me go... you had to let go and watch me fly. Thank you... I’ll catch you around”
Taking a deep breath I tried my best to call out to him. To grab his hand and stop him, but I couldn’t nothing came out. I could feel tears burning in my eyes as I watch him grab that Denise girl and head out.
As he left all I could do is think about what he’d said, what I could have said. I slowly began to remember everything I wanted to tell him, far too fucking late.
“Wally I should have believed in you, I should have supported you and loved you, I never fell out of love. I never fell out of love and you were so much more than enough.. you were always enough”
“I still love you...”
“I still need you”
“It was your baby Wally, our baby...”
“....the baby I lost was ours..”