dirtyberd @dirtyberd - Tumblr Blog

I’m sorry

I’m sorry I ghosted you. I never planned on it or ever dreamed I would’ve done what I did to you all. Honestly, if you would’ve told me this is how DB would’ve ended I prob would’ve slapped you. It was one of those things where the longer I went, the more scared I got to say something. Then I just thought I’d slowly become irrelevant and you all would move on anyway. But, it wasn’t right. I’ve written this post in my head a million times. My tummy hurts. I feel truly awful thinking of those of you who cared for me, and counted on me and I let you down. I made you worry for me and that is completely fucked up. I should’ve at least checked in.

So...everything is good with me. Just want to get that out of the way. My sweet daughter is almost a year and a half. She is an angel. She talks a lot. She says “please” and “thank you” without being told. She loves to snuggle. She loves animals, specifically cats (nee-nees) and dogs (woof woofs). She loves almost every food. She is also super bratty and loves the word “no.” I know everyone thinks their child is smart, but this girl is a genius. Not kidding.

NYG and I are great and happy. We recently celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary. We’ve moved to a bigger house that we love. He works very hard but comes home and only wants to play with Baby and help me out, he’s never once asked to just be left alone or wanted to rest. He is a saint. I am still staying home with baby. It is VERY challenging. I don’t have any help during the day. By Thursday I have lost my mind, pretty much every week.

Puppy and Kitty are as sweet as ever. They center me. Baby loves them both and gives them constant hugs. I have been volunteering with a pet rescue. We have a foster cat, currently.

I still struggle. I get depressed, I get anxious. I still have high highs and low lows. I try to hide it from Baby but she always notices and comforts me by repeatedly saying “Hi, momma” and hugging me. I worry that I’m damaging her. But I also know already that she is an empathetic and loving person. Most of the time, I’m good though. I’m a good mom. I know this.

I don’t feel like DB anymore, though. Not just because my life is hardly ever sexy or wild anymore, but I’m just in a different space mentally. This blog feels like an entirely different lifetime. Every part of my past always feels like a past life to me for some reason though. I don’t feel like I have anything to offer you anymore. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that DB is gone. I miss her too. Truly.

So, I found out about the Tumblr ban on the news and my heart sank. It feels like the apocalypse is coming on here. I have made peace with not being DB anymore (mostly), but I didn’t have a plan as to what I would do with the actual content. To think of it all just being deleted hurts. Just...gone??? My diary for like 5 years? These were some of the most exciting years of my life. What about the community? All of you?? Because anyone who has been around for awhile knows this blog is way more than just me. We created a safe space, that we all needed. Thousands of questions answered, moments shared. And so much cum. What about all the cum???

I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I thought I moved on but I’m still so sad thinking of DB being gone. I’m so sorry, Berdies. I really really am.

Kiss.

Do you have any coupon codes for a sister whose vibe just broke and is DESPERATE! Xoxox

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endiness

Girls

stop calling yourselves “basic” when you like something that’s popular. Things are popular because a lot of people like them! You think you’re ahead of the curve by calling yourself what you think others will call you but really you’re just giving a sort of permission for people to label you, and others too. Calling women basic is just another way of trying to make them feel less special, putting them down, and making them feel less powerful.

Wear your Uggs if you want, drink whatever coffee you like, watch Gossip Girl, bitch do whatever you want and be confident in that. You’re more than all of that, anyway.

#train rides produce mini rants #im guilty of this too!#important

blackthoughtsnmarijuana

Akeila

shot by Corey Daniels

Same

pi4nobl4ck

theawesomeadventurer

i am on another plane right now and this video has me convinced that I reached nirvana for a few seconds

funnyposts

the first time i watched this video i was stoned out of my motherfucking MIND and i watched it on loop for 25 minutes

moosekleenex

#art

We miss you mama berd!!!!

I miss you guys too. I have a lot going on right now (all good though!) which I’ll update you on soon. But! I yearn for time where I could sit at my desk and blog for hours. I miss it so much, I feel like a part of me is missing 😥

Speaking of dreams

I usually don’t tell everyone about my dreams bc I think it’s pretty boring but this is one of my faves lately and NYG’s too. I remember my dreams almost every night, which can be v overwhelming so it’s nice to have a funny one for once.

NYG and I were in a mattress shop, thinking of buying a new mattress. Right at the entrance, there was a plate of these chocolate pinwheel cookies. Of course I grabbed one, and as I was eating it, crumbs were getting everywhere. Like, covering me and the mattress I was sitting on. The lady working there was glaring at me majorly and I felt like she was judging me. So I decided to “test” her and act like a total hillbilly to see if she’d still try to sell me a mattress. I started jumping on the beds w my shoes on, rolling around like a maniac, and exclaiming loudly, “Oooh, this one be comfy!!!” NYG was like wtf are you doing?!? Then I asked the lady how much a mattress cost and she said $5000 and I said, “Five thousand dollars?! That’s more than we make in a year!” And I keep going like “yuck yuck” and stuff like that. The end

I just woke up from a dream about you! We were at a store (?) and you were trying on gorgeous wedding gowns with godawful bright purple running shoes, which you kept referring to as your “perfect sandals.” You were very angry and bossy and pulling a suitcase around and it was dropping shit, but getting angry at everyone else because YOU dropped your stuff? I handed you a shirt that fell and you snatched it out of my hands like I tried to steal it and said something mean. 😂

My “perfect sandals” 😂😂😂 I get a lot of messages w dreams about me (which I’ll never get used to!) but this one is up there as one of my faves.