we share this same memory

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@aimko
we share this same memory
There are days where I just want to crawl into myself and disappear into a younger version of me. The teen girl whose biggest worries were getting to work on time. What I wouldn’t give to just spend a few days as that girl again. To fix my relationship with my dad so I could have more time with him, stop myself from meeting a few people and hopefully hold onto that youthful innocence a little longer too.
No one tells you how complicated grief is when your relationship with the deceased was tumultuous.
I feel guilt. I feel so much guilt for wishing he was a better dad literally up until the day he died. I feel anger that he didn’t leave anything behind that conveyed his love for me.
Because I love you, Dad. I just wish you could have said it back, even just once so I had something to hold onto.
That long forehead kiss to calm the chaos inside of me.
I’m a very observant person. So if u think I didn’t notice, I did. I just decided to keep quiet.
No FR!!!
you ever feel like you were born with something rotten inside you and if people get close enough they’re gonna find out
I’m ok. I’m gonna be ok. I’m gonna live a beautiful life and I’ll get to know beautiful people. I will create things of beauty and be surrounded by flowers. And I’ll love myself, and I’ll be soft, I’ll be kind. And I’ll be ok.
As I’ve gotten older my views on love and the way it’s shown has changed.
For me, it’s no longer the grand flashy gestures. They’re still nice and greatly appreciated but I find more weight in the simple and mundane.
Like, ordering a pizza you know they’ve been craving but also picking up lactaid because they’re lactose intolerant and will never give up dairy. Or putting the heater on even though they’re hot but you are ALWAYS cold. Even in 80 degree weather.
Its grabbing your favorite drink from the store even after you said you didn’t want anything or remembering that one thing you mentioned in passing.
Love really is made up of the little things.
I’m ok. I’m gonna be ok. I’m gonna live a beautiful life and I’ll get to know beautiful people. I will create things of beauty and be surrounded by flowers. And I’ll love myself, and I’ll be soft, I’ll be kind. And I’ll be ok.
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