pls give me a moment for graceland parks & rec au
[mike warren voice] JAIL BRIGGS, BRIGGS JAIL. JAIL, BRIGGS, JAIL.
johnny doesn’t know who al gore is and at this point he’s afraid to ask
charlie demarco!!! (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞
[charlie demarco & johnny tuturro voices] TREAT YO SELF 2015
if mike had a stripper name it would be equality
paige accidentally schedules jakes for 93 appointments in one day
“oh charlie you beautiful spinster, i will find you love”
johnny tuturro, fbi
mike filibustering in roller skates and jakes is weirdly into it
- [sick briggs staring in a mirror] “stop. pooping.” - jake punching sid in the mouth for yelling “WARREN SUCKS” - mike sending charlie a trailer made in imovie to celebrate hooking up with someone - “mike is the best, but he’s 24. when mike was born, I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends then, I would have been hanging out with a baby. my god, I could have killed him.” - charlie’s two true passions are making fun of stupid people and getting drunk - jakes who worked with a man for three years and never learned his name. (they still never talk sometimes)
“charlie, if i were sick would i be able to do this?” “what are you doing?” “…cartwheels. am i not doing them?”
bates is flUUUSHED WITH CAAAASH
johnny extremely drunk and rapidly speaking spanish
[paige arkin voice] “oh, you know what you should do? maybe you should ask him about his penis”
jakes and mike just: “i’m gonna kill you.” “i understand, one second.”
[solanos’ voices] don’t be suspicious don’t beeeee suspicious
- whistler: “I make money the old fashioned way. I got run over by a Lexus.” - mike has a CD of whale noises and and banjo music to prevent sexual tension - briggs, jakes, and johnny getting food poisoning and being afraid mike will disappear off the toilet - johnny hitting on mike for jakes - briggs and mike have a practice run before mike starts spending time around bello and mike practices laughing - johnny: “who hasn’t had gay thoughts?”
i guess you could say carlito is OPEN MINDED AS HEEEELLLLLL~
“and jakes will be….eagle two.” “oh thank god”
“i got home last night and thought i might go sledding” [camera pans to the literal beach]
paige can convince small children that she’s a witch
DAMMIT, BATES
paul briggs + ice town
