@adulescen

[mlknhny]

"Fuck," Julian hissed as his palm came down on the table. He was hard too, but his pride was making him more stubborn than usual. "It'll get cold. You can't just re—fuck. Y-you can't just reheat a cut like this; it'll dry out and become tough.." He argued. " That's it going somewhere — right into the trashcan." In spite of his protest, Julian was still pushing his ass back against Jack. He knew what was going to happen, but he still felt the need to make an effort to seem not as easy. " We were having a moment…" he panted. " A romantic moment and you're ruining it…" He all but moaned out. It was instinct that made Julian's body betray him in the end. The force of Jack's hips and the placement of the ma's thumbs on his waist made Julian's back arch and eventually fold. "I take it back, i fucking hate you." he chuckled before he pushed himself to stand. The turn he made was tight and narrow, Jack not giving him much room as his only objective lay behind Julian's back. But Julian wanted more than that. His mouth found his boyfriend's , tongue lashing out like it was the first time. Julian's hands cupped Jack's face at the start of the kiss before they ran down his chest and landed on the button of his jeans. With the fly open, Julian sank to his knees, his hands feverishly working to pull down everything that kept Jack modest, letting out a groan when he finally saw his prize. Julian wasted no time gathering saliva from his cheek and letting it fall to the tip on Jack's cock as his hands made progress on undoing his own jeans.

[adulescen]

The other may have been trying to stand his ground, but his actions told an entirely different story. A slight, breathless moan escaped Jack's lips as Julian continued rutting against his evident arousal. "Something tells me yer ain't thinkin' about that right now." He hummed softly before letting out an amused chuckle at the younger man's attempts to gain the upper hand. The elder appreciated his partner's commitment to being in charge, but Jack wasn't a fan of prolonging the inevitable. "Yer never were any good at lying." For a few seconds, Julian caught the deputy off guard. His actions were swift and hurried, yet laced with a hunger neither of them had seen before. Whether it was born from their confessions of love or their mutual arousal, Jack couldn't be sure. Either way, he found himself struggling for words as the other embraced him feverishly and sank to the floor, his hands working desperately to tug at Jack's trousers. "Attaboy." A hand buried itself in the brown tresses of his coworker as saliva coated the throbbing head of his length. Jack had seen this sight before—Julian on his knees, ravenously trying to please the older man. He'd probably never admit it, but the first time he saw Julian like this was more than likely the moment he realised there was something more between them. "Thought yer said we were havin' a moment?" The deputy quipped before taking a step forward, his intentions clear as he silently urged Julian onward.

[mlknhny]

The meal was hot and ready, but so was Jack, it seemed. Thankfully Julian and set the plates down before he dropped them, as Jack's actions cause a shiver to run up his spine and make his hands shake. " Jack…" He softly scolded, wetting his lips as his body stirred to life. Jack was good at that. But Julian felt stubborn. " I put this much effort into dinner and instead of stuffing your face, all you can think about stuffing is me?" He joked. He had picked up Jack's humor along the way, and sometimes he enjoyed being quit witted around people instead of a stammering mess struggling for a comeback. " Eat dinner and maybe I'll let you have me for dessert." He countered, pushing his hips back on Jack's. It didn't help his cause, as both of them were just going to get hard, but Julian was feeling confident, and confidence turned him into a tease. " And yes, I will still call you baby while you fuck me, that's a non-negotiable. I might even beg for it." He chuckled, nudging his hips back against Jack hard. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

[adulescen]

Jack had been with his fair share of men over the years, but no one could infuriate and consume the older man with desire quite like Julian. He only had to look in the younger man's direction, and he would be weak at the knees. "I figure it's about time I show yer just how much I love ya." There was no denying that Julian knew the sway he had over his co-worker. His newfound smugness and self-assurance made it evident that the other man wasn't going to submit easily to his advances, but Jack was never one to shy away from a challenge. The deputy's hands instinctively tightened their hold on his co-worker's waist as he continued the slow, deliberate movements of his length against the denim of the other's jeans. "Dinner ain't goin' nowhere. Figure I can work up another appetite later." He added with a guttural groan and bucked with an almost feral urgency as the pair carried on with their movements. He could barely stop himself as his hand began moving up the other's chest, eventually coming to rest around his neck. "Ain't no secret how much I like hearin' that pretty little mouth of yers beg." Both of them knew where the night would end up. It was just up to Julian how long he wanted to savour the anticipation.

[mlknhny]

A stupid and embarrassing tear ran down his face the more Jack spoke. Apart from their night in the car, Jack never opened up like this. It was progress; progress Julian never thought he would get. He could only nod in silence, not wanting to speak and risk Jack clamming up after finally taking so long to speak. Still, Julian ached with pain for Jack. He could see the hurt in his eyes as he recalled his past, and it was no wonder he was somewhat emotionally stunted given the tidbits he'd been given about Jack's father and upbringing. Julian made a silent promise that should he ever have this displeasure of meeting his boyfriend's father, that he would have more than a fee unkind words for him. But that thought was a spec on an otherwise blissful night. He leaned into Jack's hand before kissing it, smiling and pulling away. " Okay, stop. Enough mushy shit. Dinner's getting cold and I didn't spent money and cuts like this for them to go to waste." Julian chuckled as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. " Grab the drinks from the fridge?" He asked as he turned away from Jack, wanting to hide the dumb smile on his face. Just knowing that Jack thought about him that much was a boost to Julian's ego that he didn't need, but savored so much. " After we eat maybe we can stream something? Everyone's talking about Love Island, but there's this horror movie that seemed good that's on Netflix if you're up for that instead?" Julian smiled as he plated their meals for his first dinner with what he now could officially and confidently say, was his boyfriend.

[adulescen]

Despite the emotional confession, Jack hoped to remain composed. It was the first time he'd told another person about his childhood, and although he wanted to be honest with Julian, there was still a part of him that held back his true feelings, almost as if he didn't want to cry in front of him. The deputy knew that decades of keeping his emotions bottled up weren't going to disappear after a single night of opening up to a more than understanding partner. As much as Jack wanted to break the cycle of self-protection and avoidance, he knew it wasn't going to be easy and that it was something he'd have to put the work into. But for tonight, another thought was floating around in the elder man's mind. The younger man had admitted his all-consuming affection for him, and Jack wasn't about to let his co-worker get away with such a confession without facing a few consequences. "Uh." Jack narrowed his eyes as Julian turned away, absentmindedly plating their dinner. He closed the distance between them once more before settling his hands possessively on the other's waist. His lips pressed against the other's tanned skin, trailing upward until they reached the curve of his ear. "Can't tell a man yer love him and be expectin' him to keep his hands to himself." Jack whispered, his words little more than a gravelly murmur. He pushed forward, skimming his length over the fabric stretched across the other's rounded cheeks. "Reckon yer still gonna call me baby when I've got yer spread out over this table?" The deputy muttered, continuing to tease the younger man with ravenous intent.

[mlknhny]

Julian couldn't help but huff. He didn't know, and that was the issue. He wasn't aloof like Jack and he cared way too much about things to even attempt it. It would have been nice if the answer, as Jack put it, was obvious to him, as then he wouldn't have had to put himself out on the line. So naturally, his shoulders slumped in relief and two simple words. It was nicer to hear than he ever thought it would be, and unwanted tears began to pool in Julian's dark eyes as he trembled beneath Jack's touch. " You are?" The words came out like a whisper. It felt like his heart would explode in his chest. Julian wrapped his own arms around Jack, pressing his forehead to what he now could confidently say was his boyfriend's. "I know, baby.." he said again, freely and proudly this time. They both had shitty fathers, but none of that mattered to Julian in that moment. " But that doesn't matter now. Jack, I love you so much." He chuckled, the words mingling with laughter and relief as salty tears ran down his cheeks. " I never thought I'd get to say that to anyone… I'm so glad I get to say it to you. I love you. I really , really love you." He chuckled, kissing Jack softly. "I promise not to abuse it, but God, do I love you."

[adulescen]

Jack had been holding onto the truth about his father for so long. He had kept it hidden from everyone, including Julian. He had always believed the brutality and punishment were his doing, that he was in the wrong for crying over his mother's unforeseen death and continuing to grieve for years afterwards. The cigarette burns on the back of his head were a constant reminder to never show his feelings or emotions, a reminder that vulnerability would only bring him pain. But Julian wasn't his father. He never had been, and Jack was slowly learning that. "Yer have no idea." The elder pulled him closer, closing the small distance between them until their bodies were only an inch apart. He almost couldn't believe someone like the younger man would give him the time of day, let alone his heart. A hand moved up to cup Julian's cheek, his thumb carefully wiping away the tears falling down his face. The deputy couldn't help but stare for just a moment, taking in his tanned features and soft brown eyes. He had always found Julian captivatingly handsome, but God, was he beautiful. "Darlin', you ain't got a damn clue what yer do to me." He added, returning the embrace with equal amounts of longing and desperation. "Yer all that's been on my mind. Every mornin', every damn night. Can't even sleep without dreaming 'bout that perfect face of yours." Jack couldn't control himself. Years of buried thoughts and emotions were finally spilling out into the open.

[mlknhny]

With a snort, Julian elbows Jack in his side, nudging him away a bit. " You just couldn't help yourself, could you?" He scolded with a small head shake. Following up something as exposing as admitting to how Julian makes him feel with a kinky joke was pretty on brand, but Julian had gotten used to it and even learn to appreciate it. It broke the tension, and Julian found himself relaxing his shoulders a bit more. Still, there was implying it, and there was saying it. And Jack wasn't saying it, so Julian would have to. " So we're together? You and me?" He asked softly, his eyes avoiding Jack's. " Because not running off isn't the same, Jack. I.. I want you to be my person. I want you to be the one I look for in the dark and the person I know I can fall back on when I'm weak and I… I want you to be proud of me." He said with a sigh. " Proud of the person I am and the person I can become because… Because everything else about us has to be a secret. " He all but whispered the words out, choking on the agony of them. " And if I can't wear my feelings proudly and openly I at least want to wear them with confidence. This is new to me but I know it's not just fleeting. At least not for me." He paused, mustering up the courage to look Jack in the eyes. " I wont say it, but you should know it regardless by now. And if you know it and you don't run then I… I know it too, and so you don't need to say it either. Not until you're ready."

[adulescen]

Jack knew it wasn't the right moment for a sexual remark or a witty comment. The conversation was important for them, but he wasn't oblivious to Julian's uneasiness about it. He wanted the other to feel comfortable enough to share his feelings. There was no denying that he hadn't always been that way with the younger man. He wanted to become a better man for Julian—someone he could fall hopelessly in love with. "I reckon yer already know the answer to that." He added, edging backwards. Jack wouldn't admit it out loud, but he hadn't realised how much he missed his warmth against him until Julian pushed him aside. The deputy took in his words and nodded along before taking a deep breath to centre his growing anxiety. "I'm yours." Jack had never given himself to another person the way he had with Julian. Going from several one-night stands and occasional sexual encounters to being hopelessly obsessed with one person had changed him. "I've always had trouble sayin' what I feel." He murmured and wrapped his arms around Julian's waist, their eyes meeting as he pulled his partner closer. "My old man used to beat me anytime I showed any kinda feelin'." Jack had never mentioned his abusive father, but he suspected Julian had some idea that something was wrong. "Fuck, I've been in love with yer since the second I saw you, and I can't keep actin' like I ain't." It was almost like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, as if three decades of abuse and shutting himself off from the world had washed away with one word and one person.

[mlknhny]

Well, at least Jack was honest. Julian was freaking out too, so he couldn't exactly be upset with the man for admitting it, but the difference was that while Julian was freaking out that he would chase away Jack, Jack was probably freaked out that he was pushing a boundary. Having a heart-to-heart did not boyfriends make, and Julian was over skirting around the topic. It wasn't like he had a ton of options in a rural town full of backwards thinking hicks, but there was more to Jack that lead to Julian having feelings for him other than him being available. Julian just had no idea how to express said thing without sending the man away forever. Still, he knew he had to say something. With a sigh, Julian pulled the steaks onto plates to rest. " It's… weird for me too. It's not like I ever… It just sorta slipped out. It felt natural to my brain, I guess." He shrugged his free shoulder as he spoke, trying to keep the air around them light and nonchalant. "Sometimes when it's like this… When it's just us… I just don't think about it. I don't have to think about it." Julian admitted. In any other instance, he would think that was a good thing, but with Jack… "But it's good to know I can call you that, if not anything else…" Julian added, testing the waters as he plated the rest of their food.

[adulescen]

Jack had spent so much of his life running away from himself. His father had essentially trained the young deputy to suppress his emotions. Years of conditioning weren't going to disappear overnight, especially with the cigarette burns on the back of his head as proof. Jack wanted to be a better man for Julian. He couldn't say for certain he was ready, but he knew he needed to heal from his childhood trauma and slowly open up to the man he was falling in love with. "Yer make me feel safe." His arms found his partner's waist again and held him desperately. The elder responded with a weary breath, as though a weight lifted from his shoulders. He never imagined being vulnerable with another person, and the thought alone still scared him. "I know what yer wanna call me. 'Sides, daddy." Jack wasn't stupid about what the other was suggesting. The two of them were in a relationship—boyfriends, more or less. He hadn't been with anyone else since the night he thoroughly and completely ravaged the man on his living room floor. He could've gone first, but part of Jack needed to hear his partner speak first, to settle his nerves. "I ain't gonna run off, yer know?" The deputy reassured Julian, knowing that a single word would change the course of their relationship.

[mlknhny]

Was he exaggerating? Maybe, but Jack was way more experienced than him, and Julian could not (and would not) be going into detail about how it felt the first time Jack mercilessly decimated his virgin ass on the floor of his home and the following day of limping around. Jack needed no more encouragement to be arrogant. Still, it seemed that Julian was forever destined to put his foot in his mouth. In his mind it was a plausible slip of the tongue, but Jack never let anything go, and Julian should have known better than to even try. He turned off the stove, thankful his tanned skin hid the blush he felt creeping up his neck and towards his cheeks. The steaks were done, and maybe good food would have distracted him a bit, but before even being given the chance, Jack was pressed against his back again. Julian used every ounce of willpower within him not to whimper like the bottom bitch that he was whenever Jack was near. The scent of the man got him hard, but that wasn't the point of the night. " You…you do?" He stammered out, turning his head to see Jack over his shoulder. Julian gripped the counter nervously. In his head, he and Jack were something, but in reality, Jack wasn't his boyfriend. Jack wasn't his anything, as painful as that was to admit. But Julian wanted to change that more than anything. "I thought you'd freak out about it…" Julian admitted with a dry, almost humorless laugh.

[adulescen]

Jack didn't want Julian to feel embarrassed. The feeling was strange in a way, seeing as the past version of the deputy would've savoured the other's flustered stare. He was a different person now. The older man was still rough around the edges, crass and blunt, but Julian made it harder for those edges to come out the same way they used to. Even being happy and content was something the man hadn't felt in a long time; he felt like a fish out of water, struggling simply to survive. Jack's grip was tight around the other's waist, his chin resting on his shoulder. Julian wasn't the only one feeling worried. It was new for the elder, and although his grip was firm, his hands trembled slightly with nervousness. "I ain't got nothin' against being called baby." Jack understood that this was a big step for both of them. He knew Julian sometimes had reservations about their relationship, or lack thereof. As soon as Jack noticed the other's trembling hands against the counter, he loosened his hold around his waist and placed his hands over them to reassure him he wasn't going anywhere. "I'm freakin' the hell out over it. Don't mean I ain't into it, though." Jack added. He not only wanted to express his own concerns, but also hoped to ease some of Julian's.

[mlknhny]

Julian laughed at the comment as he flipped the steak over. " Yeah I could uh, hear all eight inches of your dick slapping against your knees as you walked." He snorted. When Jack's hands moved to his waist, Julian cleared his throat. " Unless you want me to burn theses, take your hands off me." He warned with an edge of humor to his voice. " I would have if I'd finished cooking first, but given that my bare ass would have made you misbehave, I figured I'd stay dressed so I wouldn't be the only one getting meat in me tonight." Julian joked. It felt easier than it used to; like Jack's presence was calming instead of tense. Like his sense of humor had rubbed off on Julian in the way those things did when two people spend enough time around one another. " There's beer in the fridge and the remote's on the stand , this'll be done in a few minutes then we can eat. You can pick what we watch, baby." He smiled, freezing mere seconds later as the words that came out of his mouth processed in his brain slower than they should have. His hand gripped the spatula tight enough for it to hurt, and he could feel his heart thump in his chest. "I… I meant maybe…." He stammered, trying to recover the slip up.

[adulescen]

Jack chuckled before raising an eyebrow at the other's statement. "Eight?" He questioned knowingly until Julian cleared his throat. The older man knew he had a certain effect on his partner—be it awkwardness or an unflinching knack for getting under his skin. Still, Jack enjoyed knowing he could surprise the other to some extent. He rolled his eyes and deliberately took his time removing his hands from Julian's waist, teasing him as they slid downward. He grabbed a beer from the refrigerator before settling on the counter and watched closely as his partner moved around the kitchen, mesmerised by the domesticity. Jack almost didn't realise Julian's slip of the tongue for a few seconds. The word caught him off guard. He has been called baby before, mostly during sexual rendezvous, but never in such a loving and heartfelt way. His confusion alone made his hands clammy, and his cheeks redden slightly. Jack regained his composure and grinned widely at the other. "Yer, no you fuckin' didn't." He added, taking another swing of his beer as he moved back over to the younger man. His hands moved around Julian's waist again and squeezed. "I kinda like it when yer call me shit like that." Jack doubled down and hoped his words could alleviate his evident embarrassment.

[mlknhny]

Julian was still riding a high honestly. The stakeout was a success in two ways, as Jack opened up to him more, but they also managed to catch two people moving drugs into the warehouse and bring them in. It was a huge break in the case and Jack and Julian were being treated like rockstars around the station. Even his own father manages to congratulate him. Julian felt untouchable, and his desire to celebrate had him cornering Jack outside the station after his shift to ask him to come over to him place on the weekend. The pair had been careful not to go to one another's places too often. In a small town, people noticed things like that, and while in his mind, Jack was his boyfriend, they still hadn't put a label on things, and even if they had, neither of them were ready for the entire town to know. But that wasn't on his mind. No, all Julian was thinking of was a night in with Jack, good food, and more than likely, a wild night in bed. With a few bottles of actually nice wine in the fridge, potatoes and asparagus in the oven, and two massive steaks on a grill pan on the stove, Julian called for Jack to enter once he heard the creaking wood of his porch. " It's unlocked, come on in!"

[adulescen]

Eight hours and several intense discussions later, the stakeout was a success. They arrested the perpetrators and dismantled a drug trafficking cell. The feeling was almost overwhelming, and the appreciation made Jack feel as if his career meant something to the community. He couldn't help but feel an unfamiliar sense of gratitude, which only deepened once Julian asked him over for a celebratory weekend. For the most part, they were careful. Their moments of intimacy were either spaced apart or in the next town over, but Jack didn't care this time around. Not only was the admiration and affection from the station and the community intoxicating, but it was outright arousing. He made his way to Julian's apartment and parked his truck about a block away (as usual). The streets of the small rural town were empty as the elder stepped onto the porch. He raised his hand to knock before hearing his partner's voice calling him inside. "Yer got some kind of super hearin'?" He joked and closed the door behind him. There was something unexpectedly domestic about the idea of Julian cooking a meal for them, which gave Jack a sense of normalcy he hadn't had in a long time. "I was kinda hoping yer would be wearing nothin' but an apron." He grinned before moving behind the other man and wrapping his arms around his waist.

[mlknhny]

Jack punching someone for making fun of him for being gay felt about right. The man was a a cowboy through and through, even if that cowboy was one of the ones in Brokeback Mountain. Julian laughed, but Jack was a little bit right. Jack had been and still was, intimidating. "I'm glad I did though…" Julian whispered, his hand still in Jack's. He was content in that moment, and it felt good, even if he knew he was doing the wrong thing. He chuckled as he forced his eyes back to the warehouse. It should have been embarrassing to hear, but Julian had known Jack long enough to understand what a compliment from him sounded like and that he wasn't trying to offend him. "You'd know better than anyone, so thanks. Gotta admit, I did practice. After the shame and denial wore off, I sometimes found my lips around a brush handle or a baton… Doesn't compare to the real thing though." He smirked as he tossed a wink Jack's way. With a heavy sigh, Julian used his free hand to grab another drink. "This is more boring than I thought it'd be." He said with a nod towards the building as he placed the can between his thighs and used his finger to crack the tab. " I need to stop believing shit's as cool and easy as it looks on TV. I could literally be at home riding your dick right now, but I chose this." He scoffed, feeling like he had began to pick up some of Jack's humor.

[adulescen]

Jack was rough around the edges, but Julian was the only person who could smooth the sharpness, albeit gradually. He was trying, though—to be a better person for him. "My charmin' personality finally win yer over?" He joked and brought his partner's hand upwards before placing a kiss on his knuckles. The gesture was straightforward and unassuming, but Jack didn't know how to be affectionate. It was a big step for the older man. He continued listening to Julian until he found himself adjusting the crotch of his jeans. "Yer gone and put that thought in my head." The elder added, chuckling. Despite the circumstances, Jack found the conversation they were having long overdue, although that didn't stop his mind from wandering. "So much for this stakeout bein' the case of our career." This stakeout was supposed to be their big break or a possible promotion for the pair, but the quietness and lack of any presence coming from the warehouse was enough proof for Jack to realise the stakeout was a bust. "Yer tryin' to distract me, boy scout?" The deputy was never one to turn down anything involving Julian being in several different positions, but he at least had to try to show some restraint. "Play yer cards right, and yer could end up on ya back by the end of the night." He teased and winked at the other.

[mlknhny]

Neither the time nor the place for this conversation, Julian was doing his best to look up and out every now and again to do his job. He really was serious about making his mark in their small community, but he also couldn't deny that apart from sneaking away to a remote cabin to screw around, this is the closest he'd ever felt to Jack and a part of him deeply feared that it was the closest he was ever going to get. "Is that why you're so… " He paused, trying to find the right word. " Comfortable? With yourself? I mean you aren't like, open and shoving it in everybody's face and whatnot but, I reckon some of the guys at work think you're fruity." Julian laughed. "Something about your eye contact but.. I dunno, I find it sexy." Julian turned to Jack to smirk. He wasn't going to admit that it was that same deadpan, unyielding gaze that both initially intrigued and terrified him when he'd first met Jack. He had felt way too seen and hated the idea that Jack could 'tell'. Because if he could so could everyone else. But Julian didn't get to linger too long in his paranoia, as Jack had brough tout the question that he knew was coming but was dreading nonetheless. "Not…. Really." Julian stammered out. "I mean, there was this one guy once but it… It never went past fooling around, really…. It… It was the same marine." Julian chuckled. "He invited me out drinking one night… Brought me to a motel. I was so nervous I almost puked. He kissed me… Then he blew me… I came way too fast and then, when he tried to teach me how to do it on him… Well, all the drinks and the nerves met my gag reflex and…well…."

[adulescen]

The sound of clanging steel from the abandoned warehouse brought the officer back to reality. He almost forgot why the pair of them were here and sitting together in the dark. "I wasn't always this comfortable." There wasn't a lot Jack could thank his father for, but even he had given him the strength to stand up for himself and disregard others' opinions. "Reckon I'd take being called a fag over fruity." He added, chuckling at the word. Strangely enough, he found the latter word more demeaning and insulting. "Yer think?" Jack didn't care about the other deputies knowing. The station was already running on empty, and they weren't going to risk shunning one of their leading officers because of his sexuality. "I can't see 'em saying anything. Most of them know I got a mean right hook if they even think about openin' their mouths." He could feel his quickening heartbeat and redness flooding his cheeks. Jack hadn't felt these feelings in years, which made him mistake them for an anxiety attack. "I'm startin' to understand why it took yer so long to come 'round to me." He remarked and tried to be understanding, but he couldn't stifle a chuckle from sounding. "I can't judge." Jack replied, grinning. "Think the first time I gave a blowjob, I ended up usin' a little too much teeth." He wanted to lighten the situation, but the deputy chuckled again in response. "On the bright side, yer a fair bit better with that mouth of yours now."

[mlknhny]

There was a time when Julian would have been offended by Jack's lack of couth. Even though he knew it wasn't a real thing, just the possibility of coming off as gay made him feel nervous. Back then he had done everything he could have to appear as masculine as possible. That was, of course, before he had realized that going to the gym all the time and fussing over how his hair looked were just about the gayest things a man could do. Now he could laugh at it, having grown used to Jack's humor. " You're such a prick," He laughed, shaking his head. The lightness in the air made Julian feel at ease enough to grip Jack's hand back without overthinking it, spreading his fingers to lace them through Jack's. His focus was on the veins in his hands; the way Jack's long fingers gripped his own, tracing the lines to his forearm with admiration until it dawned on him that Jack was still speaking. " Really?" He sounded surprised. " It's not that easy here… This town is small and everyone talks…" He shrugged. Life would have been easier if there were more than one school or at least a student body with more than fifty kids in one grade. The town felt inbred with how little the dating pool was at times, and more people left than they came in. "Once… I mean, kinda…" He stammered out. He wasn't a virgin, but his first and only time with a girl was marred by lack of knowledge and experience on both their ends. " She was a nice girl. Kind to me… But… yeah, I hated it." He laughed.

[adulescen]

This conversation wasn't going as badly as Jack thought it would. In a way, knowing more about Julian and his struggle to accept his sexuality helped him understand the other better. He was worried about the subject of his father, but the elder knew his co-worker wouldn't judge. "Hardly." Jack wanted to be a better person for Julian, someone worthy of his truthfulness and compassion. A few years ago, the deputy couldn't imagine being this infatuated with another person, to have his first thought in the morning and last at night be of the man with tanned skin and a kind smile. Even the feeling of Julian's fingers knotting between his was enough for a warmth to spread throughout Jack's chest. "Prosper was stirrin' around a bit more." He noted, remembering the last time he had been in his hometown was for his father's judgment hearing. "Easy way for the youngins' to have catholic guilt is to put the fear of God into them." Jack continued, before resting his head on the seat and staring over to the other with a quiet kind of love in his eyes. "I have a question." The elder always assumed he was Julian's first (and only) sexual experience with another man, but maybe that was his own hubris and self-worth rearing its ugly head. "Yer ever been with another guy?" Jack questioned, wondering the answer.

[mlknhny]

He shouldn't have laughed. Jack was being Jack, but Julian had only ever heard that word used in the context of being a slur, often misused when a man in their ass-backwards town did anything remotely outside of the bare minimum. It was always meant to degrade, hearing it thrown around his middle and high school locker room when another guy was caught using deodorant or lotion instead of just letting himself airdry and stick after gym glass. Or when the one guy at the academy ordered anything that wasn't a beer or whiskey. But Jack said it with such confidence and so casual that he couldn't help his smile. " No, I didn't," He chuckled, shaking his head as he set his drink down. " I just meant… I mean, there's a lot of preferences out there…When I was a cadet I met this bisexual guy; he was a marine and just passing through but, I think I was the only one he told… I feel like he could smell it on me, or something." Julian sighed, looking down in shame. " That I liked men. That I was… Gay. I'm….gay." He choked out finally, feeling relieved and nauseous at the same time. He almost wanted to cry. Instead, he swallowed it down and turned to Jack. " So you've never been with a woman? Ir have you and you just… didn't like it?"

[adulescen]

Jack could've been a little more delicate. There were other ways to address his and Julian's sexuality than using a slur. For the most part, the word didn't worry the deputy sheriff. He had spent the majority of his life being referred to as one, either by his father or the religious zealots in neighbouring towns. He was also born and bred in Texas, a state known for being less than accepting. "Probably could smell it on yer." He added, unable to suppress a grin. "I could taste the repression and internalised homophobia in the air." Jack wasn't oblivious to Julian's words. The pair may have been sleeping together for the better part of a year, but the other had never uttered the word or accepted the reality of being gay. It was a big step, one that made the elder's chest tighten and heartbeat tremble. Jack also didn't want to bring attention to his co-worker's revelation and instead squeezed Julian's hand tightly. "I didn't hate it." He had been with women, mostly during his senior year in high school. "Been a while. But it's kinda easy to explore yer sexuality in Texas, a hella lot of repressed guys with catholic guilt in every other street." He continued, trying to make light of the situation and alleviate any concerns the other had. "I assume yer been with women before?"

[mlknhny]

A snort was muffled to keep from encouraging Jack. He was a good cop, but he wasn't the most serious guy and that was not something Julian was ready to be distracted by when he was trying to get the best collar of his career. Still, aside from the humor, the comment gave him a glimmer of hope that was foolish and sickening in hindsight. While it made him flicker towards a future where they were together long enough that Jack would see him gain weight and not care, Julian knew that it was foolish to even dream of them having a future together. The reality was that Jack would get bored of him and move on, or Julian would one day snap out of his delusions and realize that, like this stagnant town, there was no opportunity for growth with Jack. In his mind he would move on; find a job in a bigger town or maybe even a city with trains and busses and everything. He'd get a job as a detective like on Chicago PD and chase down drug dealers and tackle guys robbing houses. He might even get to actually fire his gun at something that wasn't made of paper. All of it seemed thrilling, but more than that, he might have a chance at love. Real love. Not just lust. Not just wanting. The thought had blurred his vision for a moment and Julian realized only when Jack spoke again that he had been daydreaming. He paused, lowering the binoculars and looking to Jack for a long moment before saying anything. " About you?" He almost scoffed it out, as if it were a silly question. " Yeah…" He said, the words dragged out, but he couldn't ask the one thing he wanted to know the most. He couldn't ask Jack if he loved him. Swallowing that thought, Julian sat on his options for a moment before going with something he thought was safe. " Are you…? How do you… Identify?" He all but stammered. It was almost a dumb thing to lead with, but part of Julian wanted to hear Jack say it. Part of Julian felt that if he heard Jack say it, that he could finally say out loud that he was gay.

[adulescen]

This probably wasn't the best place to have this conversation. Both of them should've been paying more attention to the stakeout. They shouldn’t have been worrying about what the other one was feeling. At the same time, Jack knew if this conversation didn't happen tonight, there was a chance he wouldn't muster up the courage to try again. The elder also knew his words would affect Julian because he was essentially insinuating that they would grow old together. It wasn't like Jack hadn't thought about it either, but he couldn't help and wonder if Julian was better off with someone who was better able to express themselves. He remembered being the only man Julian had been with. He didn't want to hold him back from exploring his sexuality with someone other than an emotionally stunted thirty-something-year-old. Truthfully, Jack wanted his partner to be happy, even if there was a chance it wasn't with him. He nodded at the younger man and readied himself for a personal question, only to chuckle jokingly at what was asked. "A fag?" The elder widely grinned and patted his hand on the other man's thigh. "Yer out here thinkin' I was straight or something?" He feigned being wounded before letting out a reassuring sigh. Jack knew why Julian was asking the question. He may have been comfortable in his sexuality (or at least didn't care what people thought), but he knew Julian always had more trouble accepting the reality of their situation.

[mlknhny]

Julian could only manage a snort in response as he looked through the binoculars that were trained on the building. He didn't want to miss a thing, but Jack was obviously a distraction. With a chuckle, he thought of his father as he knew him today. The man was handsome and suave in his youth; slicked back black hair like a stereotype of a Latin lover, cinnamon skin, a smooth shave and those Cuban shirts tucked into high waisted jeans in typical 90s fashion that made him very popular among ladies while he lived in the more populated areas of Texas. It was only meeting his mother than tamed the lover in him and got him to relocate to a small town for a peaceful life. With that, his father let himself go in the way that only a well-fed man could. His mother stuffed him with delicious good and not he was silver-hared and chunky, his perfectly tanned Chicano skin now leathery and burnt looking. Julian shuddered, as he looked very much like a shorter version of his father. "You haven't met my old man, so I don't think you should wager much on that." He said with a laugh." But then again, it's not like I'll ever have a wife to fatten me up like he did, so maybe…." Julian smirked. His attention was the torn away from the building to Jack. His expression confused, Julian softened his gaze automatically upon laying eyes on the man. " Well, yeah…. But there's a lot of things you haven't told me about yourself. I reckoned you were trying to come off as mysterious or something…But… " Julian paused. " Am I pushing it to say I know you better now and that it might now be the case?"

[adulescen]

Being vulnerable wasn't exactly something Jack knew how to be. He kept his feelings close to his chest and rarely shared them with another. The elder knew why, at least for the most part. Truthfully, Jack could still feel the embers of several cigarettes being seared agonisingly against the back of his head by his father. He wasn't expecting Julian to do the same thing, but the thought of being open with the other man left his stomach feeling knotted. Still, Jack knew he had to push through his insecurities and answer the several questions Julian would inevitably have. He rang a sounding sigh before looking over to his partner. He would be lying to himself if he didn't admit feeling an aching jealousy at the young deputy's words about his father. "I'm always down for a little cushion for the pushin'." He added with an arched eyebrow. The elder paused for several seconds, almost as if to give one of the people they were staking out the opportunity to derail their conversation. "I am mysterious." Jack jokingly responded before shifting slightly in his seat to sit upright (and to make sure he wasn't slouching). "Is there anythin' yer wanna know?" He asked openly and extended his hand outward, hoping the other would take it.

[mlknhny]

Julian couldn't help but let out a sigh that was a mix of exacerbation and amusement. Jack was naturally funny, albeit at the wrong moments sometimes. Still, he chuckled a bit before looking towards Jack, disheartened to find him looking away in that very moment. It seemed telling of their relationship, even if it was a small thing that Julian was almost certainly overthinking. "I'm asking you to behave so that we don't miss anything important and have our assess handed to us by higher-ups for fucking this case up." He paused, his tone taking on a more serious timbre. " I really want this, Jack. Sure, there are more backwoods, bumfuck towns out there than this, but I… I just want my career to have it's shining moment that I can tell in a bar one day when I'm old and fat like Mowry and Jones. And I don't want it to be about a kitten stuck in a tree or Mrs. McCarthy's crackhead grandson puking on himself and passing out in the middle of trying to steal her cat figurines to pawn for more dope money. " Julian said with a dry laugh. Another pause hung in the air between them briefly before he let out another sigh. "You're the most exciting thing that's happened to me since joining the force and.. Well, it's not like that's a story I'm ever going to get to tell, right?" He said solemnly as he focused the binoculars on the warehouse again to avoid Jack's view.

[adulescen]

Jack was lucky he was funny because the rest of his personality left much to be desired. He was obnoxious and scathing, and every other sentence out of his mouth was a sexual innuendo. He wasn't known for taking things seriously, especially when it came to his own emotions. This became more evident during his relationship with Julian, as Jack often looked away or steered the conversation elsewhere during moments of vulnerability. "I always behave." The last thing Jack wanted to do was squander the opportunity they were both given. Both of them knew there was more to life than this backward and small-minded town, and this stakeout was the start of them making a name for themselves. "Somethin' tells me yer still gonna look like a seasoned Greek god in yer old age." He added sincerely. The elder wrestled in his seat before looking over to the other with a soft expression. "Yer know I don't like talkin' about my feelings." Jack paused. There was a part of him that didn't want to continue, but the deputy knew Julian had put his heart on the line enough times. He needed to be honest, not only for his partner but for himself. "I never told yer why."

[mlknhny]

Julian snorted. "New and younger being the key words; I'm not going to be the creepy guy who waits to see what batch of freshly graduated seniors are willing to experiment because they didn't have the grades or money to go to college and had to stay in town, so unless a couple guys who look like those firemen on Tiktok move to town, I think your position as the guy who fucks me up the ass is safe for a while." Julian said with a roll of his eyes. He was half joking, but the other half of him felt a little spurned. Jack was… Jack.. But Julian had made it clear how he felt about him. Even though the feeling wasn't mutual, Julian still carried those feelings seriously. "What the- Dude!" He scoffed as the can was pilfered and his thirst left unsatiated. "Right now I can tell you what I don't miss, and it's how you run your mouth in the worst possible situations. Focus." He scolded, snatching his can back and taking a sip. "Eyes forward, Officer. I'm not about to let your boner be the reason a perp gets past me and fucks me over on what may be the biggest moment of my cop career. So new rules: hands to yourself, eyes on the prize, and if you take my drink again instead of getting your own I'm going to shoot you and say a drug dealer did it." Julian huffed. It was probably not nearly as threatening as he hoped it came across, but he wanted to let Jack know how serious he was. " I know this is shocking, but for once, I'm asking you not to fuck me."

[adulescen]

Jack knew he was emotionally unavailable. The elder didn't have anyone growing up to teach him how to manage his thoughts and feelings. He instead had a neglectful father who opted for a more aggressive approach, which resulted in several cigarette burns along the lower part of his head. "I think there was a compliment in there somewhere." He added before sounding out a scoff. Truthfully, he didn't know how to ease into the subject with his partner. There was no denying the deputy was enamoured with the other man. But the last thing Jack wanted to do was talk about his unsettled childhood and fist-wielding parent. "I kinda like this authority thing yer have going." He commented with a slight grin over his features. The elder wanted to be honest with Julian. He wanted to strengthen the bond between them, but he hadn't spoken a word about his adolescence for nearly two decades. For someone as forward as Jack, the thought of talking to someone else about what he went through was terrifying. "What exactly are yer askin?" His eyes wandered forward and focused on the abandoned warehouse, almost as if he was trying to avoid eye contact with his co-worker. Jack knew the moment he opened his mouth, Julian would look at him differently. He just wasn't sure if it would be with disgust or compassion.