💥🎸ASK ADAM🎸💥

I'M ALIVE BITCHES ⚡⚡ and since hell was the worst fuckin' shit crap I've ever experienced, now I need some chicks to perk me up

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Yo folks, wassup? 🎸⚡

Did ya miss me and my rock shit concerts, babes? 'CAUSE GUESS WHO'S BACK NOW!!! Heaven or Hell, I'm still the first damn man!

Y'all can, like, ask your questions here or whatever. Maybe we can just chat 'bout random bullshit if ya want. Things have calmed down lately, so now I can continue enjoying my fuckin' popularity.

Anyway, LET'S GET LIT BITCHES!!! 💥🔥

(there'll be no adamsapple. yah, dat's just not for me. ANYWAYS, HAVE FUN)

Lutual Statement

After a pretty rough week with a lot going on, the Lutuals have decided that moving forward we will be a bit more selective regarding certain things. We love sharing our characters and developing new and interesting storylines for people to read and interact with and want to continue doing so while protecting ourselves and our mental health.

Please see below on the things we expect moving forward.

Asks, anon or not, will be deleted on sight and the sender blocked if they fall into any of the following categories:

NSFW - finding the characters hot is fine! Telling the mods what you want to do to those characters sexually is not!

Violence - show typical violence may be part of storylines or backstory to inform characterization! Graphically describing violence you would like to see done to the characters doesn’t! To vent frustrations with characters, please throw a bible at them; the mods will get the message just fine.

Hate Speech - the Lutualverse is a fun spinoff of the Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss settings and isn’t the place for social or political commentary. We’re just here for the various shades of queer relationships; if you’re not, kindly move along.

Spam - many Lutuals utilize their queues for asks and submissions; if you sent it once, we probably got it and will answer asks and post submissions in due time. Sending more than once will just confuse Tumblr and annoy the mod.

To better form a cohesive, consistent universe with multiple storylines, the current Lutualverse is a set roster you can find here, all of whom have been vetted as 18+. As the blogs, storylines, and shows are 18+, it is recommended that minors do not interact.

Also, it has come to our attention that some blogs are claiming to be part of the Lutualverse despite not being official members.

While we appreciate that people enjoy our work, we DO NOT appreciate being impersonated or having unaffiliated members claiming to be part of our canon.

At the time of writing, the ONLY Lutuals are as follows: @joy-eris-joy @able-juice @silvireal @texanredrose @kambiteydragon @moreaustars @canibalistic-brownie @seecatrun @pseudobun @atttwoood

Our recently updated roster of characters on our Lutuals page of the Wiki lists all the OFFICIAL blogs we have can be read here (https://lutualverse.fandom.com/wiki/Lutuals).

Any new blogs or members will be announced by ONE OF US and will be LISTED on the Lutuals roster.

Any unaffiliated users claiming to be part of our verse WILL BE BLOCKED.

Again, we would like to stress that we enjoy the interaction and support. This is to protect us and better craft compelling stories. Thank you for your understanding.

-The Lutuals

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Yeah, must be somewhere here. Quick, bitch, check the drawers! -🎸

He starts rummaging through Vienna's handbags and clothes, hoping to find the card in there. Then he freezes, as the loud but dangerously calm voice fills the room.

What the hell are you two doing? -🌸

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin snapped upright a little too fast from the drawer she’d been rifling through, a lacy bra dangling from one hand.

“Vi! Hi!” she chirped, voice too sugary, all faux friendliness honed from years of wriggling out of tight spots. “We were just… uh… surprise cleaning! Oui, oui, very thorough cleaning!”

[your-favorite-therapist]

Vienna sighs and rubs the bridge of her nose as if she has one. She grabs her bra out of Lapin's arm and puts it back into the drawer.

I have no idea what Adam has told you, but, just in case you didn't notice, I am, in fact, not blind. And you.

She turns to Adam, giving him a very, very stern and dissatisfied look. He doesn't even flinch, only raising an eyebrow, clearly used for situations like this and already prepared for another boring ass lecture.

Vienna's look turns into a disappointed one, seeing his lack of enthusiasm. Or, at least, guilt.

...For God's sake. If you really want to take in another one-night-stand so badly, please just use the cash this time. I'll leave it for you on the near-exit table. Either this or start doing something to earn this money yourself.

What was that, smartass?

You heard me.

Oh yeah?? Did ya fuckin' forget who I am, bitch? I'm the fucking first ma- -🎸

GET OUT. -🌸

Vienna in a blink pushes both Lapin and Adam out of her room and locks herself in.

[adam-the-dickmaster]

The hell's wrong with that insectoid bitch? And when do I get my fucking cash? -🎸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

...

...So ya don't know, and just want me to do all the job and guess based on your vague hints, right?

Alright slut, I don't mind playing your woman games. Hope this guarantees me a reward tonight. -🎸

Adam grabs Lapin again, then swoops down from the roof right to the threshold of the Heaven Embassy, which has already become a new home for him during all this time in hell. Not giving Lapin a single minute to come to her senses, he goes inside and sneaks to Vienna's room. It's hard to go unnoticed for someone this big, but he's doing well so far.

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin squirmed in his grip, then the moment her boots hit the floor she slipped free and immediately yanked open the nearest door. No hesitation. No stealth.

“In here?” she stage-whispered, already halfway inside, before glancing back over her shoulder, ears flicking with impatient energy.

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Yeah, must be somewhere here. Quick, bitch, check the drawers! -🎸

He starts rummaging through Vienna's handbags and clothes, hoping to find the card in there. Then he freezes, as the loud but dangerously calm voice fills the room.

What the hell are you two doing? -🌸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

As if we have a bunch to choose from! She only has one.

So.. whatcha wanna buy when we get it? -🎸

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin’s ears twitched, a mix of exasperation and reluctant amusement curling her lips.

“What do I want? Something shiny… something that screams spectacle. Impress me, mon cher.”

[adam-the-dickmaster]

...

...So ya don't know, and just want me to do all the job and guess based on your vague hints, right?

Alright slut, I don't mind playing your woman games. Hope this guarantees me a reward tonight. -🎸

Adam grabs Lapin again, then swoops down from the roof right to the threshold of the Heaven Embassy, which has already become a new home for him during all this time in hell. Not giving Lapin a single minute to come to her senses, he goes inside and sneaks to Vienna's room. It's hard to go unnoticed for someone this big, but he's doing well so far.

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Adam smirks, landing on someone's roof and looks back, making sure no one's following them.

Well, you must admit that my plan worked flawlessly!

Now all we have to do is borrow this big booty bitch's credit card, so we can have some more fun until she sees the first notifications. -🎸

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin steadied herself on the tiles, hair wild, breath sharp.

“Flawlessly? You nearly turned me into confetti,” she hissed, though a grudging thrill still flickered in her eyes.

At his next words, she blinked, then pinched the bridge of her nose. “Adam… mon cher… that is not borrowing. That is theft.”

A beat.

“…Which card are we taking?”

[adam-the-dickmaster]

As if we have a bunch to choose from! She only has one.

So.. whatcha wanna buy when we get it? -🎸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

... -🎸

Adam immediately grabs Lapin's wrist, lifts her like a doll and flies out of the bar, breaking the window on his way.

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin shrieked as she was yanked off her feet, her wrist caught in his grip before she even had time to curse.

“Adam— ADAM! Put me down you overgrown feather duster!” she howled as the two of them were launched through the window, glass shattering in a glittering rain around them.

Her legs kicked uselessly in the air, her hat nearly flying off as she clung to it with her free hand.

“Mon dieu, I am a magician, not a projectile!”

Despite the panic, despite the chaos, despite the wind slapping her in the face—

A tiny, exhilarated laugh broke through her scream. “You absolute lunatic!”

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Adam smirks, landing on someone's roof and looks back, making sure no one's following them.

Well, you must admit that my plan worked flawlessly!

Now all we have to do is borrow this big booty bitch's credit card, so we can have some more fun until she sees the first notifications. -🎸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Are you blaming me for this shit? This pissy bitch gets mad for no fuckin' reason, what could I do? I can only--

...

...You know, I think I've got an idea. -🎸

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin’s ears perked, her posture snapping taut with suspicion.

“Oh, non non non, do not you dare trail off like that,” she said, jabbing a gloved finger toward him. “Every time a man pauses dramatically, it means trouble, bankruptcy, or jail time, and I have already done two of those.”

She narrowed her eyes, edging closer despite herself.

“…What kind of idea, exactly?”

[adam-the-dickmaster]

... -🎸

Adam immediately grabs Lapin's wrist, lifts her like a doll and flies out of the bar, breaking the window on his way.

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Ehhhhh...

Haha, you see.. that's.. uh... -🎸

[bunbunlapin]

“Spit it out, mon cher. I’ve got nothing but a hat full of odds and ends to my name, and I am not ending up stuck with the bill.”

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Are you blaming me for this shit? This pissy bitch gets mad for no fuckin' reason, what could I do? I can only--

...

...You know, I think I've got an idea. -🎸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

...

...BITCH YA HEARD IT? SHE ACTUALLY CALLED ME THAT! AT LEAST SOMEONE HERE KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A MAN PROPERLY! RIGHT, V??? RIGHT???? FUCK YOU! -🎸

[your-favorite-therapist]

...That's it. I'm fucking out of here. I didn't drink here, so the check is on you. -🌸

Vienna growls, then turns away and quickly leaves the building.

[adam-the-dickmaster]

...Oh. Oops.

Heh. Aw man, we're fucked. -🎸

@bunbunlapin

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin blinked at him, baffled. “Fucked? What do you mean we’re fucked? I know she’s your accountant… or whatever she is… but she can’t just—” She gestured sharply. “She can’t stop you from paying, right?”

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Ehhhhh...

Haha, you see.. that's.. uh... -🎸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Then I'll need to change into my extermination fit 'cause ain't no fucking way you'll do this when I'm in white clothes. This is my only clean robe! -🎸

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin buried her face in her hands, muttering a string of annoyed, almost chirping sighs, before dragging them down to press against her hips. He was still rich, probably powerful, and now she knew he might be willing to kill her. She needed to play her cards carefully... not that she knew how to do that.

“No need to change on my account… Dickmaster.” she mumbled through gritted teeth, wincing at his preferred nickname.

[adam-the-dickmaster]

...

...BITCH YA HEARD IT? SHE ACTUALLY CALLED ME THAT! AT LEAST SOMEONE HERE KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A MAN PROPERLY! RIGHT, V??? RIGHT???? FUCK YOU! -🎸

[your-favorite-therapist]

...That's it. I'm fucking out of here. I didn't drink here, so the check is on you. -🌸

Vienna growls, then turns away and quickly leaves the building.

[adam-the-dickmaster]

...Oh. Oops.

Heh. Aw man, we're fucked. -🎸

@bunbunlapin

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Then I'll need to change into my extermination fit 'cause ain't no fucking way you'll do this when I'm in white clothes. This is my only clean robe! -🎸

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin buried her face in her hands, muttering a string of annoyed, almost chirping sighs, before dragging them down to press against her hips. He was still rich, probably powerful, and now she knew he might be willing to kill her. She needed to play her cards carefully... not that she knew how to do that.

“No need to change on my account… Dickmaster.” she mumbled through gritted teeth, wincing at his preferred nickname.

[adam-the-dickmaster]

...

...BITCH YA HEARD IT? SHE ACTUALLY CALLED ME THAT! AT LEAST SOMEONE HERE KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A MAN PROPERLY! RIGHT, V??? RIGHT???? FUCK YOU! -🎸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Ooh, you've already thought of a pet name, haven't ya, babes?

Écoutez, je préférerais toujours le "Dickmaster" à tout le reste, mais celui-ci fera l'affaire.* -🎸

*Look, I'd still prefer the "Dickmaster" over everything else, but this one will do.

[bunbunlapin]

"... I'm going to bite you"

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Then I'll need to change into my extermination fit 'cause ain't no fucking way you'll do this when I'm in white clothes. This is my only clean robe! -🎸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Ugh. Rude! What do you mean I'm "ouf"?? -🎸

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin let out an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You’re not—ouf is like… how do you say… phew. Like—” she waved her hand for emphasis, “'ouf, il pleut des cordes', or 'ouf, quelle journée', or 'ouf, mon amant est un dangereux maniaque homicide!'*... things like that.” *“'Phew, it's raining cats and dogs', or 'Phew, what a day', or 'Phew, my lover is a dangerous homicidal maniac!'"

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Ooh, you've already thought of a pet name, haven't ya, babes?

Écoutez, je préférerais toujours le "Dickmaster" à tout le reste, mais celui-ci fera l'affaire.* -🎸

*Look, I'd still prefer the "Dickmaster" over everything else, but this one will do.

[seraphim-adina]

*hands u a carrot* For you, queenie

Ah…hmhm, thank you~

(…How am I supposed to taste this?) -🐇

[your-favorite-therapist]

With your mouth, ma'am. -🌸

[seraphim-adina]

I KNOW THAT. -🐇

[your-favorite-therapist]

Then what seems to be the problem? Lack of servants to feed you? -🌸

[seraphim-adina]

Why are you so bitchy today? No girlfriends in Hell to keep you company? -🐇

[your-favorite-therapist]

...I was only making a joke, no need to be so rude. I thought you were unto this sort of humor.

And you know it yourself, nobody wants to stay in this awful place for longer than a day anyway. It's dark, filthy, dangerous and completely unsuitable for angels. Or seraphim. -🌸

[seraphim-adina]

You are in no place to be judging anyone, Miss Vienna, not after all the trouble you’ve caused. I will stay wherever I please. Now, let’s hope we do not run into each other once more, or else I may not be so civil. -🐇

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Wow, someone's ruthless today. Don't be ashamed to admit it's just ya' ketchup week, demoted royal slut. -🎸

[seraphim-adina]

[adam-the-dickmaster]

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING YOU DUMB FURRY BITCH?! -🎸

[seraphim-adina]

THE BOTH OF YOU ARE UNBEARABLE! YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER!-🐇

[adam-the-dickmaster]

You both are so baaad, you deseeerve each other!

At least I deserved someone and ya get no bitches at all!

Anyways, you sure seem to be alright by now. Just as brash and pissy as I remember. Good thing you're not in Heaven anymore, couldn't stand ya laying your claws on my bitches and butches!

Now go fuck yourself somewhere else if ya don't anything more smart to say. -🎸

[your-favorite-therapist]

Adults?

Vienna cocks an eyebrow.

Mhm. Sure. -🌸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Usually I would agree that this lame purple party pooper needs to be shut up but she's speaking the damn truth, bitch! I am the first man! Wasn't it fuckin' obvious? -🎸

@bunbunlapin

[bunbunlapin]

For the first time in what felt like forever, Lapin paused mid-argument, letting her eyes drift away from Adam’s face (just for a moment) to take in the rest of him: his clothes, his wings, the whole ensemble. Slowly, the pieces began to click into place, and a faint, genuine awe tugged at her voice.

“You’re not… messing with me, are you?” she breathed, hand fluttering through the air in disbelief. “You’re actually… ouf... that's..." For maybe the first time since she fell to Hell, she's at a complete loss of words.

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Ugh. Rude! What do you mean I'm "ouf"?? -🎸

[your-favorite-therapist]

Uhhh yeah. I really hate to interrupt you in your sweet precious moment of feeling smart but, you see, he actually is the first human, miss. -🌸

[bunbunlapin]

“The adults are talking!” Lapin snapped, eyes flashing with theatrical exasperation. “I swear, it’s like living in a circus all over again! Forget it—I may be desperate, but even I can tell when one too many have flown the cuckoo's nest.”

[your-favorite-therapist]

Adults?

Vienna cocks an eyebrow.

Mhm. Sure. -🌸

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Usually I would agree that this lame purple party pooper needs to be shut up but she's speaking the damn truth, bitch! I am the first man! Wasn't it fuckin' obvious? -🎸

@bunbunlapin

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Ew, hell no! Who the fuck rails their best friend? Why do you think I need sluts like you? -🎸

[bunbunlapin]

Lapin huffed, crossing her arms though a small, begrudging smirk tugged at her lips. “Sluts like me, hm? Charming as ever, mon cher.” Her tone softened just a touch despite the bite still lingering. “You’re lucky I find your terrible manners… endearing.”

[adam-the-dickmaster]

Terrible? Jokes on you, I have exemplary manners! Get it? Exemplary! Cuz I'm THE first man and THE first dick! All of humanity was made after me, so if you fail to copy my manners it's y'all's problem, not mine! -🎸