Advice By Us

An advice blog that can help you out with whatever you need! Don't be afraid to ask about any topic. We will not judge you! For the best advice possible please leave your gender, age, and country (state or province) depending on the type of question you ask :)

[studentlifenetwork]

Canada’s Luckiest Student 3 has officially launched. Since it’s the third time around, we’re starting with three awesome prizes that will have one Canadian student thanking their lucky stars.  Check them out: http://canadasluckieststudent.com . Prizes are coming fast and furious, so keep an eye on your inbox. As always, it’s the prize that just keeps getting better.

[f-uck-normality]

[chawsaoz-deactivated20130527]

‎”THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. it may save a life.) Reblog this!

   It seems that alot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone should read this especially each n every girl in this world. THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG… FYI - Through a rapist’s eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts: 1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets. 2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing. 3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered. 4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots. 5] Number two is office parking lots/garages. 6] Number three is public restrooms. 7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught. 8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming. 9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. 10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it. ———————————————————————————————————————————- POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER: 1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

  2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would  not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target. 3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent. 4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts. 5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there. 6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly. 7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble. ——————————————————————————————————————————- FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL …. I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go “hmm I must remember that” After reading forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in. 1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it. 2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! 3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives. 4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.  

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) . b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)  

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot). 7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN! 8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.   

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.

DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT NOT REBLOGGING THIS! IT COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.

Reblog this. Only the picture will appear on your blog.

[advicebyus]

(still st trop girl) one of the girls was my best friend last year and now she tells me " there's things u wont understand and things i dont wanna share with u its nothing personal " and i feel like it is very much personal. maybe she said it out of surprise? i txted her about it a few hours ago so its all recent i might be overreacting myself. the other girl is rather chill but im sure she's annoyed with me too, but i didnt ask for this! plssss help me

Those are horrible excuses. You deserve way better than that. If they say anything mean just ignore them. You just have to get over them and move on. There's nothing I can do to help you but encourage you to find something better. It's tough, I've been through it. But as cliché as it sounds; it WILL get better and you will find better friends. I hope this helped somewhat. -Amy

[advicebyus]

(st trop girl) yeh but its this overwhelming popular group, and everyone's trying to get inside, and im trying to get in since like 3 years ago. and there's some new stuff : i have a trip to england and two girls who r from this group wantd to be together. i didnt find anyone yet and the teacher paired me w/ them. i txted them about it, and they're "upset" and idk what to do. i hope it goes well and they wont be too annoyed and ugh im scared

You should never try to be friends with someone just because they're in a "popular" group. That's the first problem. And it sounds like those girls don't care at all. Just try and be as friendly as possible, but stop being persistent. They're not worth your time.

[advicebyus]

im the st tropez girl! no, the group formed there was a new one, i didn't know anyone from there! the group of friends that ignored me is the one i had before. it has never been so great with them, tho. one girl messaged me back today after i sent u the message and i hanged out with all of them, i feel like im wasting my time on them instead of meeting new ppl, as if it's already too late and people think im snob and exclusive...

If you feel like you're wasting your time you most likely are.  It took me years of changing friend groups to figure out who my best friends are. Meeting new people is always good and if people think you're a snob because of it then they're not worth your time. The fact that you felt so much better while on vacation with new people is a good indication that you should be meeting new people in your life. Try not to worry so much and get out there :) I'm sure you can meet some awesome new friends!

-Amy

[advicebyus]

so i just got back from a week in st tropez, and it's been beautiful and i met people and we had a group of friends and everybody liked me and i liked everyone. now that i'm back, with this post-vacation depression, nobody answers my texts or calls me back or even answers my snaps. i'm here all alone with one week of holidays left and i'm not doing anything. i used to hang out with these people all the time and suddenly, i'm ignored. please help me, i don't want to spend this week alone!

If they're ignoring you you should try to forget about them. Don't waste your time on people who don't care about you. I'm slightly confused if you're talking about the group of friends that were on vacation with you or your friends you had where you live before you went on vacation. But either way, if they're ignoring you there's no point of being persistent. Try and occupy your time with something that can be beneficial to you and try not to think too much about it.

Hopefully someone will message you back. But can you explain which group is ignoring you? And near the end of the vacation did everything seem the same?

-Amy

[advicebyus]

To all Anons

If you ask us a follow up question or answer a question we ask you PLEASE tell us which asker you are. For example: I’m the girl asking about the marriage laws.

Also. Please tell us your age and where you live (country, state, province) so we can answer your questions easier.

[advicebyus]

we have a school trip coming up and we had to choose whoever we wanted to be with in the hotel, so i asked my two close friends and they had to be together because one of them has a medical treatment. i asked another close friend and she said i considered her as a ' second choice ' and it really caught me off guard since i never considered that? i really wish she wouldn't be offended by this since i love her lots. please help!

You just have to explain to her that you never considered her as a second choice. Tell her that you love her and that you just happened to ask your other friends first. You could've easily asked her first and your other friends next and you wouldn't have meant anything by it.

Good luck! I hope she understands :)

-Amy

[advicebyus]

All of my friends have stopped talking to me for no reason. They've found people better than me and I don't know if I should be angry at myself or them. Even though I know I'm a horrible friend, I've tried my very hardest to be enough for them and now I know my best isn't good enough. It's making me really bad again and I don't know what to do. Also, my boyfriend just broke up with me which makes me feel 10x shittier.

Just because they decided to hang with those people does NOT mean that they’re better than you in any way! Don’t even think that it’s your fault. Like you said, they stopped talking to you for no reason.

I’m sorry about your friends and your boyfriend. I was ditched by my entire group of friends in seventh grade and felt like crap, but I later realized that I was too good for them and maybe you’ll realize the same soon.

Now is a good time to think about what YOU want, not what others want of you.

Why do you say that you’re a horrible friend?

-Amy

[advicebyus]

so i have this friend & we were really close before but now that she's in a different school we're not as close. but she kissed the guy i liked when we had a thing going on but that was like two months ago. now they have a thing going on and i get jealous because they seem so happy. i've been feeling a bit of hatred towards my friend because of her selfishness and i don't know if i should still be friends with her. i'm also wondering if i still like the guy? thank you. xx

If your friend knew that you had a crush on him than that was mean of her. It’s one thing if you both liked him because than its fair game. I know many say “if one goes after him they’re a bad friend” but its only fair that whoever he chooses gets to keep him.

But if she didn’t tell you that she liked him than that’s not fair.

The fact that you’re questioning keeping her as a friend is already a big sign. If she’s selfish and you guys are drifting apart then there’s no point of holding on. You’ll find other friends who will treat you a lot better.

-Amy

[advicebyus]

hey its me! im 15, i live in France and used to go to a public middle school and am now going to a public high school, this year (in 2 days). yes at first i just wanted some popularity but then it became challenging. anyway, i just feel like that ex-best friend has a really bad influence on that sweet girl and all the others in fact, so idk what i should do about that? i cant complain to the sweet girl since she'll think im always moaning or something? i wish they would all see how awful she is!

This is one of those cases where you should probably let her figure it out on her own. If you try to say something you wouldn't want to risk her thinking that you're lying because you're jealous. If she's a bad influence and the sweet girl follows, it's no ones fault but her own.  You were smart to realize that your ex best friend is a bad person. 

If you really feel the need to help her you could always tell her that you're worried about her because she's really nice and maybe even tell her what your ex friend did to you that was bad. But if you do be aware that it could start drama and make everything worse. If it does you should probably take a break from her and try making new friends.

Believe me when I say this. Making friends in high school is a lot easier than in middle school. You just need to join clubs and activities that interest you and you will already be one step closer to making friends that would have a lot of similarity to you :)

Good luck! I hope everything works out well.

-Amy

[advicebyus]

hey there! so i've been trying to be friends with this really popular and already formed group of people, and i've always been kinda held back and not accepted. but somedays it was amazing, and i met my best friend, who then betrayed me, treated me like shit. i then met another best friend, but i wasn't HER best friend and tho she was very sweet, she much rather hanged out with them instead of me. today, i saw them both and felt super excluded. like planning right in front of me, so fed up!

Did you only want to be friends with them because they’re popular?

I’ve gone through both of these situations before when I was in middle school. It wasn’t until eighth grade that I made a real best friend, but we went to different high schools so we drifted apart.

The same thing happened in highschool, but in tenth grade I met my current best friend who is amazing.  We never thought we would become friends and I even thought that she hated me. Sometimes you just need to give someone you don’t think will work out a chance and you may end up with a perfect match for a friend.

As for your friend who is sweet- you can stay friends with her if she’s nice to you. But drop the one who treats you like shit, you don’t deserve that. Nobody does.

I want to give some advice, but can you tell me how old you are or if you’re in middle school, high school, whatever type of school (by that I mean boarding, private, all girls, blah blah blah you get it :P)

-Amy

[advicebyus]

Here's some information for you

This blog is run by two seventeen year old girls who are university students. I (Amy) created the blog. The point of advice blogs is to get advice from different people. Just because we give you advice, doesn't mean you have to listen to it. For example:

If you ask us how to become more confident we will give you suggestions. We're not telling you to change yourself, but telling you what we've done to make ourselves more confident. 

If you ask us about relationships we will give you our advice based on personal experiences and tons of research. If it a question regarding sexual things I (Amy once again) will most likely be the one to answer it since I follow a wonderful blog named sexxxpertise and have learned more than I already knew. Just because I haven't slept with 18 men doesn't mean that I don't know enough to tell a 14 year old that dating a 40 year old when it has nothing to do with cultural or religious things is wrong.

If you like our advice that's awesome. If you hate it, whatever. Don't waste your time sending hate messages because we won't even read the whole thing before deleting it.

For all of our followers- thank you. I hope you are following because you agree and/or enjoy our advice. 

And regarding personal messages:

If you want the message to be private either message on anonymous or tell me specifically that you want to keep the message private. If it is a message that I believe can help others I will ask you for permission to submit the question to myself on anonymous so everyone can see it, but I will still message you in private with the answer.

If the message is very serious (suicide, rape, anything very serious) and you ask me to keep it private I will not even consider asking you if I can submit it to myself unless you tell me in the message that I can share the question.

I hope that wasn't horrible to read. A few people were confused and I hope this cleared some of the confusion up!

Have a great day!

-Amy

[advicebyus]

I really like older guys. I just do it is a personal preference. I am 18 (legal in my state) and have been asked out by a man who just turned 40. I think he is very cute and nice. Just how weird is it? Is it really bad that I think I would enjoy going out with him? Do all older guys just date younger girls for sex?

If you think he's cute and nice I don't think it's that weird. A lot of people are attracted to older men, and if he's cute he probably doesn't look too old for you. And if you think you'd enjoy going out with him then it's not bad at all since you're legal.  But to answer the last part of the question it's usually the case, but sometimes they're looking for someone to love and care for (comes with the whole fatherly age thing.)

-Amy

[advicebyus]

What if she's 20 and he's 55?

It's legal therefore there is technically nothing wrong with it. But it isn't something common.

In most cases where the girl is that much younger it's either because the guy is taking advantage of her age and giving her luxuries, but that's only most cases. But I actually know a couple (same age difference, but the woman is 35 now) where they are together out of love and both have the same income. They got together when she was 27.

I think it's fine since both are adults and mature enough to be in the relationship. It could be tough for the first few years though.

-Amy

[advicebyus]

16 year old dating a 20 year old ? Is it wrong?

According to certain laws it's wrong (unless where you live it's ok, like if you're in Canada.)It's sometimes strange that a twenty year old would want to date someone who's sixteen just because they'll be held back from many things that the sixteen year old wont be able to do (drinking, smoking, etc...) or because the sixteen year old may not be that mature or look mature enough. However, if the sixteen year old is mature enough, I personally think its alright since it's only four years. If it were any more than four years I would suggest waiting until your eighteen, but then again, the laws in different countries are VERY different so it may be legal. But if it is illegal where you live I'd suggest being very careful and refraining from sex just because the twenty year old can get in a lot of trouble. But like I said. If the sixteen year old is mature enough to make their own decisions and the twenty year old knows the downfalls of dating someone who isn't a legal adult, I don't think it's wrong at all. -Amy

[advicebyus]

Um what, 14 and 16 is not a huge age difference at all. Have you been living under a rock?

No one asked us about a 14 and 16 age difference for weeks and when they did, I said that it was great… That’s actually a really good age difference. I always say up to four years is the perfect age difference as long as they know the risks of breaking the laws.

-Amy