walks back in forth in front of you with my hands clasped behind my back. You are all assembled in front of me like crewmates on the deck in front of their captain. Line break for heavy vent courtesy
Captain’s log (somebody take notes or youre all going overboard). The mood shifts continue to be rapid, constant, and unpredictable. Went from being over the mood to rock bottom depressed in a less than 15 minute timespan today. A new record! Currently having an anxiety spiral because I’m out of alcohol, which means if I decide to kill myself tonight my planned method is caput. I don’t think I will, but it’s relaxing to have the option open. Kind of. i am running out of ways to be interesting. Becoming a different person is a possibility i have not yet dismissed. Easier said than done, but still, it’s possible. Who to be is more of the issue there. There’s also the problem of if the people around me will be disappointed by me being someone else now, instead of the same guy as usual. But i think they would get over it relatively quickly. I am not much of a person, after all, and if any of me is considered of value, then there’s still not much to be lost. i have secured a job for when I move at the end of the summer. An unreliable and kinda shady job, sure. But a job is still lucky to get! At least until I can find something more steady! Having second thoughts about moving, but not like I can back out now. Ill probably still just hate myself and be lonely somewhere else as much as i do here, but hey, at least I’ll get to reliably choose my own meals and won’t have to live with a guy who thinks CO2 isn't causing climate change and has the moral backbone of a fucking worm. anyway, thanks for taking notes. You're a really good crewmate, you know that? One of my best. My faves. My most reliable. Actually, now that I think about it, see that guy? The first mate, yeah. Just throw that guy overboard. You're the first mate now. I like the dragon you drew in the margins. You’re a real go-getter. Unlike that lazy asshole.
