Bittermoon | The dark side of emotional codependency.
Director: Roman Polanski
Writers: Pascal Bruckner (novel), Roman Polanski (screenplay)
Stars: Hugh Grant, Kristin Scott Thomas, Emmanuelle Seigner
It is no shocker and no surprise that we all need a little counseling sometimes. Our mother and father’s generation is so used to dealing with mental health problems by ignoring them and eventually passing them by to their offspring, this has resulted in a society that stigmatizes the act of going to emotional therapy. I got to watch this film after a recommendation from a therapist on a session where we talked about emotional codependency and the dark sides of it. I saw this a couple of months ago and, to this day, I can’t figure out if what she wanted was to scare me or to actually make me realize that my emotional attachments are not based on emotional codependency, either way, I was extremely scared and it affected me deeply.
Bitter moon, tells the story of a couple in the midst of their 7-year-wedding anniversary. A couple that it is going to some crisis that involves routine and maybe a decrease in sexual desire. With this context, they decide to take a trip on a cruise and there, he (Hugh Grant) meets a man in a wheelchair with a beautiful, attractive and significantly younger wife. The movie moves a little slow, but the actual story starts when this mysterious man starts telling his story on how he meets and eventually gets married to this beautiful young woman.
The relationship starts very romantic, sexually active and seemingly deeply connected, but quickly turns into hell when he, with his manipulative gestures turns her into a caricature of herself. Having an ups and downs relationship that turns violent and emotionally abusive. He starts beating her, humiliating her and manipulating her into doing whatever he wants, she ends her friendships, cuts her hair, changes her habits, and even stands him walking around the house with other women. The way he pulls control and guilt on her in sickening, to the point where she begs him not to leave her even though he is absolutely abusing her.
He admits that he’s tired of her but never actually leaves her, until he tricks her into thinking they’re going to a vacation and abandon hers in the airplane to her luck. Some time passes and he has a car accident where he gets his legs broken. She hears this and returns to visits him, only to cause him permanent damage and start “taking care” of him. Now she’s playing revenge on him, humiliating him, having sex with other men before his eyes and abusing his physical condition to torture him on a daily basis.
Neither of them wanted to end the relationship, neither of them wanted to seek the proper emotional treatment, neither of them end the violent, sickening and abusive cycle. They just are whiling on living hell before leaving each other. This truly marked my heart and almost traumatized me. I was in a relationship that could very easily turn into that, with the passing of the years. After it ended, I was so confused, I didn’t even know if it was, in fact, a codependency situation or was only a fact of some unsolved issues between us that could be treated healthy, separately, through therapy. This movie made me think that I was sick and that I needed help. It took me some time to even be able to write this because I still get nervous and anxious when I think of it. But the truth is that my relationship never went that far because we both could stop it on time, we both recognized some things that weren’t right and the love between us made us act accordantly. I know, however, not everyone has the same luck that we both had.
I wanted to write this, despite the fact that it was truly difficult because there are maybe a lot of boys and girls going through the same, that may be saved if watching this movie and with the complementary emotional support. Please seek help, you can have a healthy relationship with someone who loves you and be truly happy, I still believe I can reach that point myself, we only need to be strong and aware, see the signs and learn to stop on time. This is for the better, for both sides.
Me he puesto a mí misma en una situación de crecimiento y ahora que me enfrento a las dificultades y la incertidumbre, no estoy segura de sí me arrepiento de ello. Una parte de mí sabe que es la impaciencia que siempre acompaña mis días, otra parte de mí es la que no puede soltar ciertas comodidades, otra es la que no sabe bien lo que quiere. ¿Quién realmente sabe lo que quiere? No es una pregunta retórica, en verdad quiero saber, ¿Cómo lo descubrieron? ¿Cómo llego ahí?
What would've happened if women trust and believe each other? One can't help but wonder, reading this thriller that –even when you can easily guess each plot twist–, still manages to keep you on the edge of your sit, flowing through pages and feeling all the rage, the helplessness and the pure hate... Only to wonder, "why don't you get out?"
In the end, it's all about the many ways that women's stories are diminished and how easy it's to turn them and twist them to make them the bad guys, the wretched and the wicked... And in most instances this is facilitated by other women who would easily believe good-looking men instead, or above their fellow females. Entertaining, easy to read and to invest you, the only complain is the fact that one can foresee where it's leading before the plot twist hits, making it less effective, but nonetheless fun and compelling.
Esta novela tiene diversas interpretaciones que pueden leerse dependiendo del género que el lector encuentre. Cómo fantasía es una alegoría de la violencia y la crudeza de la dictadura que azota a la Argentina; de la oscuridad que se cierne en la humanidad cuando se trata de lograr sus objetivos –sin importar cuáles sean–.
Si se la quiere entender como terror; el duelo, la infancia robada por la enfermedad, el miedo, el amor mal expresado o mal interpretado. Las dinámicas entre padres-hijos y lo fácil que es hacer daño en un afán por proteger. La oscuridad no vence, pero tampoco desaparece por completo, siempre está lista, acechando y amenazando con destruirlo todo, si se lo permitimos, si dejamos que nos consuma, si nos ofrecemos a ella como quien se arroja al vacío esperando encontrar luz. En en el salto de fé también encontramos la otra cara de la moneda, el amor, los cuidados, el sacrificio en favor de algo mejor, si no para nosotros, sí para la siguiente generación. Uno solo puede, como Gaspar, "elegir vivir sin destino".
La historia del viaje hacia la madurez, de un adolescente y adulto joven, su paso por la universidad y la escena política de los años 60 en Tokio; los reveces del amor, el dolor de la pérdida, la agridulce cotidianidad, la amistad y el sexo...
Decidí leer este libro por todo eso que se dice de Murakami, muchas veces entre el amor y el odio, pero recientemente, más hacia el odio. Entiendo por qué puede ser tan celebrado, sus personajes son diversos y aún así todos llenos de vida, el protagonista –aun con las neurosis propias de la adolescencia–, se percibe cercano incluso cuando no seas un adolescente y el ambiente que le rodea grita libertad y rebeldía en la política de la universidad, que a Tōru Watanabe se le antojan superficiales, vanas, faltas de lógica o sentido común.
Por otro lado, están los personajes femeninos, a veces todos tristemente reducidos a sus intereses sexuales, a sus deseos carnales, a sus cuerpos, a sus errores, a sus personalidades por momentos triviales y a sus problemas mentales o familiares. Entiendo completamente a quiénes se puedan incomodar de la expresión sexual de una menor de 13 años, que parece más la personificación de las fantasías sexuales del autor, lo entiendo porque yo también me llegué a cuestionar la necesidad de exponer tal historia, de ahondar en un pasaje que ultimadamente no aporta nada al desarrollo de personajes o al destino del protagonista... Y aún con todo no pude soltar el libro y dejar de pasarme por sus páginas rápidamente, una verdadera personificación de la soledad, la nostalgia, el desamparo, y la tragedia de perder a alguien por suicidio.
Cuando pinté esto, jamás hubiera podido imaginar en el momento que me encontraría algunos años después. Esto fue en 2021 aproximadamente, tiempos raros debido a la pandemia, es difícil calcular el tiempo desde entonces, pero han pasado 5/6 años... He cambiado tanto y cuesta creer que alguna vez fui esa chica llena de miedo, ilusiones, objetivos... Aún no llego a dónde me gustaría, pero sé que podré y ya no me consumen las dudas constantes, trato de confiar en la vida y en mis capacidades. Estoy en medio de un salto de fé, pero hoy he ganado tanto que me siento más en paz con el resultado y cada día construyo con más y más solidez esa vida con la que sueño.
I've been feeling sad and weird, it's all because of my current job. I try to be grateful cause a couple years ago I was unemployed and I would pray for a job to keep me going, and now it seems like my growth has stopped. After 3 years I'm trying to change my position and nothing seems to stick, maybe I'm not being patient enough and I need to put things into perspective. Things aren't always going to be like this, I have to believe that and just keep going.