TW: Manipulative/Toxic Relationship I am currently rewatching Greys Anatomy and I remember now what helped me break free from a relationship that was not healthy for me. It was Cristina Yang. One of the ways she helped me was was during this one slip of a tongue on the 11th episode of Season 6. Although it was a mistake on her part and she did try to take it back afterwards, for me it was as if a light switch inside of me has been turned on after watching this scene.
You see growing up, I was always a hopeless romantic. Almost every person close to me that I encounter was a possible candidate for my love-life. Being "in love" took a huge chunk of my attention and pretty much my entire being. And I had all these written out love-story in mind for myself when I get older. I was the easiest to bait of all the easy ones. And that is what happened. Imagine, I was 17 and then this older guy somehow saw something in me and started to give me so much attention and he was so expressive of his love for me. Plus he was so good at making me feel loved - hand-written letters, random gifts, surprise visitations and all this other stuff that made it become easier for me to ignore the fact that he was a lying, manipulative and hurtful man.
But I was a kid, 17, 18, 19... I was a kid and being loved like the ways we see in the movies was my greatest goal in life. It was everything I ever wanted, never mind the part that he tried to lift me up by my collar or he lied that he had cancer just to get my sympathy or the part where we would always argue on the phone screaming curses towards one another or even the fact that he was an adult who decided to court a minor. Never mind all of those because on the bright side he was loving me the way I wanted to be loved, sort of like a fairytale.
But when Cristina Yang said those words, I was taken back. Because she loved Owen so much. But for her, loving him was not worth losing her passion and herself in the process. Her willingness to give up her boyfriend for surgery it make me think "Hold on, maybe I can do that too." And it was like for the first time in my life I was seeing things so clearly. And then I just broke down crying finally remembering all this ugliness that took place behind every #couplegoals I had with him. And suddenly the idea of love seemed so small for me. Because not one good thing he did for me was ever enough to compensate to the life i've lost because of him. And that was it. That was the start of me letting go of the fantasy I built about him and see the truth.
All because Cristina Yang showed me that it's okay to let go of something that is holding you back. For her it was about being the best surgeon but for me it was realizing that I can let go of him because I have to love myself more... that I am the sun and I am enough. (Note: yes, the context of the scene is not connected to my situation but I think that is what made the art of storytelling so complex and beautiful, because as viewers/readers we can bend it's meaning for our benefit and need)













