Feeling the BLANK

Mi nombre es Gabriel. I intend to use this as my thought holder with a purpose, my zone to think in words and that which cannot be expressed by them. 29. He/Him/His. Queer.

[aisler]

Chorus Commute Entry

I've started taking BART to go to my chorus rehearsals so I don't have to drive through the crazy traffic. Also because my vision isn't really that good at night if I'm wearing glasses, so that way I endanger my life (and that of others) less.

I'm really enjoying the extra time it gives me to do other stuff. Though, I've noticed I've been playing more game apps on my phone and I don't like it. Sometimes I don't realize how much time that is taking away from me until I find myself immersed fully playing those addictive clicker games most of my day. When that happens I try to stop playing the game entirely by removing it from my apps.

I'm trying to be more conscientious about my time. Work has been super busy this semester and I barely have time to seriously video game. What I mean by seriously video game is play games I actually want to play, like on my PS4. But I usually have a lot of grading to do or things to prep before I can enjoy some me time.

I'm actually enjoying the business as opposed to my free time in the summer break. I realized that's when I start picking up the time eating habits that don't do much for me. I'm channeling my energy to make this habits more fruitful, like reading books. That's something I've always loved to do.

Coming full circle, this extra time on BART is allowing me to meditate and focus. It allows me to think about actions I'm taking and outcomes I have and whether or not I want to keep those in my life.

[aisler]

Coming back because I need a place to blog. That's basically it for now!

[aisler]

A look at my past self: a debate between filling and feeling.

I was debating whether I should have deleted my previous entries or not. I decided not to. The main reason is that those posts show who I was at the time being, some of those posts I still can relate to.

For example, I still consider myself very passionate about musicals and to have a slight obsession over anything Lin-Manuel Miranda related. Things that have changed include the amount of time I spend memorizing musicals and how much I actually sing them. I still do, though.

Nonetheless, the first thing that pops out about my previous blogging self (besides the inconsistency of posts and how many times I kept telling myself I would do it for real then) is how much pain there is in the words read. Update: I am in grad school no more. I graduated with my master's and proceeded to teach at a Community College. I find myself a very optimistic person right now, one who thrives to see the happiness in every moment; one who looks for the silver linings.

Something that has changed within me, something that is not the same is that I feel more passionate about everything. My ideals are stronger, I will defend them and I will yield when I am wrong, but prepare for a fight. This is why I came back here, to my place that I always called "Feeling the blank" because I wasn't trying to fill any voids, I was trying to feel what was missing. Now it's not about what's missing. Now it's about feeling many things and writing about them. Seeing the blank not as something that is missing from my life, but as something that I decided to pay attention at a particular instance.

So hi. Me llamo Gabriel, but I go by Gabe. Feel free to join in.

[aisler]

There's always a first time

It's the first time I ever fail, actually fail, something.

It's a weird feeling. I don't feel destroyed, yet saying I am not disappointed would be a lie. Guess I'm just learning to deal with things as they come.

[whatshouldwecallgradschool]

WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO EXERCISE WHILE IN GRAD SCHOOL

credit: redheadextinction

[aisler]

Looked at the stars

Seeing Orion's Belt (better recognized to me as "los tres Reyes Magos") put a smile on my face. It sort of reminded me to stop and look around. There is so much LIFE happening and it's about time for me to be a part of it. Stars... Who knew they could talk so much?

[dearworldheresapeaceofmymind]

Cute little kitty!

[aisler]

Ready for this to be done.

When did I think doing this again was a good idea? I mean, I know for a fact I am done with school. As in, right now. Why should I go through this when I don't really need it?

Yeah, I was fine, but today is the day before the test. At least I haven't had a panic attack. I say that's a win.

[aisler]

Drunken kik: kyog

Say hi! I've been playing a Frozen drinking game and had a good amount of booze. Say hi!

[aisler]

Tipsy kik?

For the next 30 minutes?

[aisler]

Dear tumblr, Today was a very rough day. Everything I did ended up being wrong. I was absent minded and tired most of the day, not to mention that I just couldn't get anything done. I feel I'm running against time, and when I'm being productive I'm just not productive enough. It's like I'm eternally lagging behind. Add the effects of exhaustion to that and I'm just and angry mess. Waking up and thinking of your friends that commitment suicide is also a bad omen. I think I might have to go to some counseling or something. I'm feeling too stressed out and it shouldn't be that way. I do feel overwhelmed already and it's not even past the beginning of the semester.

[whatshouldwecallgradschool]

HOW I FEEL A WEEK OUT FROM QUALS

credit: redheadextinction

[thetattootemple-deactivated2017]

[yogadudes]

[aisler]

So I was in some sort of academy that trained to to protect something. Never said what it was, I had just finished my basic training which consisted of being able to operate a tablet looking device whose interphase showed your representative country and a log of missions, which was empty. The next day there are three other people: my friend, my nemesis and my girlfriend. Obviously my nemesis is scowling at me every time I do a silt mistake, like letting my device sound while scrolling through the options. Once the training was done, we were assigned jobs (this had to happen but I never saw it happening). I was in charge of updating everyone’s mission logs and assigning approppriate missions for them to pursue according to they rank (me, being a noob of course, had limited options. I was also left in noob central). The doors in front of me slide open and my friend walks in. He’s quite excited from completing a mission but you can see some uneasiness in his face. He hands me his device to do my job. He had already chosen a mission, so I changed it and told him to proceed to the equipment room. (I suppose I got an upgrade because I left my ppst and went to the same room my friend was in. That or I decided to be. rebellious, it wasn’t clear.) I couldn’t find the equipment (which happened to be scarves for some reason) and I went out with my original one. My girlfriend was outside with my ffriend, but she was looking away from me. I received a judging glare from my nemesis and my friend hurried up to bring me back to the equipment room. After he explained how it worked, I got my different colored scarf on… And then she walked in. Not my current girlfriend. Apparently unharmed a girlfriend before that. We had never broken up… Thing is, I had never asked to be her boyfriend. So she walks in, purse in hand, and after hair glorious 180° turn, she stares at me with hate dripping out of her eyes. She says “I have met your girlfriend.” At this point I was completely oblivious of the situation, so I went ahead and said “yeah?” As I continued to fold my scarf in a way I found efficient and cool. I guess that just made her snap. She started going on how I could have done something like that, that she had been waiting for me, that I was a horoble human being and that we both deserved each other (not nicely, of course). My friend was still there, and my only answer was “we’ve never been together” which unleashed the fires from Earth’s core through her… Yet, I was distracted by a countdown and my friend’s grim face. Not to mention and announcement that was as follows: You will self destruct in the following 15 seconds. Apparently there was a time limit on how long you could stay in the base before a mission. I looked at my raging “ex” and gulped as I made a run for it.

~ Woke up.

[yogadudes]

Happy Hour …practicing my Bakasana to headstand to lotus transitions. Not on fingertips yet… All will come with practice and patience. 🌠🙏 #yogawithgordon #spandexbombers #donttakeyouryogatooserious - @gordonogden- #webstagram

[aisler]

I am not a topological smooth manifold.