definitive ranking of who you’ll catch under the mistletoe:
kylo ren: 2/10 ( if you do it’ll be by accident. he’s gonna be a real ass about it too. do not try and do a meet cute because he will rip the mistletoe away and he will be rude about it. however, if you accidentally meet him under the mistletoe at the right time, and you’re all alone, get ready for that man to either a) kiss you so sweet and soft, or b) pin you to a wall and kiss you speechless. )
clyde logan: 7/10 ( wants to catch you under the mistletoe, but is also pretty shy about it. will consent to cheek kisses if people are around. blushes hard. he’ll shake his head and smile at you if you connive to get him. you won’t think he’d return the favour, but maybe there’s a sprig where you don’t expect, or a decided structure to clyde meeting you somewhere. his full kiss will be soft, and gentle, and warm. )
flip zimmerman: 7/10 ( rolls his eyes at mistletoe shenanigans, and pretends he’s above it all, but if you’re under a sprig, he’ll be on his feet fast as lightning. lots of deep kisses. if there’s a crowd, he might dip you dramatically and kiss you stupid. expect a smirk and a wink. )
father garupe: 1/10 ( he’ll lecture you about pagan traditions every time he sees mistletoe. do not attempt. he’ll think about kissing you, though. )
philip altman: 10/10 ( can and will kiss you under every sprig of mistletoe. very cocky about it. doesn’t see it as a tradition so much as a chance to sweep you off your feet a bit. puts on a show. grabs your ass. )
paul sevier: 6/10 ( gets nervous about kissing you in public, but he’ll lean over to kiss your cheek, and the smile on his face is both warm, and very inviting. )
ben solo: 6/10 ( listen, he’s going thru some things. dealing with some stuff. daddy problems. will not take the hint, or will ignore the hint. you gotta let him come to you, and let him whisper in your ear everything he wants to do to you after he kisses you. )
paterson: 7/10 ( good natured about it. will give you a peck or cheek kiss in public. likes to kiss you at home and then slow dance with you in the light of the christmas tree. loses points only because he thinks he doesn’t need an excuse to love you. )
adam sackler: 7/10 ( cannot make up his mind on it. has insisted it’s a dumb weird tradition most of his life, will also grind up against you while you kiss if you two are the ones under the mistletoe. loses points because you can’t fuck in public adam. )
matt the radar technician: 5/10 ( can’t handle the pressure. way too nervous, overthinks it, or yells at everyone watching. better when you’re alone, but he still kind of nervous babbles. it’s okay baby take ur time. )
jude: 7/10 ( indulges you on it. thinks it’s kind of a silly tradition, but he goes with the flow. )
parnassus: 3/10 ( he will not stop at a kiss, and by court order, you aren’t allowed in the mall together anymore. )
pale: 8/10 ( that man will kiss you like you’re lovers being separated by time, space, and fate. he’ll also ruin the moment with a quip. sometimes you just wanna enjoy the moment. )
toby: 4/10 ( we’re gonna have to face facts here. toby is a good kisser. a great kisser. toby knows how to get you around town and back. toby is also a giant sleaze and you might be wiping grease off your lips. worth it? perhaps. )
charlie: 9/10 ( i hate the d*ddy kink so much but that man exudes Dad Energy, and he’d kiss you like he wants another kid. loses points because the divorce after doesn’t seem fun. )
daniel: 1000/10: ( i don’t have logic for this. the suit ruined me. the suit and hair combo. i need to lie down. )
