diaryofAyePoet

Thoughts. Emotions. Opinions.

[theliteraryjournals]

My soul is impatient with itself, as with a bothersome child; its restlessness keeps growing and is forever the same. Everything interests me, but nothing holds me

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet (via wordsnquotes)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Other peoples’ opinion of you is their problem, not yours.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[wordsnquotes]

When I am silent, I have thunder hidden inside.

Rumi (via wordsnquotes)

[ayepoetswords-blog]

Happiness

It took me a long time to find it. Not realizing that it was already inside of me. But it had been buried.. Beneath hurt, anger, sadness and depression.. Just to name a few. In 4 years I have beat depression 3 times. Has it been easy? Hell no. Has it been worth it? Hell yes. I wake up each day and some days it's still a hard task to get out of bed but you know what, I say a prayer & I do it. Do I like myself everyday? Do I like my life everyday? No and no. But do I love myself and love my life everyday, yes. You know why, because I made it to where I am now & I'm going to make it to where God needs me to go. I'm destined for greatness because my spirit has a fire lit down in it that tells me so. Life is SO much better when you have positive affirmations. I'm still struggling to look myself in they eye in the mirror and say "You are beautiful" without crying but I tell myself daily, "Asya you are AMAZING!" "You are dope af" "You are so funny". You can't go searching for other people to tell you positive things if you don't know how to tell them to yourself because then it's done in vain. You won't believe them. You'll just believe that it was nice of them to say those things about you. If you can't love yourself, you can't expect for someone else to. It's definitely true too. If you're unhappy, try this: find ONE thing/reason to be happy as soon as you wake up each morning. Hold on to it all day long. If something goes wrong, remind yourself of that one thing. As the days go on, you'll find more reasons to be happy, you'll begin to feel better. Once you begin to feel better, bless someone else with your good vibes. Everyone needs them! Happiness is like the sprinkles in life and we're all just frosted cupcakes. Everyone should be like 3yo putting sprinkles in abundance on our cupcakes. Put that shit everywhere 💜

[ayepoetswords-blog]

A Love Letter

As I lay beside you quietly Listening to your heartbeat, Studying the patterns of your breathing. I feel in my spirit that you were made for me. No other arms have felt safer. No kiss as sweet. No touch as caring. No embrace as comforting. No smile as warm as yours. It's amazing how much better I sleep at night when you're beside me. I use to wonder if soulmates were a real thing. They are. You're mine. As I can hear you breathing I wonder what your dreaming. I'll lay closer to you in case the dream is not so pleasant. So you'll awake and know I'll always be here. By your side. Ready to console you. Ready to uplift you. Ready to build with you. Ready to love you unconditionally, above all. I lay awake and think of how we got here. All the years put in that never seemed to work because the timing was wrong. All the random texts with lyrics from your favorite songs. The arguments that led to silence for months on end. The heartfelt laughs that captured where it all began. When you awake in the morning and find this letter, I can only hope it'll make your day that much better. Your offset smile and plump pink lips have a way of warming my soul. I look back at where we started years ago and I'm excited to see how this story unfolds. I look forward to every day with you. Even the nights when your snoring keeps me up (like now). This love is a favorite song on repeat with the volume up loud. As the moon gets relief from the sun, I lay here and pray that we'll always be one. I pray I'll write out my love to you until we both become stars in the sky. I pray you'll never doubt I love you but instead know all the reasons why.

[ayepoetswords-blog]

Save you 💔

I tried my best to save you. I gave you all my love. Subconsciously enabling your habits, While praying to above. I tried my best to save you. I wrote poems, quotes, and cards. But nothing I did could ever be enough. I tried my best to save you! You don't know how many tears I shed. I've watched you, held you, prayed for you. If only my love could've saved you. You still be the man I loved. Now you're someone different. But I'm still praying to above. Praying that you can fight your demons. Praying that you'll be strong. But you're spirit is too weak. & im watching your downfall. I promise I want to save you. You don't know how bad I want to. But my love just isn't enough. I don't know what else to do. I just want to know that I tried. I'm so scared to get a phone call saying you've died. If only my love could save you, You'd still be the man I know. The man who held me close and never wanted to let go. I'm still here, trying to save you, As the tears run rapidly. But I finally realized that if I save you, Who's going to save me? I promise I tried to save you. But I have to let you go. I love you, I promise I do. That's something you should know. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I had to leave. But if I spend all my time trying to save you. I won't know how to save me. I'm sorry for being selfish, I'm sorry if I hurt you inside. Just know I love you always, And know that I really tried. So I pray that God can save you. I pray you'll help yourself. I'll be watching from a distance. Never loving you any less.

[ayepoetswords-blog]

The Rebirth

I'm being reborn without a baptism. Rediscovering what self-love is. Rebuilding my foundation in a new location. Honestly, I hated myself. I wasn't happy, Never smiled. Always crying. Debated on killing myself. It was a dark place. Black as the midnight hour. I didn't know it then, But I was going to blossom into a beautiful new flower. Thought the Devil was burying me, But it was got who was replanting me. Guess I outgrew my old pot. Saw my momma do this a million times. The idea of it happening to my life, I never thought. I gave the Devil too much credit. Thought it was him bringing me down. But God! He just wanted my heart to be re-found.. In Him & His glory. So I could tell the world my story. I thought I was lost but God was just redirecting my steps. I hope for someone going through darkness, that reading this helps. In life, no one ever said it'd be easy. Thank Him for the good & bad. Things only last for a season. But love.. That's eternal. & it's a beautiful reason.. To keep going. To keep praying. To keep believing. To keep trusting. You'll make it through. It may seem you're stuck forever, But God is just using you.. With a pure heart, you'll be reborn from the darkness. More appreciative of the light than ever before. You'll truly understand that for every closed one, there's another open door. The very essence of your life, will be worth so much more. From the darkest alley in your life, you'll emerge reborn.

[gentlechamomile]

10 Things You Can Do When you’re Feeling Down | Brittany Josephina

[niketa-rae]

💛💛💛

[prettyessentialpoet]

She was a storm. Coming in fast and strong. Raindrops of frustration.. Hail as big as her disappointment. winds of turmoil ready to destroy. Hovering. Waiting for the right moment she should break. All while trying to contain. Too big to try and hide.. Trying to pass through without causing too much damage. Hovering. You can see she’s breaking. Falling apart. Is she going to collapse? No. She’s put too much effort into holding it all together. Just trying to pass through. Trying to pass through. Trying to pass. Trying to. Trying… Living a lie. It’s sometimes necessary. The sunniest day’s end with her. Or she may interrupt midday. No one knows when to expect her. She’s never on time. Early nights / late mornings. Just a burst of the most beautifully scary sight. You’re frightened but engulfed at the same time. You can’t stop staring. Quick pics to your social media. Screenshot and reposted. A tornado in the making. Yet the sun is shining. She’s untamable. But the scariest storms have the most beautiful sunsets.

[ayepoetswords-blog]

Honestly..

I can't remember the last time I was really happy. I can't remember the last time I looked in the mirror & was pleased. I can't remember the last time I felt motivated. I can't remember the last time I time I liked..better yet, felt like I loved myself. Honestly, depression sucks.

[toomanyfeelings]

You can be depressed and not feel sad or blue. Depression can also be a haze of sleepiness, distractedness/obsessiveness cycles, and a twinge of irritability that can be hard to recognize because you might already be a “fiery” person. It can feel like a lazy Sunday that keeps imposing itself for weeks or months.

[chronicallyquirky-blog]

Can we just… I’ll leave this here.

[ayepoetswords-blog]

This.. It's hard when people don't understand. Or they just think you're overreacting about how you feel. Depression is hard. Depression takes up a lot of your energy.

[ayepoetswords-blog]

I wish I knew how to be happy

[hammondallie]

[delighted-devotion-blog1]

one of my favorite verses.

[twoheadedgorilla-deactivated201]

“Equality will always feel uncomfortable for those who once benefited from inequality.”

“Equality will always feel uncomfortable for those who once benefited from inequality.”

— Michael S. Kimmel, The Gendered Society

[profeminist]

[krxs10]

!!!!!! IT HAPPENED AGAIN !!!!!!

Another Day At The Pool Turns Violent For A Black Family After Police Are Called

Krystal Dixon dropped off her kids and nieces and nephews at the Fairfield, Ohio, pool just as she’d done many times before. Not a half-hour later, the family was being rushed to the hospital after a violent altercation with local police.

The incident started so small. When one child didn’t have swimming trunks, staff demanded the family leave. Even though Dixon, pregnant and 33, said she had a swimsuit for the child, workers at the Fairfield Aquatic Center—about 25 miles north of Cincinnati—said it was too late. The mom decided to get the other kids and go. That’s when, according to Dixon, a park ranger followed her. When the teens came over to see what’s going on, the ranger took out handcuffs.

The ranger said they’d be arrested if they didn’t leave. He asks for Dixon’s ID, which she doesn’t have on her, then grabs her arm. The children ask the officer to let Dixon go, and the scene escalates.

That’s when a 911 call turns what was a minor breach of pool rules into chaos: A white officer using pepper spray on black teenage girls, and one 12-year-old—Dixon’s niece—being slammed against a cop car. Her family says she has a fractured jaw and broken ribs.

“Everything’s going crazy and they’re videotaping, trying to make it look like a racist thing and it’s not at all,” the caller said. “They were breaking our policy and we told them they couldn’t be here anymore and it’s really scary and I don’t feel safe.”

Although the cops said they’re just doing their jobs, the video being spread shows differently.

Two adults were arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. A 12-year-old girl was charged with assault and resisting arrest, while a 15-year-old was charged with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

Source / Source / Video

#StayWoke

[shotgunbattleax]

I am getting. So tired.

[hayleywgilbert-deactivated20181]

[ayepoetswords-blog]

It just warmed my heart for this little baby (probably around 1yr) to come up to me in the ice cream shop, reach out for me, & when I picked her up & told her how gorgeous she was, she smiled (mainly because she wanted my ice cream) .. But the most important part of the story is this that babies don't know skin color. They know people.. And some can tell good people from bad people. When he mother took her back (after she proceeded to stick her hand in my ice cream) I complemented her on how sweet & cute the little girl was. The mother in turn told the baby "you just love everyone. That's exactly what we want". That made my heart happy. Especially with the way the world has been.