✨g o a l s✨

Start Date: 5/24/20 SW: 143.8 CW: lmao idk UGW: 120 bad bitches only B)

[aestroo]

I had Panda Express today, and when I put it in my calorie counter app it came out to be like 1000 calories, which at first made me super taken aback because I haven’t had that many calories in a day for a while. The first thing I did was started to look at workouts to burn those calories, and I saw some that were like “burn 500 calories” and they looked extremely draining. But damn, why should I even be doing that to myself? I enjoyed myself today and had a nice mean and shouldn’t feel bad for it. This week is personally a special occasion for me, and I feel like I shouldn’t be wasting that time obsessing over things I can no longer control. That food is sitting in my stomach and I’m going to let it do that because I deserve to feel happy and guilt free about the choices I make. And you do too, if you’re reading this. Tomorrow is a very special day for me and I’m not going to ruin tomorrow with thoughts I may be having today. I’m not going to do 500 jumping jacks and 70 Russian twists just because I had a good day. Nope, lol. I deserve to feel happy and love my chub, because I still have literal MONTHS to reach my goal. Moments like these don’t happen every day, so I’m going to enjoy it. :)

[chamberlainreads]

So my crush just told me he doesn’t like me, he likes my friend.... my skinny friend.

[aestroo]

mmm hey when I said monthly update, who knew I actually meant 4 months?? so um yeah it’s been a while.

finals and exam season is now over for me, and the religious holiday ive been observing for the past month has now ended so I’m no longer fasting. COVID cases are at an all time low where I am too, and it’s almost summer. I should be the happiest I’ve ever been since this whole pandemic started, but for some reason I’m not??? like I feel some sort of anticipation for future events, but also this weird emptiness because I used to be constantly busy and stressed and overwhelmed and now I have nothing to be stressed about😐 like what the heck. It sounds so crazy and backwards that I think that but it’s like, school took up so much of my energy and time, that even if I do have time now I still don’t have the energy to do alive things. I’ve been waiting for this moment all school year and now it’s here and I’m not even happy. Do I just force myself to do life things or? today I heard that mercury is in retrograde and it can cause anticipation and all that, and I don’t even really believe in astrological stuff, but I can’t help but resonate. There’s stuff I’d like to do soon like get my COVID vaccine, get my license (but I suck at driving😭), and get a job, but I feel so hhhhh because what if I #fail at something I set my mind to, that would suck. And I literally don’t have a social battery. I saw my friends last week for the first time since March 2020 and it was so great, but now I don’t know how to be social, and we’re hanging out this weekend and I’m scared I won’t have the energy to be social and ugh.

Update: just had a whole rant to myself and nearly cried?? Life is fun. Also I wanna get skinnæ this summer because I have in person school next this fall LOL but I also lowkey don’t like my body at all rn and it’s like damn does everything suck or am I just ungrateful. Anyways I need sleep so until next time- bye!

Ps I proofread none of this and will not because it’s late #girlboss

[aestroo]

monthly update, once again

It’s been like 2 months since I have remembered this app existed? Crazy isnt it. We’re now in 2021 and i don’t really diet or watch my weight to be honest. I’m way more focused on school. That being said, I think my weight is okay. I don’t loose a crazy amount of weight, but I also don’t tend to gain much either. It kind of just stays in the same range and I’m fine with that. I’m learning to love myself and love my body, and one thing I’ve realized is that when I dress up and wear clothes and represent my style, I feel more confident and comfortable in my skin. When I’m in my pajamas and less put together I’ll feel less confident in my skin. I just find comfort in knowing that it’s not always me, a lot of time it’s just my clothes. I’m okay with myself, and as the months have gone by I think I’ve gotten better and loving and accepting myself. Sure, it would be nice to have a flat stomach or to be skinny (and life might be easier that way, who knows), but at the same time I’m healthy, and I’m happy, so who am I to complain about the body I was given? I hope any of you reading this can also adopt that mindset and learn to love yourselves more, because every single one of you deserve love. You’re amazing and beautiful, and if you’ve been starving yourself you deserve to eat. If you’ve been binging you deserve to eat. If you already ate you still deserve to eat. No matter what your relationship with food is, no matter how many calories you’ve consumed or burned today, you still deserve to eat. That’s all for now, see y’all soon!!!!

Ps. Thank you so much for all the follows?!?! Like it’s weird that living human beings consciously made the choice to follow me, even if I’m crazy inactive. So thanks lolzies okay byeeeee

[aestroo]

Sup peeps, I guess this is just a monthly update because ngl I forgot this app existed for a while. I was clearing out my camera roll bc it keeps saying oUt oF sToRaGe and I found some thinspo from a long ass time ago, so I decided to come back here and check up on things. I haven’t been focusing on my weight at all because of school. I haven’t been watching what I eat or been on a diet or anything. And honestly? I’m happy. I’m happy with my body right now. I’m sort of losing weight anyways because of school. Stress tends to reduce my appetite, and just generally keep me busy. But I’m also loving myself a lot more, inside and out. Because I think I’m pretty great. And you all deserve to think you’re pretty great as well. I keep gaining followers even though I’m not even active, but thanks for sticking around. Before proceeding and scrolling on through the tumblr realm, stop for a second and ask yourself these questions,

Have I eaten enough food today?

Have I drank enough water today?

Have I showered/brushed my teeth/ changed my clothes today?

Have I interacted with a family member or friend today?

Have I done any cleaning today?

Have I thought anything nice about myself today, forgiven myself, or congratulated myself for anything?

If your answers to any of these was no, that’s totally ok! We can’t always be at 100% and that’s perfectly fine. If you are able to, try to knock out one of these things on this list and see if it helps you feel better. Because I don’t care what anyone says, you deserve happiness. You deserve good things. You deserve to feel good about yourself. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself and put your needs first. You DESERVE happiness, okay? Hope you precious moots have a lovely day/night/evening.

[aestroo]

sup my beautiful whores <33

Been in school for 7 weeks and I’ve noticed the more stressful my week is, the less ill eat. Which is good in a way because food has now become a distraction from studying rather than something I look forward to, but sometimes it gets the the point where the sun has set and I hadn’t eaten all day because I was just too busy. This whole online school thing kind of sucks, but I guess you could say I’m adjusted by now. We were supposed to go back to school around mid-october, but apparently they’re pushing the date to mid November?? Surrounding districts have set their dates to December/Next year??? Life is crazy, I never would have thought I’d be missing an entire semester of this school year. I haven’t been in an actual classroom since March, so at this point nothing feels real anymore. Make sure to stay hydrated, don’t skip meals (I should take my own advice, but I do eat regularly on weekends), and love yourselves because you’re all bad bitches who can get through this crazy time. BYEEEE

[aestroo]

Holy shit-

Thanks y’all <33

Stay healthy, happy, and hydrated :)

[aestroo]

sup bitches <3 three weeks in to school and I am exhausted asf, but ngl there is one thing I enjoy abt it. I wake up at around 8 and start school at 10, then don’t eat my first meal until around 1:30 when school ends. some days that’s my only meal of the day, other days My second meal (which is my last) would be eaten around sunset. It’s great because I’m too busy studying and doing homework to eat. That kind of sucks though too because during the week I don’t really have time to do anything other than school. I do kinda eat a lot on the weekends though because I have some extra time 😳😳 dont come @ me pls

edit: my school is fully online... yay I guess but also boo because I fucking hate it, and school won’t even open for inperson for at least another month and a half-

[aestroo]

hi all am currently feeling: pretty ok abt my body like idk I’ve just been vibing. I started crying informer of mi madre a few days ago abt how I grew up thinking I was fat when I really wasn’t but how my parents would say it “as a joke” even though it didn’t feel like a joke to me. Idk. Life is weird. How are y’all?

[emptyxtiny]

school thinspo

imagine

— your teachers asking you if you’ve been eating enough. they worry about you.

— running laps in gym and not struggling, you barely even sweat! you don’t jiggle anymore, everything athletic comes easy to you now

— at lunch, your friends are spending money and eating hundreds of calories. they ask you if you want some of their food, you say no and mean it.

— the feeling of emptiness when you finish your water bottle for the day.

— girls whispering about you, wondering how you got so skinny, their jealous stares are motivation for you to last another day with no food.

— when you’re presenting, you’re not nervous and awkward anymore. you’re confident, because now you know the class pays attention to how elegantly you walk and talk instead of how fat you must be.

— your friends picking you up, “you’re so light!” they comment. they feel your bones with awe.

— boys and girls have crushes on you. you don’t want to blend in with the crowd anymore.

— you never worry about school, in fact, you’re excited to come and show off your new ugw body.

you are skinny.

[peachypastelgirl]

An Empty Stomach

Feeling empty, light, and pure is so euphoric. I feel so in control, like I finally have one thing in my life that’s put together. Like I’m doing one thing right. I never, ever, EVER, wanna leave this place. It’s no longer about counting down the hours until I can eat again, or counting calories. This isn’t just a fad diet. This is my lifestyle. This is how I want to live my life. I don’t care about food any more. Instead of eating I’ve gotten better at art, at writing poetry, at playing instruments. Instead of eating I’ve worked out, gotten stronger, faster, unstoppable. Instead of eating I cleaned, now everything is in order and it’s easier to function day-to-day. Instead of eating I studied, learned all I could, got good grades, and gained power through my knowledge. Skipping meals, being uninterested in food, and having so much more time on my hands has made me realize, this isn’t just a phase, or a 1 or 2 month challenge, this is my life. This is how I will live…….and I love it. 

[tianatwitty-deactivated20141228]

Please make this go viral.

It is so important I don’t even care if you delete what I write here, just help it be seen. 

[own-your-weird-deactivated20150]

Reblog.

[calzonegod]

If you don’t reblog get the fuck out of here

[theludicrousrival]

U.S. National Suicide Hotline: [phone] 

Live chat services are also available for anyone who doesn’t feel comfortable with making phone calls/talking on the phone. 

Please reach out when you are struggling. You deserve so much more out of this life. Don’t ever forget that somebody loves you. 

[amberstorm-splash]

I don’t know what to add. Just, be safe out there. People will love you.

[aestroo]

Went to school twice last week to drop off textbooks and get new ones and getting schedules and whatnot and just being here kind of gave me enough motivation to keep going, and try to lose weight. I’m starting school online (sadness) but eventually we’re gonna have to go back to school in person right? So by the time that happens I’d want to be ready to go back with the body I want right? So yeahhh we’re gonna ignore the fact that I ate half a box of pizza today okay? okay :))

[rejennerate-deactivated20130718]

dear self: it only takes a month to get thin if you try like hell. a month. starting now, we suffer a month to be happy for a lifetime.

[aestroo]

found stretch marks on the back of my knees for the first time. sadness :(

[aestroo]

I found a video of myself from February and OHMYGOd my body looks so good😭😭 like I can’t believe I thought I was fat my body was literally perfect then and so much better than compared to now. It’s so weird how I look at old pics and videos and think omg my body looks fine why did I think I was fat, but then in the future I’ll wonder why I thought I was fat now. Odd how we take the little things for granted, huh?

[aestroo]

I ordered one of those stationary excercise bikes from amazon and it came in a few days ago so now I cycle for 30 minutes a day (except today because ✨chores✨) but I’m excited to have it so I can be more active without having to leave my house. Ps the seat hurts my butt so bad hehe 😭😔✌️