"Speak what you feel, not what you ought to say." @midgetstruckgold - Tumblr Blog

Hell of a Hiatus

Boy have things changed.

The most noteworthy: My boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me with his little sister's friends. Says he doesn't know why he did it, and is sorry for ever hurting me. I'm the only person he cares about, and he can't believe himself for doing it. He hates himself, wants to change.

We are broken up, and I'm seeing a therapist--not necessarily for him, but because I want to get help for my depression, OCD, and stress management. Transitioning back into my father's (girlfriend's) house has been a bit of a struggle but I have a good support system. Trying to reconnect with my friends and keep busy. Trying to rebuild my self worth.

I would appreciate any advice about cheating boyfriends. Is it possible to still have a relationship with someone after they cheat? I've never loved and hated someone at the same time so strongly. My boss at work (God bless him, and his wife) told me men cheat for different reasons. He has been there on both sides. He said it's absolutely possible for a man to be in love with someone but cheat just for circumstance. Just because you're drunk or the opportunity is there, and it just happens. I sort of felt like that is a cop out but I can see the that being possible. I just don't want to be stupid. I can't just throw away 4 years. I don't trust him now, he knows that. But can that trust ever come back? Anyone been here before? Successful, unsuccessful, I don't care, I'd just love some feedback.

Now I'll post all the beautiful pictures I have saved that I've been wanting to share here for all my new followers. Cool beans.

#personal problems #cheating #breakups #trust #need advice #guidance

So today..

Is a bad day. Hating life a little extra.

homedesigning

Unusual Bathroom

lovelydeliciousfood

Mint Chocolate Chip Popcorn Treats

Do Not Open

I bottle things up. I don't like expressing my feelings. I hate when people ask how I feel when it is none of their business in the first place.

I talked to my dad and faux-stepmom about living here and actually "being a part of the family". Part of me meant it, the other part of me didn't.

It's fucking crowded here. My dad, his gf, her daughter and her husband have a baby on the way, and I'm sleeping in a bedroom with 3 dressers and bags of clothes everywhere. I don't wanna deal with a bitchy and hormonal pregnant lady. She's already given me attitude that I don't deserve. I'm turning 25 this year and still dependent on these people and yet there is no space LITERALLY here for me. How can they expect me to want to be here?

I want my own place but I know I'm incapable of getting it with the situation I'm in now. But I can't wholeheartedly believe them when they claim they'll help me as much as they can. They are preoccupied and I would rather keep myself in a corner. I'm okay being isolated, I've been doing it for quite awhile. Why bother changing now.

Hate

Hate my hair cuz its too poofy and I look like Dora the Explorer. Hate my job--though I love my coworkers/bosses/my fav customers/cheap clothes shopping, I can't take the monotony or the busting my ass for barely any pay. Hate sending out my resume only to get rejection after rejection. Hate that I'm a vagabond between 3 different houses; Mom's, Dad's and Edwin's Hate the stigma pot-smokers get. What I do in my off-time is my business, no one else's. And I'm not a damn degenerate either. I graduated (Dean's List btw), pay my bills, and I'm friggin responsible. Hate not knowing the future. Hate living paycheck to paycheck. Hate not knowing my place. Hate to doubt myself.