even if saving you sends me to heaven

Name's Acacia. Acacia Brantford. I'm sixteen years young, and I'm a student here in London. Yeah, nice to meet you too.

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

You know those lazy Mondays?

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

Yes, I work for Vogue. It’s something that I’ve always loved. I think if you have something in mind and a dream and you just give all yourself into it, you can get into wherever you want to. I’m sure you can do anything you want to. Just go and give yourself all to it, not afraid of anyone or anything. That’s what they call the “key of success” to me.

Well, I’m not sure I have age to be your mother, but older sister would be pretty cool to me, ha. I mean, I’d make a pretty cool sis, fashion worker, badass journalist, cool with ditching. Yea, if I had siblings, or children, I’m sure I’d be the best to them.

I know how you feel, it’s cool, really. It’s annoying when people get pushing us to talk about things that hurt us, especially after happened a while ago as you say. Pity is not nice either. I mean it when I say I totally understand. Just hope you’re better, if not yet, believe me whatever happened, time helps. In case it does, cool fashion girl here is all ears. And not to sound odd or anything, but already doing it, I have pretty big bowls of ice cream. Ditching is always nice, there’s no way to deny it. The thrill is the best part. But glad to hear you wanna work of stopping it.

Shakespeare is nice, it’s just a bit too old for you now. With time you might even grow to like it. The thing is that people force us reading them too young. I’m glad your teacher don’t, you’ll receive the books way better when you’re older. Having great humor is indeed need too, especially in high school. By the way you’re saying, he’s the best teacher alive. What’s his name? I met a teacher the other day, but are the chances of being the same?

And it really is! Both unique and beautiful. Thanks, I like mine too. I’m an Audrey Hepburn fan so I was just that happy to have her name.

[acaciabrantford-blog]

You what? Work for Vogue? Wow, I'm impressed! That's absolutely amazing. What is it like to work for Vogue? Must be really great. Do you get to meet celebrities and models and all that? If so, you're so lucky!

And yeah, I know what you mean. The problem is... I don't know what I want. At least, not yet. I love playing the piano, and I find horse riding incredibly fun. But I don't think that either one of them is my passion. I love them, but not enough to pursue a career for either one. And I don't think that I'm good enough to be a pianist, or a rider. I'm still on the quest of finding my passion right now.

Having a fashionable journalist for an older sister sounds cool though. If you have siblings, well, let's just say that they're lucky to have you as a sister. Do you have any siblings? I'd love to have you as my sister.

See, this just proves my point. We literally just met, but you've already been so nice to me and you seem to understand what I'm talking about. I don't like with when people go like, "Oh I'm sorry I won't do it again..." when I tell them that I don't want pity. It's just stupid. But you're not like that. And thanks, I know that time will heal the wounds. It just frustrates me that even after two years, I still can't get over it. I hope I will, though. Big bowls of ice cream sounds nice too. That makes me hungry. I think I'm going to go get ice cream soon. You wanna come?

And I guess Shakespeare is pretty cool, but it's just not my type of thing. I don't even understand the language. Maybe I'll like it when I'm in college or something. I don't know. We'll have to see about that. You're probably right, though. My teacher's awesome for understanding that. His name? Oh, he's called Mr. Miller. I think his first name is Tom? I'm not entirely sure, but I think so. It would be so cool if the teacher you met the other day was him! Is his name Tom Miller?

Oh, and thank you again! I think it's cool that my parents named me after the acacia tree, though it's a little weird. I mean, being named after a tree is definitely not something that happens a lot. It's cool though, because I like my name. And it's always cool to have the same name as someone that you're a fan of too. Did your parents name you after her?

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Stupid English Assignment! || Acacia and Tom

[tomtheteacher-deactivated201312]

As Tom waited for an answer, he watched Acacia’s moves closely, trying to figure out what was going on in her mind. Of course that he knew she was hurting, because something like that wouldn’t be forgotten in such a short period of time. It would take some time to heal, and he could see by her attitude that she was somehow trying. Still, there was something about this situation that made him uncomfortable. Since he was a teacher, he’d come across lots of students with problems, whether they were actually severe or not. But this young girl — he felt like he needed to help her in some way. He knew it wouldn’t change much, the fact that he wanted to help; talking wouldn’t certainly change anything, because it wouldn’t bring him back. Nothing would, anyways. But maybe, just maybe, he could help her see it in a different way.

Tom wasn’t usually like this, though. He was, of course, always concerned with his students and always ready to help, but serious conversations weren’t something he’d have everyday, specially not with students. Mostly because he never took anything serious, not even himself, so it was difficult to take things seriously. But he had a limit, since there were certain situations where he needed to drop his nine year old side for a few moments and be a man. So that was what he was going to do with Acacia, and mostly, he’d try to approach the situation somehow softly.

After shouting a small and sincere grin, the dark haired guy nodded his head, understanding the attitude she was putting on. The I-don’t-really-care was famous, specially in these situations, and he wasn’t in any way offended by it. He’d also use it now and then, so he understood. He didn’t know, however, how to respond to it. That was one of the things he disliked the most about teaching; it had been a while since he was a teenager, and although most times he’d act like one, it was still difficult to understand their minds sometimes. So being around them every day and trying to understand some of their attitudes was still a challenge, and it wouldn’t change unless in his mind, he would completely became a teenager. But that, would never happen, since he was indeed thirty three years old and had responsibilities.

“Well, then,” He finally decided to react, knowing that he couldn’t lose much time traveling through his own mind, since there was still a class around them, waiting to learn some things, and also expecting to answer some questions. He took a few steps back, then ran his fingers through his hair once, softly, thinking about his next words. “My questions will be answered in the end of the class, if you don’t mind, since there are some things I want to talk about with certain students,” he looked to his side, finding a couple of students sharing their grades, laughing and being loud, as always. “Like why you used the word pineapple about a hundred times.” he shouted to one of the students, his grin now becoming wider as he walked towards his table, hearing everyone laugh but Acacia, making him sigh once, then trying to put it out of his mind, at least until the end of class, where they’d finally approach the subject.

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Acacia could tell that Mr. Miller wanted to have a private conversation because he thought that she would not be able to answer his questions right now without breaking down or looking pained. And he was probably right. But she had mixed feelings about how he had made it seem that way—though he had not said those words, it was that Acacia felt that way—, because she didn't want people underestimating her. Yes, thinking about her brother's death was still painful. It hurt like crazy. Talking about it was even worse, because it felt even more real.

She remembered that encounter she had with the man in the music shop, Nate McCoy. He had said that talking about deaths was painful. And he was right. The two of them had ended up discussing about painful deaths of their loved ones back then, and though Acacia had not seen him in quite some time, she missed him and she wished that she could talk to him about Zach's death instead. Surely he would be so much better at understanding her than Mr. Miller would. Nate knew what it was like to lose someone that he loved, and his words weren't just empty words filled with pity.

How she wished that she could just pick up her bag and get away from here, running to Nate's shop to talk to him instead of wait for Mr. Miller to ask her questions. But of course, wishful thinking would get her nowhere. It never did, and it never will. Back when Zach was buried, Acacia had wished that it was all just a dream, and she'd wake up and Zach would still be alive. But no, it didn't happen that way. He remained dead, and that was the last time that she saw his face.

The girl tried her best to summon up a smile onto her face, and finally managed to give Mr. Miller a small one. It was forced, but it was better than nothing. "Of course, I'll answer them later."

And with that, she watched her English teacher leave, laughing with the other students and commenting on their works instead of hers. She glanced down at the paper that she had written for this assignment, and not surprisingly, the first word that caught her eyes was 'Zach'. Zach. Her brother, her best friend, her whole life. How she missed him. She missed him dearly, she missed him more than she missed anything in the world. She wished that she could at least see his face for one more time. She wanted to see him laugh again. And not just in her dreams. She wanted to see him alive, laughing and smiling at her and ruffling her hair like he used to. There was honestly nothing more that she wanted right now.

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

You know those lazy Mondays?

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

Yes, I’m none of those. I’m sure you’re not, you don’t look like a geek. And I mean, I love my work it’s paradise for me being a fashion journalist to the best magazine in the area, but sometimes all we wanna do is cuddle our bed.

Aw thanks, that’s nice although I ain’t so sure I’ll be one. I understand teenagers, completely do. I think all adults should, after all we were one once.

Ah, so something happened… It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it, after all we barely know and it being something that bugs you makes you probably not want to speak about it at all… I get how it is. I’m sorry for whatever happened. I was kind of like that when my parents divorced and used to fight over my guard… Whatever it is that happen, I’m sure time takes care of healing it for us. But indeed consider ditching less, will be good for you.

That sounds like a one nice teacher. I mean, the thicky books are usually the worse to do assignments about and makes us rarely pay attention on it. I guess it’s really a bless when there’s a teacher that makes you think and not just throw stuff on paper. Ah, and he’s funny? He seemes like a one of a kind teacher, huh.

Oh, no, neither did I! I’m sorry about my modes, it’s very nice to meet you, Acacia. Beautiful name. I’m Audrey Valentine, but call me just Audrey.

[acaciabrantford-blog]

You work as a fashion journalist? That's so cool! I hope that I'll be able to get a cool job in the future. I mean, I don't want to be stuck working in a bank when I absolutely hate mathematics. I want to do something that I love, you know?

You're welcome, and I don't know, I'd love having a mother like you. Or at least, an older sister. That would be cool. But okay, if you say so. No one knows you better than yourself, so I'll just have to take your words for it.

Yeah, something happened... It happened about two years ago, but I just... I don't like talking about it with people. It makes me seem whiny. And it opens up old wounds. I'm pretty sure you understand what I mean, don't you? Thanks, but you really don't need to be sorry for it. I don't really like pity. But thank you. And yeah, I will consider ditching less. It's just that there's this weird thrill I get whenever I ditch. But you're right, I really need to work on it.

And my teacher is absolutely great. We don't read old Shakespeare stuff. Thank God. I don't know how I'll be able to survive if we do read those things. I get bored easily, and old language isn't something that I'm interested in. His humor is great too. He is a one of a kind teacher. Best teacher I've had in a few years. Honestly, you'll probably love him. Well, if you're anything like me, you totally would.

Thanks, a lot of people have told me that my name is beautiful. Or unique. I quite like it, to be honest. Your name is pretty too. Nice to meet you, Audrey.

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

You know those lazy Mondays?

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

I think no one actually does like Mondays. Besides all that you mentioned, it feels super weird day.

Ah ditching is not the best of options but I mean everybody does it at some point. It’s part of being a teen and getting to our rebel sides. I always enjoyed ditching and stuff but my friends were reluctant too. At some point they’ll get more willing to do it, believe me. In the meanwhile just ignore their attempt to make you feel guilty. I’m not encouraging but I think it’s something normal. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get kids or anything, but I’d be ok with mine ditching.

It’s a bad thing yes, and if you’re doing a lot you should do it less. But I really think it’s normal, especially with sucking classes. It just makes ditching more likely.

Oh your English teacher? That’s nice. What kind of assignments he gives?

[acaciabrantford-blog]

That's probably true. Well, unless you're some geek who loves going to school or a workaholic who gets super excited about working. And I'm not both. Pretty sure you're not either.

And wow, you'll make a pretty awesome mom. I mean, being okay with your kids ditching? That just shows that you understand us teenagers, don't you? I like the way you think. But yeah, I agree. I should start going to school more. It's just that...

Never mind, it's nothing. I was just thinking. It's just that I've been a bit off ever since...

Long story short, something happened in my past and it made me kind of off and that was when I actually started ditching often and all that. But you're right, I can't do it all the time. It's not good. 

And yeah, my English teacher. The assignments that he gives out are not those boring ones where you have to read thick books. He makes us write a lot, but the topics usually make me think. And that's kind of an accomplishment for a teacher, considering that I don't really like thinking about things. He's funny too. You'll probably like him.

Oh, by the way! I just realized something. I never introduced myself, did I? How rude of me. I'm Acacia. It's nice to meet you.

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

You know those lazy Mondays?

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

Yes, I don’t know what’s about this day, maybe it’s the weekend, but it just let us so slow and lazy. Staying in bed seems always to be the best option and the cold doesn’t help at all.

Oh you’re like I was when I was at high school. I rarely would want, or even go to school. It was totally not my thing maybe because school was never quite interesting to me, besides history and French class. And my family would annoy me so much because of all the ditching. But they’ll get over it, believe me, just graduate and it all gets better.

Those things are insane in school, they make no sense, those after break times should be the more slow ones so students get used again to it… But c’mon, two or three teachers must be nice or less demanding, no?

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Exactly! Monday is just a terribly lazy day, and it's filled with the dread, you know? I mean, it marks the start of yet another week of work or school or whatever we do for a living. I just don't like it.

But heh, that's...nice to hear. Not saying that skipping and ditching are good things to do at school, but it's just nice to know that I'm not the only one who does these things. Some of my friends are always reluctant whenever I tell them that I want to ditch and that they should ditch with me. They always end up ditching with me, but they usually tell me that they feel guilty and all that. I just don't get it. 

Yes, it's a bad thing, but... It's like a drug. You get addicted to doing it, you know? I really should stop ditching, don't I? It's just that the fact that the teachers are such asses is so not helping. Not all of them are, but you get what I mean.

But yeah, there are a couple of teachers who are pretty nice. My English teacher is cool, and I like the assignments he gives out. Or at least, most of them.

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

You know those lazy Mondays?

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

Oh, I mean, nobody is actually excited on a Monday unless you know something different is gonna happen. Monday is just such a bitchy day, no matter what you do for a living, is so stopped in general and after work no one actually wanna get out or anything.

School is in fact tiring and torturing. But there’s and an advantage you don’t have with work, you can ditch when you’re far too tired. I wish, many days, especially with the cold that goes on in this country, that I could just stay under the blankets all day with my dog. But well, to do it I’d need to or get a medical exam or get fired.

Your teachers tender to get heavy on the assignments after winter break?

[acaciabrantford-blog]

True, Monday is a bitchy day. I always get that feeling of wanting to just lie in bed for the whole day whenever i wake up on Monday mornings. It's just annoying to have to get up and get ready for school. 

But I guess you're right. I can always ditch whenever I don't feel like going. But here's the thing, I already ditch a lot, and my parents will kill me if I start ditching more often. Not to mention that I always miss important assignments and get stressed out. I don't know, school is just so..ugh. Can't describe my annoyance at school.

My teachers just love dumping us with assignments every time a break is over. Believe it or not, the busiest times of my school years would be when school starts after the summer, and after winter break is over. It's really weird.

[thevoguescoffeeaddicted]

You know those lazy Mondays?

Oh well, today is one of those days.

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Heh, I have lazy Mondays every week, to be honest. I mean, it's sad to know that the weekend is over, you know? School is just...tiring.

I mean, I know that education is super important and all that. But I'd love a break. Especially after the teachers had been giving us so many assignments. Doesn't mean that they have the right to torture us just because winter break is over.

But yeah, today is one of those days for me too.

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Stupid English Assignment! || Acacia and Tom

[tomtheteacher-deactivated201312]

Walking through the hallways with some papers on his left hand and his briefcase on the other, Tom would see nothing but the typical high school stereotype — couples making out against the lockers, intellectual kids sitting alone in a corner or in groups as they talked about their favorite books, people leaving space for the popular group to walk by, and some other things he’d rather not even think about, since everyone already knew what happened around high schools like this.

But even if this high school matched the stereotypes, one of the things Tom enjoyed the most was without any doubts teaching. Of course that it had its ups and downs, just like every other job. For example, although his students weren’t exactly bad behaved, teaching teenagers wasn’t in any way easy, since they were all so different from each other and all had different dreams and expectations for the future. Not to mention the fights some would get into just to protect their point of view. The nerd kids would protect their believes, and then the popular ones would make fun of it and defend theirs. Tom’s classes would sometimes turn into a debate, or into a war between the several groups, a war that most times he’d stop, but when not, would take over his class. This teacher didn’t usually take anything serious either way, so letting his students spend one or two classes talking about their believes wasn’t a big deal for him. 

Not taking things seriously would get him in trouble sometimes, though. The school headmaster would usually describe Tom as just another student, since sometimes he’d be as childish as his students. Once, in class, one of the kids decided to make Tom a target and throw a pencil at him. Soon all of the students thought it was fun and a school material war started in the classroom. Everyone would think that teachers, in these situations, would either yell or try to stop it, but instead, Tom went along with it and ended up running around the classroom yelling this is war. Of course that they made so much noise that the headmaster walked in the middle of it and Tom spent about three hours of his life listening to her yell at him and trying to make him realize he needed to be serious otherwise people wouldn’t respect him as a teacher. It made no difference for Tom though, and his boss’s words were quickly forgotten.

After spotting the class rooms’ door, Tom chuckled once, knowing some of his students would already be waiting for him, like always. The day before he’d corrected the assignments he’d asked his students to do, about the most horrific event that had ever happened in their lives. Of course that he wasn’t in any way thinking that someone would write about something as heartbreaking as a brother’s death. Acacia Brantford did. She was a good student, and he recalled another teacher telling him about her brother’s death, but he didn’t expect the young woman to be able to write about it. But she did, and he was completely speechless as he read it and corrected it. 

As the teacher opened the door and found most of his students in front of him, a grin quickly formed across his lips, and he headed to his table as he spoke. “Greetings, dogs, cats, dinosaurs, Hobbits, whatever you are today.” He placed his briefcase on the table and turned to the whole class, still with the papers on his hands, finding his students greeting him back and laughing — well, at least most of them, because there was this one girl that didn’t seem to be in a good mood today. That girl was obviously Acacia, and he knew that the assignment was the reason why she was like this. “I got your assignments,” he managed to look at Acacia and nodded his head. “I’m really disappointed with your dogs since they decided to eat some of your assignments… right Joseph?” He looked briefly to the teenager that was laughing before looking back to Acacia. “But some of them are really good and I have to say, definitely touched my heart.”

In a few minutes, Tom was already giving the assignments back to their owners, a grin playing across his lips most of the time, but disappearing as he got to Acacia. “This is really good,” he placed it on her table as he waited for her to look up to him. After nodding his head, he walked around the table until he was right in front of her. “Hey, I obviously have some questions but you don’t have to answer them if you don’t want to. Especially not in front of the rest of class.” He tried to be sensible but at the same time, keep his part as a teacher, since he needed to ask her some questions so he could add it to his notes, just like he was going to do for other students.

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Nothing seemed to be able to lift up Acacia's mood today. Normally, she would've laughed along with the class when Mr. Miller entered the class and greet them with whatever greeting he had in mind. But not today. Not when he had basically made her think long and hard about her last night with Zach. It wasn't that she blamed him for making her think about it, but it was his assignment that made her think, after all. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at his greeting, not even bothering to force on a smile onto her face. 

Let the world know that I'm in a bad mood, she thought. Maybe that'll teach everyone to leave me alone when I'm like this. 

Acacia being very unreasonably bitter right now, and she knew that. It wasn't often for her to be this sour and this irritated at the world. Even when she thought about Zach and remember about everything that happened, she wasn't usually bitter. Sad, but not angry. Unless of course, if someone asked her whether she was okay or not. But even if they did, it usually wouldn't leave her upset for this long. She'd usually snap at them, but then would cool off in about an hour or two.

So why was she being so sour right now? It wasn't like her to be like this, especially because she was at school and she didn't like people knowing that she couldn't handle losing Zach. Most of the people at school didn't understand her, so why the hell was she letting her emotions show? Sighing as she watched Mr. Miller come around to hand the papers back to the students, Acacia tried to understand why she was such in a horrible mood.

Was it because she felt that Mr. Miller had let her down? He was one of her favorite teachers, and perhaps this assignment had made her feel as though he had let her down, in some ways. But when she thought about it... No, it wasn't his fault. Then why? Why was she being like this? 

Then it hit her. It was because she was so goddamn tired with keeping up with an act. It had been two years since Zach's passing, and for all those time, Acacia had been wearing a mask whenever she was around people. She would refuse to let anyone know that she was hurting, except for her parents and her best friend. Anyone else would not be able to see that she was still not over Zach's death. And that assignment had sort of made her break, and it made her no longer care about keeping up with her act. Or at least, not for now. Not for today.

She had managed to mess up her 'I can handle this and I'm fine' act by writing about Zach's death for her English paper, so why not go on? Mr. Miller would probably know by now that she was still hurting, so she might as well let it show anyway. He'd surely notice that she was in a horrible mood today. Maybe some other students would too, and maybe they'd leave her alone for the day. For once, all Acacia wanted was peace and quietness. 

She'd been far too caught up in her own thoughts and emotions that she hadn't even realized that Mr. Miller had just placed her paper on the table in front of her. Acacia jolted up in surprise, before tilting her head up to meet her teacher's eyes. He had said that her work was 'really good', whatever that meant. She hoped that it was a good thing that she'd done great with this paper. The girl was just about to open her mouth to thank her teacher for the compliment when he went on, telling her that he had a few questions for her. That made her press her lips together once more, before giving him a curt nod.

"Yeah, sure. You can ask me questions," she shrugged her shoulders, trying to act nonchalant about it.

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Stupid English Assignment! || Acacia and Tom

Acacia irritatedly made her way toward her seat in English class, sulking the whole time. It wasn't that she hated the class—no, that wasn't the case at all—, but it was just that she had not enjoyed their last assignment at all, and she was in no mood to discuss about it or see what score she got for it. All the students, including her, had handed in the assignment to Mr. Miller a few days, and Acacia was pretty sure that her English teacher would be done with marking the students' papers today. Which meant that she'd probably be reading her paper over again today. And that would surely remind her of that night when the accident happened once more.

The theme of the last paper the class had to do had been about the most horrific event that had happened to them. They were supposed to write about what event did they hate the most, and there was no other event that Acacia hated more than the night when her brother died. And so, she had no choice but to think about it. Out of bitterness, the girl had decided to write about that, driven by her anger toward the theme of the paper. She had not been thinking very clearly when she wrote it, and she was sure that she probably sounded angry as hell. Surely, that wasn't what Mr. Miller had asked for, wasn't it? No one wanted to read a paper about a girl discussing her traumas about her brother's death. 

She sighed as she slumped onto her seat, her head rested on the table as she waited for her teacher to begin the class. Acacia wasn't looking forward to getting her paper back, and most of all, she was not looking forward to any questions that Mr. Miller would have for her. She was certain that he'd be asking her questions and wondering if she was okay, and Acacia hated it when people tried to ask her if she was fine or showed any signs of pity. It wasn't what she needed, and she didn't like having to thank people who showed her pity.

It seemed to her that no one understood. No one understood that it wasn't pity that she needed, but understanding. No one understood that she didn't need people asking her if she was okay. Were they blind? Of course she wasn't okay! Asking that question wasn't going to help her get better. And although she wasn't okay, she didn't exactly want the whole world to know about that. It was honestly a wonder, how people couldn't seem to just leave her alone. She didn't want to talk about Zach with every single person who asked about him, and she was so sick of having people asking her about how she was feeling, especially if they were discussing a subject related to the night of the accident.

Exhaustedly, Acacia slowly looked up from the table, wondering about when Mr. Miller would enter the class. He wasn't here yet, though most of the class were already there. It was still a bit too early for class, but Acacia knew that almost everyone in this class loved Mr. Miller and the way he taught them, which explained why most of the students were early. 

To be honest, Acacia was one of those people who loved Mr. Miller's English class. He was probably the best English teacher that she could ever ask for, and she enjoyed most of his classes. But still, nothing would make her mood lighten up, not when she knew about what was coming up this class. She was sure that they'd be talking about the last paper, or at least she'd be getting her paper back, which meant that she'd have to read her essay again.

[honourinrevenge]

Favourite Alison DiLaurentis Outfits

[bluesuedelilo]

A Morning Pick-Me-Up, Please || Dorothy & Acacia

[bluesuedelilo]

Dorothy shuffled her feet forward in line, digging for her cell phone and wallet inside of her purse without looking inside of it. Another person had finally received their drink from the barista, meaning that she would get her drink in maybe twenty minutes or so, if things kept going the way that they were. That would give her a decent amount of time to clean up her article, take a deep breath, nurse her coffee and then run off to another day of work. Hopefully, these few minutes would prepare her for what was to come at work.

Her mind was so scrambled, and she was already afraid that she would snap at one of her colleagues, as she had done the day before. Dorothy knew that she had a handful of meetings to go to. Honestly, she knew that she was going to have to get used to this if she wanted to have a job in this business, but seeing that she was only eighteen years old, it was hard for her to grasp everything that was going on around her. On top of that, she still had her school things to do on the computer. Everything was piling up on top of her and in all honesty, Dorothy felt like she was drowning. 

Sighing, Dorothy tried to maintain her smile, listening to what the girl had to say intently while flicking through the e-mails in her inbox on her phone. She was extremely tired, but she had been training herself to stay upbeat for years now. Most people wouldn’t be able to hold a conversation for this long so early in the morning. For a girl who was most likely in high school, she seemed to be intelligent; a girl with a good heart. In a city like London, young girls like Acacia were hard to find.  

“Well, it’s much more interesting than being named after a character from The Wizard of Oz. It is definitely cool. Trees are wonderful things.” Dorothy added with a shrug and a small smile. It was true; Dorothy was honestly a little bit jealous that the younger girl had a more interesting name. While she didn’t bump into a Dorothy everyday, she didn’t think that it was all that interesting, especially when in comparison to acacia. “And acacia trees are absolutely beautiful things; the perfect trees for pictures. They are definitely what I think about when I think of Africa.” 

[acaciabrantford-blog]

The young girl couldn't help but grin when Dorothy said that acacia trees were beautiful. Although the older grin wasn't exactly complimenting her features or even her name, it was still nice to know that Dorothy associated her to those beautiful trees. Names do make an impression, after all. And Acacia was quite sure that Dorothy would think about her whenever she saw pictures of acacia trees, or vice versa. Being associated to beautiful things would make her somewhat appear in a better light or something of that sort.

Acacia tried to hide her growing smile as she thought about it. She was tempted to let out a little snort as she went over psychology lessons in her head. She knew about how people associated names and other people to certain things because of psychology lessons at school, and though it was never really her biggest interest, it had just proved itself quite useful. She had never thought that those lessons would be useful in her life, and they were nothing but a waste of her time. The only reason why she was in psychology class at school was because her mum suggested her to take the class so that she could learn how to cope with Zach's passing. However, it had never been that useful for her. Or at least, not until now. She realized that although those classes might not help her get over Zach's death, it could help her with other things. And one of those things was to make a good impression of herself to strangers or new people.

Acacia finally decided that it was pointless to hide her smile, and directed it to Dorothy instead. She shrugged her shoulders in response to the older girl's statement, as if she was trying to be modest about it. Before Zach's death, Acacia would've probably smiled cooly and said that acacia trees were beautiful, just like her. She would've acted a lot more colder. But now, she learned that there was no point in being cold. Being cold would get her nowhere. And she didn't want anyone to die having a bad impression of her. 

Although she had just met Dorothy, she already didn't want her to have a bad impression of Acacia. She probably wouldn't see Dorothy again in a long time, and it was also a possibility that Dorothy or her might've die later on in the future before they see each other again. It was a scary thought, but Acacia knew that it was possible. That was why she was trying to be as nice as she could be.

'Well, thanks for associating me to those trees. They really are pretty. So it's kind of an honor," she said, her lips curving up further to form a mischievous grin. "And don't worry, Wizard of Oz is cool. I like Wizard of Oz."

It was true, Wizard of Oz really was cool. But a part of Acacia was saying that because she knew that it was the correct thing to say, and it was nice to say that. Again, psychology lessons was proving itself useful.

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Music To My Ears || Acacia and Nate

[milesnotdavis]

Even though Nate liked to play the smug role at times and his self-confidence was never too low, it wasn’t like he was pretentious enough to tell the girl he could be her big brother. He didn’t have the right to since it was clear how important the lad had been to her. Acacia and him had met what, two hours before or so? It was still too early to take any relevant parts in her life. And yet, he had this persistent feeling that they were bound to meet and that it wasn’t just a mere coincidence that they both shared tragical stories with names that resembled one another.

There was something about this girl that got him thinking. So ok, perhaps he wasn’t feeling worthy enough to claim himself to be her new big brother, but felt like it already. Looking at her wasn’t like he would normally look at people he had just met; usually he always had that flirtatious but friendly demeanor. With her, however, there was a more protective side to it. Nate wasn’t thinking less of her or even had her as a weak lady, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she still needed someone there for her; that she still needed help. Not the help most people were giving her, most likely.

He knew what it was like, to listen to empty words that show nothing but pity. Nate hated when people tried to comfort him merely because it felt like a duty. There was nothing genuine, nothing reliable to it but the fact that people couldn’t walk in his shoes. And Acacia had probably been through the same. Only now, Nate hoped, he could walk in her shoes. That kind of pain was an old friend he gradually grew accustomed to and he hoped he could help the girl be different.

Hopefully, she wouldn’t have to cope with those wounds in such a silent manner in the future. And more than anything, perhaps Nate himself could vaguely remember what it was like - to feel like a true hero.

Those were distant thoughts by now and once the store was all locked up, he shoved both hands into his jacket’s pockets and sighed. “Guilty as charged.” He shrugged at her calling him lame; he knew he was and he wasn’t even going to try convincing her otherwise. “Though I like to define myself as an old-fashioned gent, ok?” Nate chuckled and bit on his lower lip amusedly, slowly breathing in the cold air of the night. His eyes scanned the sky in the hopes of catching a glimpse of the moon, but it was much too foggy to let it shine.

“I love my car, but sometimes I just really enjoy taking long walks…” Nate spoke absent-mindedly, not exactly sure of what to talk about. His steps followed hers for he didn’t know where she lived. “You know, give the town some appreciation…”

[acaciabrantford-blog]

The young girl had been looking up watching the people and cars passing by the street when Nate came out of the store, and Acacia immediately turned her head to give Nate a small smile, before letting herself look at the street again. She let out a small snort when Nate called himself 'old-fashioned', shrugging her shoulders as if she was saying, Whatever you say, Nate. 

Acacia began to turn her body to the left, which was the direction of where her house was. She recalled telling Nate earlier about where her home and school was, and she wondered if he still remembered that she had said that her house was to the left of the store. When she glanced up at him to see if he looked like he knew what he was doing, Acacia had to bit back a chuckle and hid the small smile that she was holding. Nate seemed like he didn't know where they were going, and he had this blank expression—or what she presumed was a blank expression—on his face. 

Acacia tugged on Nate's arm on impulse, nodding her head toward the direction of her house as she pulled him along. She knew that it made her look like a little kid, tugging Nate's arm like that, but it was something that she used to do to Zach, and for some reason, she had the urge to relive the memories of her interactions with her brother. It just somehow felt right to see Nate in Zach's place, in a sense. 

"Come on, home's this way," she said, before letting go off the older man's arm and walking in the direction of her home.

Suddenly, she felt stupid for even tugging on Nate's arm. It was something that she did on impulse, but it really did make her feel stupid now. She wasn't a little kid anymore, and this wasn't Zach that she was talking to. What the hell was she thinking? Acacia's cheeks burned, and she could feel the heat rushing onto her face as she looked down, hoping that it was too dark for Nate to notice her blush.

She tried to tell herself that she shouldn't be feeling stupid, and it wasn't like Nate was going to judge her for doing such a childish act. Nate wouldn't care. Acacia forced the thoughts of feeling humiliated and stupid out of her mind, and slowly, she took a deep breath, before straightening herself as she felt the heat subsiding. She glanced at Nate once more, beckoning him to follow her.

That's better, she thought. There's no reason for me to feel stupid.

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Journal Entry #1

Friday, January 18, 2013

Hi, Acacia here. Guess this is the first entry to my journal. It's kind of weird to even use it, but I figured that I might as well do so. The journal was a gift from my parents for the start of the new year, but I never actually thought that I would use it.

But then I remembered that there are things that I don't like to talk about with my friends. Things that I always feel like venting about but don't know who to vent to. Things that I feel like I want to say, but not to just some random people. And I thought that I might as well use it for that.

But I don't really have anything to say today. This is more like an introductory entry. But I suppose I do have one thing to say. I don't even know. 

I miss Zach.

Yeah, that's it. I miss him. So much. I want to see him again, at least for one last time. I want to be able to tell him that I love him. I want to say goodbye. But the dead don't come back, do they?

Heh. Whatever. I'm done for today here. I'll write again later.

Adios,

Acacia Brantford

[bluesuedelilo]

A Morning Pick-Me-Up, Please || Dorothy & Acacia

[bluesuedelilo]

Honestly, Dorothy wasn’t really up for conversation. She was extremely exhausted, plus she was trying to think through her article, debating on whether she should go for what everybody expected or her real feelings. The girl didn’t want people to suspect her past with domestic violence, but at the same time, she wanted to get her message across through her words. It was going to be a tough balance; something that she would have to think a lot about. Still, she was a generally friendly girl, and a charming one at that. She knew her way with words; both spoken and written. Anyways, conversation was always a good way to pass the time. Often times, it made things go by a lot faster. 

“Well,” Dorothy replied, a little sigh escaping her mouth as she surveyed the shop. Most of the chairs had already been taken, which meant that unless people left in the next few minutes, she wouldn’t have anywhere to sit. Seeing that most of them had newspapers in front of them, it didn’t look they were going anywhere soon. There were a few tables leftover, but not a whole lot of single chairs, which meant she would probably have to share a table with someone else. “I usually drop by a little later too. I guess the rush crowd starts to disperse at around eight, which is when I typically come to grab a coffee and something to eat.”  

Dorothy tried to keep up with the facade, making sure to smile and try to be friendly and polite, as well as trying to stop herself from rambling on and on. She didn’t want to come off as stressed and completely exhausted, but unfortunately, that’s what she felt.  Even though she had a fairly restful holiday, she had spent most of last night trying to come up with something. Just staring at the computer screen had taken almost all of the energy out of her. Even talking, something that usually came easily for her, was fairly tiring. 

“Dorothy Vasquez,” She replied. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Acacia. That’s a really pretty name, by the way. Isn’t an acacia a kind of tree?” 

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Acacia nodded her head slowly at the girl's response, who said that her name was Dorothy. She didn't know what else to say on that matter, but decided that she might as well show that she understood what Dorothy was talking about. Her guess was that Dorothy was in college or something, hence the ability to drop by a bit later. If she was still in school, she wouldn't be able to drop by after eight, just like Acacia. And that reminded Acacia that she really needed to hurry. Checking her watch, she saw that it was already 7:10 AM, and she let out a sigh, glancing at the front of the line and hoping that the line would move faster.

Seeing that the customer at the front of the line was just taking his order and thanking the barista, Acacia breathed out another sigh—a sigh of relief this time. Only eight more people standing in the line before her now. She predicted that she'd probably get her drink in another twenty minutes or so, and that would mean that she had more than enough time to catch up with her best friends at school.

Turning to Dorothy again, she realized that Dorothy had asked her a question about what her name meant. Acacia had never thought about it much, but she was sure that her name came from some kind of tree. I should search that up later, she thought to herself, before giving Dorothy yet another nod.

"Thanks, and yeah, I think it's some sort of tree," she replied. "I'm actually not a hundred percent sure, since I never looked it up. But I'm pretty sure it's a tree."

She thought that it was kind of cool, sharing a name with a tree. Acacia had never asked her parents why they named her after the acacia tree, but it was a unique name, and she had to admit that she really did like her name. It wasn't a common name, and it was one that people were bound to remember. 

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Music To My Ears || Acacia and Nate

[milesnotdavis]

Nate was used to suppresing his thoughts, after all he was older by the time his tragedy occurred. He had already been strengthened by his father’s harsh words and rough behavior so when Zakk died, although it did hurt and it was hard as hell to get by knowing that, he managed to cast his thoughts away just fine; it was his words he was so afraid of. So as long as he didn’t have to externalize his emotions, they could continue trapped inside his own Pandora box.

It felt cold to let her go for a fraction, his eyes cast on her little figure with some sort of compassionate touch. He wished he could do something, anything to ease her pain. However burdensome his parents could have been during his teenage years, his only actual trauma happened when he was already a man. Now Acacia… She was too young to go through a loss like that. Life had been too hard on her and it hurt him to think that. It wasn’t pity, but more like some kind of frustration; that she had to go through the hardship he knew so well.

Nate just had to get a few folders he left in the back office and the master keys to lock the whole store. He walked to the main light switches and started turning the lights off, section by section: first the accessories area, then the violins and cellos, then the guitars… Everything faded into the dark, the street lights occasionally casting their glow at their shaded figures. Only the pianos were lit now, as if a spotlight was cast on Acacia, and Nate couldn’t help but smile at the view. “Call me old-fashioned, but you look like a Piano fairy there, you know?” He chuckled, gesturing a hand at the exist door. 

“Wait outside one second, ok?” He waited until she left so he could turn off all the lights and lock the main entrance, double-checking the lock. His green eyes were darker now that it was night, but there was a very content glow on them as Nate looked at the girl. “If you’re feeling cold, I can lend you my jacket…”

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Acacia watched as Nate headed toward the back of the room, before letting herself get lost in her own thoughts. She thought about how it seemed like she was destined to go here, to this little instrument store called Zakkie's and meet Nate McCoy. It was like she was meant to meet Nate. She felt like she really could connect to him, and she reminded him of Zach the way no other person did. Not even her closest guy friends at school could replace Zach, and there was no one that could make Acacia see Zach in their place. But with Nate, it was different. Acacia could even picture Zach standing in Nate's place, and she'd still probably be seeing the same person, if that made any sense.

There was just something about Nate that made Acacia thought of Zach. Something about him that made her felt the same sense of comfort that she used to feel when she was with her older brother. And she liked being able to feel that again. She liked the idea of being able to have a second chance. It was like God had given her another brother, and this time, she was not going to lose Nate.

Although she had only met Nate for a couple of hours, she knew that he could understand her. She knew that they were meant to meet, and that this was God giving her a second chance. A small smile slowly made its way across Acacia's lips as she glanced around Zakkie's. She liked it here, and she liked talking to Nate. Even though it was still hard for her to talk about Zach's death, she knew that she'd be able to tell Nate everything one day. He was probably going to be the first person that would be able to understand her completely. 

Acacia's gaze landed on Nate once more, who was currently turning the lights off, and the small smile on her face grew when Nate called her a piano fairy. She slowly stood up and pushed the stool back against the piano, before grabbing her bag and standing up again, directing her grin at Nate.

"Really, Nate? A piano fairy?" she asked as she walking toward him, her brows raised. "You're lame. But okay, I'll wait for you outside. I don't think I need a jacket, it's fine."

Nodding her head once, she slung her bag higher onto her shoulder, and began walking out of the instrument store, pushing the door open and stepping out. 

[emilygracecarter-blog]

Hot Chocolate and a Good Read || Emily and Acacia

[emilygracecarter-blog]

Emily shivered as the cold blast of air from the door reached her part of the store. It really was nasty out there, and she wasn’t looking forward to going home in that storm. She threw a glance at the back corner of the room, where a small table covered with a red and green tablecloth held an electric kettle and some baked treats, then turned back towards the girl. “I’m doing great! And I think I have a cure for the cold!” she answered with a grin.

As she beckoned the girl towards the table, she subconsciously assessed her appearance, quickly scanning her face to see if she looked familiar. She didn’t, which made Emily a little bit relieved; she wouldn’t have to try too hard to keep up an act. The girl’s blonde hair was covered in large snowflakes, glittering a bit in the dim bookshop light; she had a sweet, friendly face and seemed quite young - definitely a few years younger than Emily.

Emily reached the small back table before the other girl, and picked up two mugs. The mugs each had a little waving snowman on it, and Emily smiled at the familiarity - her family had the same set of mugs back home in Luton. “Do you like hot chocolate?” she asked the girl, turning towards her to hand her one of the mugs. “If you don’t, we also have tea, of course. And coffee. Just help yourself to anything on this table, because it’s for our customers.”

She lifted the electric kettle and filled her mug with steaming hot water, then offered to do the same for the other girl. Her hands felt the warmth of the water through the mug, and she smiled, setting the kettle down and then surveying her choices; there was hot chocolate, of course, but perhaps she wanted one of the teas. Generally, the employees of the bookstore weren’t supposed to drink or eat anything on the table, but it was getting incredibly close to closing time, and it was obvious that there weren’t going to be too many more customers there to complain, so of course Emily wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. She decided on hot chocolate after all, selecting a red packet that promised candy cane flavour - she had tea at home, and could drink it whenever she wanted, so hot chocolate was more of a treat.

“I’m Emily, by the way,” she said, introducing herself to the girl as she took a spoon and began to stir her hot chocolate mix into the steaming water. It felt a little strange to be getting even as personal as a first name with a customer, but Emily was glad for it; she suddenly realized that with that weather, they could be there together a lot later than closing time. “Whenever I meet someone new, I always ask them a random question, just for fun. You ready? Your question is…” Emily glanced around the bookshop for inspiration, but she didn’t want to ask a typical question like, What’s your favourite book? Instead, spying a travel photography book, she asked the girl, “What’s the most interesting place you’ve ever been?”

As she listened to the answer, she stirred a little cream into her hot chocolate and then set the spoon down, finally bringing the mug towards her lips. For a second, she simply held it up a few inches from her face, watching the steam curl in wisps towards the ceiling as she breathed in the delicious minty chocolate scent, but then she took her first sip. She tried to be incredibly careful, and breathed in a lot as she drank a very tiny amount, but she still burned her tongue. “Ow!” she said, already reaching for the cream so she could add some more in the hopes that it would cool the drink down. Her second sip was much better, and she was actually able to enjoy it. “Mmm…” She said, closing her eyes as the rich flavour filled her mouth. She couldn’t remember ever having tried the candy cane flavour before, but she decided that it was one of the most delicious things she had tasted; it left a very pleasant minty aftertaste that she definitely enjoyed.

Choosing a brownie from the tray of goodies, she sat on one of the chairs beside the table and took a bite. “So what brings you here?” she asked after swallowing and taking another sip of hot chocolate. “Looking for a book, or just wanted shelter? What do you like to read?”

[acaciabrantford-blog]

Acacia's eyes was still looking around the room when the employee spoke again, and she quickly tore her gaze away from a book that caught her eyes, looking at the employee instead. It seemed like she was the only employee at the bookshop right now, and she definitely had Acacia's full attention, because she had been nothing but friendly to her.

Although Acacia herself had never been exactly the friendliest person ever, she appreciated gestures of kindness, and those gestures often made her smile and pay attention. That was why she had beamed back at the employee when the employee basically offered her some hot chocolate, and Acacia had immediately stopped herself from walking toward the young adult section and changing her course of direction to the table that the employee was standing beside. 

She studied the table and the contents on top of it, noticing an array of sweets and snacks, as well as some choices of drinks. They all looked delicious, and as she tried to decide on what she wanted, Acacia realized that she was actually starving. Walking in that crazy weather had burned a lot of calories, and she wouldn't mind filling her stomach with some treats right now. Plus, a hot drink was something that she could definitely use. The cold gust of wind that had hit her repeatedly on her way here made her freezing and she was still shivering slightly as she reached down to pick up the mug that the employee, who said her name was Emily, had set out for her. 

The steam from the hot water rose up from the mug, and Acacia felt the warmth on her face when she picked up the mug. Normally, she would've been annoyed at the hot steam hitting her face, but today she accepted the warmth gratefully, smiling in contempt instead of scowling at the mug in her hands. She looked up from the mug again to look at the choices of drinks on the table, before finally reaching for a packet of hot chocolate as well.

"Nice to meet you, Emily," Acacia said as she began pouring the hot chocolate mix into her mug, giving Emily a small grin. "I'm Acacia. And uh... My favorite place... Hm, I can't really think of any right now. But my favorite place in London would be Covent Garden. That's the one I can think of because I've just been there. How about yours?"

After answering Emily's question, Acacia went back to making her chocolate drink, grabbing a spoon from the table and slowly stirring the mixture. It looked absolutely delicious, and she couldn't wait to get a taste of the rich hot chocolate. Not only that it would definitely warm her up, but the taste of the drink had always reminded her of that memory of her and her brother, Zach goofing off during Christmas a few years ago. They were trying to make hot chocolate drinks for themselves, but ended up getting into a food fight instead. Acacia couldn't help but smile at the memory as she finished off with stirring, lifting the mug up to her lips. Although thinking about Zach hurt, the memory of her brother laughing was a beautiful one, and it had always made her smile, no matter how hurtful it was to think of him.

Carefully, Acacia tipped the mug a bit, letting the hot liquid flow into her mouth. It tasted heavenly. The smile on her face grew, a dreamy expression taking over her face as she followed Emily's example, also sitting down by the table. After a few sips, Acacia finally put down her drink beside her, looking at the snacks on the table again. They all looked so delicious, and she was having trouble on choosing one. But in the end, she settled on a chocolate chip cookie that she thought looked amazing, and bit the edge of the cookie before turning to Emily once more.

"Oh, a little bit of both, I suppose," she admitted sheepishly. "I mean, I was looking for shelter when I arrived. But I do like reading. Not a bookworm or anything, but I like books alright."

[bluesuedelilo]

A Morning Pick-Me-Up, Please || Dorothy & Acacia

[bluesuedelilo]

Dorothy tried to stare ahead, thinking of the article that she was working on rather than her need for coffee. She had spent much of last night trying her best to finish it off, but instead had spent most of her night staring at her screen. She only had the first three lines or so of it written and her deadline was coming fast. It had seemed so far away when she had received the assignment, but now, with it so close, Dorothy couldn’t help but panic. The article was supposed to be two pages and she only had three lines. If she wanted to get a job with the paper, she had to be able to finish and write the article well. With things going as they were, that goal seemed just about impossible. 

The matter of the article wasn’t something that she was exactly comfortable with, not that anybody knew about it. Domestic violence wasn’t something that Dorothy liked to talk about, especially in her writing. Even thinking about it made her think of her mother and father and the nightmares she had at night; things that she didn’t want other people to know about. Still, she knew that she would have to write about things she wasn’t comfortable about in a journalism career. It was just something that came naturally, you couldn’t run away from it. Therefore, the girl was stubborn about requesting for a switch from her boss. She was going to have to write this article.

As another customer left with their order and she began shuffling forward, Dorothy realized that the girl behind her had something to her. Breaking out of her thought process and turning her head around, she smiled at the girl. Being her friendly self, Dorothy turned around to face the girl. The blond girl looked a little bit younger than her; probably in high school. 

“I guess you can say that. It’s Monday, lots of people are working.” Dorothy replied, shrugging her shoulders to act as if the whole situation didn’t bother her. “But this place is a little bit more crowded than usual. Maybe because the holidays are ending and everybody’s trying to get back into the routine.” 

[acaciabrantford-blog]

It took a few moments before the older girl in front of her actually turned around to respond to her question, but it seemed to Acacia that this girl had been lost in thoughts, so she decided to let it slide. When the older girl finally turned around to reply to her, Acacia easily smiled back, not wanting to come off as aloof and cold. It wasn't that she cared much about what people thought of her, but this girl was the only person that she had even talked to in this crowded coffee shop, and it was better for her to keep a conversation going rather than be completely bored and just stare at her phone until she'd receive a text from her best friend saying that she was nearly at school.

Acacia nodded her head when the older girl said that this place was crowded because it was a Monday and the holidays were ending. Both were true facts, and though Acacia didn't hang out at this Starbucks early in the morning often, she guessed that the older girl was right. She didn't think that it would be this crowded at this time every day, after all.

"Yeah, maybe," Acacia shrugged her shoulders as well, her eyes flitting around the room as she took in the crowd before letting her gaze fall on the older girl again. "I don't usually go here this early, so I don't really know. But I guess that you're probably right."

After saying that, Acacia realized that she had nothing else to say, and that was basically going to be the end of the conversation if she didn't say something else. Chances are that the older girl would probably just nod in agreement or something at her statement. And seeing that she had no one to talk to right now, she didn't really want to just stay silent while waiting for coffee. The line was still a long one, and the wait was going to be insanely boring if all she could do was look down at her phone and wait for her best friend to text her. 

So of course, Acacia went on, confidently holding out her hand and mustering up a friendly grin. She had never had any trouble with introducing herself to strangers, or making new friends. Acacia Brantford was by no means a shy girl, and talking to people was something that she had always liked doing. And that was why she decided to introduce herself to this older girl, although they had only been talking for about a minute or so.

"I'm Acacia, by the way," she said. "Nice to meet you."