Nikita Gill, from her book titled "Hekate: the Witch: Poems", published in 2025
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@aharboredcollectionofthoughts
Nikita Gill, from her book titled "Hekate: the Witch: Poems", published in 2025
How do I flay the past parts of myself
that love them still?
Separate them into neat piles of yesterday, now, and tomorrow.
When friendship, even, feels like my heart and my lungs and my stomach screaming to escape to them in quiet mornings.
Is it normal to feel like you're a little in love with just about anyone all at once, or am I falling deeper into a hole I can't get myself out of?
My heart beating in old patterns. I can't shake it, and so I must rattle it out of myself.
This feeling rages through me with an acrid taste on my tongue. Angry, hot, and as fragile as ashes on a cold floor. Waging war with limerance never comes easy. My own mind violating everything from my body to my heart.
Yet I can't I unsee you.
Oscar Wilde, from a letter featured in The Selected Letters of Oscar Wilde
When I can’t sleep
I imagine what it would be like to lie
coated in your breath.
I know you can’t either,
in the lapses of sound
where we’ve tried to build homes
and failed,
apart.
Begging,
to let your leg move that much closer
to let the feelings slip through my teeth
into your heart.
“I don’t believe it was a fluke
that I saw you first.”
And I don’t believe my insides were wrong
when they hurled against my ribs
echoes of a
why haven’t our eyes met before?
How do I flay the past parts of myself
that love them still?
Separate them into neat piles of yesterday, now, and tomorrow.
When friendship, even, feels like my heart and my lungs and my stomach screaming to escape to them in quiet mornings.
Is it normal to feel like you're a little in love with just about anyone all at once, or am I falling deeper into a hole I can't get myself out of?
You stuck around in my thoughts
The way cigarette smoke hangs in sunbeams
Endings burn in my throat
and must in yours.
It was like the way smoke did. Fast and hot.
Yet no words escape your mouth as it is done.
Hymns of,
where did it go?
Where did it go?
Lost and nothing to say for it. Maybe you're fading to black.
My fingertips scrape on I'm sorry, but I can't feel what for.
Somewhere deep in two memories I am learning to ride a bike and my hair is being pulled into curlers
and I feel it most, I think, in my scalp. My mother's fingers. Pulling, pulling, long seconds of pulling.
The air smells like summer, probably, or maybe fall.
The grass is green, and my brothers are young, too.
Overdeveloped and flashing together, the light screaming through the trees.
I miss the love of this place.
When the air felt like
I can go anywhere I want to.
A kiss to the static,
a fall of graceless mercies,
a hymn to my broken.
In your resentment lies the truth of
a miracle
you refuse to look in the eye.
And for it you are not beautiful.
But to me,
you are beautiful, still,
you are beautiful.
Somewhere deep in two memories I am learning to ride a bike and my hair is being pulled into curlers
and I feel it most, I think, in my scalp. My mother's fingers. Pulling, pulling, long seconds of pulling.
The air smells like summer, probably, or maybe fall.
The grass is green, and my brothers are young, too.
Overdeveloped and flashing together, the light screaming through the trees.
I miss the love of this place.
When the air felt like
I can go anywhere I want to.
You stuck around in my thoughts
The way cigarette smoke hangs in sunbeams
could you write about stars and like cute romance shit,,, ya girl is feeling the love and i wanna send something cute to my man
We stumbled hand in hand across the soft sands to find a place to be alone with the stars. Each breath we took of each other's was laced in the dust of the Pleiades being held in the sky with what felt like only my budding love for you. And then it was just you and I beneath a suspended midnight above the soft ocean waves. I could have stayed there forever if time allowed. Sometimes when the world gets loud and we long for quiet, when your hand softly touches my shoulder, I close my eyes and I find us there, knowing we could stay forever under that timeless sky. Heads spinning, hearts rising.