A Paladin of God

this is my collection of prayers, art and devotions to Christ that represent the infinite ways humanity reflects the divine. I am queer and so is this blog. I am going to be a pastor or a priest one day, and a lot of this collection explores and catalogues that journey

[rotgospels]

Rowan Williams, A Ray of Darkness 

[dramoor]

“God cannot be comprehended either by the human mind or by human language. He can only be loved, not thought.”

— From The Apophatic Image

[l-seek-deactivated20260120]

[apenitentialprayer]

A hundred and seventeen years ago, the monks of Mount Athos were distributing bread to the poor, and one of the monks took a picture of the crowd. When the picture developed, it was claimed the Virgin Mary could be seen among the people, holding the almsbread. The monks had been ordered to stop giving bread to the poor because the distribution was attracting rowdy individuals, and the governing body of the mountain did not want to deal with them. By allowing herself to be seen and causing the viewers of the image to realize the foolishness of making a distinction between the deserving and undeserving poor, Mary ensured the bread distribution would continue. (x)

[theoriginalsuki]

Today I took a bath in soap made from Lourdes holy water, which was a Christmas gift from a friend.  It is a wonderful thing to be a Catholic, for whom the material is sacred: holy water, blessed salt, the laying on of hands, real Flesh and Blood that breaks down in the body and feeds your soul from the inside out.  Faith isn’t an idea or a thought, it is the tangible and the living.  It is the Incarnation.  Because God is a man who eats and cries and bleeds, nothing is ordinary.  Everything is magic.

[internetcatholicism]

Things you can do instead of using social media (Lent)

Pray the rosary

Pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet

Read scripture

Read the Saints

Pray the Liturgy of the Hours

Sing hymns

Play an instrument

Practice calligraphy

Garden (thank God for living in a warm climate while you’re at it)

Get together with friends

Go for a drive/walk

Volunteer somewhere

Clean

Finish that book you started reading

Finish that book you started writing

Write someone a letter

Knit or crochet

Color

Meet with a friend

Go to daily Mass

Call your mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, siblings

Work out

Take a short nap

Contemplate your mortality

Do all with joy and for the greater glory of God :)

[cherriielle]

uriel’s wisdom 👁️

[thirdpartofthenight]

Go where those others went to the dark boundary for the golden fleece of nothingness your last prize go upright among those who are on their knees among those with their backs turned and those toppled in the dust you were saved not in order to live you have little time you must give testimony be courageous when the mind deceives you be courageous in the final account only this is important and let your helpless Anger be like the sea whenever you hear the voice of the insulted and beaten let your sister Scorn not leave you for the informers executioners cowards—they will win they will go to your funeral and with relief will throw a lump of earth the woodborer will write your smoothed-over biography and do not forgive truly it is not in your power to forgive in the name of those betrayed at dawn beware however of unnecessary pride keep looking at your clown’s face in the mirror repeat: I was called—weren’t there better ones than I beware of dryness of heart love the morning spring the bird with an unknown name the winter oak light on a wall the splendour of the sky they don’t need your warm breath they are there to say: no one will console you be vigilant—when the light on the mountains gives the sign—arise and go as long as blood turns in the breast your dark star repeat old incantations of humanity fables and legends because this is how you will attain the good you will not attain repeat great words repeat them stubbornly like those crossing the desert who perished in the sand and they will reward you with what they have at hand with the whip of laughter with murder on a garbage heap go because only in this way will you be admitted to the company of cold skulls to the company of your ancestors: Gilgamesh Hector Roland the defenders of the kingdom without limit and the city of ashes Be faithful Go

The Envoy of Mr. Cogito, Zbigniew Herbert (trans. Bogdana Carpenter)

[hyssop-and-myrrh]

theology prof just said "the incarnation is the hallowing of human existence" and i just........really needed to hear that today

[xixdegrees]

[graveyarddirt]

The Magi, by J. C. Leyendecker

[existential-celestial]

“Holy places are dark places. It is life and strength, not knowledge and words, that we get in them. Holy wisdom is not clear and thin like water, but thick and dark like blood.”

— C. S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

[hymnsofheresy]

Mary Magdalene with Jesus, the Christ by Janet McKenzie

[millenniaspast]

I'm thinking a lot today about sermons.

(as a side note, I'm realizing I start a lot of stuff with "i'm thinking" which is quite accurate, I'd just never realized how much time I spend just... thinking before)

I think I'm going to try and start some collection of ideas for sermons, maybe I'll just post them here and keep them in a tag, I don't know. I just know that if I'm going to be giving sermons every week for the rest of my life, starting when I'm thirty or so, I'm gonna need a lot of ideas.

So here's one:

I talk a lot about God's love and salvation being a very active force for liberation in the world, about salvation being an act of community, about love being an energetic force that works against oppression.

But sometimes I think it's also important to stop and think about my personal relationship with God. What does God's love for me feel like? What does my love for God feel like? What does that shared love build and change within me?

Right now, where I am in my spiritual journey in October of 2020, I experience God's love like plant growth. Like sunlight filtering through leaves, God's love is radiant and warm against my soul. Just as sunlight initiates photosynthesis, when God reaches out to me I can feel my own heart begin to produce love, verdant and lively, to give to others.

There are many things in my life that give me energy and strength to give to others, but in all of them I can feel that sunlight of God feeding my soul.

[third-nature]

[stiscariot]

jesus-depictions in different cultures;

chinese jesus at his baptism // korean jesus is at peace on the cross // native american christ shows compassion // japanese theotokos // the wales window for alabama // chinese-american artwork called „peace, be still“ // british „christa“ that depicts christ as a woman // ethiopian icon // aboriginal crucification

[echymosis]

“Hung on my bedroom wall is the quote attributed to Joan of Arc: “I am not afraid. I was born to do this.” However my life unfolds, goes my thinking, is how I am meant to live it; however my life unspools itself, I was created to bear it.”

— Esmé Weijun Wang, The Collected Schizophrenias

[gildedmouths]

“The love of our neighbor in all its fullness simply means being able to say to him, “What are you going through?”

— Simone Weil, “Reflections on the Right Use of School Studies with a View to the Love of God,” Waiting for God, trans. Emma Craufurd (New York: HarperCollins, 2009). (via dk-thrive)

[agrarianagitation]

So

I think… I’m gonna go to seminary. And become a pastor?

It such a weird thought, thinking of who I grew up as, but it also feels so natural and so right. And I’ve been feeling such a strong calling for a while now and I think this is it.

I think I have a very big and a very strong heart, and I was made to work and fight and advocate and love for others, and I think this is the way I’m meant to do it.

[agrarianagitation]

It's more than a year later and my certainty that this is my calling has only strengthened.

I know who I am and I know what God is telling me to do. And I know aboslutely nothing else.

And it's the most amazing, fearfully free feeling.