bpd

this shits hard

[actuallyborderlinee]

Me: oh it's totally okay if you wanna do X I won't take it personally

Them: I've been thinking about doing x to be honest

Me: [devastated, heartbroken, betrayed, splitting, definitely taking it personally]

[actuallyborderlinee]

the bpd urge to delete all your socials / change all your handles / change your name / shave your hair / rebuild your personality from the ground up / start smoking / get drunk / delete all your contacts / throw your phone into the ocean BC of one difficult social interaction

[actuallyborderlinee]

I wanna fucking kill myself

[actuallyborderlinee]

Me: I can't do this any more

Me 35 seconds later: yippee hooray life is beautiful

[actuallyborderlinee]

loving me must be so fucking hard i am so fucking sorry

[actuallyborderlinee]

Sometimes I go through the notes on this and look at all the people reassuring each other they’re loved 😭😭 it’s so good

[actuallyborderlinee]

And sometimes I see stuff like this

and that's even more beautiful

[selkielore]

[actuallyborderlinee]

"bpd is so hard to be around, it's really hard to manage" what if I die

[intomay]

[actuallyborderlinee]

Sometimes I find myself thinking I should kill myself so that everyone feels sorry for me but then I wouldn't be around to experience everyone feeling sorry for me

[dogfennel]

wake again after rest

[actuallyborderlinee]

Wanting to talk about this but a life time of being told I'm bossy and mean and manipulative has me doubting my own intentions. If I tell you I feel unattractive is that actually just me trying to pressure you into fucking me? Or is it me manipulating you to control the situation and make sure I'm the centre of attention?

[actuallyborderlinee]

pay attention to me I'm sorry I'm being annoying pay attention to me I'm sorry I'm needy pay attention to me I'm sorry I'm so demanding pay attention to me sorry I'll stop I'll stop I'll stop I'll stop spend time with me sorry notice me spend time with me sorry I'm annoying sorry I'm like this sorry

[actuallyborderlinee]

When you're hyper sexual to disguise the fact that you feel utterly unattractive and your sense of being completely unlovable translates to feeling completely unfuckable so you push for sex to make yourself feel wanted but it doesn't work so you end up having loads of sex and feeling empty and hollow and it somehow makes you feel lonelier

[anxietyproblem]

[actuallyborderlinee]

"I'm sorry for pestering you to spend time with me"

"I'm not working next week"

What do I do with this. Is this an invitation to hang out? Do I have to ask? I've just told you I feel bad for asking. And now I have to either ask more. Or ignore that. Or potentially miss a chance to hang out with you. How am I supposed to reply. Why is my brain so fucking awful. I hate it in here. I'm so bad at this.

[actuallyborderlinee]

Aaaaaaaaaaa

[actuallyborderlinee]

pay attention to me I'm sorry I'm being annoying pay attention to me I'm sorry I'm needy pay attention to me I'm sorry I'm so demanding pay attention to me sorry I'll stop I'll stop I'll stop I'll stop spend time with me sorry notice me spend time with me sorry I'm annoying sorry I'm like this sorry