[qualifiedcutie]

I’m asking you to put your age in your bio (FAQ)

What does that mean? Your age should be visible in your blog description or blog title. I’m not asking you to tell me your age by sending me a private message, I want to be able to see it on your blog. Do I have to share my exact age? If you prefer not to share your exact age, it’s also okay use a description like “20 something years old”, “in my 40′s”, “25 < my age < 30″, “born in the 80s” or your birth year. However, “18+” does not count as an age since it’s too vague and can also just be used as a synonym for NSFW. Why do I have to share my age? Because this is an NSFW blog and I want to try my best to make sure no minors are following me. Also, I prefer knowing a bit more (basic info!) about the people who are following me than just their kinks. Why don’t you just ask me? It’s a hell lot of work to keep sending everyone private messages just to ask for their age. If it’s easy to reply with a message, then I’m sure you can change your blog description too. Also, I’m sure I’m not the only NSFW blog you decided to follow, and many others want you to put your age in your bio as well. But it’s private information! Telling us whether you’re in your 20s or 40s isn’t gonna make us find out who you are exactly. It’s not “private info”, it’s basic info. But I still don’t wanna do it… Then I’m happy to block you.

[estridd]

[spicymotte]

he's a bit shy (full on bsky)

[ordr]

Wait what?? Bad dragon is selling nazi furries dicks?

Well that sucks I liked their toys.

yeah, bad dragon will do anything for a few extra pennies,

[smalltiddygothboyfriend]

please check out:

hodge podge

strange befellas

darque path

juliet toys

swisok

kisuandfriends

tentickle toys

nothosaur toys

creature feature toys

pussy punch toys

mnstr toy box

wandering bard toys

bat bites

lust arts

pleasure forge

i’ve bought from several of these myself and i know they’re all well known and well acclaimed self owned toy makers. fuck bad dragon, get a way cooler and more ethical toy from any of these places. I esp love love love the ceela model from strange bedfellas but they and a lot of these places offer knotted toys, ovipositor toys, toys that have cum pumps, and of course monster dicks.

[bearyenby]

Neotori on Etsy is also fantastic, I have 3 sizes of their Mundir. It’s a knotted toy but the surface is VELVETY smooth which helps if you have more a more sensitive lining (like from testosterone, in my case).

[basalt-havic]

I didn’t compile this, it’s by @fewhoneydew (on Twitter and Reddit), but here is a very well maintained masterpost (links to a Google Doc) for those looking for Bad Dragon alternatives!

There is also @safefantasytoys which has a list, and @fantasypackerreviews if you’re looking for packers specifically (rather than toys).

[muttgrowls]

Vulpini Design is also a good one! Very quick response times when I had questions and quick shipping, as well as beautiful toys. The default firmness is perfect imo but you can customize that :)

[bumpen-underbeds]

I wanna be collared and degraded like I'm a pet

"aww, aren't you just a needy little whore? Need my cock to fill you up? Ah! I see you're getting hard~ you want that? You want me to stuff you full?"

Do you see my vision? Maybe it could be like an incubus or naga but like, thats the type of treatment I want.

Last time you sent an ask like this I gave you angel pet play, so of course I know what you mean and see the vision.

-

To the outside world the two of you are a couple to be envious of, sweet and attentive, both joined at the hip and independent from each other in the ways a relationship should be.

And yet, behind closed doors that perfect sight becomes something else entirely.

The carpet is rough against your knees, but your legs have long gone numb as you look up at your partner, his tail coiled across the backs of your calves both keeping you steady and anchoring you in place for his own purposes. These very purposes are watching as your lips struggle to wrap around the twin lengths of his cocks, fingers digging into your hair as he uses your mouth as nothing more than a toy.

He's not watching the way your eyes water or how your hands shake as you press against the thickest part of his tail, he's watching the thick leather band around your neck bulge, how the very collar he puts on you every day the moment you get home morphs and the tag that reads 'prey' glistens with an obscene amount of your drool from his use of your mouth. He hisses with satisfaction as he catches the way you look up at him, pulling out of your throat slowly and clicking his tongue at the broken sound you make.

"it's just sad how desperate you are to let me use you, look at you... Already crying and all I've done is manage to get myself fully hard using your throat a little."

Using the leverage of his hand in your hair he guides you up just enough to rake his gaze across your body, scowling slightly as he looks down at your cock, already hard and leaking against your stomach.

"God your needy, had your face fucked and your that hard... Honestly, pet your getting sloppy, maybe we need to train you back up and get you used to being used again. I wanted a dedicated fuck bunny and toy, not a desperate whelp."

The way he drops his grip leaves you sprawling across the coils of his tail, legs being pushed open as he tuts at you, words sharp and quick as he watches how you shiver and follow his movements. Looking up at him as he leans down, using the flexibility he has over you to loom and tuck a finger under the edge of your collar, lifting your head and cooing condescendingly at you before hooking his hands under your knees and spreading your legs wide.

[witchazard]

Besties MAKING OUT!!!!!!!

(Sam x Bianca🐺, ocs)

You can check out the full and uncensored sketch page of these dummies over on my patreon!

[bumpen-underbeds]

Could you write something about an alien who fancies a human and is really interested in her body hair? Their species doesn't have any so that's why the patches of hair on her body fascinate him. Maybe they saw a peak when she took off her sweater not realizing she forgot to shave. She's kind of embarrassed but thinks his interest is cute in a weird way.

Ahh of course I can!

-

He's fascinated by you, and the patches of fur you seem to have!

Even though it was for mere seconds, his species vision is sharp and clear; he'd seen the additional hair hidden under the layers you wore to keep yourself warm and dry on his people's planet. His people developed to live in a cold and wet climate, meaning hair and fur are not really something his people have ever known before meeting other space-faring races, and usually the other heavily haired species do not invite touch or the inspection of their fur, but humans have been different.

So he can't help but try to slip webbed hands under the layers of your clothes, trying to find his way to those hidden patches of hair, too focused to catch the strange look you give him as he wiggles his way into your sleeves to touch your underarms.

Calling his name, or the best attempt at his name, pulls him to look up at you, large, black eyes blink with double eyelids at you as you ask him what it is he is doing, as you feel scaled fingers mess with your underarms. Face heating as he explains that you have hidden hair from him, and he wants to touch it, much like the hair atop your head, completely unaware that the hair he is reaching for is not something pet like your head's hair.

Trying to explain to him that most humans remove said hair baffles him, making him pull a face at you, tongue poking out from the seam of his mouth as he rattles a hissing-like sound.

Squinting, he declares you no longer need to do so around him; he likes you and all your fur or hair patches, and in fact, for the success of this cross-planetary interaction, you will have to show him all the places a human may grow hair other than the head and face! You must; he will share similar information and connect with you in return, he will share the shedding times and the soft patches between scaled swathes of skin with you.

Working with and participating in alien meetings can bring about the strangest of encounters, and the strangest of aliens, much like the one currently trying to shove his head under your clothes to 'observe the hidden hair'...

[fangfic]

Okay but what if there was a store run by vampires selling the most beautiful accessories and clothes but the only way that you can pay them is by having sex with them and having them drink your blood.

1 item per visit.

You’re desperately in need of new shoes so you decide to hit up the store and hope there are shoes. It’s not like the store has a site where you can see what is in stock, it’s always a surprise.

When you arrive at the store and the inside is dark but stunning, scones at the wall emitting a glimmering atmosphere.

A talk handsome man greets you “Welcome to the Blood Imperium, I’ll be your sales man today”

He shakes your hand and pulls you in closer “I’m going to fuck you so hard you’re not gonna be able to sit for a week slut”

You haven’t even had the time to pick a pair of shoes and thus decide if you want to buy it and pay with sex but it was already too late.

The man started kissing and groping you with a burning hunger for your flesh.

Clothes are being ripped off and marks in your chest are made, with a grin he traces his finger over your wounds and licks his fingers clean.

“Fuck baby, you taste amazing, you can have anything you want” and with that he bites your neck and slides two wet fingers in your ass.

“You ready whore?”

[bumpen-underbeds]

that one group chat thing you posted a few days ago... perhaps... a part two??? human reader being flirted with heavily by all the inhuman participants in that gc??? pretty please??

Mmm... Okay!

Group chat post is here.

-

Ever since the video call debacle, you have received endless personal messages from the monsters of that group chat.

From questions about what humans really do in their lives, to very blatant attempts to get pictures or lewd messages from you, somehow you have managed to avoid actually giving in, but you will admit that it is fun to flirt and play along with them whenever they get in the more mischievous moods.

Especially as they have begun to put more effort into the messages they send you.

Just today, you had sent the group a photo of the meal you had with a friend; it was a cute little cafe lunch thing, hardly earth-shattering for you, but apparently, this particular image was everything to one of the monsters in the group chat. After waving goodbye to your friend, you checked your phone and found two messages waiting for you, the first was a generic 'going to eat without me... ;(' that was swiftly followed by the same monster asking if they had been with you, could they have licked the sauce from your meal off your skin.

It's easy to pass the time you have waiting for the bus by replying in a way that leads the monster into more flirting, or what it thinks is flirting. Watching the little text indicator appear and disappear as the monster on the other side of the screen seems to be thinking about what to send, after all, you had sent back that you wouldn't know, as the sauce was quite... Sticky.

By the time the bus had pulled up, the monster still hadn't responded just yet, thinking back to it your not actually sure which one of the monsters this was. There was a werewolf, a vampire, a werebear, and one other monster that was in the group chat with you, and you can't quite place which one of them this was; you really needed to set them nicknames that would remind you which one they were.

After you pressed the button for your stop, you finally got a response to your message, and a clear-cut hint on which monster this one was. Apparently, the mention of the sauce being sticky really got them going, as you got both a message and a picture in response.

'I love a sticky sauce... I even have my own that I think would look best on your lips one day.'

It's for the best that you were off the bus now, as the picture you had received was the werebear, reclined, cock in hand, clearly drooling with what could be either pre-cum or just a whole load of his dripping across his knuckles...

[bumpen-underbeds]

Harpy boyfriend comeback? Yes, yes?

Reader and little birdy's makeout session turns steamy, and as harpy boyfriend starts to undress reader, they really quiet, as they are very insecure of their body.

Which little birdy notices, then remembers how reader comforted him when he plucked his feathers after the disastrous family gathering, so he starts to caress and kiss reader's body as more skin gets exposed. It works, makes reader really flustered.

They are eachother's first, it's romantic, perfect, maybe a little too perfect, and... Indulge themselves in more than just one round.

Ahh harpy boyfriend, one day he will become harpy husband!

-

He wasn't even close to nesting but he could help it, couldn't help himself as he kissed you, cupping your face and pulling you into another, it was a slow descent from shared kisses to making out.

The two of you sit in the middle of your shared bed, his new feathers ruffled and puffed from how good it feels to kiss you, his hands roaming across your hips, thighs and chest as he kisses you. Your fingers dig into the soft feathers at the base of his wings, making him shudder and coo when he pulls away to breathe, the yellow of his eyes swallowed almost completely by black as he tangles his hands in your hair and pulls you into a deeper kiss, swallowing down the soft noises you make as he does.

It's only natural as the make out progresses that he would begin to pull away layers, fingers slipping under waist bands, shirt hems, and underwear.

Pulling back he looks you over, laying under him like this you look glorious, a majesty he is beholding for the first time, but where you had once been panting and whining for him you had grown quiet. He knows that look, he'd seen it on his own face not long ago, when he'd been spiralling from his family's comments, seeing it on your face now makes him shudder, cooing he makes a split second decision and shifts from stripping you further.

Drifting his hands across your skin and following every touch with a kiss, a peck, a gentle reminder that he loved you and loved what he was seeing, guiding your hands to the back of his head and letting you feel how he coos and warbles happily as he touches you.

Looking up he can see how you fluster under his attention, how you turn your head almost embarrassed as he waxes about how blessed he is to see such a beautiful mate everyday, and how truly he admires having such a sweet nestmate like you. Practically purring as he kneels at your hips, ruffling his feathers before kissing along your stomach and chest, working his way back up to your lips as he tells you how he loves you and that he cannot wait for the nesting season to come so he can enjoy every aspect of being mates with you.

[ash-rigby]

Your faerie lover is infrequently up to being touched sexually. But they love to lay with you in the secluded shade of the forest trees; holding you close as they kiss your neck and chest, and slowly stroke a number of trembling orgasms from you. They adore your warmth and your voice. Just feeling your body against them and watching as their hands bring you pleasure is their greatest satisfaction.

[ash-rigby]

Imagine summoning a massive demon maw from a magic circle on your floor. You stand over it, legs spread. Deadly, saliva-dripping fangs gleam in front and behind you. The snout sniffs and a low growl emerges. The long, tentacle-like tongue rises up and writhes its way inside you. Hot, humid breath pants against you as the tongue wildly thrusts, creating a slick sheen on your skin that mingles with your sweat. It doesn't stop when you cum. You can't bring yourself to get off of it. It's too good. You allow yourself to be fucked to a drooling mess; leaning weakly forward and gripping the top of the maw, fang points digging into your chest.

[bumpen-underbeds]

Just imagine. Perverted older alien catching you staring at his mandibles, you work on the same ship as him and just csnt help but stare

(Im totally imagining mass effect turians for this lol)

For you cryptid... I do this for you.

(also while Garrus isn't my type, pre reaper Saren could get it)

-

You just couldn't help it, the way the plating of his face moved, the click and chitter of the mandibles, how the structure of his face moved as the translator in your ear relayed his words. It is beyond captivating, sure you have worked with others of his particular kind but there is something about him, about how his face plates and mandibles moved that just drew your eyes, watching him over the scrolling text on your data slate.

You'd thought yourself sly as you watched him, but every time you've stared at him, he had been staring right back.

The blessings of facial plates like his kinds is that other species don't know about the almost translucent parts of their plating, sections made for peripheral vision while not having their eyes fully exposed, these sections made it easy to watch as you stared at him.

He'd caught you since the first time you looked at him, how your eyes followed the twitch and shift of his plates, it was endearing at first, but now it's something else entirely. The way you trace the lines and curves of his mouth, his plates, the chitter of teeth on his exoskeleton when he speaks, it builds a warmth in him. It feels like the anticipation of mating, of having done all the work and playing of courtship that leads to bedding but all he's done is let you watch him.

There is a small, growing part of him that wonders if he asked you to join him for a small work issue if you'd watch him more, something that requires him to strip his deck uniform off and expose more plating, more parts for you to look at. The idea makes him click, the mandibles on his face shifting to chitter drawing the attention of one of his kind that also works on this deck, he knows they can tell he's feeling some kind of way from the noise he let out but as quickly as the moment came, it went.

Records on you tell that there is a decent gap in ages, sure terra had a different calendar to his home planet but even by the galactic standard count there is at least seventeen years between the two of you.

Pulling himself back together as he waltzes over to your station, leaning against the side of your screen, looking down at you and asking if you were free to help him with a task. Doing his best to mimic a smile at you as he pretends not to watch your eyes trace the flicker of his mandibles, leading you away from the others as he knows he can feel other plates shift and move under his deck uniform, sharp talons click along the grating of the deck below your workspace.

It won't be long before he knows just how far down your curiosity's stare will take your eyes, and just how eager you are to know about his people's forms.

[bumpen-underbeds]

You've been added to a group chat.

Originally you had planned to simply leave the moment you knew what it was about, but the moment the first few messages rolled in you were intrigued, not enough to message and contribute but just the right amount to sit as a silent watcher to the batshit messages being passed between what you think are some very, very, dedicated roleplayers or furies.

Everyday one of them complains or commiserates with one of the others about something that sounds wild, you've read complaints about needing new chains before the full moon, laments on wanting pretty silverware without the silver in it, praise for modern mirrors and their lack of silver backings, and even whole recipe reviews to avoid certain ingredients you didn't think someone could be allergic too. There have been a few other suspicious messages, but somehow you still can't bring yourself to leave the chat.

Or you couldn't till now, of course...

In the middle of the night your phone wakes you, pings, messages, squinting against the sudden awakening you groan as you unlock your phone, rolling over already grumpy at being woken. The fog of sleep cuts away fast when you see it's that fateful group chat pinging, namely pinging you.

Your number, an unassigned name in the chat being spam pinged over and over again, each member in the chat wanting you to actually say something, to own up to who you were and join in on the chat game going currently. Scrolling up you come face to face with what you hope is AI pictures, or filters gone too far but the closer you look the more real the pictures seem to be.

Another ping rings out before the prompt for a video call in the group opens up, panicking you decline and toss your phone onto your bed. Heart racing as your screen lights up, you have been re-added to the group chat, the people in there still trying to get you to join the call or post a picture as well, there is an undeniable shake to your fingers as you type for the first time ever on the chat, asking why you have to show your face.

The spam of messages is overwhelming, the screen moving quickly and eventually you just drop your phone back on your bed till the buzzing stops.

Eventually the screen lights up with a video call request, something in you twists and you know this won't end well but you do it anyway. Turning on your small light, you tap the join call button and freeze as in four neat little squares on your screen are some very inhuman faces all staring at you, each one just as surprised as you are.

Nothing gets said for a solid moment, then one of the monsters on your phone screen screams about seeing a 'real, honest to lua, human!' The others slowly join in with expressions of surprise as you click the end call button, dropping your phone on your bed and sitting stunned as you realise fairytales like werewolves, vampires, and the like are real.

And you are unintentionally in a group chat with a bunch of them...

A new message pops up not long after you dropped your phone, not the group chat but a new one on one message from one of the monsters in the group chat, and with the message you realise s well that maybe there isn't that much difference between humans and monsters.

'So like... Can I see what a human looks like naked or nah? For science of course, no other reason...'

[bumpen-underbeds]

Logging into a decades old account, you hadn't expected a notification from someone having updated a quiz from your teen years.

If you're honest, you'd expected to see your mutuals accounts inactive or deactivated, not still updating and posting. Clicking onto the quiz you laugh at the title 'Build your perfect partner!!1!' the description had all the old text typing quirks and the emojis made from keyboard inputs, ascii art, it had them all. Clicking into the quiz you smile at the old school disclaimer of how this was 100% legit and you would get the partner of your dreams after taking it.

You feel like a teenager all over again, clicking the answers and watching the unrelated reaction pictures load in on each question, once the quiz was over your cheeks hurt from reading the blurb about your 'true chosen partner!!!1!' that was going to find their way into your life in some anime-style plot point meeting in the coming days, months, or year.

Satisfied with the nostalgia kick you leave your laptop on the coffee table in your home, turning in for the night and having fond thoughts of what your time online used to be.

However, brewing on the other side of that little quiz was an overjoyed creature, kicking its newly morphed feet and practically vibrating with the possibility of finding someone that will want it! The results of the latest and only quiz taken on the account it took over are up on the screen, reading the description of the person you were destined to be with, it began the slow work of making itself look that way, practising in the mirror how to speak in the described way as well.

Some day soon it will enact the destined meeting, accidentally spilling their drink on you and offering to buy you a new one or get you a whole new shirt! It would be perfect and you'd fall right into its arms!

Now, it simply has to find its way to you, but if hijacking an account was so easy perhaps getting your account details and information would be too? The barely held together human face already begins to form seams and additional features as excitement over takes it, a new chapter is starting!

It will finally have someone just for itself!

[bumpen-underbeds]

Nngh...

The fairy in your garden that tells you they have severe separation anxiety (they have only heard these words in passing, and never knew what it properly meant) and need intense skin to skin contact, only to demand to be kept in your shirt or pants during the day just so they can 'keep calm' and most definitely not so they can suckle on your nipples or be a filthy degenerate and indulge themselves in touching a human intimately.

No! Gods no! That would be perverse and unworthy of a fairy such as them!

They clearly just have a severe case of separation anxiety and for fairies this is how they tend to it!

Now pull your pants/shirt down and let them climb inside, it's feeling like you are two far away from them and they simply must touch you now!

[vals-lente]

You and your friends broke into the cemetery because it looked atmospheric at night, and you wanted to take some cool pictures. You posed on ancient graves with flowers in your hands and stretched your legs out to show off your heels, winking at the camera and coyly pressing the front of your short skirt down.

You applied a thick coat of lipstick so that when you kissed the angel statue crouched over one of the graves, a cherry-red print was left on its lips. You took a couple more pictures with the statue, practically making out with the stone to get some classic 'kissing a statue' shots.

You were going to head on to the fountain when one of your friends said, "I saw it move!" He was laughed at and mocked for being a pussy and seeing things, but the second the statue really did move, all your friends were bolting into the dark and abandoning you. The heels made it nearly impossible to run but before you could kick them off, something hard crashed into you from behind, and you flew off your feet. Hands of weathered rock slammed to the ground on either side of your head, saving you from being crushed as the angel fell on top of you. It cocked its head, which made a grating sound.

"You. You have awoken me."

"I don't know what you're talking about!" You responded, breathing hard and fast, frightened out of your wits.

"The kiss," the angel replied patiently. "I would like another."

You said no, of course you did. The angel tried anyway, attempting to replicate your kiss with a clumsy rasp of its stone lips against your face until you winced and gave in, showing the angel how it was done.