Letters to Anyone

The 100 Word Challenge is a [daily] writing challenge for writers. And by "writers" ... I mean YOU, whoever you are.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

April 7, 2018

You always imagine it in your head. You call them, you laugh, you're drunk or tipsy more than you thought you could be. But in reality, there's the cold silence of the four walls of your room. And you hear the whispers of their voice haunting your memory.

But then in the reality, where you hear the laugh and their breath across hundreds of miles. That's where you find peace. And feel yourself staring at the luminescent stars on your ceiling with an ear to ear smile. And in your shallow breath and the silence, you find peace once again.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

January 29, 2018

And after a night of tossing and turning, I guess it's time for me to put it to rest. There's something about learning from the past, but dwelling in it means I didn't learn. Memories can be found, but there are always new ones to be made.

Remember there was a before this and there will be an after it as well because time keeps moving whether I like it or not. Because there are people who care and people who matter and everyone needs someone to be there.

I will be, just as I always have been. Like you.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

January 27, 2018

Sometimes there's what you plan for. The numbered steps, procedures, and protocols. You ponder about the length of time you've spent on planning...

Something turns it upside-down. A night of passion, a day of exploration with brand new eyes. And there are laughs and passing glances; intertwined legs and intermingled fingers. The wrinkle in the clothes, the freckles on their face, and a smile that captivates your entire being.

For one day, there's the realization that life isn't always planned. But also the realization that sometimes, all you have is one day.

And it'll always be one of my favorites.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

October 1, 2017

Sometimes you don't need to be sexually attracted to someone to remember that there's still a heart beating inside you. Cracked, broken, but still beating.

Him: What’s your definition of happiness? Me: Metaphorically, it’s... that warm feeling when you drink something hot in the middle of winter and you exhale and you can’t see your breath anymore. When you spot your favorite constellation amongst the light pollution in a busy city. Like a spark right next to kindling... it’s a small feeling, sometimes fleeting, but other times it completely engulfs you and before you know it it’s all you know.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

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August 27, 2017

Dear [Me],

Turns out this wasn’t an amazing day after all... because why would it be? I know because there’s [You], and all my hope is pinned on [You], who I don’t even know, and doesn’t know me. Maybe if I could just talk to [You]. Maybe nothing would be different at all. I wish everything was different. I wish I was a part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?

Sincerely... Me

Sometimes you just want something so bad, you make it up.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

August 22, 2017

Someplace before the clock strikes twelve is where my emotions reside, somewhere in-between the deep breaths and sighs. There is a misalignment in our lives but being completely in sync is never what I asked for.

Still, I can imagine the curls in your hair, the light in your eyes, I can still smell you on my clothes and in the air. Where when our fingers lock there is this feeling of warmth and a place where I belong, there with you.

It's a feeling that I cannot place, at least, cannot place entirely with you... at least not yet.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

August 21, 2017

Well, today marks what I'll officially call "Day One". Last night we'll call "Day Zero".

Something about how when my arm wrapped around your waist, something in the resistance in your kiss. That the moment our lips touched everything seemed complete.

The naivety of it all. Holding hands under shadows and seeing how brightly your smile stuck out in the darkness.

I should've kissed you one more time before you disappeared, but I didn't. Things I'll think about for a while, until I see you again. I mean, it was just "Day One", they'll be more of them, I hope.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

August 20, 2017

Is this what it feels like? To be happy and feeling like my heart is gonna beat out of my chest.

It's like that new short film that everyone is raving about. Do I wear my heart on my sleeve and get it broken with the hope of it being fixed up? But that's the thing... no one really knows what happens next.

I really like you, so here I am, going to do my best. I'm counting down the time until I see you, and well, that's all it's gonna take.

I didn't think I'd smile this big again.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

July 2, 2017

I refuse to think about it. Think about you, think about all the time we spent together.

And still, I find myself circling your name, finding an excuse to talk to you, and I lose. Every. Time.

I shouldn't hurt, it really shouldn't.

But when I'm staring at my ceiling at 2am and I don't know what to do except maybe call you, but I don't... that's what it feels like. And no one really gets to understand that. No one. Not even me, because I don't even know what I'm feeling.

I love(d) you once, I love you still.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

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June 19, 2017

"Cause crazy is perfect, and fucked up is perfect..."

I didn't ask for someone to be perfect, that was never the intention. Nor did I ask or what myself to be seen as the perfect one either.

I'm willing to try.

And your saying that it's not worth waiting, well, who gets to decide that? Not you, but you've made up your mind. And slowly I'm getting bitter about it, but it's only because what felt so right... what still feels so right, has been ripped from me and left me shaken to my core.

"Don't give up on me."

Two Years Ago

[addicted-to-serotonin]

September 1, 2016

Some things get easier and some things don't, that's just the way it is. I mean, here I am being active again for another organization and doing the things I want trying to make a difference.

But there are still the times when I make mistakes and I catch myself being too critical, too unforgiving to myself to doing something bad. Where I catch myself drowning in the sadness that only I apply and I can't muster the strength to just stop..

I should be more reliant on the people who care around me. Because I'm not alone on this.

Last Year

[addicted-to-serotonin]

July 2, 2016

Today. I started a new life today; a better one.

Now I get to see everything that I’ve put in work into to be better; to really contribute to something greater than myself. It’s gonna be hard but I have a feeling that everyone is gonna work out the way it should.

“Work in silence and let your success be your noise.” I have you to thank for that, as well as 567 more people. Let’s all put in work, we deserve it more than anyone else. Finally, welcome to the rest of your life "bro", you’re gonna like it.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

June 4, 2016

I'm sorry I haven't had the time or motivation to update this as much as I had hoped, or liked. I mean, I made it past a year and then things took a major dip. Let's just say that there has been a lot going on. I finished my under grad, currently pledging for a fraternity, got good grades, trying to manage my emotional and psychological well being, and working on being there for my family while my mom is in the hospital. Is it bad? Not really, but sometimes I feel like the world isn't understanding of my situation.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

March 11, 2016

Yesterday was probably one of the busiest days I've had. I had class, had to work on other stuff, fix my laptop, hop on a plane. What really got me what I wasn't able to see another of my pledge bros.

And like that, I got two demerits and a big headache. Hearing that there's a fifty percent rate of us going to cross. Well, I know who I want to cross... And it's going to be everyone.

C'mon, got a lot of work to do with my pledge bros. But we're a line, so we’re gonna finish as one.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

March 2, 2016

Sometimes you don't need a boyfriend or significant other. Sometimes it's just a plus.

Sometimes what you really need is just a friend who you can talk to for hours and know everything is going to be fine in the end. Someone you can be comfortable with and they are the same with you.

Where embarrassing stories are what bring you closer and personal struggles show the strength that the both of you will do your best. Sometimes you find that out slowly, sometimes in the blink of an eye. I'm certain now that I have a friend like that.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

February 29, 2016

One more day just means that there's more opportunity out there. I mean, let's face it, sometimes we don't even use our days well.

But in the end... it's all up to the choices you make. Life had a funny way of giving you the things you want versus the things that you need or should have. I should know that now.

Sometimes it's a fact of life, other times it's an idea. But for the most part, it's always going to be whether or not you do something about it. Well... I need to figure it out for myself.

[addicted-to-serotonin]

February 28, 2016

It's been real... real tiring. This week isn't getting easier but it just means that I'm progressing and doing things that I should be doing. I mean, I never had chances like that before and I'm excited to be doing things.

I mean, it hasn't really sunk in yet but I guess that's the best part of it. I can just relax and breathe for now until everything else kicks in.

Take it one day at a time. I don't want to rush things, so maybe relaxing a little will help me in the end after all. Just gotta breathe.