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YOU ARE THE REASON

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@aimxe-blog
follow me on instagram guys - aimsdfwu
“can men and women be just friends?” yeah if you dont socialize boys from birth to only see women as sex partners/objects and normalize healthy non-sexual/romantic friendships between men and women
you know when I realized my heart ache was temporary?
when I cried myself to sleep one night. AND woke my ass up the next morning. I realized my world had not ended. Maybe my world with you ended but shit, I am still very much alive & well. That break up didn’t affect the outcome of my life at all. I still woke up the next morning to a promising ass future. That was enough for me to smile & laugh with my friends & get this money.
I feel this.
That random person you met online and now is a big part of your life
Favorite i-D Covers
Everythings getting a bit too much again.. the last few months have been a bit up and down and now Its just all catching up with me. From me and my ex completely not speaking and me going through a really depressing stage then finally over coming it to beginning to feel happy, then I had a mild case of alopecia and that just knocked me 3ft back down. I dont know why my ex feels the 3 months we havent spoke its made me feel any different to what I did 3 months prior apart from confusion. He now popped back up after 3 months now hes asking for closure.. as far as Im concerned those 3 months were closure althought my feelings remained the same I knew where I stood.. if he just never bothered popping back up we wouldnt now be in a bit of a predicament about seeing eachother for closure.. there is pretty much no need because itll just knock me back from all the progress I have made but then I want to see if he will feel anything one last time if he saw me.. those fairy tale moments.. if they really happen. He means the world to me always will do.. but I need to put myself first right now.. and what genuinely makes it worse I dont even find myself being able to talk about it to anyone. My nightmare is beginning again.
Him
Once again Im up late just thinking about the past year.. I met the male who showed me feelings I didnt know I could feel and lost him at the same time. You know.. sometimes I feel I mustnt care as much as I think because Im happily coping.. but then I just think my feelings havent changed one bit.. theyre still there and theyre still alive. I put him through so much and he managed to keep up with me until one day he decided to walk away. And when that day came It was a shock. Like a part of me knows its not going to get better but then the rest of me is full of this hope that one day it will just re spark and will be better than ever. Its been say 6 months since we've not been together and he puts up pictures of someone else screaming "numero uno" he knows ill see it. Although time dont measure no feeling of affection, I cant help but to feel.. 6 months ago you were calling me that. You were still telling me you loved me.. although 6 months feels like a long time and it is to be away from someone.. but its not really.. not compared to the time spent together. It hurts seeing that it hurts so deep down it makes me feel sick and I get that lump in my throat where I just wanna break down but once again I just feel Im doing well theres no need to cry. But I still love him.
Every couple months.. I relapse.. I go back to the state I once was. I hurt again, I cry again.. go back into the depressed stage I once was.
I JUST DEEPED IT. I MISS MY BEST FRIEND. WE SAID WE WOULDNT LET ANOTHER MALE/FEMALE GET INBETWEEN US.. BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS.. IT DID. IM SO ANGRY/UPSET MOST OF THE TIME AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.. WHEN I HAD A BOYFRIEND.. MY BEST FRIEND HE WAS THERE FOR MY SUPPORTING, HE GAVE ME SPACE BECAUSE MY OTHER HALF WASNT HAPPY ABOUT IT. NOW IM NO LONGER WITH MY EX AND IM FINALLY DOING WELL.. HE GOT INTO A RELATIONSHIP AND TOLD ME AIMS IVE KNOWN YOU TOO LONG TO LET ANOTHER FEMALE COME IN MY LIFE AND GET INBETWEEN OUR FRIENDSHIP.. BUT UNFORTUNATELY ITS HAPPENED. I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO FEEL IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM, IF SHES MAKING HIM HAPPY IM SO HAPPY. BUT ALL I WANT IS MY BEST FRIEND BACK.. THAT DESPERATE TEXT REPLIED TO, THE MISSED CALL TO BE CALLED BACK. IN MOMENTS OF NEED. ITS ALL MAD.
Off my chest
After breaking up with my boyfriend back in January for the last time I cant express how hard it has been. We were on rocks for the past 6 months and broke up got together broke up and that was probably the worst thing about it.. I began to believe maybe it was for the best and whatever happened was meant to be. Everytime we broke up we did stay in contact but obviously distansted ourselves, and when we broke up in Jan it was terrible.. like the worst. I felt like it would never get better. I felt so depressed and torn apart. After being so scared of losing this person and constantly being in worry.. I was crying every day without fail. I gathered I was depressed through out and after the relationship due to being completely on edge all the time. Its now been two months since we've even spoke to eachother.. he began to ignore me and didnt get back to any call or message I left.. - at this point I was furious because I felt this isnt meant to be, you arent meant to control whats suppose to happen whether we drift or we build again - but now two months down the line I cant even say how much happier I am. Dont get me wrong the feelings are still there and I still get upset at times.. but my happiness alone has grown so much and I am no longer feeling down no where near as much as I use to.. It was such a hard thing to over come but with the right support and keeping yourself busy and keeping your priorities straight you will get there, if you sit there thinking about it, no doubt it will eat you up and it did eat me up for about a month or two and it was the worst. But one thing to remember.. theres so much more out there, so many more amazing things that this world can provide.. amazing experiences those things there!
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