My hair has always played the biggest part in my journey of self-acceptance; from being comfortable in my identity, to being the first step I took to breaking away resemblance and connections with my mom. Everyday I grow more and more proud of my younger self and myself even now - for having the ability to take the first step and to keep walking. I wanted to write something in honour of that first step <3
Where it once sat thick and heavy on my shoulders,
It now was cut around the ears,
The weight was taken off of my head and shoulders
But my fears had gone with just one chop
I remember sitting on the black leather chair
Being comforted by the smell of bleach which reminded me of my moms good days
I remember the shakiness in my voice when I asked
I remember my hairdresser saying how lovely my hair was as it is
But my fears went with just one chop
Now looking back on it I had no clue what I was doing
Couldnt style my hair, couldnt tie it back
Couldnt put all the silk bows in it like I once had
My aunt gave me my first beanie
My first beanie amongst many more
Sometimes I wish she hadnt had gotten me it for the sake of my own wallet
But then? All those fears on how it looked had gone with just one chop
My nan doted on it, agreeing it was more me
My aunt took pride in the fact I looked like her when she was younger
My mom hated it; that seemed to stick more than the compliments
She whined how no one had asked her permission
She made remarks constantly about how she missed my longer hair
All my fears came back, with just that one chop
2025: I look in the mirror
My hair has now since outgrown its pixie cutIts taken into a mullet, with a justin bieber looking side fringe
I look in the mirror and I see me
I see not only me now but me back when my hair sat thick and heavy on my shoulders
I see me when my hair flowed down my back in a golden waterfall
I saw the me that was no longer afraid
I saw my hair - not anyones opinion
All those fears now had gone away
Starting with just a chop