An Afternoon Shazzle

Prepare to be Shazzled

[afternoonshazzle]

I was on the train this morning and the whole way I was like which asshole near me is the one that smells like rotten egg, how about taking a shower so you don't smell like ass. And now I have finally decided to have lunch.....egg sandwich....it was me all along

[afternoonshazzle]

I'm so bad at hyping things, I'm teaching the like kids church and I was like hey guuuys we're gonna have a competition today boys vs girls yeaah, and then they got overly excited so I was like wait no it's not that fun it's hangman....that killed the excitement

[afternoonshazzle]

I have a spider in my room named tyrone, he takes care of my fly problems/I'm too lazy to kill him/since giving him a name I'm lowkey attached to his existence and don't want to kill him

[afternoonshazzle]

#teamvalourteamvoldemort

[afternoonshazzle]

[afabulousmisadventure]

“Don’t touch me with your snail penis!”

Sharon

[afabulousmisadventure]

I don’t want a knife and fork, I told you I was going to Indian it out

Sharon

[afternoonshazzle]

Sharon: I don't understand how people can make their eyes look in opposite directions.

Kayley: People can't do that Sharon.

Sharon: Oh. They must've just had a lazy eye then.

[afternoonshazzle]

I pass this ad every day, and the physics of it stressed me out so much, also the spaghetti of it...it legitimately affects me that it’s spaghetti

[afternoonshazzle]

Training Times

Whenever I take the train, I text my mum the time to pick me up form the station. So at 11:15 I text her ‘12:53′, she doesn’t respond and when I’m 2 stops away I text her a bunch of question marks. 1 stop away and I call her and she’s like oops sorry.  Then I got to the stations and checked the time and it was 11:37...so the time I sent her was massively incorrect anyway...

[afternoonshazzle]

[afternoonshazzle]

Trials and Choculations

Day 1 So like my brother lost his wallet Day 2 >he doesn't have his license so I drive with him to uni >in his car >but his car has no petrol >we go fill it up but he has no money so I give him my card Day 3 >he's going out and he asks me for some cash >I have a $20 and a $5, give him the $20 >he begs for a bit, give him the $5 Day 4 (today) >finish work, tired af, >go to shop near station get some food >go to counter 'that's $8.90' >check purse for coins, nah probly not enough, >flip to card section *flashback to day 2 when you put your card back in your pocket instead of your purse like a dumbass* > ok chill > spend ages counting coins >$8.85 > you have $8.85 > stand there like a dumbass with you $8.85 > mental rant about 5 cent coins > guy realized you fucked up asks how much you have > hurrdurr I have $8.85 > he says don't worry about it > chuck one m&m in the bin cuz you don't deserve it (nah jk nvr) >compose massive rant on train because you have no life

[afternoonshazzle]

Tried to fix my watch. Got super glue everywhere and stapled my thumb.

[afternoonshazzle]

A bit ago I was at a family friend’s party and this younger girl waved at me and later to make some small talk I was like “where’s your older sister?” and she looked at me confused and her mum came up from behind with her younger brother and goes “it’s just the two of them” and I just stared at all of them like who even is this family. It was way awkward. 

[afternoonshazzle]

Took me a solid 15 minutes to find this classroom..nobody is inside...where the fuck is my class

[afternoonshazzle]

Say Cheese!

so embarrassed...on the train the girl in front of me is taking like selfies of her boyfriend but like the thing when it takes a bunch at a time (burst?) and I like only glanced up. She’s showing the pics to him and then she notices my face staring into the camera and like zooms in on it and they both start laughing...

[afternoonshazzle]

First day in India my youngest cousin shits on me…

Like dude I can’t even, I thought I spilt curry on my shirt so I smelt it. I want to cry. And puke…I want to puke.