Tom,
I've never been caged, but as a submissive male, I do find it kinky.
When I read the two blogs for you and your wife, I get the impression that the hunger for kink is much stronger within you than within the Mrs.
Maybe I'm mistaken, but I get the impression that you would welcome more teasing and more "intense" play with your wife (in whatever form desires take).
1. If I'm correct in my impression, how do you bridge that gap for yourself and maintain your continued arousal/interest in the play that you do have together?
2. For years, I've had this self-judgement that I'm "just not submissive enough" for my female partners. But, I've come to feel recently that there may be some truth to those dom/sub percentage sliders (e.g. 80/20 Sub/Dom); and that regardless of a couple's respective positions on those scales, sexy feels must travel in both directions for the sexual connection to continue to flourish. I think most of us subs need at least some pleasure/stimulation coming back our way from these types of relationships. Do you have any tips for how to accomplish that when you're with a Domme who may not flow back to you all that you crave or hope for?
This is a pretty involved question, and one that could be discussed at length. For us, as I would imagine with a lot of couples, I probably have more of an appetite for kinky play than does Mrs Edge. This did cause some friction back when we were first married; ironically, it was chastity & denial play that helped to even things out for us.
I have come to regard this kind of imbalance as similar to those couples who have mis-matched libidos. When one's partner is not giving what you want, it's easy to see that as a rejection on one's self. That leads to depression and resentment. This is why that it's so important to keep up communicating without nagging; sometimes just talking about the issue helps to maintain the intimacy in the relationship, even if you aren't compromising on how to meet both of your needs.
For me, I "bridge the gap" by taking cold showers, thinking about sports, and eating graham crackers. Then I party like it's 1899. 😅
Seriously, at some point I decided that if locking and denying me was the only kink that my wife really enjoyed, then I would lean into it and make it as enjoyable as possible for the both of us.
What to do when your domme isn't flowing back the kind of energy you'd like? Try to keep in mind that there isn't a school that churns out dommes; instead, remember that they are women who happen to be sexually dominant. That means that what you have is a relationship problem; again, talking with your partner will at least surface the issues - but the both of you need to commit enough to the relationship in order to find some agreement, if not compromise.
If you feel like you aren't getting the kind of sexy feels flowing back to you that you would like, you may both not be communicating what you each are hoping to get from the relationship. Are you interested in service, or are you after sexual fetishes? Is she a soft, mommy domme, or is she into emotional or physical sadism?
Do you see what I'm getting at? You will get far better results communicating with your partner about your needs, and learning to compromise.
