The Ace Place

Btw, we exist // biromantic asexual

[ace-equals-cake]

so it turns out that i’m legit the friend that all the guys in my friend group want to f*ck. i had no idea that that was true until my friend pointed it out to me time and time again (i never pick up on anything). it just makes my mind go fjjsjfjskfksks and it’s really awkward to think about because i’m sex-repulsed,,, not interested whatsoever in doing that type of stuff. even if i wanted a relationship with one of them i wouldn’t be able to give them what they want,,, so we’re just kinda gonna suffer,,,,

[aroacepagans]

Holy shit. Holy fuck. I got my little sister the book “sex is a funny word” because she’s at that age where she’s reading a lot of puberty books and I’d heard that this one was lgbtq+ friendly, but I was checking it over for accuracy and I gotta say, even with the totally gender neutral language they were using to talk about body parts and the really respectful way they talk about gender and their portrayals of same sex couples I was so fucking sure that I would have to mention that not everyone gets crushes or feels attraction separately. Because these books never talk about that. But here it is. The one thing I was so absolutely sure wouldn’t be included.

I honest to god dropped the book when I saw this I was so shocked. And I’m so fucking happy right now. I can’t exspress how much I wish this was mentioned in the books I read when I was a kid. It would have saved me so much confusion, and I’m so happy that kids today are gonna read this and know that it’s okay and normal to not get curses. I’m so so fucking happy you have no idea.

[queerbert]

Is this the right book?

https://www.corysilverberg.com/sex-is-a-funny-word/

Cory Silverberg is an author, educator, and public speaker. This site includes information about Cory's past work, links to his books, and

[aroacepagans]

Yes it is! And like holy shit, I really had to set the book down so I wouldn’t start crying. I’m so happy, look at this.

I had? No expectation my exsperiances would be represented in this and here it is. Like I can’t even put my emotions around this into words.

[ace-equals-cake]

I don’t understand

Why do some groups of people have communities for acceptance but when other groups want to be included they’re turned away???

[ace-equals-cake]

Some asexuals have sex

Some asexuals do not

(It’s not that difficult to understand)

[ace-equals-cake]

*IMPORTANT* NOT WANTING TO HAVE SEX DOES NOT MAKE A RELATIONSHIP INVALID THANKS 

[ace-equals-cake]

HAPPY DEMISEXUAL, GREY ACE, and ASEXUAL PRIDE DAYS

(8,9,10)

[ace-equals-cake]

Gimme those quality cuddles

[ace-equals-cake]

EmbrACE the ace

[great-hero-yellow]

I was gonna say my own thing but @lord-hector-of-ostia had absolutely golden tags

[ace-equals-cake]

Sometimes I just want to shout “IM ASEXUAL” from the rooftops but then again I don’t want to have to explain what asexuality is/ convince people it exists

[aasexualcakeuniverse]

Pros of dating an ace:

1. You’ll never have to worry that we’re “just in it for the sex.” 2. We’re fucking adorable. 3. I mean really, nobody is more adorable than us. 4. We’re so lovable. 5. We’ll love you even if you aren’t “sexy.” 6. WHAT DOES “SEXY” EVEN MEAN?! 7. When you talk to your friends about us, you can say “Yeah, my bf/gf is a total ace,” and people will think that you’re dating someone absolutely flawless (well I mean they wouldn’t be wrong). 8. Did I mention how adorable we are? 9. We won’t judge you based on your body. At all. 10. Nobody is better than an ace.

[ace-equals-cake]

Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't tell if someone is attractive. I can say "well dang that person's attractive" without having any sexual feelings towards them.

[alderaani-princess]

Reblog if you would read a book with NO romance arc and a female, asexual main character

Someone said no one would ever read my book because there’s no love triangle. Prove them wrong?

[thespianhauler]

I’ve been waiting for books  without some romance  shoe horned in for decades

[tltw]

*points at romance* what the HECK is that

[carryonmyfallencas]

Sure, okay, corrective rape could happen to anyone! Fair enough! But when an asexual gets raped because of their asexuality, it becomes an issue of the asexual community. I’m not saying it is an exclusive issue of ours, but I am telling you guys: when someone decides that an asexual person needs to understand what Real Sex™ feels like and ignores the fact that we are not consenting, they are doing it out of a need to show the error of our ways.

Sure, it could’ve happened to anyone. But it happened to an asexual BECAUSE OF THEIR ASEXUALITY. You can’t pretend an attack on my sexuality happened just because—it didn’t. It happened because to someone else, our lack of sexual attraction felt childish (you just don’t know any better, let me teach you), immature (how would you know if you don’t try it?/i can make it feel good, you’ll see), absurd. So yeah, it could’ve happened to anyone. Sure. But it happened for a very precise reason.

And okay, we aren’t oppressed because of our sexuality on a constitutional level, sure, I’ll give you guys that. Fair enough.

But how does that somehow mean people accept us and treat us equally? Like, the thing is, we aren’t even well-known enough to be oppressed on our own, and the more people who know us, the more people who start hating us because of our asexuality.

Did you know that Almudena Grandes, a Spanish writer, said in a famous TV Show over here that she hates “the asexual people” because being asexual makes us evil by our very nature? That we are incapable of feeling love and are boring and no one would want to be close to us because, well, we are Evil™?

Did you know that Flex made a nice little ad about asexuality, and that comments towards it ranged from mild “asexuality is stupid” to “they just need a good fucking” while implying that our consent wouldn’t be needed for them to do it, because they would be doing us a favour?

Did you know that no straight ever has looked at us and associated us with them? That for them we’re just as foreign and weird as the rest of the LGBT, that for the kind of people that hate homosexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality, for them asexuality is just one more thing to hate?

Did you know that my best friend looked at me in the eye and said: “I’m so sorry for you” when I came out to her? Did you know she told me she would rather DIE than “become” like me? Did you know my brother made fun of me for weeks after I told him what I was, that my mother took years to even be able to talk about it, that I can’t mention it around my grandma because it makes her so fucking uncomfortable?

Did you know one of my friends asked me not to tell guys I was asexual, because he mentioned it once to his friends, and they all laughed and said they would fuck an asexual woman anyway because that’s what she clearly needed? We’re talking people who actually respected other women, saying shit like this. Did you know he gets scared for me, not just for being a woman, but for being an asexual one?

But then I have to come here and see shit of how we are privileged because Straight people see us as straight (throwing not only us under the bus, but anyone who is “straight passing”, as if that didn’t have psychological consequences, as if it didn’t feel constricting to be forced to act like someone you aren’t), how nobody would ever hate on us or hurt us because of our asexuality, how There Are No Issues With Asexuality In The World.

Haha, there wasn’t any war in Ba Sing Se either.

So okay, keep us out of the LGBT, I don’t even care about the Tumblr community tbh. But don’t come at us using arguments like “you don’t experience hate because of your sexuality!” “aces are just straight anyway!” or variants of these, because, guess what? You’re wrong.

You’re fucking wrong.

[changelingart]

I would also like to add, some personal experiences with acephobia 1. I came out to my sister for the first time as grey ace, and her fist reaction was to tell me “that’s not real” and then joke about me being a plant. 2. My parents found out from my instagram when I was younger, and told me I wasn’t old enough to feel like that yet. 3. Years later, once my sister had come around to me being Nonbinary (a whole nother can of worms) she told me “well, you used to say you were asexual and I told you that was just a phase, and guess what? It was!” And I had to correct her and tell her, no, I was in fact, still ace. 4. “Look at *deadname* here! She’s a model of abstinence!” I don’t want sex so I can’t really be held as the standard for resisting temptation. 5. “Now I know not now, but some day you might find some boy…” No. 6. “Ew, that’s gross” -guy I liked briefly. 7. BEING CALLED A PRUDE HAPPENS WAY MORE THAT NECESSARY 8. Dick jokes are still funny to me, you don’t have to avoid telling me because I don’t like them (some ace people don’t, and this is fine, it’s the generalized stereotype that we don’t that is not.) 9. THE!!! A!!! IS!!! NOT!!!! FOR!!!! ALLY!!!!

Acephobia is real.

[miss-cuttlefish]

Me, an asexual: I don’t want kids

Family member: THINGS CHANGE!!!!!!! YOU’LL NEVER KNOW WHAT’LL HAPPEN!!!!!!

Me: *looks into the camera like I’m in The Office*

[wotseit-deactivated20210104]

s/o to aces with libido

s/o to aces with kinks

s/o to aces with fantasies

s/o to aces who experience sensual attraction

s/o to aces who like to be sensually intimate with their partners

s/o to aces who like to be sexually intimate with their partners

s/o to aces who aren’t “perfect” asexuals, you are still valid and you are all ace af

[tenadp]

I am really not trying to be rude, I just want to understand!! If you enjoy being sexually intimate with a partner, how are you asexual? Sorry if this comes across as offensive, I’m just interested to know!

[beekeepercain]

There are other reasons than specifically wanting to have sex for the sake of having sex. For example, some asexuals want to please their non-asexual partners, and it isn’t necessarily uncomfortable for them, they just don’t specifically desire that particular action. Like, asexuals can still dig the feeling of sexual stimulation, since it is meant to be pleasurable. It’s like, if there’s cake on the table, but you don’t particularly want cake at that time, or you don’t really care for cake, you can still choose to eat it because even if cake isn’t your favourite or you’re quite full already, it still tastes fine, and your best friend is eating some with you. 

Alternatively, it’s possible to sort of “trade favours”; instead of sexually pleasing their asexual partner who is disinterested in receiving sexually, the non-asexual party might cuddle, kiss and otherwise be physically affectionate with their partner while making love. This’d still count as sexual intimacy, even though only one person in the act is - hopefully - orgasming.

Some asexuals see sex as a way to bond with their partners. Again, the act isn’t specifically interesting to them, but it works as a means to an end - through it, they get to feel closer to their partner.

Asexuality is the absence of sexual attraction, the “I want to bang that” trigger that most people have in response to potential sexual partners. Not the absence of sexual activity itself, which would be celibacy - the choice to not engage in sex, the act. An asexual can have sex and not feel that specific type of attraction to their partner, as attraction is passive and not based in active choice. It doesn’t mean that that partner is disgusting to them, either; they may well be aesthetically attractive to the asexual person (the same way you can appreciate a beautiful statue or a painting without becoming sexually aroused by viewing it) and the asexual person may well desire physical intimacy with them, such as hugging, kissing, cuddling and holding hands. Since not all asexuals are inherently repulsed by sex but merely disinterested in it by default, turning that desire for general closeness into sexual activity where it provides fulfillment of some form to both parties isn’t necessarily paradoxical.

Someone once brought up a fairly good point regarding this subject; non-asexual people also sometimes hook up and have sex with people that aren’t specifically attractive to them. It can still be perfectly consensual and satisfy the needs of both parties, despite the fact that the base attraction wasn’t there. For example, a person who just wants to have sex with someone might go along with a partner they would not otherwise choose, but who simply happens to be available and ready to do the deed with them. Alternatively, a woman might seek to have a baby, and have sex with a partner solely for that purpose, and whether the partner chosen is sexually attractive to them or not isn’t a big factor in the choice. (Plenty of asexual women choose to have sex to have children.) There are multiple reasons to have sex even when you’re not sexually attracted. Specifically for asexuals, the factor of having a non-asexual partner is usually a big motivator to have sex, and other reasons like the ones I explored above may additionally pop up to support that decision.

Finally, some asexuals just really dig orgasms. Most people do. We just don’t have that special someone we wish was delivering them to us, and largely prefer to take care of our own. But when you are in a relationship and that kind of comes as a package deal, some asexuals don’t feel like it’s a bad trade, or at least aren’t violently opposed to the idea. I think most asexuals who do choose to have sex are indifferent to it - it’s not their favourite thing in the world, but it takes care of business.

[thessalian]

Best explanation EVER.

[subject-gamma]

Me, an aroace person: *laughs internally*

Me: *presses the fucking button*