φάντασμα

the depths of my hippocampus [tw for some things I may write about]

[aionios-monaxia]

"you're coming back, and it's the end of the world"

I mutter under my breath; barely spoken above an usher

mustn't speak it aloud, can't let them hear,

they mustn't ever find out our dirty secret.

it's not safe; we are not safe.

"I want you, I want you"

I scream, so loud my lungs bleed, so strong my voice box aches

devouring comes naturally to me you must know that by now darling

can you devour me this time? I've grown so weary,

these bones rest heavy in my folds of skin

"there's nobody better than you, it took me a while till I knew"

split me apart, plunge yourself deep within me

impurity runs deep in my veins, pumping rapidly whilst thoughts rush around within my brain,

they won't stop, they're colliding, words spilling out of my eyes and pouring from my heart

consume consume consume,

fulfill the ache.

what ache? you ask

the one true ache I reply

you frown, turn away, whispering to the mirror

purge purge purge

stop it please stop I implore you

throat red with regret and fingertips plunged deeply within

can you finally turn around now? can you stop whispering please?

I've grown so worn out

[aionios-monaxia]

letter to an unknown username

dear [...],

did you know I loved you?

you were my truest love thus far.

I had ingrained you into the pit of my heart,

you existed both in my soul and in my mind,

constantly and incessantly,

I never thought I had felt a love as pure as ours.

the times I used any remaining strength within

just to be present for you, your concerns, your worries

the hours I spent trying my darnest to bring you peace.

but darling don't misinterpret me,

I was ever so willing for said sacrifices.

the burden of my exhaustion was worth it for your mind,

I just wish you were as willing for mine.

but now you're just a stranger

not even a friend, no, it isn't the same.

having blocked each other,

you're merely an unknown username.

[chronically-depressed-weirdo]

"My name is Victoria Spring. I think you should know that I like to make stuff up in my head then get sad about it. I like to sleep and I like to blog. I am going to die someday."

[aionios-monaxia]

i don't think I'm made for being with a person, or being a person neither

all I do is break things, feelings, promises,

I never get better from anything, simply passing around each addiction

and it never ends, only repeating it's cycle

who am I without my pain and suffering?

am I even a person without my infected festering thoughts? my gruesome self image? my nauseating feelings?

merely a shell of something that could have been so much,

that could've been so good,

that could've been.

[aionios-monaxia]

forever wishing to love and not lose for once.

why can't I just love and keep?

love and continue to love?

but alas the more a person knows my mind

the harder it becomes for them to stay

my mind is a torture chamber for not only myself but anyone else brave enough to try and tame it

[aionios-monaxia]

sometimes I'll wonder if I'm secretly a terrible person

what if all my long lost friends were correct

what if I'm self centered and depressing to be around

what if I'm actually a narcissist

what if I am my mother

oh god

I think I'm a horrible friend

[aionios-monaxia]

there is something ever so comforting about this sadness always coming back,

so familiar, so safe, like a past lover that has returned to me,

embracing me in their warm arms once more.

I must stay in my bed forever.

for I'd rather die within the arms of a familiar friend, then survive for a solitary existence.

[aionios-monaxia]

the arrival of december brings a cold hard truth along with it's frosty weather,

this feeling never goes away.

it is not seasonal, it is neither school nor stress, it's not a lack of rest.

admittedly, these factors add some gasoline to the forest fire that is my mind,

but I know deep in my soul.

my brain is damaged and nothing can fix that.

i shall never feel the goodness of the world to it's fullest.

my existence will always be spent experiencing life behind an opaque window, covered in semi-transparent stars of hope.

[daily-spooky]

[theadhdgoblin]

Let the impulsive thoughts win.

[aionios-monaxia]

does this count

[wren-anastazia]

Her hair fell down in waves,

Her eyes were grey as rain,

Drenched in wonder and compassion

That had clearly caused her pain.

All her life has been a storm,

That left her guts and bones all shaking,

Like the Aspen leaves that quiver,

Their boughs and hearts are breaking.

Storm - 2020.11.05

[aionios-monaxia]

i love the way you write it's so pleasing and satisfying to read, pleaser deliver more!!! (also you're sooooo gay for a girl it's cute)

[wren-anastazia]

She had brown eyes,

Black eyes,

Nebulous eyes to hold the cosmos,

Inkwell eyes that carry a hundred untold tales.

Her soul was wrapped in stories

Black ink ran through her veins.

And it spills out when you kiss her -

You will always wear the stain

Your heart and lips are darker

But my god it’s worth the pain

Ink (2020.11.05)

[aionios-monaxia]

guys they literally inhaled a hozier album and lilac biscuit and delivered a masterpiece please go support a fellow poet!!!!!

[aionios-monaxia]

daisychains brought us together

your existence is a willow tree in my life of thunderstorms,

your friendship leaves a sweet taste on my lips and a soft feeling in my throat,

your love and sympathy pulls away the dams protecting my hearts and from within, rivers and oceans flow out of the innermost corners of my tear ducts

and maybe later, if I'm lucky enough to be graced with your attention some more,

flowers will bloom from my damp cheeks

and drape down my face, similarly to a charming countryside cottage

your existence is ever glowing and shimmering in my mind,

and even when you feel no longer the rays of the worlds stars and the sparkling reflections of the sea's surface

I promise you that in the minds of thousands more, you are still ever shimmering and glowing

16/02/24

[wren-anastazia]

Kindred spirit <3

[aionios-monaxia]

the person this poem is about<3

[wren-anastazia]

She was a hundred hooves of horses blithe,

thundering over a hundred prairies wide,

under a hundred summer skies,

with a hundred golden suns that shine

Into a hundred wondering eyes.

She was the voice of the raven who cries

She was the eagle, she was his eyes.

She was the wing of the hawk who flies.

She was the river that whispers lies.

She was the path that steadily climbs

Into her city that scrapes the skies.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s knights

Couldn’t contain her, not if they tried.

She was all of the loves of all of their lives,

She was all of their mothers and all of their wives.

She was honey so sweet, she was poison so vile,

She was all you could see for many a mile,

She was all of the stars from all of the nights

She was a hundred darks and a hundred brights.

She was a hundred tears and happy sighs

She was a hundred souls and a hundred lives

Thundering under a hundred skies.

She (10.2020)

[monachopsis-22]

guys this is my kindred spirit and amazing person, and they have incredible writing so please go check out their account!!!

[aionios-monaxia]

!!!!!

[duskissed]

[aionios-monaxia]

hey everyone, I've started an Instagram account for my poetry so it would be really cool if you guys could go follow me on there !!

the account is called @elderflower_s0ul

ofc this isn't obligated, anyone following me here doesn't HAVE to follow my insta, okay thanks everyone :))

[ad-wills]

[writing-prompt-s]

Accurate

[aionios-monaxia]

I'm a bad zoo animal

I'm probably a narcissist

everything I do feels like a performance even when there isn't an audience

I don't know who I am underneath the blue glitter and black eyeliner

why doesn't He ever let me just finally rejoin Him??

I've begged and cried and cut and punched and screamed and swallowed every possible varient of an escape plan

but He still won't let me through the gates to freedom,

peace,

a quiet mind,

amen.