DEAR READER
Cosmic Funnies
Claire Keane
Mike Driver
we're not kids anymore.

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@achilleas-tendon
RIDLEEEEEEEEE
in his natural habitat
🍷💚
HAPPY NEW YEAR 2026 🕊️🕊️🕊️
(there's a bird in the picture if u squint)
kittyahhh
yeah no this is normal between us girls
curly haired ace…
What's your favorite character trope?
hold on, I'm looking over all of my favorite idiots and realizing that there is something of a common thread between them...
huge sucker for this particular kind of weirdo. gets me every time.
oh and also, of course we can't forget
imagine an idia with a gn! vtuber reader
warnings: guy is lowk parasocial, light angst but it's not really anything, cursing, not a lot of timeline continuity with the game, secondhand embarrassment because it's idia LOL i was cringing writing this so you might cringe reading this
i'm not entirely happy with this, it's definitely rife with errors and it turned out way longer than i thought, but i thought it'd be funny to have idia simp over a vtuber reader, 3.6k words
VOD = video on demand, an archived recording of a past stream oshi = favorite (e.g. an idol, a character, a streamer, etc.)
the ramshackle prefect has fallen on hard times! it's no secret that the meager monthly stipend crowley provides you with isn't enough for even a miser to enjoy a comfortable livelihood. so, what do you do?
take to the internet!
donning an attractive virtual avatar and hiding your true identity behind your screen, you advertise yourself on magicam as twisted wonderland's new favorite vtuber!
...idia shroud has a problem. for some reason, the numbers in his bank account keep dropping before he has a chance to do anything about it.
"idia, i think i know why," says an exasperated ortho as he watches his brother gawk at your latest magicam post:
'Hey, everyone! Preorders are now open for my limited-edition plush-'
idia hits "add to cart" faster than ortho's processors can work. years of jitter-clicking have culminated in this. another 30 thaumarks down the drain.
"you don't understand, ortho, it's a chance to hug my oshi in real life." he whines, eyes glued onto the preview of the delightfully squishy and small you that he's managed to secure.
"don't you have enough merch of them already?" ortho asks, mechanical lenses flickering to the posters on idia's wall, the acrylic stands on his desk, the abundance of pins on his ita bag, and, oh, seven, the body pillow.
"they said it themselves in their recent star rogue: the sequel stream--i have the VOD, lemme pull it up--they're streaming for money. it's an otaku's duty to support their oshi!!!" he furiously taps at his tablet screen, seeking to the moment in the video where you lament your brokeness. "can't you see, ortho? i'm doing a good, charitable deed!!!"
"whatever you say, idia."
idia shroud is a pathetic superfan of the new mysterious vtuber that's been doing the rounds on the net.
he first stumbled across you from a clip of you playing one of his all-time favorite games, star rogue (the nostalgia! it's an ancient game, he knew you were pandering to the crowd of loyal losers definitely not him eagerly anticipating the sequel, which would inevitably blow up the internet, wherein you--having cleverly played the OG--would be able to hop on the hype train and take advantage of the game's popularity to grow your following! ah, his oshi is so smart!!!)
he prides himself on being one of your first truly devoted followers. your streams are constantly subject to an influx of tips and cheers from this "gloomurai" guy.
"welcome back, everyone! today i'll be pulling for the newest character... i don't have hard pity, so i'll be praying to the gacha gods today. wish me luck!"
gloomurai donated 200 thaumarks! who needs RNGesus when u have whaling powers
you laugh in disbelief at the two zeroes. you're no stranger to gloomurai's... financial support of your streams, but it never fails to baffle you to that someone is willing to spend so much on you so easily. well, you can't really complain. you bought a very fancy mattress, after all. grim hasn't complained, either!
"welcome back, gloomurai! was wondering when you were going to show up."
idia squeals like a schoolgirl and rolls around in his bed, watching as your avatar smiles at him and you say his username. he's never been more glad to be a styx nepobaby!
chat lights up, as usual.
hyposeleniac6: ??? this guy is always here 4ceballer: SIMP 🫵🫵🫵 DoubleDown0603: SIMP 🫵🫵🫵 unintuitivename123: no cuz thats an entire paycheck for me... definitely_NOT_fish_mafia: SIMP 🫵🫵🫵 xX_420_shadowLord_Xx: get a life bro 😂😂😂
idia doesn't care about the haters. all that matters is that his favorite streamer is well-fed, happy, and thriving!
probably goes to the effort to make some sort of software to translate your VODs into other languages to spread your following across twisted wonderland
stream snipes your stream snipers when you're playing online games but gets too shy to approach you in-game
makes guides on streamer etiquette in energy drink-induced fervors
lowkey doxxes the people that try and find out/leak your personal information
SEVEN FORBID you give this man moderator powers on your streams... he programs a bot that automatically bans chatters for using certain "keywords", bad things that people could potentially say about you
and then he's like "heh... all in a day's work... it's so hard and thankless, being a white knight" #JOBLESS 🫵
ortho is a little put off by his brother's fanaticism, but you make his brother happy (he's heard a few too many "WHEE HEE HEE"s from under idia's covers in the middle of the night). that's good... though he really should put his brother's screentime in check. all that staring at your streams can't be good for his eyes...
your meeting + his discovery
you two unintentionally meet in person at an ungodly hour when you're both scrounging around campus for late-night snacks (him usually not seeing the light of day and you being a streamer throws off the possibility of a balanced schedule)
"this blows," idia muttered to himself as he trudged outside of his mancave, tugging his oshi's graphic (LIMITED-EDITION BTW) hoodie over his head to avoid any potential unwanted attention from other night crawlers. the chill of the nighttime night raven college air was an unwelcome difference from the stuffy comfort of his dorm room. "i seriously ran out of my snack stash right before the start of the raid... ugh, i hope muscle red isn't too upset. ts pmo..."
idia skittered to the vending machine outside of the school store, but not without doing a few misplaced ninja moves. the temptation from being completely alone was too strong.
or... perhaps not completely?
he was in the middle of a side-step when he heard a giggle behind him.
a high-pitched shriek left his lips and he straightened immediately, head whipping to gaze at the person behind them. oh, seven! the ramshackle prefect!
not good, not good at all, idia thought to himself, the prefect is like, extrovert final boss. i'm so cooked. what if they took a video? what if they show it to all their extrovert friends? what if they post it all over magicam? everyone will point and laugh at me and go, "hey, it's the blue freak." my sunny school days are over. i'm done for. goodbye. please delete my search history. SIGNED IDIA SHROUD.
"...are you going to use the vending machine?" you asked with a polite smile, though the remnants of amusement lingered in your throat.
idia tugged at the strings of his hoodie, processing your words after what felt like eons.
"uh... uh... yeah..." just bake me into a fucking pie already. he hurried to punch a number into the vending machine, slipping a thaumark into the slot.
shit! in his hurry to extricate himself from the situation, he had pressed random numbers and got himself... a can of tuna? what the heck??? they sell this at the school store vending machine?
he internally blanched at the thought of eating the raw fish. this was all his fault!!! he totally could've gone a night without snacking. venturing out of his gamer hovel was a terrible idea. ortho had been on his case about his poor diet anyways. great seven, i wish i hadn't gone outside-
"ummm.. excuse me?" you waved your hand in idia's face and he recoiled, snapping out of his existential crisis. "do you want to trade? you don't look very happy."
idia's eyes flickered to your hands. resting in them was a bag of gummy worms. oh, those look good. way better than a can of tuna. if i wasn't such a chud- wait, they're giving them to me?
he frowned, eyes flickering from his can of tuna to your gummy worms. "ah... i... i couldn't..."
"i insist." you smiled, and idia felt like he was being beamed in the face with the extrovert ray of a thousand suns. too sparkly! "my roommate likes tuna anyways."
idia nodded hesitantly, gingerly grasping the bag of gummy worms and almost throwing the can of tuna into your hands. wait, roommate? isn't that the cute widdle kitty cat? i wonder if they'll let me pet him... i want a floofy paradise, but i'm surrounded by meatheads...
and wait, that voice sounds familiar.
"your hoodie," you said hesitantly, peeking at his graphic hoodie (THAT WAS LIMITED EDITION BTW). "is that... that virtual streamer?"
idia perked up instantly. "wait, you know them? holy based... did you watch-"
he then proceeded to yap.
you looked a little embarrassed as idia went on a tangent about his favorite vtuber, but the male either didn't notice or didn't care.
after he finished his long-winded rant, he was suddenly struck with realization of the situation he was in. he awkwardly stood there, feeling a wave of embarrassment hot enough to combat the brisk air of the hour, squeezing his bag of gummy worms. it always felt good to rant about his hyperfixations, but you had just met him. you probably thought he was weird...
"ah... sorry for keeping you..."
"no, it's okay," you fretted, "it's... nice to hear? i guess... hey, what's your name?"
and that's how you met (irl)
you exchanged contacts with him that night after a bit of pestering
frequently spams your messages with rants about your vtuber persona and news on streams once he confirms you're not a normie (your knowledge about his oshi you is on par with his!! you're totally not a fake fan!)
you two learn more about each other through late-night texts, voice chats, and multiplayer games. he shares his interests beyond fanboying with you and you two bond a lot over a love for anime, manga, and gaming
finds himself smiling whenever you two call and game together
feels genuinely comfortable with someone at his school other than ortho for the first time
gets secure enough to openly tease you
will stream games for you if you're too tired to play
loves the moments where it's stupidly late, you're gaming together, and you both can't stop laughing over stupid things
likes listening to you talk about your home
brushes off the flicker of recognition he feels when he hears your voice. there's no way...?
scratch that. as if. the chances are exceedingly low, but idia's not dumb.
the exhibits: you're mysteriously away from chatting whenever his favorite vtuber is streaming, your voices are identical, your gamertags bear similarities, and you both like the same things.
also you're both broke as shit
probably realizes on his own
idia clutched his pillow in his arms as he watched the livestream on his tablet with rapt attention.
"i finally got a new couch! the old one was so hard to sit on, you could feel all the springs."
idia's eyes flashed to his magicam DMs.
you: NEW COUCH JUST DROPPED you: [Attachment: 1 Image] you: im so happy oml, you could feel all the springs on the old one
his chest pounded.
"i'm not a big fan of that food... i can't stand the texture."
you: lol i hate that food. how can anyone eat that? its texture is so bad
he must be going insane. only in fiction does this kind of stuff happen.
"yeah, i'm really excited for the release of the anime," your avatar said, "i promised my friend we'd watch it together when it comes out."
you: let's watch the anime together when it releases! i'm so hyped ୧(≧∇≦*) you: i'm so glad i have someone to watch it with
he can't pretend anymore.
he eventually can't deny it when the coincidences become too much
idia ghosts you
he stops watching your streams
doesn't throw your merch away, but can't bring himself to look at it
your viewers get confused as to why gloomurai's not donating anymore
were you just playing him for a fool? laughing as he fixated over you without knowing, embarrassing himself with pages and pages of praise for you
the shame and anxiety tears at him
he hasn't cried this hard in a while
"idia, you have thirteen assignments due." said ortho, a hint of worry in his mechanical lenses. "you haven't eaten anything in two days."
idia shifted in his bed, buried under blankets. he grunted slightly- not the response his little brother was hoping for.
what was wrong with him? he couldn't even bear to get up and do his dailies. stupid things he used to love so much made him think too much of you.
why did you have to barrel into his life, finally make him feel like he belonged somewhere, then ruin it? you were like a hurricane, sending him into a frenzy, changing him, then leaving him with nothing.
a sudden rapping came at the door. idia groaned in response, burrowing deeper into his blankets and yanking his pillow over his head to muffle the sound.
"ortho, whoever it is, tell them to go away."
ortho eyed his brother hesitantly before opening the door to speak to the person.
idia sighed in exasperation, shutting his eyes-
"IDIA SHROUD!"
the boy shoots up like a rocket, flaming hair a mess as he stares at you. he opens and closes his mouth like a fish out of water.
"wh-what are you- how- ortho, why didn't you-"
he screeches as you launch yourself into his arms.
"i'm sorry for not telling you." you whisper in his ear. his skin tingles from your breath, shivers wracking his body. "i'm sorry. i'm so, so, so sorry. i didn't know how to bring it up. i was having too much fun being around you. i was scared my identity would make us grow further apart. and it did."
idia stares at you in disbelief. you're warm and real and breathing. not just a model behind a screen.
"y... you..."
before he knows it, idia's crying in your arms.
and you're crying too.
you both cry for a while.
idia, strangely, feels better after.
"...that was messed up, dude." he sniffles.
"i know." you sniffle right back.
first thing you do is turn on his lights (he shrieks like a vampire) and make him a real meal
he doesn't really know how to act around you
bringing up your identity will only make him more embarrassed for a while
has infrequent periods of communication with you. sometimes chats energetically with you, sometimes ghosts you because he's too ashamed and feels like he's ruined everything
it takes a lot of in-person communication and ortho forcing his brother to talk to you for your relationship to go back to somewhat normal
admires you even more because of all the weight you're juggling
being a prefect, dealing with overblots, trying to find a way home, and streaming on top of it all
finds himself talking to ortho about you
"hey, ortho? i think i'm going crazy. their eyes glow. like, they really glow. their whole face glows. i wonder what their routine is. have you noticed them glow?" idia asks in the middle of the night, staring up at his ceiling as he lays in bed. he's running on energy drinks and instant noodles, but that's definitely not what's causing his heart palpitations.
"i have not, idia."
"oh... ok... they glow... i swear..."
...
"idia, your heart is pumping at an abnormal rate. your skin is also unusually flushed. my scanners tell me that your bodily functions are stable. is there something wrong?"
"...i feel all weird."
wow he is shit at communicating!!!
because of his curse he's averse to making long-lasting relationships with others, but it's so hard to stay away from you
starts to put your VODs on in the background when he's gaming or doing homework. finds your voice helps soothe him
reads over your past texts a lot
yearning phase is lowkey hell for idia
guy could fumble ez
random dry spells of texting once again, you gotta initiate for this part or nothing will happen
idia didn't know if he was dead or alive.
you two were finally watching the anime you both had long anticipated the release of together. you were curled up in his blankets next to him (he actually kind of cleaned his room a bit), his laptop resting between you.
they're so close! doki-doki... holy cornball, bro💔. this isn't a shoujo.
he reached for a chip from the bag nestled between both of your legs. coincidentally, he did so just as you happened to reach for one of your own.
feeling the brush of your fingertips together, idia jolted back like he had just touched a hot stove. honestly, if not for the pink wisps complementing his blue hair and the flush of his ears, you could have easily thought he hated you.
"...sorry." he muttered, forcibly gluing his eyes to the screen.
it's funny. he'd anticipated the anime adaptation of this series for ages, but now he couldn't care less.
the awkwardness and tension hangs in the air, suffocating the both of you. the ending theme plays as you two finish the last episode of the season. the screen goes black and idia is left to stare at your visage in the reflection. even after binge-watching 12 episodes in the middle of the night and eating nothing but junk food for dinner, you still somehow look amazing??? some people are just blessed, fr. wait, now he's self-conscious. he bought some eye cream to try and look less tired. was it working? it was humiliating to have to ask his mom for recommendations on good brands-
"hey. i like you." you say, breaking the silence.
"wut"
dating
idia.exe has stopped working
soooo... you two end up dating!!!! life is confetti and rainbows and kitty cat gifs for idia
after you leave for the night he screams into his pillow and kicks his legs
there's a lot of that
rip ortho's robot ears (it was lwk better when you were just a vtuber because now idia's screaming about how lucky he is to have bagged nrc's isekai baddie)
grim is pissed because your boyfriend keeps trying to pet him
trein thinks he's dreaming when idia attends a class in-person. you pestered your boyfriend to attend at least one class in-person a week
significant other effect is real. idia puts more effort into taking care of himself because of you
don't think this means he'll skimp out on supporting his oshi, though!!!
"hey, everyone! today we're checking out this new indie horror game. if the stream freezes, it's because i got jumpscared and turned off my pc."
gloomurai donated 500 thaumarks! i will protect you kitten o7
idia grins at the sound of your laughter. he can hear the fondness in it and it sends butterflies through his stomach. he pictures you behind your screen, the exasperated yet affectionate look you might have as you read over his message.
it feels like a high-stakes secret, knowing your identity and dating you. he's the luckiest man in the world.
"i appreciate the support, gloomurai."
4ceballer: is it just me or has he gotten worse 💔💔💔 jamilclipthat: put the fries in the bag bro craycray4caycay: this is cringier than my last edating phase musclered: OwO mamashroud.exe<3: omg! ^0^ my, my, so bold! creativityisrunningout: can we kill this guy actually givemec6varka: WHY IS HE A STREAM MOD
this mf is so smug, it's like a constant high
at first, he had a bit of trouble not separating the entities of "vtuber" you and "real-life prefect" you
azul is kind of put off by how much more insufferable idia's gotten since their last board game club meeting
brags online about having a partner when squashing noobs in games, it's so bad ("el oh el... jobless AND partnerless? couldn't be me. GGEZ rekt" he eyeing dat olympos inc. internship)
yet all the otome games in the world could not have prepared him for an actual relationship
spends way too much time overthinking dates and things to say. it takes a bit of reassurance from you to convince him that you two can just go to how you were before
dates are usually just you two in his room or somewhere quiet. occasionally you'll go to some pop-up or themed cafe (once in a blue moon you'll do karaoke so he can belt game or anime songs), but he prefers staying in with you
insists on playing FPS or other skill-based video games to "hone your gaming skills for streams", but obviously just wants to try and carry you and flex his knowledge
bought a quieter keyboard so you can sleep or chill in his room without having to hear his clicking when he's up late at night
pretty clingy, likes to touch you, as if to reaffirm that you're real and his
but gets flustered and goes stone-still when you initiate
idia typed furiously at his keyboard and clicked feverishly with his mouse.
it was two in the morning. ortho had powered off for the night and idia was operating at maximal efficiency.
he was in the process of clipping moments from his oshi's most recent stream. he'd been spending too much time with his significant other lately, and he hadn't had the time to devote to his favorite vtuber! he couldn't help it. he'd never win over his significant other's warm embraces and sweet words!!! it's super effective!
"whee hee hee... almost done-"
"what are you doing?" the vtuber in question asked. idia jolted, looking up at you, whose eyes were heavy with drowsiness.
"ah... just clipping your most recent stream."
a fuzzy warmth settled in his chest as he felt your arms sling around his neck. sighing slightly, he relaxed into your embrace.
"do you have to do it now?" you tiredly asked, pressing kisses across his cheeks. the tips of his hair flickered with a delightful pink. drawing reactions out of him was always fun.
"i- well... i wanted to get it out as soon as possible... i'm basically spreading the gospel-"
idia squeaked as you silenced his words with a kiss. he eventually shut his eyes and melted into your lips.
ugh, overpowered once again...
"come to bed." you mumbled against his blue lips. he huffed slightly, pulling away reluctantly. "aren't you always prattling on about wanting to devote yourself to your oshi? well, your oshi wants you to get a good night's sleep. with THEM."
idia gulped. you made a strong case.
"...fine... you're too OP..." he reluctantly rose from his gaming chair and followed you into bed.
he sighed as he snuggled into the comfort of your chest, listening to your heartbeat. his eyes fluttered shut. how are you real? how did i pull you?
yes, gushing over twisted wonderland's favorite vtuber was fun... but he much preferred the warmth the real you had to offer.
They’re the worst like genuinely they suck so bad dude I NEED them to never get better
child of man... don't leave me here coughs coughs CHILD OF MANNNNN CHILD OF MANNNNNNNN HELP ME
Unpopular opinion,
Too many men are written as “dom daddy” types in fics.
Like be for real, that man would be honored to be your floor mat.
He’s not giving orders, he’s taking them.
Stop being afraid, put on your big boots, and step on that man.
I like the difference between the vibes of these two events
a lover of all things fluffy
twst wonderland | leona x reader | fluff
Night Raven College was amazing.
The shabbiness of Ramshackle and the unreliability of the Headmage aside, this was the most fun you ever had (in spite of the multiple life threatening overblots that seemed to haunt you).
Magic was amazing yes, but that wasn't what made NRC so enchanting to you. It was the people, the very world and air itself that seemed to called to you. The music was different, the literature and history was entirely foreigh to you and it delighted you to no end.
But it was all the new species here that had enraptured you.
You had grown to love Grim despite his brattiness, cooing over his fiery ears and pompous, childish way of speech.
He. Was. A. Baby.
Your baby.
The son you birthed and raised.
The first time a student in purple made a snide and disgusting remark about monsters in NRC, you had lunged towards him and broke his nose, snarling about how awful discrimination was, and that if he ever muttered such words near your vicinity you'd make sure he'd lose the ability to procreate, alongside a few limbs, magic be damned.
The entire cafeteria had gone silent as said student stumbled away, muttering curses under his breath as he hastily left.
That day, NRC learnt that despite your small stature and status as a 'magicless student', you were not to be trifled with, especially regarding your trash talking, shit eating cat.
Of course, on a completely unrelated note, when you first saw Leona, fuzzy ears peeking over a bush, all rational thought escaped you and you had given him a big hug, delighted by his fuzzy ears and swishy tail and cute cat like eyes. Nevermind he was a man. His cat-like features redeemed his unfortunate state.
This was definitely not because of the potion accident that had mystery liquid spilling and sparkling onto you, caused by the cutie duo you called friends, and your baby, Grim. Class had ended early because of them, and they were told (ordered) to send you back safely until it wore off. How you ended up in the garden, well, you couldn't quite remember, but it was probably Adeuce's fault anyways (and Grim).
You would never forget the look on Ruggie's face when he came across a small human girl babbling about lions and friend shaped murder cats, hugging the Leona Kingscholar as he sat, frozen, bewildered and blushing ever so slightly, entirely out of his depth.
Ruggie had cackled upon the scene, only to freeze as you snapped your heads towards him, eyes gleaming at the new set of fluffy ears and short, fuzzy tail that had blessed your presence. Before he could react, you had launched yourself at him, delightedly rambling about lions and hyenes and disney movies and documentaries as he caught you with an instinctive ease that reminded you of your older brother.
Now it was Leona's turn to laugh, snickering at his dorm mate's horrified and embarrased expression, as he held on to a girl chittering away like a particulalry deranged biologist who didn't get enough sleep (or alternatively just a really enthusiastic furry).
All that was registering in your head were the soft ears and the cute swishy tails both boys possesed, as you clung onto the hyena boy with all the strength you had in your body. You swore you would die before you let go, as you attempted to pet hyena boy's tail as he tried to (gently) get you off him, like you would a clingy housecat.
"Oi herbivore, knock it off," lion man cuts in, snickering as you held onto the hyena boy with all your strength as he tried to peel you off, albeit gently, face crimson.
"You're gonna give Ruggie a heart attack. Ya can't go around hugging people like that lady."
You turned from the sputtering spotted boy, locking eyes with the lion man, eyes glinting with a feral light.
He snorted again, his tail swishing languidly behind him, catching your attention as you crawled off hyena boy, whose name was Ruggie apparently (which was so freaking cute) who had now begun covering his face, whimpering in embarrasment.
You pointed at lion man with all the confidence and glee of a city girl on her first road trip who had just seen a cow or horse in the wild.
"Tail!" You exclaimed, before lunging at him again, trying to tackle his ass so you could touch the enticing swishy tail.
He let out a noise, holding his muscular arm out as you slammed into it, fingers wiggling as you were socially distanced against your will, whispering a "psspsspss" in hopes it would coax him (it always worked on Grim, no matter how much he denied it).
Lion man sent you a dry look of disbelief as you huffed in frustration, plopping your butt down to showcase how incredibly upset you were.
Ruggie had calmed down now, though a faint pinks till clung to his cheeks as he brushed himself down.
"Leona, what the fuck is going on-"
"THERE YOU ARE OMYGOD we've been looking for you everywhere," interrupted a panting Ace, who pointed his finger at you accusingly as you puffed your cheeks at him and pointed back.
Deuce, seemingly unaware of the two new fluffy companions you found, wandered towards you, squatting down, hands outstretched gently as he coaxed you.
"Come on prefect, we gotta bring you back to Ramshackle. Grim is waiting for you."
You eyed him suspiciously, before giving him a high five. Then, you turned back to the lion man, pointing at him, eyes wide and (literally) sparkling from the potion effects, "Can I pet you again pretty lion man please?"
All four boys present choked, with Ace letting out a noise akin to a dying seal, looking away when lion man threw him a dirty look. Deuce had gone pink, sputtering, and Ruggie had begin making a cute laughing sound like a spray bottle.
"Shishishi, pretty lion man. You're never living this down Leona," Ruggie pointed at him, slapping his knee in amusement.
Leona (what a pretty name!) ears had flattened in displeasure, and if looks could kill, the other three boys would be dead, buried, cremated. But to your surprise and joy, he didn't direct the harsh look at you, instead not meeting your eyes as he huffed out, "Shaddup herbivore. Oi, freshies, what's wrong with her?"
The Adeuce duo froze on the spot.
"Her?" They chorused.
"Yeah idiots. Her."
They stared at him, eyes wide, as he stared back, unimpressed, raising a brow as he swatted at your hands, which had been trying to reach for his tail. You crossed your arms and pouted up at him, which caused him to do another cute huff, fuzzy ears twitching, making you squeal and clap your hands, cooing again.
They ignored your ramblings, as Ace and Deuce stared at you, brains rebooting at the new piece of information.
"Wait, prefect, you're a girl?? But this is a boy's school?!" Ace exclaimed, whilste Deuce slowly turned lobster red, looking at the sky dazedly.
You turned towards the dynamic duo, before looking down at your ample chest. You pointed at it, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and a little insult.
"I thought the boobs made it obvious? Or do I look like a man," You gasped, eyes tearing up at the very thought as you sniffled, tears dripping a glittery yellow as you started sobbing into your hands.
"I dunno, I thought you just had really thick chest muscles or something. Wait, are you crying??"
You shook your head, sobbing even harder, as Ace sputtered, rushing towards you, hands awkwardly hovering before he patted your shoulder hesitantly. Deuce was still in lalaland, looking as though he had just discovered enlightenment, or seen a group of hot women in bikinis, which you totally understood. You too, were a lover of women.
Leona clicked his tongue at Ace, before looking down at your sobbing form and sighing helplessly, patting your head. "Oi herbivore, don't cry. If anyone from the Sunset Savannah saw this I'd be canceled." He gestured Ruggie over.
"Here, pet his ears or somethin'."
Ruggie, who had come forward obediently, gaped at Leona's betrayal. But before he could protest, you looked at him sadly, tears streaming down your face as you made grabby hands at him, asking, "Ears?"
You had never seen a man fold so fast before. He crumpled like a wet paper bag, immediately kneeling and tilting his head towards you, grumbling up at the boys to "Shut up you assholes."
You pet his fuzzy, spotted ears, giving them a gentle scratch which caused to let a happy chuff as you giggled, tears slowing down.
Ace coughed at the sight, gesturing towards you. "Prefect, he - uh, she was involved in a potion accident. Professor Crewel said something about possible heightened emotions and impulses, and to bring him - her back to the dorm to wait it out." He grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his heaed.
"We may have gotten briefly distracted and lost sight of the prefect. Sorry about…this," he gestured at you petting Ruggie and cooing about how he was a good boy (causing his little tail to wag), lips twitching.
He smacked Deuce, who was beside him, still in a daze. Deuce blinked, glanced down at you, then at Ace. "Ohmygod, prefect is a girl? You -, we bullied a -"
Ace shoved his hand against Deuce's mouth, flashing a fake smile to your two new friends. "We'll take prefect off your hands now, senpai."
Leona gave a small hum, laying down again as he waved his hand dismissively, posing like a supermodel on the cover of Vogue magazine.
Ace had dragged you up and away from the fuzzy ears, causing you to let out a sad whimper as Ruggie winced in sympathy, looking two seconds away from snatching you back. His tail swished nervously as he stared back at Leona, who was staring at your trio in mild interest.
"Come on prefect, Grim is waiting for you. Ya gotta feed him remember?" Ace coaxed.
You perked up, hands reaching out to grasp onto Deuce, who had begun turning pink again. "Grim!! We need to feed my baby before he dies!!"
Ace rolled his eyes as your hands reached towards his, tugging him towards Ramshackle, blabbering about how much you loved Grim and his fuzzy paws.
You turned back to the fuzzy duo, hand briefly releasing Ace's arm from hostage as you waved frantically at them. "Bye pretty lion man and fuzzy hyena boy!! I'll be back! I need to feed my baby-"
Ace sighed again, tugging you towards Ramshackle with a grumble and very rudely cutting you off, causing you to start bickering with him.
Leona watched as the trio of freshies walked away, tail flicking in intrigue. "So that's the magicless herbivore everyone's yappin' about…"
Ruggie covered his ears protectively, cheeks still a faint pink as he turned to Leona, compliaining. "Leona, what the heck man -"
"Don't act like you didn't enjoy the attention," Leona drawled, smirking as Ruggie's face reddened. "What are you here for anyways?"
Ruggie paused, opening his mouth, then closing it.
"I forgot."
dividers by @uzmacchiato
Day 4; Convince.
╰┈➤"Telling your friends that you're in a relationship with Scarabia's vicehousewarden was supposed to be easy and nice to share...Once you can convince them you're telling the truth, of course."
╰►Gender neutral reader, oneshot, 3.2k words.
╰►Note: The prompts are based on words I found interesting and then I put them on a roulette to decide when I would write about them, lol. English is not my first language, so please let me know if there are any grammatical mistakes <3. Not proof read, I haven't written in a long time, so I apologise if anything is out of character.
╰►Masterlist / Inktober Masterlist.
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Sleepovers at Ramshackle started as something casual. It only happened a few times every month, maybe the day after an overblot, as a way to make (Y/n) some company after difficult days. However, after some time, they became more regular, and more crowded.
At first, it was only Deuce and Ace. Then Jack joined, then Epel, Ortho, and somehow, even Sebek started to assist, under the excuse that Silver guarded Malleus back at Diasomnia, whereas he was in charge of guarding Ramshackle in case Malleus decided to visit Ramshackle at night, as he usually did (Malleus never went when the Prefect informed him that they were going to have a sleepover with the first-years).
They usually played video games, watched movies or just talked about school stuff. Like they did now, as they were reunited at the lounge of Ramshackle; Ace, Deuce and Epel laying on some makeshift beds that were on the ground, the Prefect sitting on one of the sofas with Grim, Sebek and Jack on the other sofa nearby, and Ortho sitting happily on one of the chairs of the room.
“Did y’all know that Rook’s partner from the Science club broke up with his girlfriend?” Epel commented, as he ate some chips out of a now half-empty bag.
“Epel, don’t you think it’s quite inappropriate to talk about other people’s personal life?” Jack questioned.
“Uuuuh, you’re talking about that one guy from Scarabia?” Ace asked right away, promptly ignoring Jack’s words.
“Yeah, that one.” The Pomefiore student nodded. “You think he cheated or something?”
“It’s kinda mean to suggest that.” Deuce commented. “…But I heard that his girlfriend found some messages from another girl on the past holidays.”
“If that’s the case, he should be punished for tarnishing his dorm’s reputation with such immoral behaviour.” This time was Sebek who joined.
“They didn’t break up because of that, though.” The Prefect clarified. “It was because he did terrible on his last exams, and his girlfriend told him through the phone, and I quote, ‘she wouldn’t date a dumb loser’, something like that.”
“How do you even know that?” Ace was quick to question.
“I was at Scarabia when the girl called him, she was loud enough to be heard even if he didn’t have the volume up.” They replied nonchalantly, as they accommodated the blanket that covered Grim and them, as the small beast complained that he was feeling cold.
“What were you doing at Scarabia either way?” The Pomefiore first-year asked as he reached for another bag of chips.
“Oh, about that…” The Prefect murmured, now wondering if this was the time to tell them. After all, this was one of the few times when all of their friends were reunited in a place without other students around, and they probably would notice at some point, if they hadn’t noticed already. “Now that we’re talking about that, there’s something I’ve got to tell you.”
“Oh, really? Do tell us, Prefect.” Ortho encouraged, moving his chair to hear them more clearly.
“Well, I waited a little bit before telling all of you because we decided to be more discreet for now, but I think is best for you to hear it from me rather than someone else.” (Y/n) started, as the rest of first-years looked at them expectantly. “I’m dating someone.”
For a few seconds, silence prevailed over the room, no visible reaction out of their friends, until Ace suddenly yelled triumphantly.
“I knew you were dating Kalim! Pay up, Deuce!” He immediately turned towards his dormmate to collect their bet.
“Well, congrats Prefect, good for you-“
“What? I’m not dating Kalim!” The magicless human was quick to correct. “I’m dating Jamil!”
Another silence.
And then, Ace’s loud laugh.
“C’mon Prefect! You don’t have to lie.”
“It’s okay if you have a crush on him or something, but you shouldn’t pressure yourself to say such things…”
“We can help you if you want to look for someone else, though.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” (Y/n) questioned discomposed by their friends’ comments, probably more upset at the fact that they weren’t mocking them, and their suggestions seemed genuine, for some reason.
“Please don’t be offended.” Deuce tried to reassure them. "It’s not that you’re ugly or unattractive, I think you’re very nice and pretty. It’s just that…”
“Jamil is…Jamil, y’know?” Ace complemented Deuce’s comment. “I see him a lot at practice, he just doesn’t seem the kind to date someone.”
“Yeah, besides isn’t he like, busy all day with his dorm stuff?”
“Jamil is a very diligent vicehousewarden and a dedicated guardian to Kalim, a relationship would only distract him from his duties!”
“Idia says that he could probably beat him in a competition of who sleeps less, it would be incredible if he managed to be in a relationship even with how tired he probably is.”
“I think you are exaggerating…But I agree he doesn’t look like the kind of person to be in a relationship.”
“His food is really good! You should invite him over more frequently.”
“That’s not the point of the conversation, Grim.” The Prefect sighed, wondering when they thought this would be a good idea. “I’m not saying I like him; I’m saying I’m dating him. Like, we already went through all the confessing part and stuff, he’s my boyfriend!” They stared at their group of friends. “You don’t believe me, don’t you?” They asked with a deadpan expression.
“I’d never call you a liar.” Jack answered immediately. “But it is hard to think about it…”
“Even you, Jack, I can’t believe this.” The magicless human sank onto the sofa, offended that none of them could imagine them dating Jamil. They knew he was handsome and committed to his responsibilities, but c’mon, they were the Prefect of Ramshackle, the one who survived multiple overblots, who built their dorm from scratch and managed to stay sane (lowkey) on a world that wasn’t even theirs. It wasn’t difficult to put some respect to their name, wasn’t it?
“You’re all bad friends and I hate you all.” They mumbled as they covered themselves with the blanket with a dramatic demeanour. “Even Grim was more supportive than all of you.”
“You were?” Ace frowned towards the direction of the little beast.
“He makes nice meals and always brings my henchman food for lunch! He’s not that bad, he brought the great Grim a tuna can once.”
“It’s not like Grim is the best source of information, though…”
“You know what? I’ve got nothing to prove to you.” (Y/n) got up abruptly, the offended expression still adorning their face. “You will see it by yourselves soon enough.”
“Sure, Prefect, if that makes you sleep better at night.”
“One more word and I’ll kick all of you out of my dorm.”
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“What class do we have after this?”
“Shared gym class with Vargas.”
“Great, I’ll have to listen to Sebek screaming for an hour more than usual.”
“I’ll let you know I speak on a perfectly decent volume! You humans just have weak ears!”
“Great Sevens, have mercy on me…”
The group of first-years walked on the main hallway, already on their way to their next class, when the Prefect caught a glimpse of a certain vicehousewarden who seemed to be walking towards another classroom.
‘This is my chance to prove them wrong.’
“Jamil, hey!” The magicless human separated from the group to get close to the Scarabia student, who looked at them as soon as they heard their voice. “How are you-“
“I’m very sorry my love, I’ve got a test with Crewel in less than five minutes, I’ll talk to you later.” He walked past quickly with an apologetic voice tone, leaving the Prefect started as they watched him disappear promptly at the end of the hall.
As they stood there, even now far away from their group of friends, they could hear Ace’s snickering, the sound even more prominent as they walked back with them. After all, they were close enough to see how the vicehousewarden turned them down, but not close enough to hear the fondness of Jamil’s voice or the pet name.
“Very romantic, Prefect.”
“Shut up.”
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The cafeteria buzzed with the sound of multiple chats of the many tables filled with students from different dorms all around the place. (Y/n) arrived at the table where Ace, Epel, Ortho and Sebek were waiting for them, as Deuce and Jack hadn’t finished their club practice yet. As they sat next to them, their phone suddenly buzzed.
Jamil: ‘I brought you lunch’
Me: ‘I can bring my own meal, you know? I’m not that irresponsible’
Jamil: ‘A meal better than curry?’
Me: ‘…I want you to know that I really love you.’
Jamil: ‘I’m on the tables next to the windows, come quickly’
“I’ll be back in a minute.” The magicless human notified their friends, as they made their way towards the table where Scarabia student was waiting for them.
“Hey handsome, how did you do on Crewel’s test?” The Prefect asked right away, discreetly taking his hand to squeeze lightly as a greeting.
“It was good, I just got late after running some errands in the morning.” He sighed, squeezing their hand back, and then softly dropping it to take the extra lunchbox he brought. “Here, take it.”
“Thank you, Jamil, I really appreciate it.”
“It was nothing, I hope you like it.”
“You cooked it, of course I will. You’ve got practice today after class, don’t you?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Nothing, just asking. See you later.” They turned back, ready to go back to their table with their friends.
‘Heh, now I can show the guys that my beautiful boyfriend brought me a fantastic lunch-'
“Hey stop that! If you’re not careful I’ll-AH, Oh, I’m very sorry!” Suddenly, a first-year from another class crashed against them. “I’m so so sorry, my friend here was bothering me and I- Great Sevens, your lunch!”
Well, now the lunch made by their beautiful boyfriend lay on the ground, and (Y/n) could only stare at it with a deadpanned expression.
“You’re okay?” Jamil rushed to their side, promptly checking if they were hurt by the other student.
“Yeah, but the lunchbox…”
“I can pay for your lunch! I really apologize.” The first-year spoke again. (Y/n) had seen him a few times before, and they knew he wasn’t a bad guy, his only crime was being a bit clumsy and having annoying friends. They had that in common, perhaps.
“No, don’t worry, it's alright.” They commented with a dismissive expression.
“I can give you part of my lunch, if you want.” The vicehousewarden was quick to offer.
“It’s fine, like I said before, I brought my lunch as well. Besides, curry is your favourite. I’ll see you after class.”
“Alright, have a nice meal.”
“You too.”
They turned around and came back to their seat, this time without the lunchbox between their hands, sitting on their spot as they stared at the table.
They, in fact, forgot to bring their own lunch.
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Two classes and one-half of a sandwich that Epel gave them later, it was finally the end of the day. It was tiring, but at least it was Friday, which usually meant that a sleepover would take place at Ramshackle, but this time, the boys wanted to try a new video game in which (Y/n) had no interest, so the sleepover would be moved to Heartslabyul, leaving the Prefect a night to rest.
After making a quick stop by the cafeteria, they walked towards the gym, where the basketball practice took place. There, (Y/n) could spot Jamil right away, near the benches. As they entered the room, they greeted other students briefly, noticing then Ace chatting with other first-years in the middle of the court.
‘Maybe this could be a good opportunity to show him he was wrong…’
“It’s good to see you, my love. Did you enjoy your lunch?”
“Yeah, it was very…delicious.” The prefect answered with an awkward smile. “Are you busy after practice?”
“Not really.” He answered, making (Y/n) look at him curiously. “Kalim came back to Scalding Sands for the weekend, for an important family gathering, and he requested for me to stay here.”
“Really? Did he say why he did it?”
“...No.”
“How strange, because Kalim told me last week how happy he was to give you a free weekend to spend with me.” The Ramshackle student teased with a smile. Ever since he found out they were dating (which was like two days after they got together), he seemed so excited for Jamil that (Y/n) could swear that he was probably waiting to organize their wedding right away.
“…Yeah, very unusual. Don’t think much about it.” The vicehousewarden dismissed the topic, a faint blush on his face.
“Well, considering that, would you like to come to Ramshackle tonight? Grim is staying a Heartslabyul, so we could watch a movie or something like that. Only if you want, of course.”
“Yeah, sounds good to me.”
“It’s settled, then.” They smiled at him. “Practice is probably going to start soon, so I should leave. See you at Ramshackle at 6?”
“I’ll be there.” Jamil looked around for a few seconds, before towards them to leave a soft and brief kiss on their lips as a way to say goodbye.
The Prefect stood in their place for a few seconds, dumbfounded, as Jamil walked away nonchalantly towards where the rest of the team was. They had kissed before, but it wasn’t often in public, due to Jamil’s reserved nature, so it was surprising for them.
‘Take that, Ace!’
They walked happily towards the exit, until the figure of a certain first-year appeared through the door.
“Ace? Weren’t you here already?”
“Yeah, but I had to refill my water bottle. Why are you here, anyway?”
“Well, I…” They mumbled, until they suddenly realised. “Wait, you didn’t even see?!”
“See what?” The Heartslabyul student asked, genuinely confused.
“You know what? I don’t care anymore.” (Y/n) sighed, walking away from the gym, and leaving his friend confused at their change of demeanour.
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“So, they don’t believe you?”
“Yeah, and you haven’t been cooperative either.”
Jamil and (Y/n) chatted as they prepared to go to sleep. They had already spent the evening watching movies and talking, and after Jamil had made dinner for the both of them, they realised how dark was outside. This motivated (Y/n) to suggest that it was too late and too far for Jamil to walk alone back to his dorm (It was 11 pm and it was a 15-minute walk), so he should just stay the night.
They were already lying on bed, just talking, when (Y/n) remembered the dilemma that had bothered them for the past few days and started to narrate his failed attempts to demonstrate to their friends that they were, in fact, incredible enough to date Jamil.
“I didn’t know I had to cooperate in the first place, so that should excuse me.”
“You literally walked past me when I wanted to talk to you.”
“I was late.”
“The boys mocked me for the rest of the day!” (Y/n) complained, plopping their head onto Jamil's chest to prove their frustration. “I can’t believe they don’t think I’m capable of dating you.”
“If it’s making you uneasy, I could talk to them-“
“That would be even more embarrassing.” They sighed. “I gave up. If they don’t want to believe me, it’s up to them.”
“I don’t get them, though. I thought I was obvious, back then when I started to like you, so I believed that your friends would notice.”
“You had too much faith in them. Besides, you weren’t obvious, even I didn’t notice.”
“I tutored you for Trein’s class and I helped you manage your dorm.”
“And?”
“That's a lot more of anything that I’d do for anyone else that wasn’t you.” The vicehousewarden threw one of his arms around (Y/n), who answered by nuzzling closer to him.
“Yeah, you may have a point there.” They replied, yawning as they started to feel the exhaustion get to them. “Can you believe they thought I was dating Kalim at first?” They commented lightly, suddenly feeling Jamil’s body stiffen.
“…They did?” He questioned, a frown on his face, receiving a quiet ‘Mhm’ as an answer. “…I think it would be okay if we started to be less discreet.”
“It wouldn’t make you uncomfortable?”
“Well, holding hands wouldn’t be so bad, right.” The Scarabia student replied, trying to sound nonchalantly. “Besides, it would keep your friends away from incorrect and wrong suppositions.”
“It’s fine by me.” The Prefect mumbled, once again yawning. “But we should sleep already, I’m tired.”
“Goodnight then, my love.”
“Goodnight dear.”
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“Prefeeeeect, we’ve brought you cat!”
“Leave me on the ground! I can walk by myself!”
“You went to the kitchen at 4 am and Riddle caught you, I’m not leaving you until (Y/n) gets you back. I’m getting collared if I don’t!”
“The great Grim was just hungry!”
“Ace, the Prefect is probably sleeping, I don’t think they’ll open the door at this hour.” Deuce mumbled, ignoring Grim's complaints.
“Fine, let’s just leave him in their room.”
The three of them opened the door to the dorm, the interior still cold due to how early it was, the ghosts nowhere to be found yet, even as they made their way through the stairs.
“(Y/n), sorry to bother you, Riddle sent us to drop Grim by and- Ace, isn’t that Jamil?!”
“What are you saying, why would he be here at this hour- Wow, yeah that’s him!”
The duo didn’t even bother to keep their voices low, causing (Y/n) to stir up due to the sudden noise, making them sit down on the bed a few seconds later to look for the source of such scandal.
“Ace…? Deuce…? What are you doing here...” They mumbled, interrupting themselves with a yawn. “What happened to your sleepover?”
“That’s not the point right now, what’s Jamil doing here?!”
“Well, he-“
“My love, what’s with all the noise…?” This time was the vicehousewarden who woke up, tiredly sitting on the bed, until he realized they had company. A company that now was looking at him like he grew two heads.
“Did he just call the Prefect…?”
“Yes, he did.”
“It’s too early for this nonsense.” Jamil mumbled, feeling his cheeks heating up, as he sighed to mask his embarrassment.
“I literally told you two I was dating him like a week ago. Now, I won’t receive Grim before 11 am, so leave my dorm before I call Riddle.” (Y/n) ordered, plopping themselves in the bed to go back to sleep.
“But Riddle said he’d collar us if we didn’t-“
“Not my problem, out of my dorm.”
“But-“
“If you don’t leave right now, I’ll tell Floyd you were the one who ate his snack yesterday.” This time was Jamil who spoke, already annoyed.
“Yeaaah, let’s go Deuce.”
The vicehousewarden sighed once again, coming back to the position he was in as soon as the Heartslabyul students left.
“I’m never speaking to them again.” He mumbled against the Prefect’s hair.
“Why? Because they saw you all soft when waking up?” They teased, chuckling quietly.
“No, because they have no sense of decent hours to wake someone up.”
“Hey, look at the bright side, we don’t have to convince them now.”
“Yeah, whatever, now go back to sleep.”
(Y/n) smiled tenderly, wrapping their arms around the figure of the vicehousewarden.
“As you wish, my love.”
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