Salty Agents

I don’t know what I’m doing with this blog but I post quotes I find funny (but probably aren’t) so enjoy I guess. Also SaltySpittoon here :) Previews of my works and links to them are posted here.

[agent-calamity]

Marina: if you were in MakoMart and everything was free for 10 minutes, what would you get?

Agent 3: trampled to death, probably

Pearl: most realistic answer

[agent-calamity]

Y’all find anything funny huh

[agent-calamity]

Marina: hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire??

Agent 4: microwave for 40 minutes 😔

Callie: why were you microwaving a lemon???

Agent 4: I read boiling lemons help cover up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the smell of burnt oranges) but i don’t own any pots.

Marie: did you burn an orange too? How???

Agent 4: microwave for 40 minutes 😔

[agent-calamity]

Agent 4: *eats a cinnamon roll*

Agent 3: cannibalism

[agent-calamity]

Agent 4: I wanna be a turfer when I grow up!

Agent 3: me too

Agent 4: but you are grown up

Agent 3: I know

[agent-calamity]

Guys no

I literally haven’t even hit 100 on my main but god I appreciate it so much

[agent-calamity]

Agent 4: HOW TO CHEER UP IN 2 EASY STEPS: 1: WHISPER BEEP BOOP TO YOURSELF 2: REPEAT UNTIL NOT SAD

Agent 3: ((BUT WHY DOES IT WORK???))

Agent 8: 1: plug your nose 2: say sneep snoop

Agent 3: try saying ‘boopededoop’ in a really deep, manly voice

[agent-calamity]

Marie: the moon is proud of you

Pearl: and so are the stars

Marina: and so is the sun!!

Callie: the aliens are watching you, a little confused about your life choices, but are proud of you too

[agent-calamity]

Agent 3, as a pilot: *over the intercom* we’re all gonna die

Passengers: *freak out*

Agent 3: all of us will one day, no one knows when

Passengers: *sigh in relief*

Agent 3: but it’ll probably be when we hiT THIS MOUNTAIN

[agent-calamity]

Pearl: name a bitch badder than me!

Agent 3: Mariya Vasilyevna Oktyabrskaya, her husband was killed by the Nazis in 1941 during Operation Barbarossa. She went to the Soviet government and demanded a tank to kill nazis. The government relented and she killed nazis with her tank.

Pearl: ok Cod I’m sorry

[agent-calamity]

Marie: now what do we call an unhealthy relationship?

Agent 4: toxic

Marie: yes

Agent 4: I’m slIPPING UNDER

Marie: nO-

[agent-calamity]

Marina: if you were in MakoMart and everything was free for 10 minutes, what would you get?

Agent 3: trampled to death, probably

Pearl: most realistic answer

[agent-calamity]

Agent 3: I may be antisocial and unattractive

Agent 4:

Agent 3:

agent 4:.......and?

Agent 3: Thats all

[agent-calamity]

Callie: treat spiders the way you want to be treated :)

Marie: killed without hesitation

[agent-calamity]

Cap’n Cuttlefish: if you bite and you die;; it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die; it’s venomous.

Agent 8: what if it bites me and it dies?

Tartar: that means you’re poisonous, god, learn to read

Agent 4: what if it bites itself and dies?

Pearl: it’s voodoo

Marina: what if it bites me and someone else dies?

Callie: that’s correlation, not causation

Marie: what if we bite each other and no one dies?

Agent 3: that’s kinky

Marie: oh my god

[agent-calamity]

Agent 8: I’m so tired of breaking myself into bite sized pieces

Agent 4: stay whole and let them choke

Agent 3: mood

Marie: let them choke

[agent-calamity]

Agent 8, going through the last phase before sanatized Agent 3: o-ok uh, like I’m nervous (chuckles) like I’m really nervous i can’t I never did this before.

Pearl: he literally sanatized like thousands of Octolings just go defeat him

Agent 8: A-Alright...

Agent 8, taking a few steps: i don’t- what if he’s taking a nap? I don’t wanna disturb him if he’s taking a nap.

Pearl: just- oh my god

[mangorokie]

3 the lesbean. Animation made by me, lol. this was also based off another quote @agent-calamity did

[agent-calamity]

I LOVE IT