STRANGER OR FRIEND?
One – there are lots of fake ‘couples’ who are basically blackmailers. They will usually appear very attractive (especially the woman) and will even send their explicit photos to you as part of the introduction. It is very difficult to figure out which is a genuine couple and which is just a bunch of scamsters. The wives may actually be prostitutes.
Two – Diseases. There are some ‘master’ swappers – older couples who have been involved in this for a long time. These people are usually emotionally shallow and hardly fit the definition of a ‘couple’. They are more interested in using their ‘couple’ status to get more sex, and with as many different people as possible. They often want only single-time encounters. Such professional swappers are bad news for various reasons, and not just because they too may try to blackmail you or your wife.
Three – whether you like it or not, swapping is not just about physical needs. You may think it is, but it is not, it is also emotional. It is about the lack of excitement and change and emotions in a relationship. Women usually develop feelings for the other guy in such relationships and you too may develop some feelings for the other woman (though men may be better able to control it.) If you don’t know the guy well, you don’t want your wife to develop feelings for him. Worse, you don’t know him well, he may try to take advantage of your wife’s feelings for him and cut you out.
Four – Most Indian women will not sleep with a stranger. This may be different in other cultures, but in India, 95% of the women won’t sleep with a stranger. So if you are trying to go in for a Internet-based thing, you are pushing her. Sometimes, she may agree if you pressurize her enough, or perhaps because she doesn’t realize how it feels like. But she is unlikely to enjoy it. If she doesn’t like it, it is rape. And you have just been an accomplice to your wife’s rape. It’s not a good feeling and she’ll hate you for it. This is something many men don’t realize because most men are ok with sleeping with strangers. They don’t really care. Women hate sex with strangers. This issue may be overcome through non-sexual introductions lasting for a couple of months (including combined trips, slumber parties etc., but it’s frankly too much bother to make a new friend for swapping, instead of just using an existing one. Besides, halfway through, you may realize that one of you or both of you don’t like the other couple much and is not interested in having sex with that person.) That said, if your wife is willing and eager to sleep with a stranger, you should perhaps get yourself checked for HIV.
Five – Imagine you rented a car for a week. How would you treat it? You’ll try to take maximum advantage of the situation and use it rough. You’ll try all your stunts and fantasies on it. What if it was your best friend’s car? If you are true friend, you won’t abuse it. You know you’ll have to answer to your friend sooner or later. It’s the same with wives. You lend your wife to a stranger, he’ll abuse her. He might force her to do things she doesn’t like. He might even make her pregnant. She’ll suffer and you may not be around to help her. Even if you are, it might turn violent. So don’t lend your wife to a stranger you found on a website, no matter how ‘gentlemanly’ he looks.
Six – Swapping is a complicated matter. Human emotions are involved. There will be unforeseen twists and turns. There has to be love and kindness between all the four people for this to succeed. Jealousy will show its head and friends can solve such complicated emotional issues. Preferably, both the men and the women should be friends. If only one pair (man-man or woman-woman) are friends, spend enough time together for the other two also develop a friendship and understanding between each other. If they end up hating each other, find a new couple, otherwise life will become living hell for all four parties involved. If they are so-so friends, it is still ok. (Women are mostly so-so friends with other women..)
SAME ROOM OR DIFFERENT?
The ideal order of how events should unfold is the following:
1) Couples already know each other for some time
2) Check with your friend (male or female) in the other couple if he or she is open to the idea of swapping. If yes, proceed as below:
3) Couples should do activities/trips together and hang out with each other in a group of four.
4) Each person spends time in a secure public place (cinema, park etc.) with the opposite-sex partner from the other couple till they are comfortable in each other’s company.
5) Each couple have sex with their own partner (husband-wife) in the same room, either with lights on or off. If it is with lights off, then later, with lights on. This gives an opportunity for all parties to see their future sexual partner without clothes on. It also helps fuel their fantasies about each other.
6) Introduce the idea of swapping into partners’ minds (“he thought you were hot and said i was really lucky. i think he wanted to have a go at you too.” “I saw you eyeing her, you thinking of new partners, is it?”) If you are trying to introduce the idea into your wife’s mind (and your friend’s wife is already willing), get help from your friend’s wife to bring your wife into the loop.
7)Create a situation where the room is totally dark and all four of you are naked. There should be opportunity for the mixed couples to touch each other (could be a game, or sleep situation, ‘accident’ or something else.) There can be sex immediately or there can be just touching etc. (depending on the situation)
LIGHTS ON OR NOT?
Don’t look at your partner having sex with someone else if you are not sure you can take it. A lot of people who think they can, find out that they cannot when the actual situation comes about. They feel angry, or feel cheated by the partner. They feel that the partner enjoyed more with the other person. They start feeling insecure about their ability to satisfy their partner. Don’t worry, there will come a time later on when you will be able to see it and not lose control. Wait for it, don’t look initially, keep it dark.
DO I TALK ABOUT IT?
Never ask about it. What your wife or husband does with his or her partner is totally his or her business. Of course, you have to make sure that the other person does not abuse your partner (wife) when he is alone with her and that your wife continues to enjoy the relationship as time passes (and is not just putting up with it for your sake.)
Never talk about it. Don’t compare, even in your mind. Tell your partner you don’t ever want to talk about this. It just happens, that’s it.
FALLING IN LOVE?
Realize that initially the other person may feel better than your existing partner. You may even feel like you are in love with the new partner, but it will wear off. Don’t burn your bridges and spoil your existing relationship. Put in extra efforts to reassure your partner that you still love him/her. Continue to have sex with him/her. Tell all this to your partner also. Tell your partner it’s ok if he or she feels like he or she is falling in love with the other person. It’s just the hormones. It’s how human beings are designed – they seek variety and thrills – it’s nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty about. Enjoy your life and let your partner also enjoy.
There will be temptation to take things 'private’ between two of the 'new couples’ to add spice to the new relationship – such as through phone calls and emails. It is best avoided, to make sure jealousy and suspicion does not come up. Resist the temptation to go overboard. Don’t spend half an hour on the phone with your new 'boyfriend’ or 'girlfriend’, even if your wife or husband is not there. This should, obviously, not be done under any circumstances if he or she is there. It is a sure-fire recipe for disaster.
Similarly, there might be a temptation to move 'permanently’ to the new partner. It is a sign that you are in love with the new partner. At this point, remember that the grass is always greener on the other side. After spending a year or two with the new partner, you will feel just as bad as you did with your first one. The only difference will be that you will have spoiled your relationships with all three of the other members in your group. Be an adult and resist the temptation. If you think you won’t be able to, don’t get into this swapping thing at all. This is for people who have been through two or more relationships and know what relationships are about, how they change and evolve etc.. This is not for someone who has never fallen in love before. Such people will think 'this is it, the love of my life is here’. Preferably, the couples should have at one time been in love with each other, at some point in life.
It is perfectly ok to go out on dates with your new partner etc.. as long as it is done in a transparent way and all four members of the group have agreed on it.
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