Nitty-gritty

I need this account to be reminded that I am capable of feeling my shit

[afleeinthenight]

Artwork generated with the help of Chat GPT by Open AI. ⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘ This is the last project I undertook with the help of AI.

Since it was proven that the benefits of it don't rival it's enviromental impact, I simply stop playing with it alltogether ✃𓄧꒷꒦ but this wasn't quite finished so I just stored the images away and now I don't actually recall what the main goal was... But it does look like maybe I wanted to join those two for a drink 🪑𓍯

[afleeinthenight]

[afleeinthenight]

A bit of writing but you can't be sure wether it's an extract from an amateur 2013's Wattpad novel or just an accurate description of my current situation...

[afleeinthenight]

[afleeinthenight]

Just the other day bestie asked me "What if you were the mermaid?" And I was like No fucking chance ☠️ but... What if?

[afleeinthenight]

It is a new year but it feels like the same old me ❤︎ and yet I have changed so much in the last two years in order to regain that old me. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁. I got no idea what 2026 has to offer but a part of me is really hoping it would be loaded with romance ❀, might be a bit of an inconsistency coming from someone who openly hates Holydays, Romcoms, even Chocolate! and it's so Academically driven. But, as much of a hater as I am (ᵕ—ᴗ—), I cannot help but to be deeply curious as to who I would become if I actually cared about someone as much as I know I could have cared for her if I had been given the chance🫀. A diferent part of me is very afraid tho, that maybe it's not that I've change so much and it's not that I got my whole range of emotions back... maybe it was just HER. And without her there will be no love. ⋆𓇢𓆸 ⋆ But I am hopefull and willing so I'll just do my best to let 2026 surprise me ✌︎︎.

[afleeinthenight]

...It was a perpetual estrangement 𓀏

[afleeinthenight]

[afleeinthenight]

Chat GPT says IT IS⭑.ᐟ

[afleeinthenight]

Do we have a say in what will later become an artistic fascination?

Could I perhaps choose my next Muse?

◇ ✍︎ ◇

They say you can train your ear or your palate so... Could we also train our atraction and maybe reorient our longing? ➴ 𖹭 Cause' to be honest my current taste seems like a way of self harm ✄☠︎ It surely isn't a coincidence that everyone I've ever been in love with I end up despicting in my art as an 𝓐ngel 🪽 ... as if their love could redeem me from my sins.

They always come from very solid backgrounds, stable families and a blissfull upbringing (×_×) wich makes quite the constrast to mine. They always seem to have some sort of moral or religious ground from wich to judge me or my past. But I stay ♱𓃠 because when they like me they do it against their better judgment and that makes me feel worth it... Even if they make it seem like fully accepting what's going on between us, it's equivalent to risking getting kick out of paradise.

𖤍 Well... I don't want my love stories to be a form of atonement any more⭑.ᐟ I'm done persuing this idealized moral others 𖤍

⋆˚꩜｡I've been thinking that, as far as archetypes go, it is time I go looking for a 𝐒iren ♆... Someone willing to drag me onto the deep of those feelings that are so unknown to me. Someone that would lure me when I have doubts. Someone that isn't afraid of the darkness within.༄.° Would it be possible? 𓇼

[toiich]

"Love is the ability to sacrifice, an ability to gift oneself to others, love is what shapes human beings" - Andrei Tarkovsky

[afleeinthenight]

[afleeinthenight]

[afleeinthenight]

[afleeinthenight]

I've found kindred in The phantom of the Opera and The goblin king ☠︎︎ must be all that fucking yearningᝰ.ᐟ Do excuse my french ×͜×

[afleeinthenight]

[afleeinthenight]

That same thought was the beginning of the end for me ☔︎︎ ☹ Sometimes I wish I'd never had such realization to begin with... that way, at least, she would still be in my life ‹/𝟹

[afleeinthenight]

When do the fucking holidays end... I just want to enjoy my summer ૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა