The Fool

i am a court jester jingling about the room to humor the king | also i draw fanart & ocs | AirConditioning_Unit on twitch for art and gaming streams! | he/him

[air-conditioning-unit]

I'm gonna be honest I think Agnus Castle still hasn't worn off

Like-

Like ok, I have begun to heal, but it tooke me forever to make an essay-long ramblings post abt the Li Garte Prison to Post-Agnus Castle sequence yet because I just could not put into words my feelings and thoughts on the matter it had settled to deeply in my soul at the time.

It took me until freeing Keves Castle to finally recover enough to start putting pen to paper on that whole sequence oh my god.

Anyways, here is my collective thoughts(including the context I've gotten now that I've progressed further and my friend who's watching me play has urged me to rewatch cutscenes every now and then)

Fair warning, there is A Lot here and the occasional block of text(atleast for mobile users)

Although I've done my best to make it legible, this is at it's core just me pouring my bucket of Xenoblade 3 thoughts onto a sheet of paper and chucking it into the wind. Enjoy my insane ramblings <3

AUGHGGDHDVSBBSBXHCBC SOD OFF YOU ARSEHOLES THAT SNUFFIN HURT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I went into this sequence at 3 in the morning, my dear friend told me the prison sequence(this was in reference to the prison escape sequence, we had already done most of what happens in Li Garte) was rather long and didn't have any good stopping points. He was so right it's not even funny, but I didn't want to stop playing(and he didn't mind lol), so we tredged on.

It lasted 6 sparking hours and crushed my soul.

So, The Incident.

I had obviously noticed Sena's self worth dilemma given they explicitly pointed it out during her conversation with Shania on the beach, as well as a pretty obvious moment between her and Lanz in the prison. Plus, up to that point I had slooowly been picking up on Sena's general demeanor when it came to herself and her own self confidence. It's pretty subtle earlygame(I think, its been quite a while since I played this sequence, we've been doing a lot of side quests lmao) but she's definitely rather... meek isn't the right word, but she doesn't push to the front much of ever.

She rarely considers taking the lead and I don't really recall her giving strong input or suggestion up to this point, just small readjustment ideas or simple support for other peoples thoughts(for what I remember atleast). I mean for sparks sake even her dialogue for when you switch to her leading the party is "You want me to lead?" Or in a supressed nervous tone "Big responsibility!.." like someone trusting and wanting to rely on her is surprising to her.

She acts in a way that almost makes her feel invisible at times, like an accessory to the group, despite how integral she is. Her behavior very much so lines up with her explicitly stated feelings. Sena clearly cares deeply for her friends and acts on that care regularly but she seems to, subconsciously or otherwise, not think they hold her in nearly as much regard as she does them. Which yknow... ow....... my heart >:(

When it comes to both of them, I think the flow of their way of acting and discussing things was done well to make the stunt Sena and Lanz pulled an effective gut punch and certainly surprising, but not seem all too sudden or out of place. It hurt, but it didn't break the suspention of my disbelief or feel like it came out of left field because it didn't. It was very much forshadowed, just they did it so subtly there was no way I'd guess that was gonna happen until it was already happening!(o7 to baby Joran and adult Mwamba and their very predictable ends, those death flags were like 100 times the size of Fiona's banner, they did not stand a chance)

Now, I want to point out my favorite part. That being Lanz' influence over this decision. Because that seed of how he views himself and his role was planted so deep and so early and not a single pixel of it registered in my head until we did cutscene rewatches. But I absolutely noticed that shit subconsciously(great job devs) and BOY HOWDY did that make this sequence work so well.

Because upon rewatch of the FIRST CUTSCENES(sneaky mudders), you see lanz, getting hurt and refusing to acknowledge it in favor of pushing his friends to worry about themselves. Taking his role as defender further than is safe or healthy for him, something we also see in the flashback where Joran and crew are doing a mock-battle with Garvel's team.(same arm got injured in both scenes btw, fun little detail I noticed!)

And during the bath scene you can even see him clearly in pain, wincing and such, and immediately brushing off the worried soldier next to him. Or when Eunie directly brings up the injury he gets defensive and dismissive. It is baked into his character early on to always act as their shield to the furthest extent he can, regardless of the condition that leaves him in.

And Sena,,, god Sena...... she hurts me so ;_;

The flashbacks of her and Mio make it waaay more obvious how she views herself compared to others, but it also shows up in earlier sidequests, like Teach's Teachers! She stands up for herself during the quest, but it's clear that at the very least Foots,(if not other members of Gamma) don't really view Sena as impressive enough to warrant respect. And I get the feeling she didn't push back against that much before their journey as Ouroboros began.

All of the characters have grown quite a bit on their adventure and I think Sena defending herself more was one of those growth points. Even if she always used to stand up for herself, it doesn't change the fundamental problem.

That problem being, she doesn't actually believe it. Sena can say out loud all she wants how strong and powerful and confident she thinks she is, but when we get down to the metal of it she blatantly does not think that about herself. She knows she's physically strong and that's about it. I genuinely don't think Lanz was only speaking for himself when he said "this is about all I'm good for" because it would actually shock me if Sena didn't think that about herself too. They both made a joint decision(one that Sena kicked off no less) and mutually decided this was how it would end.

And I can see why it would lead to this! Monica herself clarified with them this mission would be incredibly dangerous, that they'd need to be prepared to make sacrifices(how I didn't clock the forshadowing on that one I cannot fathom) and they came to the conclusion making that sacrifice was their only way out. And they were right too!! There wasn't a chance in hell any of them would leave that prison alive if they kept on as they were going. They didn't have what it took to beat N, so they did what they had to.

The part that turns the gut punch into a 12-gauge shotgun is the way they talk about themselves in their final moments. Gentle and kind and urging their friends to keep fighting, but there is an underlying foundation of "you'll be fine without us, we weren't important to begin with."

Again, and I quote, "this is about all I'm good for"

ALSO SIDE NOTE LANZ WTF OW????? YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT YOU ARSE

It all just wraps up so nicely into such a painful few moments that are deceptively short and yet felt like they took forever. I think I was actually holding my breath while they were dragging N up with them. And I have no shame in admitting I was legit crying during that, it hit me pretty hard. Like... really hard. My ribs are still bruised :(

The genuine relief when X showed up and forced them out of their interlink hooooo my god she was instantly blasted up to favorite moebius in one swift motion. Bad Bitch X I love her she's on that queen behavior and I will take no notes on this. X is the only reason Sena and Lanz are alive we take the wins where we can get them.(objectively I dislike her she is Not Cool bUT SUBJECTIVELY I WILL NEVER FORGET THE SERVICE SHE HAS DONE THANK YOU X MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH I LOVE YOU MWAH)

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And then N kept talking.

[air-conditioning-unit]

The Rest™

Agnus Castle had a lasting impact on me that I think I may never shake.

I was very confused at first, watching the end of the battle play out, getting spawned in a small cell, and having my team all stationed in specific locations instead of following. My immediate instinct is that I need to find a way out, some kind of trigger to re-enter regular gameplay. But of course, me being who I am I also want talk to everyone first.

Moments after loading in, being bewildered, and walking two steps, I turn my camera around to get everyone in frame. It immediately dawns on me that we have one less person in the room than we should.

Mio is gone.

I am left with a horrible feeling settling deep into my core.

This feeling does not go away. Ever.

I'm very chatty about things I enjoy, I make regular commentary while playing many a game, Xenoblade oh so very included! Hell, I was making little comments about how effective the storytelling is during pretty much every painful scene in this game so far.

I was making comments at first, but pretty much as N was explaining the situation, and Mio* was shown to be in the other cell. I just... shut up. I spent the entire rest of the cutscenes sat there, unmoving, near entirely silent. I had nothing to say.

I was genuinely unsettled in a way, on first watch. I honestly felt a bit like one of the people stuck in that cell, powerless against the circumstances and holding my breath as I wait for what's coming. No action to take other than to watch as it looms ever closer.

Currently, when I rewatch those cutscenes I spend the entire time N is visible cussing him out for being a massive dickwad and all the other time babbling on about all the little details I adore. Like how Noah's knuckles get fucked up from him punching the bars! And how that injury stays very visible throughout the entire rest of the cutscenes. Or the funny bit where Lanz chucks a guy like a sack of potatoes once he's freed from his bind! Or spend the entire time while N is having a break down making fun of him for the least reasonable crashout ever because fuck that guy and everything he stands for!!

I talk about how they all look even more exhausted in that cell than they ever did before(which is impressive given how visibly tired they always are). How you can watch as each of them except Noah slowly give up on escaping one by one, putting less and less effort into trying to open that door. They still try, but not much. Not really. And Noah can't stop, because if he let go of that thread he'd fall apart. That desperate clawing for any semblance of a solution is the only thing holding him together.

The way Manana looks at him when he refuses his meal, the genuine pain in her expression seeing one of her friends tear himself apart because... what else can he do?

My friend points out how once Mio and M swap places she never calls Noah by his name until pretty much the end of their time in the cells. I distinctly register how the sentiment M holds for the other seven and how grateful she is to have experienced this, to finally desire and be given the chance to live. Truely live. Even just for a moment, even just through the memories of her counterpart. How the words she used could just as easily come from Mio, our Mio. How you'd be none the wiser to just how important all those little distinctions are until the reveal.

But during that first run through. I did not speak a word. Being sent into "gameplay" all of a sudden was incredibly jarring(in a good way) and honestly I think that jostle is the only reason I started properly breathing again lmao. Didn't really get to collect myself though, didn't really try to. I pressed forward on the joystick and made sure to catch every bit of dialogue I could during what I partially thought was Noah being dead and partially thought was much too baffling to be a death sequence.

And said sequence does a good job of easing through after all that emotional eviceration! It's impactful, and sweet, and oh so very disorienting in such a wonderful way.

Not to mention the transition back to the real world, showing it was M's powers causing those visions, and seeing Mio treat Noah with such caution and care as she hands him the correct flute, and reveals to him what's actually going on here. The way he looks up at her, pain and fear and exhaustion all melting away into disbelief and realization as it clicks just- AUGH god,, this snuffing game dude...

Also! The flute!! Such particular symbolism, but so incredibly important. It was one of the more specific details I explicitly noticed on the first watch, being that N (likely purposefully) gave him the wrong flute when he TOLD NOAH TO SEND HER ON GENUINELY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU N!?

Ohhh and N's realization and subsequent freak out, the way he immediately devolves to talking about Mio the same way he treated M. Like an object, a doll that he owned, that was made for him. Because she was, wasn't she? Built just for him. And who would ever listen to their dolls when they talk?

How he nigh instantly spirals as his reason for everything is ripped away from him, how his very nature as Moebius makes him a warped and altered version of the person he was in life before. Just like with Joran, and with Crys, the influx of information shifts them, muddies the water, not so much changes their perspective as it does distance them from it. Widen their field of view to the point that the details are invisible, all you can see is the repeating incidents that pile up and how those collective events change your understanding of your own lives. For better or for worse. And in N's case, he allowed his vision to tunnel so far he lost sight of anything or anyone other than Mio, weaving her so far into every inch of his concept of self that he cannot function without her.

The way there was never a world that Noah could get through to him in that moment. Never a world where M's death would have the impact she wanted. How N deconstructed himself so thoroughly that he simply could not be rebuilt. N and Noah share several integral parts of their core personality and traits, things pulled from their very first life I presume, but N was so violently remolded by Z's constant pestering each time he dies, and his time as Moebius, that those traits have been taken to their illogical extremes.

Thus, he willfully blinded himself to the sword pierced through his dearest friend, his lover, his very world. Even as he twists it with his own two hands.

Nowadays though I mostly spend my time making fun of him for his self inflicted crashout tho, it's the only way I can keep my sanity and my whimsy y'all this game keeps sucker punching me I'm running out of funny silliestorecoverwithhelp-

Now of course, my energy and excitement came rolling back in once the two of them interlinked and they gave X just the biggest middle finger ever(deserved lmao) and getting to cathartically beat the snuff out of N was incredibly nice. I was only a bit over-leveled for that fight so it lasted comfortably long but wasn't stressful and I think that was the best position I could have been in. Long enough to feel like I had gotten it all out of my system, but not having to micro-manage my healers to survive.

And eventually the battle ended, we got the post fight cutscene, Shania literally fired Chekov's gun(the figurative firing comes later) and I was given control of the party again. Cue Agnus Castle music and me setting down my controller for an extended period of time.

I took the chance to collect myself, of course that wasn't before mentioning(with the tears in my eyes way more audible than I expected) how tumblr user roundlet24 was oh so very correct in their assesment of Agnus Castle proper's music. Then, me and my friend did some very light surface level chatting about what just happened(because I needed waaaay more time to fully process any of that). And because it was 9am at that point, we honestly not long after simply went to bed. I saved the game, closed it, drank some water, and then stared at my ceiling for half an hour till I passed out.

What a rollercoaster that was. There were moments that gave breathing room but like I genuinely could not catch a break until it was over, queens wings...

I have verbally rambled in little snippets since then but I need emphasize that I simply could not cohesively form my thoughts on the Prison Escape to Homecoming section of this game until freeing Keves castle and I also need mention there have been many large breaks where we didn't play Xenoblade at all. Plus!! I have done seven million sidequests!!!!! It has been literal ages since Homecoming, I think I was just incapable of dispersing that tension myself lmao. So thanks Keves Castle for freeing me of my curse I suppose, I think I have PTCD though(post traumatic castle disorder) because the amount of stress and fear walking through KC caused me was so SO unnecessary. I was genuinely terrified simply because it was one of the castles and castle = Bad

The main 6 ascension quests have all been at the very least a little less painful than the main plot so I knew logically this wouldn't hurt me nearly as much. And it didn't! It was honestly just refreshing, also I'm ridiculously overleveled so those guard levs just kinda watched me as I walked through, felt cinematic in a way, fitting yknow? I mean we were supposed to be there for once so it makes sense we'd be let in. But god was going in there scary. The interior fading from white fog to red as I walked in definitely didn't help my nerves lmao.

Anyways, not sure there was a point to this, just wanted to let the thoughts that rattle around my head like screen savers exist outside of it too. I feel like I've healed a bit :]

I still die a little inside everytime there's anything ingame that even slightly reminds me of those events though, like- is calling Lanz a "glutton for punishment" really the best word choice? And the way he's so repression oriented that when he actually opens up about something bothering him for the first time ever, they just uh... move on from the conversation the moment there's a prolonged pause.(yeah that turns out fine in the end, he was given chance to be internally introspective about how he views things and they all have a chat at the end of his side story. But watching the crew just gloss right over that for some torpedo wraps was not at all what I expected lmao. Seemed like a perfectly timed "whoops that flew right over our heads" moment.

Also Sena pleaaaaaaase stop making your deep-set need for approval so obvious you're making me sad again :(

(Don't actually stop, these scringles suffering is what feeds me)

Speaking of those two, it took me ages to process Lanz and Sena's sacrifice attempt as well, but that was mainly because I was given negative room to breathe since we were immediately chucked into the Worst Month Ever genuinely less than a minute later. I managed to swallow that pill not tooooo long after it happened. I think I mostly recovered by the time Miyabi was unlocked.

God it's so funny to me that no one can stay dead in this game. It's so thematically fitting but I did spend the entire game all the way up to homecoming genuinely believing Mio was going to die before the game ended and feverishly pondering how this would work out(I was very Scared) because like... they killed several characters up to that point. Joran, Mwamba, and Hackt all went down pretty early(Guernica too but he was more of a McGuffin than anything, o7 Guernica you were a real one old man). And they weren't exactly shy in cutting down Ethel and Cammuravi.

And sure, now all of them have come back to varying extents(Joran came back a while ago but given he died before we even met him it still worked fine), but at the time of Homecoming they were all very dead to me and my god did I genuinely believe Mio was going to die end of sentence.

I have other thoughts about all the dead characters coming back in some form(Joran and Miyabi especially mainly because Joran got to bring several plot threads full circle with his second sacrifice, and Miyabi being alive represents an additional layer to the both closure in coming full circle in their story together and acceptance of grief + forward motion from Mio's end)

because while I'm kinda sad they didn't have the guts to let anyone stay dead(Ethel and Nimue excluded, those are new people now) everyone coming back in some way is incredibly well fitting into the themes of this world and how it operates.

The Endless Now of Aionios will never truely let you rest. You will always come back and there is no escaping it in Aionios' current form.

"Cruel irony that it should mean eternity."

The purposfully cyclical nature of every facet of this game is so pleasing to me.

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Uhhhh anyways ggs making it to the end of this, game is good. Yippee!

Also hi 🌲 good to see you, you've been waiting like 4 months for this, here is your food! Enjoy <3

I lovb Xenoblade Chronicles 3

[air-conditioning-unit]

OK. ADDENDUM. I misheard my friend in the moment, he was saying Mio doesn't say Noah's name through the *entire game* until That Moment. Many people have stated and double checked this and I thought he(and everyone else) was crazy cause I could have SWORN I heard/read her saying his name b4 chapter 6.

And I HAVE. Once. One single time, indirectly, because of a translation error from Japanese to English In Teach's hero quest(she does not use his name in the Japanese version) where she says "No, Noah's right." in response to Taion.

Tyvm reddit for posting that one and proving to me I'm not hallucinating I'm just way too into this game lmao <3

Anyways, most of why I thought I remembered her saying his name was because I'd read their non-VA'd lines aloud in specific voices + do bits and say silly stuff in those voices too, so it was probably *me* using his name that got me to believe that, however Teach's Teachers is also one of my favorite quests so that probably didn't help either lmao.

[mizpasta]

KNIGHTS :3

[air-conditioning-unit]

I'm gonna be honest I think Agnus Castle still hasn't worn off

Like-

Like ok, I have begun to heal, but it tooke me forever to make an essay-long ramblings post abt the Li Garte Prison to Post-Agnus Castle sequence yet because I just could not put into words my feelings and thoughts on the matter it had settled to deeply in my soul at the time.

It took me until freeing Keves Castle to finally recover enough to start putting pen to paper on that whole sequence oh my god.

Anyways, here is my collective thoughts(including the context I've gotten now that I've progressed further and my friend who's watching me play has urged me to rewatch cutscenes every now and then)

Fair warning, there is A Lot here and the occasional block of text(atleast for mobile users)

Although I've done my best to make it legible, this is at it's core just me pouring my bucket of Xenoblade 3 thoughts onto a sheet of paper and chucking it into the wind. Enjoy my insane ramblings <3

AUGHGGDHDVSBBSBXHCBC SOD OFF YOU ARSEHOLES THAT SNUFFIN HURT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I went into this sequence at 3 in the morning, my dear friend told me the prison sequence(this was in reference to the prison escape sequence, we had already done most of what happens in Li Garte) was rather long and didn't have any good stopping points. He was so right it's not even funny, but I didn't want to stop playing(and he didn't mind lol), so we tredged on.

It lasted 6 sparking hours and crushed my soul.

So, The Incident.

I had obviously noticed Sena's self worth dilemma given they explicitly pointed it out during her conversation with Shania on the beach, as well as a pretty obvious moment between her and Lanz in the prison. Plus, up to that point I had slooowly been picking up on Sena's general demeanor when it came to herself and her own self confidence. It's pretty subtle earlygame(I think, its been quite a while since I played this sequence, we've been doing a lot of side quests lmao) but she's definitely rather... meek isn't the right word, but she doesn't push to the front much of ever.

She rarely considers taking the lead and I don't really recall her giving strong input or suggestion up to this point, just small readjustment ideas or simple support for other peoples thoughts(for what I remember atleast). I mean for sparks sake even her dialogue for when you switch to her leading the party is "You want me to lead?" Or in a supressed nervous tone "Big responsibility!.." like someone trusting and wanting to rely on her is surprising to her.

She acts in a way that almost makes her feel invisible at times, like an accessory to the group, despite how integral she is. Her behavior very much so lines up with her explicitly stated feelings. Sena clearly cares deeply for her friends and acts on that care regularly but she seems to, subconsciously or otherwise, not think they hold her in nearly as much regard as she does them. Which yknow... ow....... my heart >:(

When it comes to both of them, I think the flow of their way of acting and discussing things was done well to make the stunt Sena and Lanz pulled an effective gut punch and certainly surprising, but not seem all too sudden or out of place. It hurt, but it didn't break the suspention of my disbelief or feel like it came out of left field because it didn't. It was very much forshadowed, just they did it so subtly there was no way I'd guess that was gonna happen until it was already happening!(o7 to baby Joran and adult Mwamba and their very predictable ends, those death flags were like 100 times the size of Fiona's banner, they did not stand a chance)

Now, I want to point out my favorite part. That being Lanz' influence over this decision. Because that seed of how he views himself and his role was planted so deep and so early and not a single pixel of it registered in my head until we did cutscene rewatches. But I absolutely noticed that shit subconsciously(great job devs) and BOY HOWDY did that make this sequence work so well.

Because upon rewatch of the FIRST CUTSCENES(sneaky mudders), you see lanz, getting hurt and refusing to acknowledge it in favor of pushing his friends to worry about themselves. Taking his role as defender further than is safe or healthy for him, something we also see in the flashback where Joran and crew are doing a mock-battle with Garvel's team.(same arm got injured in both scenes btw, fun little detail I noticed!)

And during the bath scene you can even see him clearly in pain, wincing and such, and immediately brushing off the worried soldier next to him. Or when Eunie directly brings up the injury he gets defensive and dismissive. It is baked into his character early on to always act as their shield to the furthest extent he can, regardless of the condition that leaves him in.

And Sena,,, god Sena...... she hurts me so ;_;

The flashbacks of her and Mio make it waaay more obvious how she views herself compared to others, but it also shows up in earlier sidequests, like Teach's Teachers! She stands up for herself during the quest, but it's clear that at the very least Foots,(if not other members of Gamma) don't really view Sena as impressive enough to warrant respect. And I get the feeling she didn't push back against that much before their journey as Ouroboros began.

All of the characters have grown quite a bit on their adventure and I think Sena defending herself more was one of those growth points. Even if she always used to stand up for herself, it doesn't change the fundamental problem.

That problem being, she doesn't actually believe it. Sena can say out loud all she wants how strong and powerful and confident she thinks she is, but when we get down to the metal of it she blatantly does not think that about herself. She knows she's physically strong and that's about it. I genuinely don't think Lanz was only speaking for himself when he said "this is about all I'm good for" because it would actually shock me if Sena didn't think that about herself too. They both made a joint decision(one that Sena kicked off no less) and mutually decided this was how it would end.

And I can see why it would lead to this! Monica herself clarified with them this mission would be incredibly dangerous, that they'd need to be prepared to make sacrifices(how I didn't clock the forshadowing on that one I cannot fathom) and they came to the conclusion making that sacrifice was their only way out. And they were right too!! There wasn't a chance in hell any of them would leave that prison alive if they kept on as they were going. They didn't have what it took to beat N, so they did what they had to.

The part that turns the gut punch into a 12-gauge shotgun is the way they talk about themselves in their final moments. Gentle and kind and urging their friends to keep fighting, but there is an underlying foundation of "you'll be fine without us, we weren't important to begin with."

Again, and I quote, "this is about all I'm good for"

ALSO SIDE NOTE LANZ WTF OW????? YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT YOU ARSE

It all just wraps up so nicely into such a painful few moments that are deceptively short and yet felt like they took forever. I think I was actually holding my breath while they were dragging N up with them. And I have no shame in admitting I was legit crying during that, it hit me pretty hard. Like... really hard. My ribs are still bruised :(

The genuine relief when X showed up and forced them out of their interlink hooooo my god she was instantly blasted up to favorite moebius in one swift motion. Bad Bitch X I love her she's on that queen behavior and I will take no notes on this. X is the only reason Sena and Lanz are alive we take the wins where we can get them.(objectively I dislike her she is Not Cool bUT SUBJECTIVELY I WILL NEVER FORGET THE SERVICE SHE HAS DONE THANK YOU X MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH I LOVE YOU MWAH)

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And then N kept talking.

[air-conditioning-unit]

The Rest™

Agnus Castle had a lasting impact on me that I think I may never shake.

I was very confused at first, watching the end of the battle play out, getting spawned in a small cell, and having my team all stationed in specific locations instead of following. My immediate instinct is that I need to find a way out, some kind of trigger to re-enter regular gameplay. But of course, me being who I am I also want talk to everyone first.

Moments after loading in, being bewildered, and walking two steps, I turn my camera around to get everyone in frame. It immediately dawns on me that we have one less person in the room than we should.

Mio is gone.

I am left with a horrible feeling settling deep into my core.

This feeling does not go away. Ever.

I'm very chatty about things I enjoy, I make regular commentary while playing many a game, Xenoblade oh so very included! Hell, I was making little comments about how effective the storytelling is during pretty much every painful scene in this game so far.

I was making comments at first, but pretty much as N was explaining the situation, and Mio* was shown to be in the other cell. I just... shut up. I spent the entire rest of the cutscenes sat there, unmoving, near entirely silent. I had nothing to say.

I was genuinely unsettled in a way, on first watch. I honestly felt a bit like one of the people stuck in that cell, powerless against the circumstances and holding my breath as I wait for what's coming. No action to take other than to watch as it looms ever closer.

Currently, when I rewatch those cutscenes I spend the entire time N is visible cussing him out for being a massive dickwad and all the other time babbling on about all the little details I adore. Like how Noah's knuckles get fucked up from him punching the bars! And how that injury stays very visible throughout the entire rest of the cutscenes. Or the funny bit where Lanz chucks a guy like a sack of potatoes once he's freed from his bind! Or spend the entire time while N is having a break down making fun of him for the least reasonable crashout ever because fuck that guy and everything he stands for!!

I talk about how they all look even more exhausted in that cell than they ever did before(which is impressive given how visibly tired they always are). How you can watch as each of them except Noah slowly give up on escaping one by one, putting less and less effort into trying to open that door. They still try, but not much. Not really. And Noah can't stop, because if he let go of that thread he'd fall apart. That desperate clawing for any semblance of a solution is the only thing holding him together.

The way Manana looks at him when he refuses his meal, the genuine pain in her expression seeing one of her friends tear himself apart because... what else can he do?

My friend points out how once Mio and M swap places she never calls Noah by his name until pretty much the end of their time in the cells. I distinctly register how the sentiment M holds for the other seven and how grateful she is to have experienced this, to finally desire and be given the chance to live. Truely live. Even just for a moment, even just through the memories of her counterpart. How the words she used could just as easily come from Mio, our Mio. How you'd be none the wiser to just how important all those little distinctions are until the reveal.

But during that first run through. I did not speak a word. Being sent into "gameplay" all of a sudden was incredibly jarring(in a good way) and honestly I think that jostle is the only reason I started properly breathing again lmao. Didn't really get to collect myself though, didn't really try to. I pressed forward on the joystick and made sure to catch every bit of dialogue I could during what I partially thought was Noah being dead and partially thought was much too baffling to be a death sequence.

And said sequence does a good job of easing through after all that emotional eviceration! It's impactful, and sweet, and oh so very disorienting in such a wonderful way.

Not to mention the transition back to the real world, showing it was M's powers causing those visions, and seeing Mio treat Noah with such caution and care as she hands him the correct flute, and reveals to him what's actually going on here. The way he looks up at her, pain and fear and exhaustion all melting away into disbelief and realization as it clicks just- AUGH god,, this snuffing game dude...

Also! The flute!! Such particular symbolism, but so incredibly important. It was one of the more specific details I explicitly noticed on the first watch, being that N (likely purposefully) gave him the wrong flute when he TOLD NOAH TO SEND HER ON GENUINELY WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU N!?

Ohhh and N's realization and subsequent freak out, the way he immediately devolves to talking about Mio the same way he treated M. Like an object, a doll that he owned, that was made for him. Because she was, wasn't she? Built just for him. And who would ever listen to their dolls when they talk?

How he nigh instantly spirals as his reason for everything is ripped away from him, how his very nature as Moebius makes him a warped and altered version of the person he was in life before. Just like with Joran, and with Crys, the influx of information shifts them, muddies the water, not so much changes their perspective as it does distance them from it. Widen their field of view to the point that the details are invisible, all you can see is the repeating incidents that pile up and how those collective events change your understanding of your own lives. For better or for worse. And in N's case, he allowed his vision to tunnel so far he lost sight of anything or anyone other than Mio, weaving her so far into every inch of his concept of self that he cannot function without her.

The way there was never a world that Noah could get through to him in that moment. Never a world where M's death would have the impact she wanted. How N deconstructed himself so thoroughly that he simply could not be rebuilt. N and Noah share several integral parts of their core personality and traits, things pulled from their very first life I presume, but N was so violently remolded by Z's constant pestering each time he dies, and his time as Moebius, that those traits have been taken to their illogical extremes.

Thus, he willfully blinded himself to the sword pierced through his dearest friend, his lover, his very world. Even as he twists it with his own two hands.

Nowadays though I mostly spend my time making fun of him for his self inflicted crashout tho, it's the only way I can keep my sanity and my whimsy y'all this game keeps sucker punching me I'm running out of funny silliestorecoverwithhelp-

Now of course, my energy and excitement came rolling back in once the two of them interlinked and they gave X just the biggest middle finger ever(deserved lmao) and getting to cathartically beat the snuff out of N was incredibly nice. I was only a bit over-leveled for that fight so it lasted comfortably long but wasn't stressful and I think that was the best position I could have been in. Long enough to feel like I had gotten it all out of my system, but not having to micro-manage my healers to survive.

And eventually the battle ended, we got the post fight cutscene, Shania literally fired Chekov's gun(the figurative firing comes later) and I was given control of the party again. Cue Agnus Castle music and me setting down my controller for an extended period of time.

I took the chance to collect myself, of course that wasn't before mentioning(with the tears in my eyes way more audible than I expected) how tumblr user roundlet24 was oh so very correct in their assesment of Agnus Castle proper's music. Then, me and my friend did some very light surface level chatting about what just happened(because I needed waaaay more time to fully process any of that). And because it was 9am at that point, we honestly not long after simply went to bed. I saved the game, closed it, drank some water, and then stared at my ceiling for half an hour till I passed out.

What a rollercoaster that was. There were moments that gave breathing room but like I genuinely could not catch a break until it was over, queens wings...

I have verbally rambled in little snippets since then but I need emphasize that I simply could not cohesively form my thoughts on the Prison Escape to Homecoming section of this game until freeing Keves castle and I also need mention there have been many large breaks where we didn't play Xenoblade at all. Plus!! I have done seven million sidequests!!!!! It has been literal ages since Homecoming, I think I was just incapable of dispersing that tension myself lmao. So thanks Keves Castle for freeing me of my curse I suppose, I think I have PTCD though(post traumatic castle disorder) because the amount of stress and fear walking through KC caused me was so SO unnecessary. I was genuinely terrified simply because it was one of the castles and castle = Bad

The main 6 ascension quests have all been at the very least a little less painful than the main plot so I knew logically this wouldn't hurt me nearly as much. And it didn't! It was honestly just refreshing, also I'm ridiculously overleveled so those guard levs just kinda watched me as I walked through, felt cinematic in a way, fitting yknow? I mean we were supposed to be there for once so it makes sense we'd be let in. But god was going in there scary. The interior fading from white fog to red as I walked in definitely didn't help my nerves lmao.

Anyways, not sure there was a point to this, just wanted to let the thoughts that rattle around my head like screen savers exist outside of it too. I feel like I've healed a bit :]

I still die a little inside everytime there's anything ingame that even slightly reminds me of those events though, like- is calling Lanz a "glutton for punishment" really the best word choice? And the way he's so repression oriented that when he actually opens up about something bothering him for the first time ever, they just uh... move on from the conversation the moment there's a prolonged pause.(yeah that turns out fine in the end, he was given chance to be internally introspective about how he views things and they all have a chat at the end of his side story. But watching the crew just gloss right over that for some torpedo wraps was not at all what I expected lmao. Seemed like a perfectly timed "whoops that flew right over our heads" moment.

Also Sena pleaaaaaaase stop making your deep-set need for approval so obvious you're making me sad again :(

(Don't actually stop, these scringles suffering is what feeds me)

Speaking of those two, it took me ages to process Lanz and Sena's sacrifice attempt as well, but that was mainly because I was given negative room to breathe since we were immediately chucked into the Worst Month Ever genuinely less than a minute later. I managed to swallow that pill not tooooo long after it happened. I think I mostly recovered by the time Miyabi was unlocked.

God it's so funny to me that no one can stay dead in this game. It's so thematically fitting but I did spend the entire game all the way up to homecoming genuinely believing Mio was going to die before the game ended and feverishly pondering how this would work out(I was very Scared) because like... they killed several characters up to that point. Joran, Mwamba, and Hackt all went down pretty early(Guernica too but he was more of a McGuffin than anything, o7 Guernica you were a real one old man). And they weren't exactly shy in cutting down Ethel and Cammuravi.

And sure, now all of them have come back to varying extents(Joran came back a while ago but given he died before we even met him it still worked fine), but at the time of Homecoming they were all very dead to me and my god did I genuinely believe Mio was going to die end of sentence.

I have other thoughts about all the dead characters coming back in some form(Joran and Miyabi especially mainly because Joran got to bring several plot threads full circle with his second sacrifice, and Miyabi being alive represents an additional layer to the both closure in coming full circle in their story together and acceptance of grief + forward motion from Mio's end)

because while I'm kinda sad they didn't have the guts to let anyone stay dead(Ethel and Nimue excluded, those are new people now) everyone coming back in some way is incredibly well fitting into the themes of this world and how it operates.

The Endless Now of Aionios will never truely let you rest. You will always come back and there is no escaping it in Aionios' current form.

"Cruel irony that it should mean eternity."

The purposfully cyclical nature of every facet of this game is so pleasing to me.

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Uhhhh anyways ggs making it to the end of this, game is good. Yippee!

Also hi 🌲 good to see you, you've been waiting like 4 months for this, here is your food! Enjoy <3

I lovb Xenoblade Chronicles 3

[air-conditioning-unit]

I'm gonna be honest I think Agnus Castle still hasn't worn off

Like-

Like ok, I have begun to heal, but it tooke me forever to make an essay-long ramblings post abt the Li Garte Prison to Post-Agnus Castle sequence yet because I just could not put into words my feelings and thoughts on the matter it had settled to deeply in my soul at the time.

It took me until freeing Keves Castle to finally recover enough to start putting pen to paper on that whole sequence oh my god.

Anyways, here is my collective thoughts(including the context I've gotten now that I've progressed further and my friend who's watching me play has urged me to rewatch cutscenes every now and then)

Fair warning, there is A Lot here and the occasional block of text(atleast for mobile users)

Although I've done my best to make it legible, this is at it's core just me pouring my bucket of Xenoblade 3 thoughts onto a sheet of paper and chucking it into the wind. Enjoy my insane ramblings <3

AUGHGGDHDVSBBSBXHCBC SOD OFF YOU ARSEHOLES THAT SNUFFIN HURT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I went into this sequence at 3 in the morning, my dear friend told me the prison sequence(this was in reference to the prison escape sequence, we had already done most of what happens in Li Garte) was rather long and didn't have any good stopping points. He was so right it's not even funny, but I didn't want to stop playing(and he didn't mind lol), so we tredged on.

It lasted 6 sparking hours and crushed my soul.

So, The Incident.

I had obviously noticed Sena's self worth dilemma given they explicitly pointed it out during her conversation with Shania on the beach, as well as a pretty obvious moment between her and Lanz in the prison. Plus, up to that point I had slooowly been picking up on Sena's general demeanor when it came to herself and her own self confidence. It's pretty subtle earlygame(I think, its been quite a while since I played this sequence, we've been doing a lot of side quests lmao) but she's definitely rather... meek isn't the right word, but she doesn't push to the front much of ever.

She rarely considers taking the lead and I don't really recall her giving strong input or suggestion up to this point, just small readjustment ideas or simple support for other peoples thoughts(for what I remember atleast). I mean for sparks sake even her dialogue for when you switch to her leading the party is "You want me to lead?" Or in a supressed nervous tone "Big responsibility!.." like someone trusting and wanting to rely on her is surprising to her.

She acts in a way that almost makes her feel invisible at times, like an accessory to the group, despite how integral she is. Her behavior very much so lines up with her explicitly stated feelings. Sena clearly cares deeply for her friends and acts on that care regularly but she seems to, subconsciously or otherwise, not think they hold her in nearly as much regard as she does them. Which yknow... ow....... my heart >:(

When it comes to both of them, I think the flow of their way of acting and discussing things was done well to make the stunt Sena and Lanz pulled an effective gut punch and certainly surprising, but not seem all too sudden or out of place. It hurt, but it didn't break the suspention of my disbelief or feel like it came out of left field because it didn't. It was very much forshadowed, just they did it so subtly there was no way I'd guess that was gonna happen until it was already happening!(o7 to baby Joran and adult Mwamba and their very predictable ends, those death flags were like 100 times the size of Fiona's banner, they did not stand a chance)

Now, I want to point out my favorite part. That being Lanz' influence over this decision. Because that seed of how he views himself and his role was planted so deep and so early and not a single pixel of it registered in my head until we did cutscene rewatches. But I absolutely noticed that shit subconsciously(great job devs) and BOY HOWDY did that make this sequence work so well.

Because upon rewatch of the FIRST CUTSCENES(sneaky mudders), you see lanz, getting hurt and refusing to acknowledge it in favor of pushing his friends to worry about themselves. Taking his role as defender further than is safe or healthy for him, something we also see in the flashback where Joran and crew are doing a mock-battle with Garvel's team.(same arm got injured in both scenes btw, fun little detail I noticed!)

And during the bath scene you can even see him clearly in pain, wincing and such, and immediately brushing off the worried soldier next to him. Or when Eunie directly brings up the injury he gets defensive and dismissive. It is baked into his character early on to always act as their shield to the furthest extent he can, regardless of the condition that leaves him in.

And Sena,,, god Sena...... she hurts me so ;_;

The flashbacks of her and Mio make it waaay more obvious how she views herself compared to others, but it also shows up in earlier sidequests, like Teach's Teachers! She stands up for herself during the quest, but it's clear that at the very least Foots,(if not other members of Gamma) don't really view Sena as impressive enough to warrant respect. And I get the feeling she didn't push back against that much before their journey as Ouroboros began.

All of the characters have grown quite a bit on their adventure and I think Sena defending herself more was one of those growth points. Even if she always used to stand up for herself, it doesn't change the fundamental problem.

That problem being, she doesn't actually believe it. Sena can say out loud all she wants how strong and powerful and confident she thinks she is, but when we get down to the metal of it she blatantly does not think that about herself. She knows she's physically strong and that's about it. I genuinely don't think Lanz was only speaking for himself when he said "this is about all I'm good for" because it would actually shock me if Sena didn't think that about herself too. They both made a joint decision(one that Sena kicked off no less) and mutually decided this was how it would end.

And I can see why it would lead to this! Monica herself clarified with them this mission would be incredibly dangerous, that they'd need to be prepared to make sacrifices(how I didn't clock the forshadowing on that one I cannot fathom) and they came to the conclusion making that sacrifice was their only way out. And they were right too!! There wasn't a chance in hell any of them would leave that prison alive if they kept on as they were going. They didn't have what it took to beat N, so they did what they had to.

The part that turns the gut punch into a 12-gauge shotgun is the way they talk about themselves in their final moments. Gentle and kind and urging their friends to keep fighting, but there is an underlying foundation of "you'll be fine without us, we weren't important to begin with."

Again, and I quote, "this is about all I'm good for"

ALSO SIDE NOTE LANZ WTF OW????? YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT YOU ARSE

It all just wraps up so nicely into such a painful few moments that are deceptively short and yet felt like they took forever. I think I was actually holding my breath while they were dragging N up with them. And I have no shame in admitting I was legit crying during that, it hit me pretty hard. Like... really hard. My ribs are still bruised :(

The genuine relief when X showed up and forced them out of their interlink hooooo my god she was instantly blasted up to favorite moebius in one swift motion. Bad Bitch X I love her she's on that queen behavior and I will take no notes on this. X is the only reason Sena and Lanz are alive we take the wins where we can get them.(objectively I dislike her she is Not Cool bUT SUBJECTIVELY I WILL NEVER FORGET THE SERVICE SHE HAS DONE THANK YOU X MWAH MWAH MWAH MWAH I LOVE YOU MWAH)

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And then N kept talking.

[alienlowlife]

a little animation of my magical girl Peacekeeper Wish. what a cutie

[synapple]

[i-am-a-fan]

[ghostcaterwaul]

Reblog to gain creative energy and to give more creative energy to the person you reblogged this from.

[monstermonger]

Friend in an alleyway | my wife sent me this photo the other day and said "you HAVE to draw this." and I agreed completely <:

[bumblesteak]

A necromancer AND a gardener (5 year redesign) 🌸

[kayvsworld]

most tragic thing about wanting to see more stuff of your oc is that the c is o and YOU have to make the stuff. devastating. why can’t art of my beautiful baby just appear in my hands. just materialize under my pillow, like from the tooth fairy

[simply-a-dream]

“don’t take it personally” how would you like me to take it then? professionally? romantically? academically?

[creative-anchorage]

[suriandtaal]

[fire-bay]

Go random oc doodle!

Thay fur and hair took ages to render

[retquits]

reclaiming character designs from an old project ☕

[skrunksthatwunk]

she trick on my ghost til i. uh. well my two options are still ghost or trick

[charseraph]

[not drawing voice] I miss my character.

[primsheep]

(oc) The Void Stares Back