To Infinity & Beyond

Every now and then God makes one that way A red head, wild child with storms in her eyes.

[onlinegirl420]

me on the first day of september

[sapphosmisthios-deactivated2018]

my 8-year-old cousin got a spiderman pinata for his birthday today and he hit it so hard that he removed spiderman’s cardboard head from its shoulders and my cousin’s 11-year-old friend goes, without missing a beat, “I don’t feel so good Mr. Stark” and i lost my shit. kids really are our future.

[cardiacattack-deactivated202106]

Why Baymax?

As some of my followers may know, I have a fairly large tattoo of Baymax from the movie Big Hero 6 on my leg. A lot of people assume I’m a Marvel fan when they see it, but I’m really not. I’ve never read the comic book that Big Hero 6 is based on and I honestly have no interest in it. So why would I choose Baymax to place so largely and permanently on my body? 

Baymax is a nurse. The movie specifically refers to him as a nurse, which already is a connection for me. He uses the Wong-Baker FACES pain scale, a scale I keep on my badge and is in every room of the hospital I work in. He practices holistic medicine, as nurses do. He administers medications like me, he educates like me, he gives hugs like me, he even hands out lollipops like me (or crackers or popsicles or ice waters). More than that, though, Baymax goes through somewhat of a transformation in the movie. Outside his super suit he’s soft and squishy. His design is rather simple. Cute, but his exterior isn’t much more than a plain white balloon. He has no real features but a pair of eyes (which are just two black dots). His movements are extremely basic. I feel this way about myself a lot. Kind of cute, but more squishy than sleek. More simple than attractive. More boring than dynamic.

Inside his super suit Baymax is someone different. He’s a super hero. He learns to fight, he can fly, he takes on the bad guys and wins. When I’m in my scrubs, I’m also someone else. I’m assertive, I can push life saving drugs, I can manage complicated drips, I can care for days-old infants after open heart surgery. I can take on death and win. But Hiro tries to make Baymax someone he’s not. He literally erases Baymax’s caring programming for one that will kill and destroy. It’s not until the end of the movie that Hiro realizes Baymax was a hero already the whole time. That Baymax’s strength was in his ability to care, in who Baymax was outside of the suit, and that is what ultimately saves them.

Sometimes I feel like all I have to offer is being a nurse. That other people who aren’t nurses won’t understand me. That there’s nothing interesting about me besides being a nurse. That I have nothing worth talking about outside of that time I defibrillated a one year old, or the time the OR team cracked my one month old patient’s chest at the bedside. That I’m not very pretty or funny or informed or even that smart, but I do know a lot about inotropes and chest tubes and ventilators. 

The Baymax on my leg is my own reminder that I don’t need a suit to be someone. That I am a super hero in my scrubs, but that I’m still worth something outside of them, and that that person is ultimately what allows me to be great.

[asking-the-death]

“You said goodbye when I was trying to say ”Something ain’t right inside of me””

— Machine Gun Kelly - Habits

[dumbdaisies]

I love you, I do. But love sounds so dutiful And after this long maybe it is. But know that though it’s my duty, it’s not an obligation. Because luckily enough I like you too. I like your eyes, and the dimples on your cheeks and I like holding your perpetually cold hands. I like the smell of your clothes and I like how you always know how to make me laugh. And even after all this time when love becomes routine, Just know that While I am so in love with you, I’m in like with you too.

[bunlly]

Nothing ever ends poetically. It ends and we turn it into poetry. All that blood was never once beautiful. It was just red.

(via t1cc)

[breakup]

[coffeecutsandcigarettes]

i think my least favorite thing about depression are the days nothing is wrong but i feel a deep sadness that cuts me to the core. how do you explain to the people who want to help you that there’s nothing they can do because there’s nothing to fix or to talk through? i’m just tired on a level they can’t understand

[adriennebaird]

It's so weird how out of control I feel with my life. Between the constant trying to please everybody and the constant trying to make myself happy, it gets pretty tiring. It's sad that I feel more in control at my job than I do in my everyday life. I feel comfortable with people's lives in my hands - taking care of them, medicating, comforting. I feel comfortable keeping someone else alive but I feel like I can barely keep myself functioning. Moving away from my family and my friends is hard and it is lonely. It's lonely when I only see my family once a week when I used to spend hours a night talking about my day with my mom. It's lonely when I see my friends once every three months because we are all so busy with our own lives it's hard to overlap free time in our schedules. I can't please everyone when I can't even please myself.

[artifuls]

Things I have learned since becoming an Adult™

-don’t tell ur coworkers jack shit. You might think they’re your friends but they will sell you out for a paperclip -everything men tell you is a lie -store brand vanilla ice cream is better than name brand -pregnancy tests from the dollar store work just as well as $20 ones -don’t lie to your doctor -seriously don’t -at some point your card will get declined for $6 and nobody but you will care. It happens to everyone at some point in their life -you will become bffs with your mom (unless she’s a mean person, then skip this one) -you’ll wish you took the advice adults gave you when you were younger, even though it annoyed you at the time -people you went to high school with will become teachers, doctors, etc but they will still do drugs and it will be weird. That’s life, my dude -never underestimate the power of new underwear

[pepperoniplaygirrrl]

When I say “please don’t take a picture of me” it’s not because I’m being bitchy and stubborn, it’s because if I see that picture I will seriously feel so bad about myself and think I am the ugliest thing on earth and sink a little deeper into self consciousness and hatred.

[bayariel]

When your girl gets drunk before you

[xzvdfxgjftgykj]

my friends introducing me to ppl

[adriennebaird]

waking up: haha fuck

[beaglesarecute]

People scare me. They change their minds so quick. One moment it’s “I love you” and “you make me happy” and the next it’s “I’m not sure anymore” and “this isn’t what I want”

07/23/15 (via beaglesarecute)

[goodreadss]

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.”

Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones (via goodreadss)

[adriennebaird]

Instincts

Is it bad vibes or is it jealousy? Do I trust my gut or bury my feelings because I'm overreacting? How do you choose which side of yourself to follow?