Minute update
I have 2 radiation treatments left this week and then technically I'm done with treatment. What does that mean? Well, my one scan came back clear. I am meeting with my oncologist on the 17th, so eh? Anyone who's dealt with cancer before knows there's a shadow that hangs over you until the universe (doctors in your team) give you the almighty all clear. So I guess I'm cautiously optimistic that I've beaten this? That being said, I'm still super struggling with life. I put mourning mom's death on hold as I found out I had cancer a few days after burying her. I have absolutely no creative ideas in my head. It's like there's a massive void where all the 'what if's' and voices of ideas were.
I desperately want it back, but I don't even know who I am anymore and how rp writing, writing, being creative or just being Nen works. I desperately want to be here, or in our discords and say hi and hug people, but I feel like if we can't talk RP, I'm wasting everyone's time.
And I feel like I'm 'out of sight, out of mind', that people have moved on, forgotten me and I've been left behind. It's the nature of this beast. I've had a lot of support, but there's something about fighting cancer that leaves you ultimately alone. And I am somewhat alone. Without getting too personal (wait-the whole journey has been personal, hasn't it?) I went through most of this journey physically alone. Some have partners, close family, even closer friends, to hold their hands, cuddle with at home, hold their hair, etc... BUT My son has been here. I'm lucky. I really am, but I distance myself when I'm sick. I got rides to chemo, he cooked me food and took up some of the housekeeping. It's not the same as having a partner there. It's just not. Anyway. This part of the journey's slowly coming to a close. I'll keep you updated on what's up next. And I'm not going anywhere. I just need to find myself again. I'm sure I'm somewhere.
