I can’t stay quiet. I hit send faster than Superman can jump into a phone booth and change into his super hero costume. And I wish I didn’t.
You know that person… The one who only texts you when when they need to talk. But when YOU need to talk your kik just sits there with that stupid D staring...
aerissa: Honey, I hate that you're hurting so much over this. I'm going to try to show you how to see this situation from another perspective so that hopefully this won't happen again. I realize I sound harsh at times, but please know this comes from love and wanting you to be happy in life.
The first thing to look at is you, your character and personality. You describe yourself as someone who loves to talk and talks quite lot. You also say you like to listen to people and help sort out their troubles. So, given that those two things about you are correct, take another look at the situation from that particular vantage point.
'The one who only texts you when when they need to talk. But when YOU need to talk your kik just sits there with that stupid D staring you in the face. And you wait and wait for it to say R but it doesn’t happen..'
Yes, but he texts you when he needs to talk about something important going on in his life. He obviously respects you, values your input, and finds you to be helpful or he'd be calling someone else instead of you. By calling you he is not using you, he is complimenting you.
As for not responding immediately to your calls as you do his, the disparity can again be attributed to the differences in your personalities. You pick up his call immediately because you pick up ALL calls immediately. That's why he puts, “Hello?” ”You there? when he doesn't hear back right away. He's not being impatient, he's just reacting to what he expects based on your behaviour pattern over time. Also, because you enjoy talking a lot more than most people I would guess you probably call him for any number of reasons, including just to gab for a while. Nothing wrong with that, but you can't go through life wanting to talk 15x more than the average person and expect others to play along, pick up your calls immediately, and chat as long as you want, it's simply not realistic. The fact is that most people don't enjoy talking that much, and very likely find themselves wanting to get off the phone a lot earlier than you do. It doesn't mean they don't like you. If they didn't like you they wouldn't call you at all. We all know people whose calls we avoid because we know picking up will mean 45 minutes or more on the phone, and we feel guilty because we like those people, it's the long, long chats we want to avoid. If you try to make people call and talk to you as much as you do them you'll be disappointed every time, and likely will cause them to back away from you. You have to allow for that people are different and not everyone can or wants to do what you do naturally. It's not an insult to you, it's just allowing others to be who they are.
You simply can't use talking as a measure of people's regard for you. How much you enjoy talking to them and how often or for how long you talk to them is not going to ever be equal to how much and how often they want to talk to you, by virtue of the fact that you are who you are and your love of chat is not shared by all.
You love to talk, others do not, so how can that be a way to measure other people's esteem for you? Don't do that to yourself, or to them. It hurts everyone. It hurts you. You are good people. I do not want you to be hurt.
"Is it so wrong to want to be held just as high in someones regard as you hold them in yours?"
No, but it's not a good idea to infer someone's level of esteem for you based on how verbal you are in the relationship as opposed to how verbal they are in return. People show their care and regard for others in vastly different ways. Based on the information in your post it seems you've judged him and your relationship with him using unfair standards (talking, response time), come to the conclusion that he is a user, doesn't care about you, and doesn't deserve to be in your life, and all without even giving him the consideration of asking for his input on the matter. Since you mentioned holding someone in high regard, may I ask you if this is something one does to someone they hold in high regard? Surely he deserves the opportunity to respond, at least? What I'm saying is, in accusing him of not valuing your friendship you've devalued his. Something to think about.
"I tell myself over and over again I’m not going to respond. Going to ignore them. Let them feel what that feels like."
He knows what it feels like, he's a grown man. What you want is to hurt him because you think he's hurt you. It's a natural instinct, but please don't. The thing about getting back at someone, even in minor ways, is that, no matter how minor the offense may be, people will never see you the same way once you purposely set out to hurt them. This is no different than when you share intimate things about your life with someone who then uses that information to hurt you during an argument. It may not seem like it, but it's the same thing. Purposely setting out to hurt someone is a terrible thing to do. You'll ruin the relationship, and hate yourself for doing it in the end. Plus, where does it get you? It surely won't help anything.
Apart from that, why on earth would you want to ignore his (or anyone's) calls? Honey, you are someone who enjoys talking to people and feels good about being there for others. Why in Hell would you EVER try to stop yourself from doing something that gives you so much joy? You are who you are who you are, and you should never, ever let someone else's behaviour be the reason for changing that. The fact is, you get great joy and fulfillment from the way you interact with others, it's a core part of who you are in essence as a human being, and you should continue to be, do and live that way regardless of anything or anyone. You are mistaken in believing that what you get from doing this is whatever those people give you in return. What you get is satisfaction, a sense of purpose, the knowledge and reassurance that this is one of your natural talents and part of your own contribution to the planet, greater self esteem over time from doing good for and being there to help others, the well being that comes from doing what you know you are meant to do, the wisdom that comes from others sharing their lives with you, and in the end the knowledge that you did all you could do with who you are. The knowledge that you didn't let arbitrary, unimportant things get in the way of living your life as you were meant to live it. What other people give or don't give - that's on them. Don't waste your life counting, because it does not matter. Honestly. what if the guy is just using you when he needs to talk. So? Choosing to be there for someone else doesn't mean they automatically have to be there for you, does it? Why should it? People give what they can of themselves, or they don't, but it's never going to be even. Does it really matter? What's so horrible about giving without getting back? Nothing. Plus, not getting back from the source doesn't mean you won't get it back from life as a whole. I'd say being born in the first world means we're already gotten back 1000x before we ever put anything in, wouldnyou? If it helps, don't think of it as giving, think of it as giving back.
I hope this helps. Sending you much love & many hugs.
tangentwithtanner
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