my heart feels like an alligator @abygaillin-blog - Tumblr Blog

saltrat88

“You’re not my Dad!”

Hahahahaha

norseminuteman

“I’m in a tank and your not” is probably the best argument ever.

absolutelyalvaaron

I love how the dude keeps popping in and out for each response

icameas-roman

“I AM YOUR DAD!!!”

LMFAOOOOOOOOOO i want the whole story to this!!!

bethikins-b

artbytesslyn

To the spiders in the ceiling corners: you’re keeping your end of the contract, love u honeys catch those tasty flies

To the spiders halfway down the wall and touchin my furniture: you’re on thin fucking ice babes

willow

mood

fyeahcuteboys

myxandme-blog

dresdendoja-deactivated20190516

hiraethdiaries

kissedbythevoid

awwcutepets

On the train and saw this friendly face

sometimestuesday-deactivated202

Sylvia Plath was right

ironleaves

About what?

sometimestuesday-deactivated202

“Being born a woman is an awful tragedy. Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars—to be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording —all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. My consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. Yet, God, I want to talk to everybody I can as deeply as I can. I want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night.”

unbotheredmuse

the woman you’re becoming will cost you people, relationships, spaces, and material things. choose her over everything.

I don’t really know why I’m typing this... but some things have become clear to me and I guess this is a safe space for me to put this.

I moved to Australia really impulsively. Or at least that’s how it felt when I made the decision to uproot myself and come out here. But I think I’ve figured out why I left home so suddenly.

I was painting tonight, which I haven’t done in awhile, and I started to get into my own thoughts... I kept wondering why I left home and kept questioning whether or not me leaving was/will be beneficial. Everyone back home seems to think so... but I started to reflect on the last year I was in Oregon and I felt as though my mental health went through some twists and turns.

I suppose I’ll just get to the point..

I think I left home because I was running away from the emotions I didn’t want to face. I went through a sudden and oddly easy break up... which I still haven’t really coped with. I think I brushed a lot of the feelings off because it was so easy and there seemed to be no drama and we both just kind of went on with our own things... although I do admit that I did still feel attached to this person and they were my security blanket even after the break up. And I thank them for their patience and understanding and answering my anxiety filled phone calls at 6:00 in the morning.

I also ended up leaving my fantastic job due to my anxiety and the stress my supervisor caused. I never really properly dealt with those anxieties and the insercurities I developed while working for this company. The position itself was amazing, and for the most part I loved everyone I worked with... except my supervisor. She threatened me, made me feel lesser than everyone, would blantently embarrass and degrade me in front of our coworkers (but never the owner?). I chose to leave for my sanity, and I felt I deserved better. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t take a toll on me. This supervisor really tore me down and it’s definitely had an effect on my self esteem even after I’ve left.

Shortly after I left my job, I had been seeing a guy for a few months who I was absolutely smitten with. Things suddenly ended for us, and it made me really sad... his reasoning was understandable and I tried my hardest to respect what he needed for himself. Although I don’t think I did a good job at it, and I look back and wish I would’ve been more understanding.

Within a few days of that, an exboyfriend from high school had tried to get in touch with me again. I declined all his attempts at trying to contact me and he then started to stalk me. He showed up at my home and there was a confrontation. That effected me deeply and sent me into a really dark place where I exhiled myself from my close friends and family and wasn’t treating myself well. I finally had a good friend tell it to me straight and that I needed to spend time with myself and heal and work toward being happy again. Which really made an impact. Thank you to that friend. He’s a true gem.

Finally after all the stress, anxiety, and bit of trauma, I started to feel more like myself. By the end of January I had decided I was going to leave.

Now that I’m here, I have had time to reflect. Looking back, I dealt with a lot of shit. I tried to deal with it on my own. There were times were I ran back to my exboyfriend (the patient one) and would vent and talk with him, I’d talk with my mom after a long and terrible day at work, I’d find happiness in going to my sisters for dinner and playing with my nephew, but all in all I don’t think I fully dealt with everything. And I don’t want to make up excuses as to why I avoided certain things, or why I blocked certain people out. I just felt like once I gave myself a goal, something to work toward and look forward to, things would just go away. Or I’d leave and the problems would just stay in Oregon. But no, some things follow you. And now that I’m here, I’m learning to deal with things as they come. I don’t want to avoid problems, or just suppress my feelings. I do think being here has already been beneficial. I am still coming to terms with my anxieties and self esteem and I am trying to build myself up, but I also know that it will take time and I will have to rely on my own happiness.

This experience will be good Abby. You will learn things about yourself, you will grow, and you will come out stronger and more independent. You will blossom.

trashboat

i go absolutely ape shit buck wild when people ask me if i want to run errands with them like Let’s Fucking Go. and my mind absolutely maxes out of dopamine when they ask if i wanna stop for coffee. and if someone took me to the park id go bonkers in funcking yonkers

trashboat

i got so high last night that i started ghostwriting for a golden retriever apparently