Adventures In Babysitting

Kids say the darndest things

[ineffectualdemon]

“Babies only cry if they are hungry, need changing, or need to be picked up”

Lies

Babies (and small children) also cry for reasons such as:

1. “I am tired and that makes me angry”

2. “I scared myself with a fart”

3. “You are the wrong parent”

4. “I ran into something with my face”

5. “I’m facing the opposite direction then the one I want to”

6. “I fell asleep in one place and woke up somewhere completely different”

7. “I am a very small person in a very big world”

8. “I got scared because YOU farted”

Babies have more then 3 states of being and sometimes you just have to hold them and bounce them gently while saying solemnly “yes it is very hard to be a baby” because frankly it is

[aconfusedbird]

you have to remember that when you’re that tiny… pretty much any bad thing that happens to you is LITERALLY the WORST thing that has ever happened in your life. they have no perspective. everything is awful. help them

[adventuresinbabsitting]

Me: “get off my bed”

4 yr old: “I can’t! I don’t have any trash can boots”

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“I have a detector in my knee!”

-a 4 year old

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“Do you promise to my teddy bear?” “I promise”

-interactions with a four year old

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“If your name is Junior you can’t flush the toilet.”

-three year old sister

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“That wall over is there is scrambled. Scrambled like an egg”

- 3 yr old

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“Smell my hands!”

-the preschoolers, every single time they wash their hands

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“I was like ten ft. Tired”

-a preschooler

[adventuresinbabsitting]

In case you ever wondered what having kids is like

I just had to “call” Dairy Queen and tell the “Star popcicle maker” to make my sick three year sister a red,white, and blue star for my dad to pick up later, just so she would stop crying

[adventuresinbabsitting]

My three year old sister

Just came running Into the kitchen screaming “mommy! mommy! I lost my birthday! I LOST MY BIRTHDAY MOM” And then she ran into the trash can.

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“That’s what I do to water…I throw it!”

-3 year old

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“HEY! do you wanna pee your pants?!?!”

-my three year old sister

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“IM DYING

BECAUSE IM PICKING ME NOSE! IM GOING TO DIE BECAUSE I PICK MY NOSE!!!!!!”

-my three year old sister, after getting in trouble for picking her nose

[adventuresinbabsitting]

“PORCUPINE SALAD”

-shouted by a three year old, in the middle of a quiet restaurant

[adventuresinbabsitting]

Today while Babysitting

The nine year old that I’m watching was watching some little kid Netflix show and the “are you still watching screen” came on and she screams “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! OF COURSE IM STILL WATCHING” apparently the last episode was a cliff hanger

[adventuresinbabsitting]

Random person: I can’t stand working with kids! They’re impossible! I don’t know how you do it all the time!

Me: oh it’s nothing, I love doing it, kids are a joy to be around!

Also me: *has war flashbacks about the time a kid cried for 20 minutes and the only way to get them to stop was to balance a styrofoam to-go container full of fries on my head*

[adventuresinbabsitting]

Conversation on my second day of work

4: what’s your name?

Me: it’s Ms. *my name*

4: HOW DID YOU GET IN MY CLASSROOM?!?

Me: I work here, I’m your new teacher.

4: oh okay then *goes back to playing*