rise&fall

RP sideblog for Marius de Romanus || VC || 18+ || selective --“Do not make a religion of reason and logic. Because in the passage of time your mind may fail you, and when it does, you may find yourself taking refuge in madness.”--

[phantomemes]

credit .

‘ did it really happen if i can’t remember it ? ’ ‘ but you kept trying , didn’t you ? ’ ‘ how can someone be too young to be in love ? ’ ‘ i will never forgive you ’ ‘ you have been the star of each and every one of my nightmares ’ ‘ i’m sorry if i wasn’t the child you had in mind ’ ‘ i only ever wanted to make you proud ’ ‘ silence has always been my loudest scream ’ ‘ i used to think i was broken ’ ‘ i’ve always felt like a stranger in my skin ’ ‘ i still wonder who i would have been ’ ‘ i didn’t realize i could be my own knight ’ ‘ i’m not scared of the monsters hidden underneath my bed ’ ‘ some names will always be cursed ’ ‘ i have so much love to give , but no one ever wants it ’ ‘ in all my dreams i could find myself picking my teeth out of the carpet ’ ‘ i’m sick to death of everyone telling me how strong i am ’ ‘ death is one of the senses ’ ‘ children are not meant to die before their parents ’ ‘ fate is a fucking lie ’ ‘ everyone i love leaves ’ ‘ i’m terrified down to my very roots that there are parts of myself that can never be filled ’ ‘ fuck the idea that there is such a thing as destiny ’ ‘ the pain did not make me a better person ’ ‘ i burned the bridges to all the things i could not repair ’ ‘ i would thank you , but we both know you don’t deserve it ’ ‘ i bet you regret making an enemy out of me ’ ‘ you can hate me forever if that’s what you really want ’ ‘ hurting others is a choice ’ ‘ you can have my forgiveness but you can’t have me ’ ‘ please believe me when i say revenge was never my intention ’ ‘ i am strong enough for anything ’ ‘ i am so glad we were born during the same lifetime ’ ‘ i may not believe in fate , but i believe in you ’ ‘ i am allowed to live my life ’ ‘ do not waste a minute mourning me ’ ‘ maybe you should start treating people better for a change ’ ‘ it is a fucking tragedy when the world does not stop for you when you give it every last drop of your blood ’ ‘ your failures are just what happened — they don’t have to be who you are ’ ‘ you have to keep moving forward ’ ‘ don’t allow the world to take your kindness ’ ‘ you owe no one your forgiveness ’ ‘ love is never a weakness ’

[icapturetheperiodpieces]

[lifeinpoetry]

I paint/ the flowers so they/ will not die.

Jen Rouse

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

…how they go, how they go!—all the ones you thought would never go.

Charles Bukowski

[sad-plath]

The body shuts down when it has too much to bear; goes its own way quietly inside, waiting for a better time, leaving you numb and half alive.

Jeanette Winterson

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

I have to make myself indispensable, irreplaceable, utterly faithful, without a thought for myself…Or else some day betray her, all her beauty and her voice, just to prove that there are things more powerful than she, that there are things that can make her cry, that there is a limit to her invincibility.

Nina Berberova

[letmetalkyouthroughmystance-blog]

[adhcminem-a]

moral-cipher: 

“And what about yourself? Would you like to be ignored as well?”

Armand put his bag down in a haphazardly chosen bedroom, his focus entirely on Marius’ rambling monologue about time, hardly even noticing whether the decor of the room was to his liking. Not that it mattered when it came down to it. He might surround himself with luxury chosen and designed by himself down to the smallest detail of pattern and contour, perfectly controlled and ordered, but he could live just as easily and naturally in a barren cell. He knew this.

Marius seemed to realise that his admissions, so lightly shared as though they wouldn’t mean anything to Armand, or as though Marius hardly seemed to think his conversation partner real, were nothing short of chilling. Time is nearing its end. It is a feeling in me. And what of his time? His internal clock? 

When Benjamin and Sybelle had been turned his Maker had been saying similar things, that his faith was gone, that his life itself had no meaning. And meaning was what Marius craved more than anything, even though he derided the very same search for it in Armand and Santino. It had taken Armand a long time to realise that particular hypocrisy, but lately it had been getting ever clearer. If Marius felt that meaning was no longer an option for him…

“You don’t bore me,” he said. That much was true. Bored was not what he was right now. “But you do worry me,” he admitted as they neared the living room. “I do not wish for you to be lonely. It seems to me that you seek solitude deliberately, because… because you’re hurting, and because your pride forbids you to ask for solace.”

Marius turned his head slightly, a mild curious smile softening the white mask of his face. His placidity was sugar-dusted, faintly perfumed. It was something created and presented, nothing grown from nature. It showed, like a glimpse through the folds of a curtain, in the razor-thin lines that creased his forehead, the hardening of his pale stare. And before it all the smile floated like a mirage.

“But what solace could be provided me?” He wanted to know in that same conversational, matter-of-fact tone. With two strides, Marius reached the artful armchairs by the fireplace. The embers were aglow, now fanning themselves to flames under their master’s cursory glance. orange light splayed on the velvet ornaments of the armrests, inviting with comfort and warmth. Marius made to sit, offering the other seat to Armand. 

“I find that deliberate solitude is preferable to solitude imposed on you by others. My house will always welcome those I hold dear, but its doors must then also remain open for them to walk back out again. I have come to accept this. I am tired of the bitter fighting, the hurtful partings. And I cannot subject myself to the whims of another, to be their companion rather that they are mine. Perhaps one day, but not in this time and place.” He had spun such arguments before, threading them like silk to pretty patterns. But there was an aspect he had never quite considered which was now forcing itself on him with vigor. 

Marius was accustomed to solitude. His burden had kept him from others of his kind who he had regarded with distrust and distance. But it was now, in these last few decades, that he realized that he was not only solitary, but alone. He had never been alone before. And those he loved, yes, those very ones, would leave him, knowing. The hurt of it was hard to stomach.

[olivedidanova]

[hapless-hollow]

I have no right to be handling humans today. They are far too fragile, far too weak… and I am plagued with a murderous mind.

Helaena Moon 

[romansuggestions]

me: *sees a beautiful youth in the forum*

me: no, I have a beautiful wife whom I adore.

merchant: this greek slave is not circumcised and he is very obedient!

me: *shoves my bag of denarii into the merchants mouth*

[eternalandrei]

@adhcminem

The cold went straight through him. Despite his coat he was shivering - it permeated any expanse of skin. His fingers, his neck, his nose were all frozen despite his best efforts. His cold was getting worse, and stomach permanently empty. None of this was fun, he’d hated the experience from beginning to end. Armand was no less an outsider looking in on human life than when he’d began, wandering around lost like a spectre. If this was his last sunset, he was at least ready to say goodbye to the day forever and return to the night where he belonged - where he didn’t feel constantly petrified and fragile, scared of his own shadow, former community and friends.  

Desperation drove him to curl his fingers into a fist and rap his knuckles on the door. His heart pounded, like his head, as he considered all the things that could go wrong. Whether he might end up dying, whether Marius might outright refuse to change him. Simply having to go through this all over again. It simply wasn’t fair that he would have to build himself up from scratch like this, but what choice did he have?

[adhcminem-a]

Marius’ brush stilled upon the wall. The mind that was making itself known to him was one in need and uproar. Seldom had he felt such a measure of despair in a human being. It was a deep, pulsing grief that had nothing to do with the mundane troubles that plagued the mortals of this era. It seemed larger than life itself. And it was, much to his horror, entirely familiar. 

He dropped to the ground and tossed the brush and paint aside. This was it, he thought. This was the final straw. Like a ghost come to haunt him, the past had caught up with him. Now it would swallow him whole. But no. He was Marius. He wouldn’t give in to delusions and madness. No one knew how to evade them better than himself. There was an explanation, had to be. He was not crazy.

Marius was on his way to the door before the young hand came down upon the wood to knock. Then there he stood. And Marius had almost expected to see him in blue, stockings and lace and fine oriental silk. But Armand was dressed in the manner of the modern youth and he was far from the strong healthy boy Marius had known in his household all those years ago. He was sick even. Exhausted. 

The old Roman’s expression no doubt betrayed his disbelief and shock. Still, he couldn’t think of any way that his senses might be tricked. This was Armand, Amadeo, and he was flush with blood and his mind was open to him and he was subject to hunger and illness and... He was mortal. Mortal again. 

“I don’t understand.” 

[morbidromanticblog]

Get Back

[adhcminem-a]

morbidromantic:

“You’re no fun,” Daniel told him, not that he had really expected a different answer. He carelessly tossed the bag into a corner and looked around the suite, briefly recalling the time when this kind of accommodation alone would have been enough to dazzle him. He had known luxury for decades now and there was still a part of him that felt like an impostor for even being allowed in such a setting.

“I think it’s easier to believe money means little when you have a lot of it.” For their kind, however? He agreed, money was of far less importance. Daniel finally turned to meet Marius’ eyes again, a smile on his lips.

“You wouldn’t have had to meet me, I hope you know. There’s no need for you to come every time I appear aimless.” He reached out and put a hand over Marius’ so much paler one. “But thank you.”

“My dear Daniel,” Marius smiled, fondness softening his gaze. It was so good to see him again, his strength and youth radiated from him like a second aura. He reached out with his free hand to rest his palm against the other’s cheek. His touch slid down to Daniel’s jaw, just before Marius became aware of himself and retrieved his hand. “You never need to thank me for this. I am here for you whenever you ask for my company.” He stepped back and gestured to the couch. 

“Come, sit with me. What has happened between you and Armand?” Of course Marius wasn’t eager to hear about even more tension and negativity, there was enough of either in the world without vampires fighting among themselves. But such things tended to get complicated within their makeshift coven. People picked sides, they got caught up in drama. It was best to not stay uninformed, before these quarrels spread.

[adhcminem-a]

faintly-radiant:

The movement was too quick even for Marius’ eyes to detect. Eric’s hand shot out, and the distance between them vanished as desire became intent without any conscious decision on Eric’s part, his long fingers closing around Marius’ throat until the grip threatened to crush both larynx and windpipe. The back of the Roman’s head made a very satisfying thud as it slammed against centuries old brick, his heels dangling pathetically two inches off the ground. Eric leaned in until their faces were mere centimetres apart, his own devoid of all expression but a kind of predatory fascination. 

“And what about you?” he asked quietly. There was no inflection to the words. He could feel a pressure building in his chest and head, a coiling tongue of fire that wanted nothing more than to leap out and make an inferno of the furious vampire struggling in his grip. “How would you like to end? You’ve escaped the flames once already. Do you think Fortuna still favours you lately? You would have the whole world mourn the loss of your loved ones, while you practically slaver at the thought of depriving me of mine.” 

His mask was cracking. It was all he could do to keep his voice from trembling, though his hand remained steady as a rock. “I know what happened. I was told. And it’s as well for you that I arrived too late, or you would have both died that night.”

Wrestling his anger back under control before he really did immolate Marius right there in the empty street, he snatched his hand back as abruptly as he’d reached out, leaving Marius to get his feet back under him quickly or fall flat on his ass. There were bruises forming on that proud white neck, and it delighted him to see them.

“You are alive because unlike that creature you picked up in the North, I’m loyal to my maker. She doesn’t want your precious blood spilt, and for that reason alone I’ve refrained from spilling it. But if you so much as breathe in Santino’s direction again, I’m going to turn you inside out. Do we understand each other?”

The hard grasp around his neck and the thump of his skull against the wall knocked the wind out of him. No matter how how he grabbed at the arm that held him pinned to the wall, he couldn’t break free. A snarl built in his throat but he wouldn’t give in to such base instincts. Instead he stared back at Eric, his silent glare parted by a strand of blond hair that had shaken loose and fallen in front of his face. 

It was the height of foolishness to speak so mindlessly. Eric had already been on the verge of hostility before, but now Marius understood the reasons for it. That anger was not born out of the disrespect for Maharet or the brutality of the execution as Thorne conducted it. Eric’s fury was fear in disguise, fear and pain. What had he said about Santino before? Marius’ eyes widened slightly.

Then the grip on him disappeared again and he landed on his feet. His own hand wrapped around his neck to rub slowly at the bruises. Shame burned through him like fire but this time he stayed silent. He had to keep himself in check. Eric had easily demonstrated that it would be futile at best to oppose him. And Marius wanted no quarrel with any of them, not even with this confused and hateful creature. His age commanded respect and Marius would pay it only because he needed to.

“We understand each other...” He bit back the acid in his tone and instead kept his voice low. 

[morbidromanticblog]

Get Back

[adhcminem-a]

morbidromantic: 

The almost formal greeting made Daniel smile, an instant familiarity with Marius’ mannerisms bringing a feel of ‘home’. He closed the door behind himself and looked around the room, whistling under his breath. “How old do I have to get before I start being good enough with money to always live like this?”

Obviously he never had actual money problems, Armand had taken care of that before he even turned him, but in actuality, Daniel tended to forget his wallet, lose his credit cards and also simply give all his money to random people on the street so often that he rarely had much money he could actually use when he was by himself.

“Good to see you too,” he finally returned the greeting, stepping further into the room and presenting his bag to Marius, “I dare you to wear this.”

Marius was no stranger to Daniel’s lackadaisical ways. He recalled nights on which he had to roam the streets in search of the fledgling himself, rather than just his wallet. And before, when he was in Armand’s care, he had shown such behaviors to the extreme. “Either you are born with the good sense or you have to train yourself to it.” He smiled. “But it makes no difference in the end. Money means so little.”

He was about to turn away to show Daniel his room when he was interrupted by the showcasing of a cheap bag. Marius looked first at the gift, which he now remembered Daniel had told him about, and then at Daniel himself. “Not if I can help it.” 

[adhcminem-a]

faintly-radiant:

The glare Marius carefully directed away from Eric’s face was nothing short of ugly, his face contorting as his fine and noble bearing gave way to something so uncouth, so brutish, as simple anger. Stripped of the polished veneer of civilisation and justice, his designs frustrated, he appeared now unveiled as the sum of his baser instincts - a cruel and small-minded being, with a childlike urge to stomp out of existence anything that wronged him.

A cynical little smile curled Eric’s mouth unpleasantly, even as he ached with the desire to break Marius’ face for having the nerve to ask such a question. He wanted to close the space between them and pick the Roman up by the neck, pin him to the nearest wall and crack his skull against the ancient stones. A burning cold sensation spread through his body like frost on a lake, making him cold and hard as though he were covered in a fine glassy armour. This anger went too deep for sound and fury, it created a nuclear winter in his soul, turned him into a compassionless dead being that was alien even to himself.

“Did you think we would simply stand back and let Thorne destroy him in Maharet’s own house?” His clear voice cut through the tense silence like a whip. “Did you think her word meant so little? That all it took was the audacity to ignore her will, and everything would align the way you hoped for?” A look of mocking sympathy turned his brows upward, before his gaze became flat and dead again.

“Poor Marius. It must be so difficult for you, knowing that Santino is protected by forces you cannot hope to contend with and live. It’s inconvenient when your enemies have friends, isn’t it.”

Speak of ugliness. 

Marius jolted away from the sheer viciousness of Eric’s expression, a sudden spark of self-preservation driving him to seek distance. He was by no means a fighter, not even for a moment, but the centuries had been merciless teachers when it came to the law of preventive retaliation. Marius let the small book in his hand slip into his coat’s pocket. 

“It wasn’t my audacity that earned Santino what he so rightly deserved.” Marius said stiffly, anger flaring once more to loosen his tongue. He couldn’t understand why Eric of all people would be so passionate about this matter. But then, he also didn’t understand why Maharet would choose to protect Santino again and again. They all did this, didn’t they? Maharet and Pandora and Armand. Always they stepped in to speak in the dark-haired Italian’s favor, and for what? 

“When Maharet denied me satisfaction, I accepted her word as the law it was. I was ready to turn away. Wounded as I was, I am not a beast. I will have civilization. It was her own fledgling who rose against her, who slew Santino while she stood by.” He said. “You speak as though you bore witness to all of it when I know you didn’t. You weren’t there. Maharet was, however, and did nothing. She could have stopped Thorne. All of them there could have stopped Thorne and didn’t. Noble as they all believe themselves in their mercy and forgiveness, deep down they knew that Santino was meant to end in the flames he worshiped.”

[morbidromanticblog]

Get Back

[adhcminem-a]

morbidromantic:

It was no surprise that not only did he find Marius at one of the most lavish hotels around, but also on the top floor, in what had to be their most expensive suite. Daniel himself wasn’t dressed to fit in at such a place, often tending to neglect such details when it wasn’t for Armand. It got him a few looks, but at least no one stopped him and there he was, knocking on Marius’ door.

He checked his phone, out of habit more than anything, quieting down the part of him that expected a text from Armand. Instead he slipped his phone back into his pocket and straightened up, holding the bag that held Marius’ awfully gaudy souvenir from Las Vegas.

Marius felt rather out of place himself. He wasn’t used to being the one to wait, the one to check the clock or the phone or the calendar. It tugged at something in his heart, some hidden root of discontent, but he quietened the feeling. He was here to see Daniel and to find out for himself what had driven Daniel from Armand’s side anew. 

When he sensed the young vampire make his way up to their rooms, Marius rose from his armchair. He reached out with his hand to open the door but his feet didn’t carry him the distance. Instead he let the lock spring back with the power of his mind alone and pushed himself forward. 

“Daniel,” His expression instantly warmed when he lay eyes on the other man waiting outside the door swinging open. He welcomed him almost eagerly. “It’s so good to see you. Please come in.”