ᑭᕼOᕮᑎI᙭

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borntodve

Despite how much Carter desperately craved for Clint to become some sort of SALVATION that would blast all his troubles away, his owner and accompanying lackies were an organization that couldn’t be messed with even if the opposing male was a trained agent within the Avengers, it meant nothing if he landed up with a bullet between his eyes; he was still human and the blonde knew there was no way he could take that risk or even HOPE that he could saved, he was stuck in the Hell that he had placed himself in forever and he only had himself to blame for that. Besides, how could he possibly survive without the man that held onto the leash for the past six years? It felt like something that was impo- ssible to Carter but the idea of getting to know Clint better and allowing the simmering feelings that were already within his heart to burst and expand? It was a temptation that unfortunately could never be reached for, messy tresses shaking in defiance as muffled, quivering words spilled from his chapped twin- flesh. ‘I w-wish you could! But you can’t! I made the bed and now – now I h-have to lie in it!’ With a hitch of breath flowing audible from the rent-boy, profile was lifted in order to gaze oceanic hues square into the ones that opposed, some- thing that was almost becoming a MISTAKE in his exposed, vulnerable state, emotions raw and fraying that he swore simply looking towards someone that wanted to rescue him was causing him to feel, for a heart that needed to be barren in order to survive the constant daily abuse now beating up a storm within caged chest, and for tear-stained cheeks to now turn a deepened shade of crimson. Carter had never felt this way before, his mindset too mushed to even consider WHY he was experiencing such sensations or…why his lips now moved forward in order to press with feeling against Clint’s own, lids of optics fluttering closed which instantly caused more tears to streak down his fuzzed features; a contact that caused twin-flesh to tingle instantly and for weakened grasp of digits to squeeze slightly against the other man’s hips. Yet – as much as he knew he could bask in this contact and beyond in his vulnerable state of being, he also knew it was wrong, especially when the archer deserved BETTER than to feel his disgusting lips pressed into a passionate kiss, the moment only lasting a few seconds before he pulled away with a small groan of self-hatred flourishing, embarrassment and regret strong. 'F-fuck. I – I’m s-sorry…’

The sudden kiss upon his lips caused Clint's breath to hitch audibly at the back of his throat, not having expected the intimacy that came out of no where but there was also no way he was about to complain either. He had always thought that Carter was handsome and incredibly attractive ever since the moment the two had met, but he never would have thought that the younger would have felt the same towards him, having never really thought about how it would feel to KISS him or even be this close to him, he didn't usually like to let that kind of stuff cloud over what could be a great friendship, the last thing he would have ever wanted would be for things to become ruined between them because of his own stupidity. But there was no denying just how much he craved yet another intimate moment with the opposing male since the kiss had only lasted a few brief seconds, head shaking slightly as the apology was echoed towards him, hand raised to palm against the rent-boys cheek whilst the padding of his thumb lightly stroked against fuzzed features, blue orbs staring into those that opposed which only caused his heart to race rapidly within confines of his chest and caused his breath to hitch audibly once again at the back of his throat. "No...d-don't apologize." Offering him a small reassuring smile, Clint only allowed his gaze to stay fixed upon Carters own before eventually leaning in once again, lips pressing against the youngers own whilst the lids of glistening hues fluttered closed into a contact that felt so damn PERFECT. There was no denying how badly he wanted this, unable to suppress the feelings of desire that he had for Carter at this point, lips merging so perfectly with the rent-boys own in a way that left his lips tingling in a NEED for more.

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exsaevio

‘…yes, thank you for your advice. I know what needs to be done. I understand that Americans have different view, yes? That is why your country are in favor of such —- sin. But Russia is far different but I do not entirely care about what my town thinks of me as opposed to my Papa, how can I justify letting him down? I must CHANGE, become cured in order to everything to go back to normal, under- stand? You do not see it as a disease, but every urge I have? It is reminder of how much I am letting down my Papa. I have even had urge looking at you – do not worry, I will not act, it is my suppression taking over but my point stands. I need to be fixed. Soon.’

"You had an urge looking at me? You think I'm going to turn horrible on you and call you disgusting if you made a move? Not gonna happen. Your Father should be supporting you, not pushing you away or sending you to another country with nothing and no one to be around you all because of who you are. It's NOT a disease, you can't just be...fixed, it's not something that can be cured, man. Horrible that they even have clinics for that kinda shit over there, how the hell is that kinda bull even allowed? Unbelievable. You don't have to change for anything."

[captainsamerica]

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borntodve

The initial urge that became dominant within Carter’s mindset to push Clint away was immense as he was suddenly pulled into a warming embrace, but honestly, he couldn’t even muster up the strength to force energy into his palms in order to shove into opposing chest, nor could he find any desire to protest; thus – frame was weighted against the one currently holding onto him, arms dangling limp by his side as he allowed fluffed mane to rest against the other man’s shoulder, silence befalling over him asides from the muffled upset that was coursing from parted twin-flesh. Hearing that the Avenger wanted to get him out of the situation he was in wasn’t even something he could become grateful for, not when the rent- boy knew that wasn’t a possibility, there was NO escape, no matter how hard he tried or what help he had, his owner and the gang of lackeys that were loyal would always find him in the end and allow him to meet a very inevitable demise. ‘Y-you can’t –’ Blonde tresses shook slightly in defiance, words quivering and meek as they departed against Clint’s shoulder, nausea seeping into every pore and vein from how truly saddened he had allowed himself to become so outwardly, usually suppressing it for NO-ONE to see. 'Y-you can’t get m-me out, you c-can’t keep me s-safe. I c-can’t leave, I c-can’t walk away. T-they’ll kill m-me and – and I d-don’t think I could s-survive without him. I d-don’t think I –’ As another sob left against garmented material, Carter wasn’t even aware that nicotine-stained digits had raised weakly in order to grasp against opposing waist, almost as if he was SCARED to let go and return back to a situation that he knew there was no salvation from, upset now flowing freely despite it being muffled as he buried himself further into opposing shoulder.

Clint made sure to never let go of Carter, not even for a split second as he let his head rest upon his shoulder and his grasp held against his waist, the Avenger truly feeling like his heart was being brutally ripped from his chest in the knowledge that getting the younger out of this mess WOULDN'T be easy, but he'd never forgive him- self if he didn't at least try something to get him some freedom. The opposing male was starting to mean a whole lot to Clint, despite only having known him for a short period of time, that didn't mean he wasn't important to him, because he most definitely was and there was absolutely no way the agent could deny it for a second. The mere thought of someone hurting him and threatening to kill him whilst others would pay to throw him around and cause him PAIN, it caused him immense heart- break and it made him want to hurt the people who had hurt him, the people who took pleasure in hearing the cries of pain, the bruises and blood upon his frame, the people who would hold no remorse for their actions and the one man who was the most disgusting of them all, the person who was forcing Carter to stay in the horrible confines of being a rent-boy through abuse and death threats, Clint was determined to dispose of him and anyone who had ever hurt the man who held a spot in his heart. Muscular arms remained wrapped around the younger man's physique, one hand raised to stroke through blonde tresses lightly as his heart still rapidly pounded against the barriers of his chest. "I'm gonna try to get you out of it, alright? I p-promise you that I'm gonna do EVERYTHING I can to get you out of this mess, yeah? You can't be trapped like this forever, you'll get out of i-it."

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exsaevio

‘Vanishing off the earth is what makes me HAPPY, yes? Because I know that I deserve it. I never wanted to be a man that would betray my Papa after everything he had done for me – from rescuing me from the orphanage to giving me a life that most people could only DREAM of, I did not wish to destroy that over urges that shouldn’t even be here. I – I just wish there was a fix for me. In Russia, there is a clinic, yes? That you can be saved. Here? The States have now become pro…homosexual. It is wrong, I wish I could return home in order to make my Papa p—proud again.’

"You honestly think those clinics do ANYTHING to help? If anything, they're just full of small minded people who don't give a damn about other people. You can't be cured of being gay, it's not a disease, it's who you are and people need to learn to deal with it instead of try to change you. YOU need to live with it too, be proud of who you are, you don't need to be ashamed of yourself and you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself. It's not wrong, there's nothing wrong about it."

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borntodve

‘Get myself out?’ A heavy scoff of mocking fueled into the atmosphere despite the faltering against Carter’s features, flesh that began to turn even more pasty than usual as an audible swallowing dispelled the lump that had nestled within his throat; he knew of the consequences if he even TRIED to do such a thing, he had heard stories of what had happened to those that had run away, those that plan- ned their escape, he had even see it happen in front of his very eyes, he had been the cause of a demise all due to the loyalty and fear he held for his boss, an event he had tried to erase from his mind for years. But now? Seemingly that was rising to the surface, causing slight moisture to develop within Carter’s hues that he couldn’t even notice, vocals quivering as he spoke them. 'P-people that wanna get out? They find someone that they really care for, someone that they like –’ Oceanic hues that were now glazed in vulnerability stared upwards towards Clint for the briefest moment, holding the contact for perhaps more than he should have before allowing the focus to falter back towards the ground, stained digits toying with the hem of his shirt all the while. 'P-people that run away and t-think they can make an escape and get away with it? They – they f-fucking DIE. Their w-whole family? Loved o-ones? People that they care about…hell, people that they don’t? They all die. A-and I fucking know because I h-had to do it! I h-had to be the one to p-put a damn bullet in b-between someone’s eyes all b-because they wanted to get m-married to their chick, man. T-they fucking wanted to LOVE someone a-and I had to get r-rid of my only friend at the time because I was j-just starting out, I was j-just a damn rookie and I wanted to impress him. And the g-girl? My o-owner dealt with h-her himself and she was found in the b-bottom of a fucking wood-chipper! W-who does that to someone? Who – I – t-they couldn’t even recognize h-her. They didn’t even know who she was, but WE knew and just –’ Shaking brunette tresses, Carter couldn’t cease the overwhelming emotion that was beginning to arise, frame storming away from Clint with authority out of the room, as agitated words spilled from his chapped twin-flesh upon doing so. 'I don’t have a CHOICE, o-okay?! He fucking owns me, and that’s that! That’s fucking it!’

Clint honestly couldn't believe what he was hearing coming from the opposing male, now in full knowledge of the horrific lifestyle that Carter was forced to live within, a life full of dread and fear and there was seemingly no way out that didn't involved someone's DEATH; whether it be his own or someone he loved being put six feet under. It truly scared even Clint to know that this kind of thing actually happened to people, sure he had read about it and he had heard of things like this being a problem, but he never actually thought that he would get to know someone who knew how it felt to live in such a cruel world from first hand experience. It was tragic and incredibly sad, the agent now just wanting to take the younger male as far away from this place as possible, put him in protection and keep him shielded from the horrors that seemed to be his reality and had been for what sounded like quite a long time, too damn long in Clint's eyes. Without any hesitation or another second to think about it, both arms reached out to grab onto opposing body, pulling Carter tight against his frame as he held him within a warming embrace that was truly making his heart race, over- come with emotions that he couldn't even explain, everything was hitting him at one time and he didn't even know what was going on anymore, the only thing he was sure of was that he needed to find a way to protect Carter and keep him safe, keep him out of harms way when it came to the disgusting people he had to unfortunately deal with on a daily basis. "I-I'm so sorry...I had no idea it was so awful, I -- I've dealt with a lot of bullshit doing what I d-do, but what you just told me? Scares the shit out of me m-more than having to put my own life at r-risk and fighting off deadly enemies. I'm gonna try and figure out a w-way to get you out of this, to keep you safe AND those that y-you care about, yeah? Please just -- trust me on this, Car...I gotta get you out of th-there."

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exsaevio

’Why? Because, I – hm. I had – sexual intimacy with, uh – with someone I shouldn’t have. Something that is forbidden in all of Russia, yes? Illegal, and would destroy my Papa if he did not send me away. Urges are a, uh…sickness that I wish to be cured from, I AM cured from, one day my Papa will see that and bring me home. So perhaps I am myself now, I am…happy.’

"------really? THAT'S why he sent you over here on your own? Wow. That's kinda shitty if you ask me, he should have been supportive of you, not tear you down and make you feel like you had to change or...be cured? Then sending you off to another country to be on your own? That's not right at all, man, you shouldn't have to deal with that -- you really wanna believe that you're happy? Even though you just talked to me about wanting to vanish off the earth?"

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borntodve

‘It IS fine! You really think some fucking marks on my back is a big deal? He could have killed my ass and made sure nobody could recognize the damn body for the amount of times I’ve stepped out of line – being a minute late, crying when I should have been fucking working, you name the pathetic shit and I’ve probably done it. So you saying to me to just come away with you on some kind of vacation? Wonderful! I’m sure it would have been amazing but unless I wanna be carved up in small fucking pieces, then I have to say NO, yeah? Ain’t hard to grasp and I learnt how to keep him sweet so nah, it ain’t a big deal, I earned these damn marks anyway. Deserve more shit than this.’ With a small scoff spilling from Carter, heart screamed that he didn’t believe his own bullshit in the slightest but his head? That told him that every single syllable was nothing but truth – after all, he LOVED his employer, right? He wouldn’t have changed the abuse he received for the world; optics then gazing down away from Clint as if that would suddenly drop the subject. ‘Just leave it.’

Clint couldn't quite believe what he was hearing, surely every word that had just spilled from Carter's lips about deserving that kind of abuse had been nothing but complete and utter bullshit, it HAD to be, there was no way he could have felt such a way about himself, or at least that was what the agent assumed. "Car, you know this isn't right, it's so damn far from being okay in the slightest and you know it is! He shouldn't treat you that way, he shouldn't hurt you for idiotic things like being one fucking minute late or for...crying? He should be reassuring instead, helps to feel a lot better than a beating would make you feel. Don't you think you need to get yourself away from all of that? You shouldn't live in an environment where you don't know if you're gonna be killed going to work one day or if you'll walk back home again, that's not a healthy way to live, man, you don't deserve it."

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exsaevio

’Be…yourself. –- NO. That is the main reason I am here in this Hell that I deserve, there is no way I can just be MYSELF. So I suppose you are not the best advice giver as you say, as much as I am trying not to be rude, but being myself is not something that is available to me. Not a chance, so – let us move on, yes?’

"You were sent off on your own because you were...being yourself? What's that supposed to mean? Why did you even get sent over here by yourself? It's not fair that you're clearly thinking that you need to pretend to be someone you're not, don't punish yourself like that, man."

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borntodve

‘Yeah, I’m fine.’ Quickly shoving the material against the hem of his shirt in order to cover up the markings, Carter allowed a dismissive shrug to roll over his shoulders; not wanting to discuss what had happened with his boss when it was something that had become normal within his life, he was USED to it even if he knew deep down inside that it wasn’t okay in the slightest. It hurt, and it caused fear to etch into his veins as a result, but he presumed that was the point in order for his owner to ensure he stayed. 'Ain’t a big deal, yeah? Shit’s tame compared to what he could do to me if I disobey. So like I said, sorry that I can’t hang with you or whatever. Just ain’t allowed for me no more.’

Concern flooded throughout Clints face as his gaze fell upon the bruises that littered opposing physique, something that was quickly gone from his sight as the rent-boy pulled his shirt back down over his body to cover up the markings, brows still furrowed as the agent couldn't fathom how Carter could even try to act like this kind of brutality was alright in the slightest. "This is a pretty big deal, Car, you shouldn't have marks like that, that kinda shit isn't okay, man. He's hurting you and you're not fine, if this is supposed to be TAME, the bastard should be locked up for what he's apparently capable of."

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exsaevio:

‘I am really not strong but I suppose it is NICE that you think I am. I do not even wish I was because that would mean I am happier here than I was at home, yes? And that is not the case in the slightest. I do not have a death wish but I do feel things would be easier if I simply wasn’t…here any more. I suppose it is another thing that I want that I do not deserve, that is my life now.’

"You deserve to be happy though, don't put yourself down like that. Look, I'm not the best advice giver in the world, but you gotta just be yourself, man, just do your own thing and do things that make you HAPPY, not wanna vanish from the face of the earth, not good to have a mindset like that."

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borntodve

With a small shrug, Carter allowed his digits to point in gesture towards the hem of his shirt, material that shadowed the brutal bruises and cuts that had been left by his boss’ cane; nerves starting to develop in his stomach despite the fact he felt he didn’t care. ‘See for yourself. ‘

Nerves suddenly surged throughout Clints veins like wildfire as Carter gestured towards the hem of his shirt, both hands then reaching out in order to pull up the material before a slight gasp became audible, now able to see the evident bruising that was against his stomach which he could only assume was at the hands of his boss. "----is THIS the kinda shit he does to you? Are you kidding me? I -- this -- I mean, this isn't right, Car, he shouldn't be doing this to you. Are you okay?"

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exsaevio

‘Hm. I mean —- disappear? Wiped off the face of the Earth, understand? I have thought of ways in order to make that happen: jump off a bridge, taking pills, hurting myself but – they honestly scare me. Perhaps I am a coward, but one day? I hope there comes a time where I never wake up, everyone will benefit from that especially my Papa, as painful as that is to admit; but uh, I’m sorry. You have no need in hearing about my trivial problems, my apologies.' 

"No, don't apologize for it, I'd rather that you talk about it as opposed to y'know... going off and doing any of those things you just mentioned. You shouldn't do that, you shouldn't think about being wiped off the face of the earth and you definitely shouldn't TRY to do that to yourself. You're stronger than that, man."

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rvsesthorn

No matter what upper-hand Jackson would offer out towards Clint, it always seemed to be reversed and his physique as a result was pushed against the wall, grunt of disdain flourishing from his parted twin-flesh as his back slammed against the brickwork; it ALWAYS seemed to work out that way even when they were partners – if he had become enraged or his focus was shifting away from the job in order to make things personal, the younger would force his being upon the wall and tell him to calm down, hell even Carver now took on that role seeing as he didn’t have a partner by his side anymore. It was frustrating beyond all compare especially when they weren’t the same men that they were many years ago, or at least Jackson wasn’t in his frazzled mindset; he wasn’t the one that could look into opposing hues and become comforted instantly even if Coco was his entire WORLD and he would have never cheated on her, but that didn’t excuse after her death. The same scenario – wall, a sense of calmness befalling over his frame before they ended up wrapped up in vulnerable intimacies that the agent had tried so desperately to forget. He couldn’t allow himself to become compromised right now though even if he noted Clint’s gaze fixating upon his hues and catching the heavy breathing that was billowing from opposed twin-flesh, there was no EMOTION there and he had to keep on telling himself that now. Words were void however from Jackson, his stare merely fixated upon the other man’s own as he didn’t even notice the moisture that had pricked against his optics, overwhelmed by the situation an understatement even if he didn’t truly know it was happening to him.

Clint had never expected to be in this position ever again in his entire life, then again, he hadn't expected to ever see Jackson again and that much proved to be bullshit when he had burst into his home after finding out where he was and ended up having to take his daughter away from him, something that still pained him immensely to even think about since he absolutely adored Belle and he knew how much they meant to one another, but he couldn't let her stay with him, there was just no way he could leave her in danger like that considering Jacksons job was hardly the safest career there was out there, it was essentially the same as they had done years ago together and given some of the people that they had to go against in their missions, Clint knew that they could target people close to the ones they want to hurt, it would have only been a matter of time before his little girl was captured once again and who knows if she would have even made it out alive this time or not, the Shield agent certainly didn't think so, things would have been way too good to be true if she stayed with him and didn't end up being harmed or DEAD. Blue orbs still stared towards the handsome features that opposed, becoming utterly mesmerized by his former partner in ways that he hadn't felt in YEARS, knowing that something was there, he felt SOMETHING for him and there was absolutely no denying it, even if he was still slightly in shock from the confession of love in his direction from Jackson, despite the fact that he had tried to then cover it up by saying it was all in the past. Eventually realizing that he had been staring for probably too long, Clint allowed his arm to fall away from the other mans throat, taking a step or two away from him whilst his heart pounded ferociously within confines of his chest, now speech- less and at a complete loss for words, gaze now averting towards the ground for a brief moment in the unknowing of what to do or say in this moment.

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borntodve

‘Nah, you wouldn’t. Sometimes I wish he was DEAD but – then I know I can’t live without him, so. Yeah, I’ll do whatever he wants, no matter how much it hurts —- all the time, ha. It’s just complicated. I’m OWNED. I don’t have a choice in what I do anymore; when I go against him, I pay for it like the other d– anyway. Sorry in advance or whatever.’

"----like you did the other day? What happened then?" Brows furrowed towards Carter, wondering what on earth he was talking about as concern started flooding throughout his veins like wildfire.

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exsaevio

‘I am not strong on my own, not at all. I need those people around me in order to survive. The only thing that keeps me going right now is the DREAM that I will be back home again – I know that will never happen, deep down I know and when I wake up from that fantasy? I…move on or vanish. I want to vanish soon.’

"What do you mean by VANISH? You don't have to do anything or go anywhere, you can be strong on your own, you don't need to depend on others to be your backbone. I'm not entirely sure what's made you think all this, but you can't let it keep you down, man."

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borntodve

‘Right. More like my boss would fucking KILL me, but yeah I can control my life, no problem. Just a walk in the park for Carter fucking Jones, yo! —-  trust when I say that whatever you want ain’t ever gonna happen, ever.’

"Kill you? You think I'd let him kill you? I'd kill HIM first. But are you really just prepared to spend the rest of your life under his rules? That's not very fair on you at all, is it? You should be able to do whatever the hell you want, man."