Hi - we're three girls with a mission. Send us an ask with any problem you have, whether it be small or large, and we'll give you some advice. We don't judge!
If you self harm, have an eating disorder, or anything else that you know isn't good for you, tell your parents.
I, personally, have begun self harming the last four months or so. And I told my mom today. And even though that was the hardest thing I've ever, ever gone through, I'm so happy I did it. I'm a bit nervous of what will happen now, and how we'll deal with it, but I'm so happy I told her.
So please. If you trust your parents, or even just one of them, please please please tell them. If not everything, then just a small part of it.
There are many ways to resist the urge to self harm; whether it be for the first time, or for someone who's struggling with it. Not every method work for every person, and not every single method is very known. So I've done some research, and decided to make a helpful list for those of you who's struggling with/want to self harm.
Now, this may sound like a good idea at first. But it's a lot easier to start than to stop. The longer you self harm, the harder it is to get out of it. In the beginning it might help, but after a while the effects start ebbing off. Once you've started; you'll always be addicted. Even if you haven't cut for one year, the urge can come back some day, and you'll want to do it again; maybe you even will.
So, if you haven't self harmed before, do not do it. No matter what, do. not. do. it.
Onto how you can prevent it. As I said, there's a lot of ways you could do it, and not every single way will help for everyone, and people might prefer one over the other, so here is a helpful list of what you can do to prevent yourself from self harming, and help others as well.
1. Call a friend.
Calling a close friend or two can be helpful. Start talking about the most random stuff; the weather, politics, the news, old times, new recipes etc. Distract yourself and try to find a way of having fun, and forgetting the urge to do anything to yourself.
2. Write.
Try to write about your feelings in a journal. Or maybe you want to write a story? A letter to someone you love? To someone you miss? To someone who you wish existed?
3. Scrub the house from top to bottom.
Distracting yourself with tedious tasks and paying attention to close details can give you a different focus to the energy that you're feeling.
4. Draw or paint.
Try to draw a picture of what you want to do with yourself. Then draw a picture showing why you want to do this. Now draw a third picture showing how you wish you were feeling.
5. Play with, pet, hold or hug your pet.
Spend time with one of your favorite pets instead of bringing physical pain to your body. Animals are loyal creatures, and they will never tell your secrets to anyone. They might be the only creatures you can trust right now?
6. Exercise.
Taking a walk, lifting some weights or going for a run can distract you from what you're feeling. The physical release of energy can be helpful.
7. Take a bath or shower.
Let the water soothe and calm you, as well as helping you relieve your stress. Talking out loud or crying in the shower helps get the pain that is locked inside you out. Let the stress rinse off, and send it "down the drain" and away from you.
8. Draw on yourself with a red marker instead of cutting.
Giving yourself the illusion of red against your skin might help the same way as a cut would.
9. Put a rubber band on your wrist...
...and snap it when you think of hurting yourself.
10. Hit a pillow.
Hit a pillow over and over again until you get worn out, or the thoughts go away. Speak or cry whilst doing this if you feel that will help.
11. Listen to soothing music.
Or scream to angry music, if you think that might help more.
12. Read your favorite book.
Or a new book from your favorite author.
13. Watch something really funny or TV, or a funny movie.
Use comedy and laughter as your release.
14. Use your attention on something else.
Work on web-pages or concentrate on another task that will distract you.
15. Sleep.
Just completely shut down. Let the time pass, and hopefully when you wake up, the feeling and stress will have subsided.
16. Close your eyes and visualize yourself on vacation, away from all the stress.
If you love the beach, for example, picture yourself walking at your favorite time of the day, barefoot along the shore, feeling the cool breeze across your face, listening to the waves coming and going, watching the sea gulls fly, picking up sea shells. Imagine yourself walking in the warm clear water, swimming with the dolphins, being totally safe.
17. Make sure you don't have anything sharp nearby.
Don't let yourself have anything sharp in your room, or when you are somewhere by yourself.
18. Take a walk outside.
If it's fresh air outside, and you need something you clear your mind, go for a long walk. You can cry and/or listen to music as you do so, if you think that might help.
19. Go to someone you trust.
Go talk to someone you trust, someone who loves you. Tell them how you feel and let them calm you down.
20. The Butterfly Project.
1. When you feel like you want to self harm, take a marker or pen and draw a butterfly on wherever the self-harm occurs.
2. Name the butterfly after a loved one, or someone that really wants you to get better.
3. NO scrubbing the butterfly off.
4. If you self harm before the butterfly is gone, it dies. If you don't self harm, it lives.
5. If you have more than one, self harming kills them all.
6. Another person may draw them on you. These butterflies are extra special. Take good care of them.
7. Even if you don’t self harm, feel free to draw a butterfly anyways, to show your support. If you do this, name it after someone you know that is suffering right now, and tell them. It could help.
21. Glitter Jar.
What you need:
1 jar (with a lid of course!)
1/10 vegetable oil
9/10 water
Glitter - lots of!
Food colouring.
Anything else shiny.
What you do:
Add the water and vegetable oil together. Add a few drops of food colouring, all of the glitter and anything else shiny. Put the lid on (tight!) and shake it.
When you want to cut / binge / scream / cry, shake the glitter jar and watch until the glitter is settled. It’ll calm you and hopefully the emotion will pass.
We haven't gotten any asks lately, so I've kind of been slacking a bit... But I do try to get on every day to check if we've gotten any asks and if I can answer any of them. The more we get the more I'll get on.
There's no need to be afraid to ask about something; we don't bite :)
~Cheshire xx
(not sure about the other girls though, school and timezones doesn't get on well)
In regards to the helpful textposts tag, I was wondering if there is any subject//websites you guys want me to make a post about? I have holiday for a week, so I have time to make many!
Having been bullied before, and know a lot of people that have been bullied/are being bullied, stopping bullies is very important to me. Here's a helpful site you should check out.
What is bullying?
Aggressive behavior may be bullying depending on what happened, how often it happens and who it happens to. Find out what bullying is and what the different types are. You can also learn more about other topics related to bullying.
Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying happens when kids bully each other through electronic technology. Find out why cyberbullying is different from traditional bullying, what you can do to prevent it, and how you can report it when it happens.
Who is at risk?
Bullying can happen anywhere, but depending on the environment, some groups may be at an increased risk. Learn what factors increase the risk of children being bullied or children more likely to bully others and what warning signs can indicate that bullying may be happening. You can also find out how bullying can negatively impact kids.
Prevent bullying
Parents, school staff, and other adults in the community can help kids prevent bullying by talking about it, building a safe school environment, and creating a community-wide bullying prevention strategy. Find out what you can do.
Respond to bullying
How you respond can make an impact on bullying over time. Find out what you can do to stop it on the spot and support the kids involved.
Get help now!
If you have done everything you can to resolve the situation and nothing has worked, or someone is in immediate danger, there are ways to get help.
In regards to several asks about sexualities before, I thought it would be a good idea to direct you guys to this side. Here are some helpful links;
Suicide Prevention
Helping a suicidal friend or relative. Suicide warning signs.
Parent's Guide "Coming Out"
link; How do I tell my parents? | link; A guide for family and friends. | "What do you do when your child comes out to you as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender?
Wipe Out Biphobia
Facts about bisexuality and biphobia.
Transphobia
Facts about transgender and transphobia.
Pansexuality
Facts about pansexuality.
Asexuality
Facts about asexuality. (Attraction, Arousal, Identity.)
Gay Myths Busted
Gay people have been accused of being unfit parents, more likely to be pedophiles, unable to sustain lasting relationships, and worse. But research shows these and other myths just aren't based in fact.
The Gay Holocaust
In 1928 there was an estimated 1.2 million “out” homosexual men living in Germany. As Adolf Hitler rose in power, gay organizations were banned and scholarly books regarding homosexuality were burned.
So I'm that girl that said the thing about me and my friend being ridiculously close and I wasn't sure how she felt and you said I should make a move but keep an open mind about the whole thing. Yea, we're dating now and I'm seriously super duper mega ultra happy about that. Thanks for the advice guys <3
Aw, I'm so happy to hear that! Good luck with your relationship, lovely! We'll always be here if you need more advice!
I'm a girl, 16. My friend and I are ridiculously close. She means the world to me, and I her. Lately, I've come to the realization that I like her more than a friend. And I'd bet all the money I have that she feels the same.We hold hands in public and school. We stay up texting each other. We cuddle. I feel like I have a chance at being her girlfriend, I really do. But how would I go about doing it? I could wait it out and see where it goes, but I feel like just making a move already. Help lol?
Hello, lovely!
First of all, that's great that you have someone that close to you! But at the same time, being that close to someone doesn't always mean that she likes you back.
Now, I'm not saying there is no possibility for her to like you. Of course not. There's a big possibility that she does! But try not to think of it as "I'd bet all my money I have that she feels the same about me," because if she doesn't, that can make it harder for you.
I'd say you go for it. Make a move, but do it with an open mind. Tell yourself that even if she doesn't feel the same way, you can still be friends, and make sure she knows that after you've made a move.
But, if she does feel the same way, then that is awesome!
Okay, so my friend told me she was bi. I was fine with that. We joked about it. But now she told me she has a crush on me. I've only spoken to her twice and it was awkward as fuck. I don't want to loose my friendship with her but im not quite comfortable with the fact that she likes me. Help me save my friend ship please?
Just as with a boy/girl friendship, I think you should tell her that you don't feel the same way. I get that it can be uncomfortable (I've gotten the same thing with a guy friend of mine), but just try to remember that you can still be friends even though she has a crush on you.
The thing is, that crushes are like creatures, in a way. If it doesn't get fed, it won't grow, and eventually it'll die. So continue being friends with her, but make sure she knows you don't feel the same about her.
But, tell her in a nice way. For me, it was difficult coming out as bi, and if a girl rejected me badly, I might've been scared that she was freaked out because I was bi. Make sure she knows you still want to be friends, and that you're not affected in any way that she's bi. But also make sure she knows that the feelings aren't reciprocated.
i have incredibly bad trust issues, i refuse to trust basically anyone and im afraid that soon i'll be out of friends because im honestly a bad person. help me please
I know how it is, babe. I think it's important that you remember to start slowly. You don't have to trust anyone with everything, not at all. I think maybe telling your friends you have bad trust issues could help as well, so that they know it's not personal. That way they can't really blame you for anything.
You don't have to trust people with everything. The closer you get to someone, and the longer you've known each other, the more secure it is to trust someone. If you know what I mean?
Try telling yourself that you know this person and you can trust them.
Part 3. On a scout camp and my group is really good friends w/her group, and I'm REALLY good friends with the ones in her group so I kind of need to talk to her and I've sended her a message on Facebook and now she want me to trust her again witch I can't she abounded me when I needed and still need a good friend who knew what I'm going trough, I'm crying myself to sleep evey night and that's not good when I'm going on this camp. I don't really know if there are any advice to give?
I'm not going to post the other parts, because you know self what they are, so I'm just gonna write my response under the read more :)
I understand where you're coming from, I really, really do. But the thing is, that it's important that your parents know as well. It's so, so important - even if they're going through a rough time. Just because they've divorced (I think you've told me this before, in another ask? [sorry for the insanely late answer!]) does not mean you can't tell them the truth. They deserve to know everything. You are they're child, and it's much worse for them to suddenly find out, than if you tell them.
My biggest advice here is to tell your parents, and go into therapy as you've stated you want. It truly does help, with the right therapist and support from your parents. Believe me - I'm speaking from experience.
so i just left my religion place of worship because their beliefs didn't line up with mine anymore and i didn't feel that i could practice and still be true to myself, but everyone's asking me to go back, especially my parents, who insist that it will be good for my future and for social means. i've told them that it's not for me, and they listened and said that i should just go anyway, to keep up an appearance. i suppose it's not a terrible hassle, but i feel like a fraud i guess.
I know what you mean. My father is Christian, though we've never felt the need to go to Church every Sunday and whatnot. I think it's best that you decide, since it's your life and your religion we're talking about. If you don't feel like you belong there, you don't have to be there.
Your parent's shouldn't tell you to just go anyway. Even though they have the religion, doesn't mean that you need to have it as well. We all have the right to believe in what we want to believe in, not what other people tell us to believe in.
You should probably talk to your parents again. Tell them it's your beliefs, and not theirs that's up for discussion, and that you should be able to pick your religion yourself.
Sorry for the bleak answer, but I don't think any of us have much experience with religions... Hope all goes well, and if not, we're always here :)
My best friend just told me that she doesnt eat anything and that she troughs up if she do, and it's been going on for some months. And I'm really hurt because I had some quite big problems earlier this summer and told her and she didn't tell me! She told an other girl from other class and I'm just REALLY hurt.. )'; and I want to help her cuz her friend got into hospital for doing the same and I don't want her to die! Help? And she doesnt want to talk about it and she is skinny already!!
Hello love, London here! I've been in pretty much the exact same situation as you. My (now ex) best friend kept her depression and habit of 'forgetting to eat' from me and instead told another girl all about it. Which is, of course, a very painful thing to go through. A lot of thoughts swirl around in your head - things like 'am I not her best friend? Doesn't she trust me? Am I not good enough? Why doesn't she just leave and find someone else good enough then? I just want to help, why is she pushing me away?'
Scary stuff, really. Sadly, for me and my best friend we let all of this boil up until finally the trust levels between us were shattered. Don't let that happen to you, anon! I know she doesn't want to talk about it, neither did my friend, but you need to sit her down and force her to listen. Don't force her to tell you things, but just try and explain what you're feeling to her.
And for the eating disorder, the first thing you need to know is there nothing you could have done to have stopped it and nothing you can do (single-handedly) to stop it. Your friend needs help. If she isn't already receiving this help, I advise you talk to an adult. Yeah, I know that sucks and it's probably gonna make things worse between you and your friend for a little bit, but it'll be worth it when she isn't binging and purging.
Besides, things are always darkest before dawn. Things will get better, anon. Good luck!
- London xx
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