[addetall]

hey Matt I could use your help. Also im worried about you

[addetall]

This year The dancer with the broken heart Will need to be understood And you will hold her heart In every pore -I’m sorry her name reads A little louder than others Our hands just held a little tighter Before our souls decided to cry into Existence- It will not change Do not try to change it

Go to work on time Even if their face in bed Makes you want to light cigarettes like a funeral omen It could just be a prayer

Permanence is permanence Change is change face both love that a god might exist

Write the word UNAPOLOGETIC in all caps on the bathroom floor Make it the walls you build Around yourself When Everyone tells you You are too much

When the girl Sleeping with the one you want lays next to you Say every curse word in your head Stay there until it’s warm the warmth will feel nice It will give you migraines But it will also fire over the years around your wrist

Do not question your ability To be someone’s everything You write them all into metaphors You think it’s dangerous to say their name But remember you are more than fireworks Or cigarettes You are a human being With infinite amount of love and breath I dare you to try to find the end

You are never too much

Be scared But don’t let it kill your ability to start the race When the gun goes off

[addetall]

We can celebrate recovery like a birthday party because you are alive and you are here and that is a valid enough reason to celebrate any day.

Let's throw parties on the days it takes hours to get out of bed

[addetall]

And maybe you will text her in the middle of the night And maybe then your wade pool chest will turn into forests where things do not stay in cages And maybe it won't hurt when she doesn't say she loves you But it will It will because it was a year ago and you still hear her in folds of your bedsheets It will And part of you will be okay with it And maybe that part will be the side of your shoulder that faces her side of the bed And maybe that will be the part you put ice on when you are sleeping But you will be okay with it Because those middle of the nights turn into Sunday afternoons And you start to remember the way she rolls her eyes when she laughs And you love her And even though you don't need her to love you You'll need her to know

You'll always love her but things do get okay again

[addetall]

Letter to the girl I will marry I hope tonight You are laying still I hope she has not broken your heart yet One day she will And you will feel like this story will never be Complete And you will feel your books coming undone letter by letter And you will open your hands up to feel The shattered glass You will miss the way the way she asked if she should turn out the light In the middle of the afternoon Endings have this problem Of disguising themselves As closed doors As end all be alls To the way things are supposed to be I am thinking your name into a million Constellations One day I will want to sleep with the light on And you will miss the way I want to take you in All at once

I am practicing our vows already (via addetall)

[addetall]

You will always know her name better than the words- I'm sorry She was fireworks And when you were drunk Shots sounded like the only thing thing that would keep the ringing of the time you kissed her From killing the inside of your cheek You put your throat to the end of the telephone line When she is not in your bed her voice will turn to acid it will tear holes in your bed sheets I'm sorry she hurt you I promise You will know what names sound like When they're not hitting the bottom of an empty glass

[addetall]

1. I dont self harm but tonight i looked at pictures of you two and right now i think thats the same thing 2. I texted every boy who ever wanted to fuck me so i could feel better. It was a bad idea. 3.I told my mom about you even though she likes to forget im gay sometimes 4. I didnt eat anything 5. I still had that lurking urge to put two fingers down my throat. Maybe Im that desperate to stop tasting you on the back of my tongue. 6. I wrote you into metaphors because i think its dangerous to say your name. You are fireworks, the smell of vodka, and the ringing in the back of my head 7. I keep have to reminding myself that you are good for my writing. But what if it never stops. What if you never stop ringing and exploding and doing whatever vodka does when it is consumed in extremely large quantities by someone who needs to start over. 8. What if its always you 9. I don’t write because it helps me get over you. I write because if I can write something about you maybe it was all worth it. 10. most of my good poetry is about you. If they would bind my throat into pages the title would be “about loving an aries” and your name would be scribbled a million times on the dedication page. Id write something in the margin about how im sorry for not taking enough pictures. Id only send it to you because it would be wasted on anyone else. We loved different. 14 days and I swear I hadn’t felt more. 11. you were always fireworks. I would let you combust into me knowing very well you would disappear seconds later leaving behind only smoke. I didn’t need you, I never needed you, but I wanted to. You are all I fucking want. 12. I want to be poetic about it 13. I don’t think I can anymore. I’m sorry.

Honest confessions I wish I could tell you

[addetall]

This year The dancer with the broken heart Will need to be understood And you will hold her heart In every pore -I’m sorry her name reads A little louder than others Our hands just held a little tighter Before our souls decided to cry into Existence- It will not change Do not try to change it

Go to work on time Even if their face in bed Makes you want to light cigarettes like a funeral omen It could just be a prayer

Permanence is permanence Change is change face both love that a god might exist

Write the word UNAPOLOGETIC in all caps on the bathroom floor Make it the walls you build Around yourself When Everyone tells you You are too much

When the girl Sleeping with the one you want lays next to you Say every curse word in your head Stay there until it’s warm the warmth will feel nice It will give you migraines But it will also fire over the years around your wrist

Do not question your ability To be someone’s everything You write them all into metaphors You think it’s dangerous to say their name But remember you are more than fireworks Or cigarettes You are a human being With infinite amount of love and breath I dare you to try to find the end

You are never too much

Be scared But don’t let it kill your ability to start the race When the gun goes off

[addetall]

You are all parts firework all loud and beautiful in an explosion i would watch over and over again When the phone call ended I told myself I would not write anything more about you three lines was more beautiful than your broken windows ever deserved but it 12:34 im thinking about only you The christening of my bed sheets still lies with your hands I keep thinking you wouldn’t give up if i was more like her if my eyes were big and brown and did not hold the locks of femininity the way hers did i think if only i was far away if i was more of a fantasy would you have played the game for longer would you have given me more than 14 days of swearing I would not be naive for choosing you again would you have listened to me when i said you were all i wanted because dear ringing in the back of my head You are all I wanted i am not self destructive i have never held a blade to the end of my wits but every morning i think of the moments right before saying goodbye and i have no idea why i think more about you than i do of sleeping I tell myself I am not self destructive but what’s more self destructive than a girl that knows her limits but cant get away from the idea that maybe this time you will be different Dear love of my fucking life i will not say im sorry dear god i hope this is it because there is a point when i realize this poem and every second after is more than you ever deserved

Fuck you I guess

[addetall]

Be Fierce enough to capture An eclipse between the ends of your fingertips You are diamonds And she is the slate metal that held the ends of you together You can always forget the name of the rock you threw at her window you will hold her name like like a second place ribbon you always tried your absolute best but came in short the color red will bounce off her like a brash reminder that something isnt yours that the thing you put everything into Will be held by someone who barely knows Your name when she stands on the first place platform she will remind you that something was missing you were the love of her life missing a few days short a few seconds you were a pulse that was only off a half a beat every time until it strangled out her ability to stay you will cry you will cry you will cry cry dont stop until every part of you dries up Until first love stops shining Until you see her without your mouth grasping at the thing you call perfect we were only folded sheets Cry Until you see her without you Don’t be afraid to get angry let it build up in the caverns of your chest until her name is greeted with saltwater and a closed throat When you go to sleep Do not shy away from her side of the bed unravel every part of yourself uncurl your fingers sleep flat on your back do not pretend she is holding you she is not holding you buy sheets in her least favorite color and Do not allow her to exist In the most intimate space you call home She will come back to see what you look like without your dignity Or clothes on When she does remind her your voice is the fireworks you always thought she was Remember that there is no shame in continuing to throw rocks You were built to love until your hands Forget how to hold onto its own skin But When the rough edges Destroy the most human parts of you When there is only bone left Have the courage to go up to the window Notice the absence of broken glass realize She never really was a window She could never reflect the way you could She was just a hole you needed to patch over And now that you have You will be just fine

Addendum: you were not an idiot for giving her another chance.

[addetall]

All of us contained not yet in what it means to be a nightmare Pray to the god no one remembers Around a fire Lit high and blazing Praying that maybe one day Our souls will leave room for breathing

[addetall]

Nights hold the glass to the edge of our ears Whisper out your lovers sweet nothings Wrap us desperately Around insomnia Like sheaths Please stop telling me sleep Might pull us Right back out

[addetall]

14 Days You are all parts firework All loud And beautiful In an explosion I would watch over and over again I would let you Explode into me Knowing seconds later You will disappear Leaving behind Only smoke I'm sorry this poem is so sort I wanted to write everything you taught me about love But this is all You gave me time for

You gave me more time and I regret every second of it

[addetall]

When you are staring at the sky, fall in love with something you can't touch. Something that can only be seen when the sky is quiet and the city stops boasting. Fall in love with the consistency of things that are always there but don't know how to show themselves when everything is golden and beautiful. Fall in love because it's the universes way of showing us that Everything burns out. Something can last for a few seconds and still be worth all of my time. Recognize that the best things only happen in moments. Fall in love for the few seconds there is something that gives purpose to the sky when it is far And we are alone -(Even if we aren't forever you are worth more than stars)

[addetall]

Letter to the girl I will marry I hope tonight You are laying still I hope she has not broken your heart yet One day she will And you will feel like this story will never be Complete And you will feel your books coming undone letter by letter And you will open your hands up to feel The shattered glass You will miss the way the way she asked if she should turn out the light In the middle of the afternoon Endings have this problem Of disguising themselves As closed doors As end all be alls To the way things are supposed to be I am thinking your name into a million Constellations One day I will want to sleep with the light on And you will miss the way I want to take you in All at once

I am practicing our vows already

[enhamoured]

I. If you leave your neck exposed someone will want to touch it. Whether it be a kiss or a hand it’s going to leave a mark when they do II. Do not live as a painting. III. There is a book that is wildly famous and it will tell you to start everything with the end in mind. Don’t you dare listen to it. Hold that second as tightly as it holds you. Validate that you are young and that this is living. V. You are not background noise. You can exist beautifully in silence, but when you do speak up make sure you are heard. You were born screaming and with an inability to stop. Being heard is wildly possible. VI. The will teach you what to do when a bus flips over. They will not teach you how to start a riot.

[enhamoured]

Recognize that the sky will be as black as it it blue And sometimes your knees will match the sky Kissing her is never something you should be scared of Loving her is Never skip out on the ends of concerts just because getting out of the parking lot is easier When the cosmos danced us into a mess of human existence There was no such thing as having your life figured out We only existed for the sake of knowing what lungs felt like I hope you know Breathing is always enough

(via enhamoured)