Hiss hiss motherfucker

🦠The Slytherpuff friendship quotes blog you didn't ask for🧻 New side blog - Kiss Kiss Motherfucker!

[adventuresofasnakeandbadger]

Hufflepuff: awwww:/ Kevin and Pelaylo.....may they Rest In Peace

Slytherin: ...pieces

Hufflepuff: ...

Slytherin: ...

Hufflepuff: WHY!??! WHAT DID I DO YO YOU??!

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Hufflepuff Quote:

“ONE CANNOT CHOOSE BETWEEN WATER AND FOOD, AS ONE NEEDS BOTH TO SURVIVE”

(Slytherin asked for my favorite HP character, and I asked canon or fanon and ThEy wAnTeD mE tO pICk OnE oVeRaLl?!?!!!!)

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Houses as their TikTok fyp

Gryffindor: SO MANY “congrats you’ve been chosen for team __ to storm the white house/take over the world/etc” toks, will have a ton of pretty much whatever’s the newest trend, duets where either a liberal is annihilating a conservative or a reaction duet to what was assumed to be a conservative tok but was actually a liberal catfishing conservative tiktok

Slytherin: prides self on all the “if this has made it to your fyp, you’re the ..... [insert anti-hero/morally grey/fallen angel/etc]” toks that end up on their feed because thEY OWN THAT SHIT, draco tok (bc come on, obviously), also has a shit ton of the “chosen for team __” toks that usually feature the morally grey/evil characters in shows, dark humor about their mental health

Hufflepuff: UPLIFTING self-improvement and mental health awareness toks that they send to Slytherin, basically owns cute pets tiktok, percy jackson and avatar the last airbender tiktok because they’re that level of pure, also has a lot of the toks where the speaker is verbally taking down an off-screen karen

Ravenclaw: can be mostly found on diy tiktok and gen z tiktok (feat. that special brand of dark yet upbeat humor we all know and love), history buff tiktok, toks that literally no one understands but are somehow still weirdly funny???

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Trademarks of a Slytherpuff Relationship

Slytherin: If one of us had to die, it would be me because I’m the Slytherin and I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.

Hufflepuff: If one of us had to die, it would be me because I’m the Hufflepuff and I take care of you!!!

*cue 30 minute argument about who’s allowed to sacrifice themselves for the other with both pretending to back down but silently deciding that they’d be the one to sacrifice themselves for their sly/puff*

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Hufflepuff and Slytherin talking about how all the different houses can and will do the exact same crap, just for different reasons-

Slytherin: We all have reasons for stabbing people.

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(based on descriptions not characters bc lets be real peter is deadass a hufflepuff)

Kid: Ravenclaw

Spider-Boy: Gryffindor

Morguna: Hufflepuff

Blue Meanie: Slytherin

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Princess Diaries 2 Headcanons

Look I’m just saying, Viscount Mabrey is the shitty biased JK Rowling villain-Slytherin stereotype, but Joe is the actual goddamn Slytherin vibe.

Don’t fuck with us or the ones we love.

[adventuresofasnakeandbadger]

Slytherin and Gryffindor siblings

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Slytherin, venting about an insignificant slight in the group chat privately to her Puff bestie: if they fucking think that they can beat me, they have another thing coming, I will fucking destroy them.

Hufflepuff, tiredly: yes, honey, your dastardly plans shall outlive your opponents, now please come to bed.

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Slytherin, a self-proclaimed Badass™, to Hufflepuff: So, uh. Embarrassing life update: I saw a spider in the closet and it hid behind some clothes on the floor. So I grabbed a shoe, as one does, and paced outside the closet for a solid three minutes trying to work up the nerve to go in and kill it. Which would have meant picking up the clothes and risking the spider climbing out of the clothes and onto me. So I chickened out and decided to just shut the door to the closet and shove a towel under it in hopes of preventing the spider’s escape. And thennnn I started imagining the spider being able to get past the barrier and engineer my grisly demise.

So what did I do? I went downstairs to see if my mom was still awake and asked her to come upstairs and kill it for me.

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Update: my dad teased me about it all day the next day, and is still doing so. Puff says that’s just what dad’s do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Slytherin, a self-proclaimed Badass™, to Hufflepuff: So, uh. Embarrassing life update: I saw a spider in the closet and it hid behind some clothes on the floor. So I grabbed a shoe, as one does, and paced outside the closet for a solid three minutes trying to work up the nerve to go in and kill it. Which would have meant picking up the clothes and risking the spider climbing out of the clothes and onto me. So I chickened out and decided to just shut the door to the closet and shove a towel under it in hopes of preventing the spider’s escape. And thennnn I started imagining the spider being able to get past the barrier and engineer my grisly demise.

So what did I do? I went downstairs to see if my mom was still awake and asked her to come upstairs and kill it for me.

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Houses During Quarantine

Gryffindor: all but bouncing off the walls, hates not being able to see people with their entire being, probably took up some kind of new craft or something during quarantine to keep their hands busy or binge-watched an entire show

Hufflepuff: Zoom-called their friends and family pretty much daily, misses hugs so much they feel like they’re gonna die, also can’t wait to go see people again - but not because of the socializing aspect, because of the need to check on loved ones in person - after this is over, sent care packages to loved ones

Ravenclaw: is Thriving™ with all the extra time to learn new things while stuck at home, probably picked an entire new subject to delve into or continued learning about an old subject they didn’t have time to adequately research, likely spent lots of time reading and doing creative shit

Slytherin: was relieved as fuck to not have to put on the I’m Perfect mask for people every day but is starting to get bored, reveled in not having to put on makeup/wear nice clothes/generally keep up appearances for other people, may have joined something virtual and quickly made themselves the top dog

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Reasons Why My Puff is the Best from Tonight Alone

Willing to listen and understand a point of view that doesn’t reflect her own - we’ve been arguing about a certain political view for years, and she has always staunchly held on to her point of view; but, when I laid the scenario out in a different way, she was willing to understand a different point of view and was willing to examine her own beliefs more closely, whether she decided to change them or not - how many others would do the same? Not many.

God, the number of times she’s let me rant to her about things that have zero bearing on her life and are just bullshit aspects of my own life, no matter how tired she is - she’s my rock. I’m relying on her far too much. 

So I’m a closeted bisexual, and I’m currently dating a woman, and my family is extremely homophobic. I’m also very liberal (and live in the South), and my family is extremely conservative. In order to “save my soul” from concerns over my sexuality (which is a “secret” wink wink :/ ) as well as my liberal beliefs, my mother instituted a daily Bible study, in which she presents her Christian views to my gay liberal ass. It’s been a constant struggle to balance “saying the right thing” with expressing my own views in the hopes of my mom hearing what I truly believe and accepting me. My puff agreed to wake up far earlier than she usually does in order to help mediate this. I honestly just. I don’t even know how to express how thankful I am for this. She’s my lifeline.

Look - this post is extremely specific to our experiences, and I don’t expect it to resonate with every Slytherpuff friendship out there - but I wanted to recognize just how above and beyond my puff goes for me. She deserves this recognition and so much more. I wish I could give her the entire world for what she’s done for me. She’s my family, my happiness, and my hope for the future. She’s changed my life and has allowed me to change hers. She’s my best friend, and I love her.

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OH MY GOD!!!!! You are the best! Idk what to say, I woke up, saw this, started crying! This is so sweet!! Although I don’t feel like it’s that big of a deal, I always have your back darling😘 but thank you:)

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Reasons Why My Puff is the Best from Tonight Alone

Willing to listen and understand a point of view that doesn’t reflect her own - we’ve been arguing about a certain political view for years, and she has always staunchly held on to her point of view; but, when I laid the scenario out in a different way, she was willing to understand a different point of view and was willing to examine her own beliefs more closely, whether she decided to change them or not - how many others would do the same? Not many.

God, the number of times she’s let me rant to her about things that have zero bearing on her life and are just bullshit aspects of my own life, no matter how tired she is - she’s my rock. I’m relying on her far too much. 

So I’m a closeted bisexual, and I’m currently dating a woman, and my family is extremely homophobic. I’m also very liberal (and live in the South), and my family is extremely conservative. In order to “save my soul” from concerns over my sexuality (which is a “secret” wink wink :/ ) as well as my liberal beliefs, my mother instituted a daily Bible study, in which she presents her Christian views to my gay liberal ass. It’s been a constant struggle to balance “saying the right thing” with expressing my own views in the hopes of my mom hearing what I truly believe and accepting me. My puff agreed to wake up far earlier than she usually does in order to help mediate this. I honestly just. I don’t even know how to express how thankful I am for this. She’s my lifeline.

Look - this post is extremely specific to our experiences, and I don’t expect it to resonate with every Slytherpuff friendship out there - but I wanted to recognize just how above and beyond my puff goes for me. She deserves this recognition and so much more. I wish I could give her the entire world for what she’s done for me. She’s my family, my happiness, and my hope for the future. She’s changed my life and has allowed me to change hers. She’s my best friend, and I love her.

[progressive-minded]

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Slytherin: Corrupt billionaires are the problem.

Gryffindor: Corrupt government is the problem!

Hufflepuff: ...you do realize corrupt billionaires are running the corrupt government, right?

Slytherin: ...shit.

Gryffindor: ....shit!

Ravenclaw: Mood.

[adventuresofasnakeandbadger]

Princess Diaries 2 Headcanons

Look I’m just saying, Viscount Mabrey is the shitty biased JK Rowling villain-Slytherin stereotype, but Joe is the actual goddamn Slytherin vibe.

Don’t fuck with us or the ones we love.

[adventuresofasnakeandbadger]

(based on descriptions not characters bc lets be real peter is deadass a hufflepuff)

Kid: Ravenclaw

Spider-Boy: Gryffindor

Morguna: Hufflepuff

Blue Meanie: Slytherin

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Hey! I gave you that sweater as a GIFT!!!!!!!!!!! You’re welcome.

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It was MY SWEATER!!!!!! That’s not a gift!!!!!! That’s returning a theft!!!!!!

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You abandoned the sweater at my house! For over a month!! It was then mine;) However, since I’m nice I gave you the gift of MY SWEATER, which I knew you admired!!!!!!!!

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YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT AND I LOVE YOU BUT DAMMIT PUFF!!!!!!!!!

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I LOVE YOU TOO SLY, I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!